I spent the rest of the day on the receiving end of worried looks from Alex. Humiliated, I pretended that I hadn't cried in the lobby and buried myself in our work instead.
We had a brief video call with Janet's solicitor, and after a heated argument about client confidentiality and the severity of murder, he confirmed that he had been with Janet at The Silver Star on Thursday night. He had, indeed, been advising her on divorce. When they'd parted ways, he'd gone straight home to his wife, who could confirm it. We contacted her. She did.
There definitely hadn't been any illicit sex with Mrs Temple.
We proceeded to scour news reports for a possible link between Janet and any violent crimes -- something that had happened in her block, something that had happened to someone she knew, something she'd given a journalist a statement about...it took us hours just to search through a few months' worth of local articles, even with the PRBs' help. I gave them the instruction to carry on searching all night.
When officers began swapping shifts next door, we called it a day and packed up. Neither of us had spoken much throughout the afternoon, and I led Alex to Dixon's office with trepidation.
Sten was waiting in there alone. He had, of course, been expecting us to arrive with our spyware still equipped so that he could examine Alex, which made me uncomfortable when I thought too hard about it.
"Inspector Rames, Sergeant Sullivan," he said as we entered. "Have a seat."
I dropped into a chair on our side of the desk. Alex was slower to sit beside me, his eyes wary.
Sten adjusted his lab coat and sat on the edge of the table. "You wanted me to examine you for an adverse reaction to the video contacts?" He addressed Alex alone.
My sergeant glanced at me and cleared his throat. "Yes, please."
"From my data, I gather you've suffered headaches and dizziness." Sten's gaze flicked over Alex's features with clinical coolness. "Anything else?"
"No."
"Did the symptoms persist after you had removed the video contacts yesterday?"
"Yes. But not for long."
"Would you say they had lifted within half an hour of the contacts' removal?"
Alex rubbed his jaw. "I think so."
"And they didn't return again until a little while after you'd put the contacts in this morning?"
"No."
"Then it seems rather decisive."
Alex had the good grace to look sheepish.
Sten examined him, shining a torch into his eyes. He asked Alex to look at various objects around the room and examined the live data on his tablet.
At last, he put the tablet down. "As I thought. You're experiencing a rare side effect of the video-recording contact lenses. In simple terms, your brain is struggling to interpret what you are seeing correctly while you're wearing them, and the result is that a tremendous amount of strain is put on your eyes. That causes your symptoms."
"Why doesn't it happen to me?" I asked.
Sten lifted his shoulders a fraction in what might have been a shrug. "Research into the exact reason why the video contacts can cause this effect is still thin on the ground. Due to their ban for everyday purposes, few are on the market, so there is not much need for it."
I crossed and uncrossed my legs, feeling the need to just jump up and do something that would help Alex. "Can we record what we're doing another way?"
"I cannot gather the data necessary for you to pass the Trials unless I am seeing things exactly as you are seeing them. Nothing short of a recorder in your eyes will do. Even recorders in a pair of glasses would give me a different view. There are things that I could miss."
My mind flashed back to the dark alleyway Alex and I had kissed in the previous day. Anger unfurled in my core. That had been a moment in which Sten had seen nothing from either of us, but I didn't think it had mattered. So did it really matter if Alex's perspective was just slightly different?
Sten glanced at a tablet on the desk. I remembered the bracelets that were still on our wrists, and as the doctor raised his eyes to mine, I wondered how high my blood pressure had just spiked.
"Either you wear the contacts and continue participating in the Trials," he said, "or you stop wearing them and withdraw. Of course, withdrawal would result in your immediate arrest."
"No," Alex said. "We have to carry on."
***
It's hard to know whether to say Alex walked me home or Alex followed me home because there was no discussion about it. We left the station at the same time, we went to my flat, and he came inside with me after my front door had opened.
His neck was corded and his jaw was hard. If there had been a Geiger counter for the tension between us, it would have been clicking without pause. I knew that I should say something, but every time I tried to speak, my lips clamped tight.
Mitzy was waiting for me in the kitchen. I fed her on automatic, feeling a sense of déjà vu as my sergeant entered the kitchen in my peripheral vision. Here we were again. Both of us at my flat. Me worrying while I served up dinner for my cat. Alex suffering from the side effects of the video contacts we'd not long removed.
I turned around and looked at him. He was leaning against the counters, still pale.
I took a deep breath. "Um, Alex, it's okay --"
"It's not," he said quietly.
"No." Now that I'd taken the plunge, I had to continue. "I know you're embarrassed because you're the resident tech whiz and now you're suffering the side effects of advanced technology. But you shouldn't be. You can't help it. I feel embarrassed about my lack of skills with electronics every day, but what can I do? That's just the way it is."
Alex stared at me. Silence fell again.
My cheeks burned. I'd said the wrong things.
I bolted past him. "You know what, forget all that. I'm just -- I'm going to have a shower."
"Amber, wait --"
But I was gone, stalking through my bedroom and stripping off as I went. I completed the job in the bathroom, then stood beneath the showerhead and waved my hand to activate a cool cascade.
Tears welled, and I closed my eyes. No. I'd already had one breakdown today. That was really enough.
The bathroom door clicked open. I froze. Fuckdamnshit.
I turned to face the wall and ducked my head, letting the water soak my hair. "Alex, I want to be alone. Go away."
A few moments later, the shower glass rumbled open behind me. "I only came to talk. But I did have to take my clothes off first, otherwise they'd get wet."
One corner of my mouth twitched. Unfortunately, my amusement was also giving rise to more hysteria.
"I thought we'd already talked." My voice wobbled.
"You did. I didn't." The shower door rumbled shut again.
I thought about how small the glass cubicle was. How far away was he? Centimetres? My hair stood on end.
"I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't embarrassed about the video contacts," he continued. "But the biggest problem isn't my pride, Amber. It's my failure."
I slowly turned around, my eyes skimming over the droplets running down his jaw. And lower.
I swallowed hard and folded my arms across my chest so that I was halfway decent. "What do you mean?"
His gaze was fixed on mine, but his voice was rough. "I'm letting you down. I haven't been working at full capacity, and your attention has been divided between the investigation and your concern for me."
"No. Don't blame this on yourself." My hand moved of its own accord, cupping his chin. "You're still a damn good sergeant. My sergeant."
I ran my thumb along the skin and stubble of his lower cheek. He closed his eyes. We stayed frozen together for a heartbeat.
Then I stepped forward and kissed him. Unbridled desire broke over us, and everything blurred for a moment. Maybe it was just because we were naked in the shower, but the heat that passed through me was so strong that I didn't quite remember who I was when we pulled away.
Alex's mouth curved into a smile. "God, Amber."
I laughed and held on to his shoulders. "Have I ever told you I love you?"
"I could make you say it all night, angel."
There was another long pause while I imagined that.
"Alex," I murmured eventually. "I mean what I said."
He sighed. I felt the exhale pass over my skin, tickling my nerve endings. All I wanted to do was pull him closer. But I knew that we had to address our problem with words before actions.
"Do you remember what you said the day we agreed to do this?" I whispered. "About challenges?"
He looked at me.
"The video contacts...they're just another challenge." I rose up, touching my nose against his. "It's not your fault. It's just the way it is. I love you, and I'll fight my hardest for that, no matter what hurdles we face."
"I love you, too." He pressed his lips to mine and sighed again. "I'm sorry about the way I've been today. Tomorrow, we'll be the same old team."
I looked into his eyes, completely unshielded. And I believed him.
"In the meantime..." He raised his hands and dragged them through my hair, the water still falling on us. "Well, in the meantime...there's tonight."