Blair woke up in her bed, her entire body aching like she had just run a marathon throughout the whole country. When she looked down at her clothes, she was surprised to see that she was in Dick's old Led Zepplin tee and sweatpants. She could've sworn she had been wearing her suit earlier. She looked to the side, her head feeling heavier than usual, seeing Jason passed out in a chair by the bed.
"Jason?" She called out, startled when her voice came out sounding like a strangled cat's.
At the sound of his name being called, Jason jerked awake, looking over at her in concern, "Hey, hey, are you okay?"
The question should have been simple enough for her to answer, but somehow it wasn't. Her body was in pain, her head hurt, and she was scared. She didn't know why she was scared, but she was. "I don't know, how did I— did you— who— how—"
"Do you remember anything at all?" He asked softly, worry filling his eyes.
Flashes of the nightmare flash before her eyes, TwoFace chasing after her, Dick leaving her, Garth. Before she realized what was happening, she started to hyperventilate, her breaths not coming to her fast enough.
Jason launched himself from his chair, crouching beside her bed, "Blair, Blair, breathe! Hey, look at me, it's okay, you're okay. No one is gonna hurt you."
"They all died, they all died and I couldn't help them. Dick left me to die." She choked out, tears stinging her eyes. "It's my fault they didn't last, it's my fault. I couldn't save them."
Jason shook his head, "The drug messed with your head, made you see shit that wasn't true, made you do things—"
"Do things? I did things? Oh my God, I didn't hurt anyone did I?" She exclaimed, thinking about Alfred and Bruce. If she had hurt one of them there was no way she could live with that guilt.
"Uhh, no but Blair, you tried to kill yourself." He said softly.
Blair froze, tearing her eyes away from his face to glance out the window. The stars glistened brightly in the night sky, the moon shining as if nothing was wrong. Usually it brought her peace of mind to see the night sky, but after the events of the night, nothing was calming her down fast enough.
"You don't have to talk to me about it, but I'm also starting to think you didn't freeze when TwoFace pulled that gun on you a while back." Jason continued quietly. It was something that he had thought about for a while. Blair had a death wish, one that she was trying to fulfill out in the field. It was dangerous.
"This is all my fault." Blair whispered, covering her face with her hands.
"Why the hell would you think any of this shit is your fault?" Jason exclaimed. He didn't think she would actually start talking about it right then, but he supposed that with everything she went through, it made sense. "You didn't ask Crane to drug you, you didn't ask for any of this shit."
"I deserve it." She insisted, shaking her head. Even that action felt like too much.
Jason's jaw dropped, "That's bullshit, okay? You— no one deserves what just happened to you."
"My parents died because of me. My friends, my family, they fell apart and I know it's because I wasn't there to help them." Blair thought back on Dick's face when she left San Francisco. She had told him to not do anything reckless and stupid, but when he looked at her, something was different. They all were after that.
Jason shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing, "That is not on you. Whatever happened while you were away from them, that's on them. Your parents weren't your fault either, B."
"Why are you here?" She asked, flinching at her poor choice of words.
"Why am I here with you or why am I here in general?" Jason sat back down in his chair, surprisingly not offended by her question at all.
"I've been fucking horrible to you and I don't mean to be. I just don't—"
"You don't want to replace Dick." He finished for her, letting go of her hand.
Blair turned over in her bed to face him better. What he said was true, but not what she was about to say at all. In fact, that was the last thing on her mind at that moment. All she knew was that she was tired, she was hurting, and she was tired of doing it all by herself. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"What?" Jason leaned forward, not sure if he had heard her right.
"For the past five years, I've been completely on my own, pretending I'm not. I'm just so tired of being alone." It was the first time she had admitted that; aloud or in her head.
"But Dick—"
"Was busy keeping secrets and trying to pretend that we hadn't lost our family when we lost Garth. Dick was busy trying to pretend nothing happened and because of that, I lost him before he even left town." Blair snapped, bitterly. It was true. The minute Dick came back home, everything changed. He was distant, moody, not like himself at all. She understood that he was hurting from the aftermath, but he wasn't the only one.
"Okay, I'm sure that's not true—"
"No, it is." She argued. "And everything Bruce has said and everything I've done... I just... I'll go crazy if I stay alone any longer than I already have."
Jason stayed silent for a minute, trying to absorb everything she had said, "Okay, so what does that mean? What happened in your head?"
"It means I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending. I don't— I don't want to pretend anymore!" She exclaimed, ignoring the pain that her loudness caused. "I'm so tired of everyone acting like everything is okay, when it's not, and I want everyone to just be real."
"You want to know what's real?" Jason looked her in the eye. "That would have been me and I wouldn't have survived it. Bruce said it was a miracle that you did."
"Yeah, that's me, Blair Wilde: the miracle girl." She joked, deciding to sit up. A sharp pain went through her head when she tried, her whole body crying out in pain. She made a loud gasp in pain, hands immediately going to her head and chest, "AH FUCK!"
Jason shot out of his chair in seconds, standing over her in concern, "What?!? What happened?!? What hurts?!?"
"My head, my body, everything. Everything hurts!" She cried, breathing heavily. It was like someone had hit her with a bus, she was in so much pain. Then she remembered the motorcycle crash.
"Just try to relax, okay? Just relax." Jason tried, moving to sit in front of her on the bed. "Just breathe."
"It hurts too much!" She grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight as she doubled over in pain.
Jason squeezed her hand back, trying to keep his own fear in check as he shouted over his shoulder at the open door, "ALFRED! BRUCE! GET IN HERE!"
In just a few seconds, Alfred ran into the room, followed closely by Bruce. Jason stayed in his spot on Blair's bed, his hand tightly gripping hers as Bruce kneeled on the floor by her side, "Blair, you have to breathe. Just relax."
"It hurts! My head hurts! Everything hurts!" Blair exclaimed, shaking her head quickly, tears threatening to spill over.
Alfred put a hand against her forehead, checking to see if she was as warm as she was when she was under the influence of Jonathan Crane's nightmare drug. Seeing Jason look at him with fear in his eyes, Alfred shook his head. Whatever was happening to Blair was either just an after effect, an anxiety attack from the night's events, or both.
Jason's eyes darted from Blair, to Bruce, to Alfred, then back to Blair as he thought of ways to calm her down. An idea came to his mind as he looked above her head at the wall of pictures she had started to create over the past two or three months, "Give me her phone."
Alfred looked at him in confusion, "What?"
"Find her phone, I have an idea." He turned back to Blair, looking in her eyes. "Blair, just try to breathe okay?" He took the hand that he was holding and placed it on his chest, where his heart was beating. "Slow, like this okay?"
"That's fast!" Blair looked at him in alarm, though her breathing started to slow.
Jason tried to will his heart rate to slow down, his eyes never leaving hers, "Imagine it slow, just relax, breathe. Everything is going to be fine."
"Here's her phone." Alfred said, holding her phone out to Jason.
Jason nodded, still staring into Blair's eyes, "Alfred call Dick Grayson."
Blair's eyes widened as she shook her head, "No! No! Don't call him! Do NOT CALL HIM!"
"Blair, trust me." Jason whispered, catching her attention as Alfred dialed the number. "Trust me, it's okay. Relax."
Silence fell over the room as Alfred put the phone on speaker before setting on the bed next to them, the ringing on the other end of the line being the only sound. After a few seconds, a man's voice came through the speaker, "Blair, I was just about to call you, I figured you'd just gotten home after a patrol, what's up?"
Hearing Dick's voice after the hellish ordeal she just experienced, Blair bit her lip, not sure what to say. Everyone around her stayed quiet, waiting for her to say something, but nothing summed up how she was feeling. It wasn't something she could put into words.
"Blair, are you okay?" Dick asked, concern ripping at her insides.
She looked over at Bruce on the floor by her bed before looking at Jason across from her, seeing him nod in assurance. Swallowing hard, she choked out, "I miss you."
"I miss you too, kiddo. Is everything okay? You don't sound like you usually do." Blair silently cursed herself for opening her mouth. Dick had known her all her life, of course he'd know if something was wrong. Right?
Jason tugged on her hand to get her attention, mouthing, "Tell him."
Blair shook her head. That was the absolute last thing she was going to do. If she told him what had happened tonight, he would be on the first flight back to Gotham to come pick her up and take her to Detroit. She couldn't do that to him and she couldn't leave Gotham. Not now.
"Blair, you have to say something." Bruce whispered, pushing her to move forward.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, "I just have a headache and it's been a rough night."
"Did you go out tonight? On a mission?"
Blair stayed silent, absently playing with Jason's fingers to keep herself calm. She felt like she was about to explode any minute, but when she focused on his hand holding hers, it kept her calm. Calm enough to gather her thoughts for what she wanted to say, what she needed to say.
"Blair, did you go on a mission?" Dick asked again, a panicked edge to his voice that she hadn't heard before. "Who did you go up against?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine." She started, tears starting to sting her eyes again at the lie.
"You don't sound fine, tell me what happened."
"It's my fault isn't it?" Blair asked, her voice coming out thicker than she wanted it to. She thought if she had calmed down enough, she could get through the conversation without sounding like crybaby.
Bruce stood up, motioning for Alfred to leave the room before muttering to the boy sitting across from Blair, "Jason, maybe we should go."
Jason started to get up to follow him out the door when Blair tugged on his hand, shaking her head, "Stay. Please."
He looked over his shoulder at Bruce closing the door before sitting back down, "Okay."
On the other end of the phone, they heard Dick sigh heavily, "What do you think is your fault?"
"The Titans fallout, because I wasn't there after Garth, you leaving, it's because of me isn't it?" She asked, holding Jason's hand tight, trying to ignore the pain in her chest as she said it out loud. It hurt, everything did. Even as she said it, she felt a huge lump form in her throat.
Jason stayed silent, despite wanting to immediately tell her again that there was no way any of that was her fault. He thought back on the time they had fought on the stairs when he said that Dick left because of her in the heat of the moment, knowing it would hurt her. He wanted to take it all back in that moment now that he knew she had already been thinking it.
"No, no, that's not your fault at all, don't ever think that." Dick said quickly, much to their relief. "You were just a kid, none of that was your fault."
Blair snuck a quick glance at Jason before she spoke again, "Would you replace me?"
Jason stiffened, knowing where the conversation was headed. He was the replacement, the one that caused her to be in this situation in the first place. She wanted to know Dick's take on it. Replacement.
Blair immediately tightened her grip on Jason's hand, lacing her fingers through his. He shifted his gaze down to their hands, realizing that all of his thoughts, all what he believed she was doing was not what she was doing at all. This was something else entirely.
"Replace you? Blair, I couldn't replace you if I tried!" Dick exclaimed, laughing a little. "I could have my own kids or find a biological sister far away, but they would never replace you. Where are you getting this idea from?"
"I had a nightmare." She admitted, telling a half truth. "A few days ago."
"Blair, listen to me very carefully. I will never, in a million years, replace you. Okay?" Dick assured her. "Don't you even worry about that."
"What if I replaced you?" She asked, avoiding Jason's gaze. "Not on purpose or anything, but what if I found another person to be friends with, kinda like we were but different? What if I didn't want to replace you, but did accidentally?"
Dick was quiet for a moment while Blair bit her lip, trying to keep from shaking, "Are you asking me because you found a friend like that?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I want to." She stammered, once again ignoring Jason's gaze.
Jason stared at her in shock, his brain processing what she said. She was talking to Dick about him, wanting to hear that it was okay for her to like him, for her to be friends with him. Never in his life did he think he would be seeing her ask permission for anything before, but he could see it was important to her. He was important to her, almost as important as Dick. All those times that he thought they were bonding, becoming friends, they were.
"I refuse to be the reason you hold back. It's okay to have friends that aren't me, Blair." Dick said. Blair could practically see him smiling in her mind. "I'm not going to be mad at you for finding a friend you can trust. I promise."
"No matter what?"
"No matter what." He swore. "Are you okay now?"
No. "I'm better."
"But not okay." Dick sighed.
"I will be." She promised, hoping that it was true. "It was just a nightmare."
"Shit, I have to go, call me tomorrow morning when you wake up, okay?" Dick requested.
Blair shut her eyes to stop the tears that threatened to cloud her vision, "Okay."
"Hey, I love you. Don't forget that."
"I won't. I love you too." She breathed, her head and chest feeling just a little lighter.
"Get some rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Good night, Dick."
"Good night, Luna." That's what did it. Dick using her middle name, the name only he used. That's what triggered every heartbreaking emotion in her body.
She hung up the phone, sitting silently. The pain in her head was gone, though her body was still sore. All that was left was the lump in her throat and the tears she was refusing to let fall.
"Are you okay?" Jason asked finally, wanting to hear her voice again. Blair nodded, but refused to say anything. "B—"
"I'm fine." She quipped, cutting him off, though her voice shook a little at the end.
Jason moved from his place across from her to sit directly next to her, still holding her hand, "It's okay to not be fine, you had a night full of hell."
"I'm fine." She insisted, her voice cracking. Jason stayed quiet, sitting still. She looked up at him, ready to say it again, but stopped, the tears finally spilling over.
For a moment, Blair hid her face in her hands, crying quietly. Finally, she couldn't hold back the sobs that came bursting out of her, it was like a dam had broken somewhere inside of her. She curled into a ball, laying down in Jason's lap, tears still coming.
Jason wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight, "You'll be okay. It'll stop hurting eventually, I promise."
A/N: No scene changes this time folks.