A/N: It's almost the finale, I feel so weird finishing a story that's not Blank Space, sigh. I'll try to update that soon, too. Thank you for the patience <3
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"I can't believe I'm doing this bullshit," Yoongi murmured quietly as he put on his mic. The staff snorted obviously despite herself because she hurriedly left after moving the mic around two times.
"I also can't believe Dispatch didn't expose us even after I gave them a huge go," he murmured even more quietly this time. "Those useless motherfuckers, really."
He had really thought Dispatch would get the hint and they'd be the New Year's couple. But no, the dumb fuckers chose to reveal Kim-something and Jang-something instead, an actor couple that stirred a lot of noise. But not more than if Lisa and himself were to get exposed, Yoongi would bet his studio.
They were Blackpink and BTS, for fuck's sake.
So here he was, still in the half-dark about his relationship, preparing for his appearance on a fucking dating show.
Yoongi stared at the mirror, at his appearance and then sighed, running a hand through his hair despire the hairdresser's efforts to make him look as presentable as possible.
The disheveled hair went against the neat black blazer and the red dress shirt his stylist put him in (black and red, something lover-like, she had grinned) over a pair of luxurious jeans that looked like slacks.
Chanel from head-to-toe -Jennie Kim would be proud, Yoongi thought with a chuckle.
And yeah, the disheveled, almost messy ash brown locks didn't suit this look. But whatever, the fans and the public loved him anyways.
Someone knocked on the door and Yoongi turned his head as it cracked open.
"We're starting in twenty, Yoongi-ssi," a staff hugging some papers to his chest smiled at him and Yoongi bowed in return.
When he entered the studio, he saw that the other guests were already seated and he was the last one before Yoo Jae Suk and Kim Shin Young. He sat down next to the only vacant seat as he kept bowing to people.
"Hello," he bowed to the man next to him. "I'm Bangtan Sonyeondan's Suga."
"Oh, hello," the man bowed back. "I'm actor Lee Han Byun. Nice to meet you, Suga-ssi," he smiled a bit awkward and shy. "I'm a fan."
"Thank you so much," Yoongi bowed again with an even more awkward smile.
And thank god it was just then the MCs entered the studio, filling everyone with anticipation and nerves.
Here we go, Yoongi thought.
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Forty minutes later and it still wasn't Yoongi's turn-which made him nervous and irritated a bit. He just wanted to get on with this and leave the place once and for all.
The other guests were an actor, a singer, a TV personality and an actress. Two women and three men, Yoongi included.
Yoo Jae Suk, Kim Shin Young, and of course, Park Myung Soo were the hosts with Jae Suk being the main MC, which relieved Yoongi a bit because Yoo Jae Suk had always been kind and respectful when it came to his talk shows, trying to neutralise his co-hosts' bold and sometimes even rude comments and prying questions. So Yoongi was counting on this older man to give him support and save him from unwanted situations.
"And now, the time has come!" Yoo Jae Suk looked at the main camera. "We have a really big star here today as one of our guests. Our country's pride, the world famous artists, Bangtan Sonyeondan's Suga-ssi!"
Feeling a bit awkward and nauseous from nerves, Yoongi clapped in embarrassment with everyone. He still sometimes got shy when they talked about their very well deserved accomplishments that they earned through years of shedding blood, sweat and tears-no pun intended. As Yoo Jae Suk listed some of the said accomplishments, he smiled bashfully and clapped quietly.
"Hello," he said when his time to speak came. "I'm Bangtan Sonyeondan's Suga, nice to meet you."
"Yes, I don't think there's one single person who doesn't know you though," Park Myung Soo said appreciatingly.
"Especially now that you've announced you've had a girlfriend," Park Shin Young added. "Shall we see that legendary speech right away?"
Then, with cue, Yoongi's acceptance speech was played at the big monitor.
"And lastly, I want to say how grateful I am to my muse, the person who made me feel things that helped me write all my songs for all these years-my lovely girlfriend."
Yoongi watched himself scan the crowd with his eyes and saw them linger over someone at the front which he knew where Lisa was sitting-he hadn't thought he was being so obvious at the time. Then he chuckled at something in the video before continuing.
"Yes, I want to say how grateful and lucky I am to have you in my life. I know that I'm a hard person and I lack a lot, but thank you for bearing with me all this time even if it must be draining for you. I'm sorry and I promise that I'll cherish you more and more every single day, so I hope you will be with me in my tomorrows to see I keep my promise. Thank you so much for being you, my love."
The video ended and everyone in the studio was quiet for a second before Yoo Jae Suk broke the silence.
"Kyah," he looked at Yoongi as of really impressed. "That was so cool."
"That 'my love' at the end," Kim Shin Young rubbed her arms. "I got goosebumps again. You are really so cool, Suga-ssi."
"Thank you," Yoongi awkwardly smiled, this time really embarrassed.
He hadn't watched the video of himself. He just looked up online for Blackpink's reactions but he was really disappointed that the girls managed to keep their calm after the initial shock. And so he had lost interest in fancams after that.
Therefore he didn't know how whipped he looked when he talked about his 'girlfriend' who was sitting right before him. His eyes were shining and skin was glowing, he even had a stupid lovestruck grin on his face. If it weren't for his words, he could've easily been confused as drunk.
Man, she still turned him into a mush and had him wrapped around her finger after all these years.
"Did you pay attention to how lovestruck he looked though," one of the female guests pointed quickly unlike Yoongi. "Your girlfriend must've been very happy to see you like that, Suga-ssi."
"Yes, what was her reaction?" Yoo Jae Suk asked.
Yoongi laughed, "Not at all like you think."
A few surprised reactions came from the cast and the crew behind the cameras.
"She was really shocked at first so I don't know if she was impressed or not," Yoongi started. "And then she was angry at me-"
"Angry?" Park Myung Soo cut him. "After all those sweet words?"
"Well she was angry that I didn't tell her I was going to go public," Yoongi looked at him. "But I did have told her beforehand! And a couple of times at that! She just didn't think I really would do it."
"Still, you have told her at least," the actor nodded.
"Yeah. And then she was worried that people would come after her. Some fans can get really sensitive and aggressive about our personal lives, you know," he added distastefully.
"True," Kim Shin Young said. "Sometimes when people love you that much, they can go a bit overboard."
"And yet you still didn't know if she was happy or not?" Yoo Jae Suk carefully stirred the conversation.
Yoongi laughed, "Yeah."
"There's so much to feel before happiness," Park Myung Soo commented. "When you're the girlfriend of an idol from BTS, happiness comes last probably."
"Right. And I often feel so sorry because of that," Yoongi confessed. "But she had always said it's okay whenever I said sorry and one time she got really mad at me-I don't think I've been scolded worse than that-so I don't voice it anymore."
There were some laughter in the studio and Yoongi smiled.
"I think she's fine with it now. I mean, at least she talks to me."
"You mean she didn't talk to you after that?" Kim Shin Young asked, surprised.
"Well," Yoongi scratched his neck. "She can be quite stubborn when she's mad. And she was really mad. Apparently my mother talked her into talking to me."
"Your mother?" Yoo Jae Suk asked in surprise. "They've met already?"
Feeling his ears burn a bit, Yoongi couldn't help the grin.
"I mean-yes, we've been together for a while now. By the way, my mother was mad at me too," he added to change the subject.
Which was a successful attempt.
"What?" Park Myung Soo laughed.
"She called me that night-my mother-and started yelling at me," Yoongi laughed. "She literally chided me for twenty minutes on the phone. It was a first since I was fifteen, I think."
"Does she love your girlfriend more than you, perhaps?" the singer laughed.
"Most probably," Yoongi confessed this time with a lazy grin. "She said I was being an 'inconsiderate, selfish, stubborn brat that does whatever he wants without thinking the consequences' and I was very impressed to be honest, I still am."
"It's my first time hearing something like this," Kim Shin Young said, eyebrows raised. "Mother of the man supporting the woman in the relationship."
"My mother adores my girlfriend. I only have a brother so I guess she thinks of my girlfriend as a daughter."
"Already?" Park Myung Soo asked in surprise.
"Yeah," Yoongi fidgeted uncomfortably, this was a too personal branch of the topic. "So naturally she took sides with my girlfriend and chided me. And she also told me she talked her into calming down a bit, but said I had to wait because my girlfriend was too angry at me and that I had to be grateful that she had even accepted to talk to me in the first place," he finished quickly.
"She seems like she has quite the temper," the actor commented. "Good luck to you, Suga-ssi."
That caused another round of laughter and Yoongi chuckled, too.
"Well that's a part of the things that make her her, so I'm get used to it now."
"You've been together for how long?"
"A little over four years," Yoongi replied, feeling a mix of pride and nerves.
Woah was the joint reaction.
"Four years of dating in secret is a very long time for an idol," Yoo Jae Suk looked around to gather reactions. "That's worth congratulating."
"Four years and you haven't gotten caught at all," Park Myung Soo looked at him. "That's even more impressive."
Yoongi laughed somewhat bitterly at this, he couldn't tell them how he wished they had been caught, after all.
"How did you two meet?" Kim Shin Young asked.
"Through a mutual friend," Yoongi straightened at his seat. At least he was prepared for this question and was more than eager to share their story and how much he loved Lisa.
"I was having luch with that friend when she ran into us and our friend invited her to our table."
The image of Lisa looking so shy and devastatingly beautiful as she looked at them with hesitation flashed before Yoongi's eyes, then he continued.
"She and that friend are very close, so my friend had mentioned her a couple of times but we've never had the chance to meet."
"Was it love at first sight?" the actress asked with a grin. She obviously was very invested in the love story.
"Definitely," Yoongi fidgeted and smiled timidly. "I couldn't help staring at her because she was so beautiful with everything she did-the way she talked, laughed, ate and even blinked-and looked so pretty even though she was just wearing jeans and a hoodie and had almost a bare face. I couldn't even eat my meal properly, I couldn't concentrate."
"Ooooh, the words of a real lover," Yoo Jae Suk grinned.
Yoongi managed to give a small awkward laugh before the football player asked, "Who confessed first?"
"It was me," Yoongi replied without hesitation. This was what he wanted to emphasise over and over again until they revealed Lisa.
"That's a man's way," Park Myung Soo commented.
"How did it happen?"
"Four months after we've met. We had met as a group of friends that night," Yoongi continued. "We were at this small place we frequent. It wasn't very late but our friends had to leave one by one and then it was just us, she and me. Neither of us mentioned leaving so we just kept on going."
"Ah, when the alcohol is included everything is possible," Kim Shin Young nodded.
"We weren't drunk," Yoongi shook his head. "I had a schedule early in the next morning and she had things to do, too. So we didn't drink enough to get drunk."
"After dinner?" Yoo Jae Suk prompted.
"I paid for the meal-we almost fought over it," Yoongi laughed. "Then I just said she could buy us coffee if she really wanted."
"Ah, to check the waters," Yoo Jae Suk looked at him knowingly.
"Yeah, too see if she was interested in or not," Yoongi grinned. "And thankfully she was. And then we had this take away coffee since we couldn't sit at random cafés and we went for a walk."
"Oh this is so romantic," the actress squealed. Yoongi smiled.
"She likes the river and it was late at night so we went by the river and she was just so pretty and I was so overwhelmed and nervous. I think I was more nervous than we won our first daesang."
"That's a big thing, wow," Park Myung Soo said.
After nodding, Yoongi took a deep breath since this was it, the moment he had been waiting for, and he spoke clearly, "I knew I couldn't keep my feelings in anymore, I had to know if it was one-sided because it was getting really painful to hold myself back when she was just there-within my reach-and I didn't have the right to hold her. So I just sort of stopped her and told her that I just couldn't handle it anymore and that I've loved since the very first moment she looked at me at that lunch table four months ago. I told her that I wanted to make her happy, make her smile-she has a beautiful smile-and that I wanted to give her the world, that I would give her the world if she let me. And then I asked if she had any interest in me at all-that even the slightest one was enough for me."
For a second everyone said woah again and then they started applauding him-on foot.
A real standing ovation.
"That's so cool!" Kim Shin Young sat down. "I bet she was hooked right there."
"Yes, what was her reaction?"
Yoongi laughed a bit upon remembering that, "She just looked at me blankly for a second and then I could see the way her face became pinker and pinker gradually, she was so embarrassed that she couldn't even look at me. If I wasn't so nervous I probably would've laughed."
"Cut her some slack please," Yoo Jae Suk disapproved. "I can't imagine her shock. One moment you're walking and the next moment BTS' Min Yoongi is telling you he likes you."
"That was what she said to me later," Yoongi grinned.
"What did she say to you after you confessed, though?" the singer leant forward curiously.
"She said it wasn't slight," Yoongi's voice softened immediately without realising. "And she said she didn't need to have the world, I was more than enough for her."
"Oh my god," the actress squealed, triggering a sequence of squeals and excitement.
"You two are really good with words, eh?" Park Myung Soo smiled affectionately.
"Did you hear the way his voice softened?" the singer asked. "So wonderful."
"I don't know who she is, but it's a fact that she's really lucky," Kim Shin Young nodded.
"I think I'm the lucky one, actually," Yoongi straightened at his seat with a smile. "You'd know it if you knew her."
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Half an hour later and they were close to finishing the recording when the topic suddenly focused on expressing love-which was Yoongi didn't like to talk about in general.
And it was a known fact.
So Yoongi laughed quietly and uncomfortably as the other guests and the hosts watched him with eager eyes and grins. He could feel all the cameras on him.
"We don't say things like 'I like you' or 'I love you' often. There's no need to say that to show how much you like that someone," he said, looking at Yoo Jae Suk. He could feel how his ears were turning pink a little.
"Oooh," Park Myung Soo grinned wider. "What does she do then?"
Yoongi smiled, thinking about all the little things Lisa had been doing for him.
"She has this her own way of expressing her feelings. She cares about details that make me comfortable and happy. I'm a hard person to be with. And I'm a bit private person, too, I don't like it when I'm in crowds or outside, I need my own space. I like staying at home, I could stay in for days. I also tend to get tense and upset when my routine is disrupted too much. And she has her own subtle ways to make sure I'm comfortable. And by sacrificing her own wants, I must add. For example she likes sun, taking fresh air, going out, walking around, shopping, travelling and things like these, she gets energised by them. And yet she has never, even once, complained about not doing those and staying indoors most of the time."
"It sounds like you have quite different personalities," Kim Shin Young commented, looking around.
"Well, yes," Yoongi chuckled awkwardly for a second. "We have differences in small things that make up a big part of your life and personality when compiled."
"What kind of differences?"
"I like sunrise, she likes sunsets. She's willing to stay up till sunrise with me and sleep through sunset. She likes animation or romance kind of movies but I don't always find them fun or interesting and she's okay with watching documentaries or deep artsy movies with me. She likes stars and open skies, she's scared of thunder, but I like clouds and rain, and she watches the rainstorm with me. I live on coffee, she hated it -would never drink- when we first met but now she drinks with me every time and her favourite is vanilla latte with two pumps of caramel syrup. Just small but big things like these," Yoongi smiled again, his gums open and out. "I know she does these for me, and I know she does them because she loves me. So I don't need to hear words constantly, I can feel it."
There was a short silence following his words until Yoo Jae Suk snapped out of it.
"Still, it feels good when she says 'I love you', right?"
Yoongi felt some warmth on his face before smiling a little, "Of course it does, it feels like I suddenly got everything I've wanted from life."
There were a lot of cringed sounds and squeals.
"But from your words it kind of feels like she's the one doing all the work, Suga-ssi," Yoo Jae Suk joked, making everyone laugh, including Yoongi.
"I'm aware that I lack at giving her the same happiness she's been giving to me but I do everything I can to make her happy," Yoongi smiled with a sigh. "It's just she never requests anything, so I never know what she wants."
"Never?" the actor raised his eyebrows. "Not for some gifts either?"
"Nope," Yoongi shook his head. "She makes buying gifts for her really hard, she always looks so happy whatever I gift her, so I don't really know if she's genuinely happy to receive it or is just being kind."
"Even for an anniversary?" Yoo Jae Suk asked. "You know women always have expectations about them, 'oppa why didn't we go to that'-is she younger than you?" he abruptly stopped.
"Yeah," Yoongi fidgeted around with a bashful smile. Alarms went off in his head, this was a dangerous territory where the fans could find Lisa even from the smallest thing he would say.
"Oooh," Kim Shin Young grinned. "How old is she?"
"She's over 21," Yoongi replied carefully vague and then joked, "So there's nothing to worry about."
"Yes, yes, nice save," Yoo Jae Suk grinned. "I'll let you off the hook this time."
"I just want to respect her privacy," Yoongi smiled. "That is the least I can do."
"But you've been dating for more than 4 years in secret," Park Myung Soo looked at him. "Why did you wanted to go public this abruptly?"
"To be honest I've always wanted to date her publicly," Yoongi said seriously and licked his lips. "But she said she didn't want to get hate and threats and all that stuff-which is very sad but understandable."
There were agreeing nods and murmurs. Yoongi felt a small anger inside him just like every time he thought about this.
He put his hands on the counter and made a circle, "Though I never understood it, we're celebrities, okay, a small golden cake that is always on display for the people. I get this much. But we're people, too. We cry, we get depressed, we fall in love, we fall out of love, we're vulnerable, we're insecure, we're unhappy as much as we're happy, we live through hardships, we fight, we experience loss-we're just people, too. We want the same things as other people want, too. But you don't hate your neighbour for dating someone, do you?" he chuckled bitterly. "We work as hard as other people in this world, if not more than some of them, but we're deprived from this luxury which is not a luxury at all."
"That's so well put, actually," the actor nodded upon the short pause. Everyone was looking at Yoongi again and he straightened at his seat.
"And it's been four years for us now. We have a stable relationship, we've been through thick and thin together, we know what we want, we know each other well and we make each other happy-I'm so incredibly happy. I wanted to share this with our fans. It's not like we're committing a sin or a crime. We're just in love."
There was another short silence.
"When you put it like this, I feel sorry a little," Kim Shin Young joked to lighten the mood.
Yoongi smiled bitterly, "There's no need for you to be sorry, you should feel happy that comedians don't go through this. After giving myself entirely to our fans through all these years, I think I deserve to be with someone who makes me happy and not hide like it's something I shouldn't do."
"That makes us feel sorry even more!" Yoo Jae Suk complained and made everyone laugh, including Yoongi.
His laugh turning into a smile, Yoongi concluded his words, "I think our fans would be happy to know that I have someone who comforts me when it's hard times and triple my joy when it's happy times. I think they'd be happy to know that I'm happy. They'd be happy that my heart's safe. I deserve at least this much. We all do."
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"I think I cried a little," Taehyung touched his face carefully.
Yoongi groaned.
He was so fucking embarrassed that his members forced him to watch the show with them.
All seven of them.
They were sitting scattered around the living room, everyone except Yoongi was excited beyond reason as they watched the whole fucking episode-never changing the channel even during commercials.
(Taehyung had the remote control.)
"That was so sweet hyung," Namjoon smiled gentle and genuine. He knew what Yoongi had been going through from the first hand.
"Yeah," Yoongi fidgeted, looking around. "Um-"
"I'm glad you have her hyung," Jimin smiled at Yoongi, his eyes crescents in their own soft way. "She did good to you."
Jungkook clicked his tongue, "Except the fights-"
Yoongi gave him a look that made the youngest make a 180 turn.
"Which were extremely crucial to build a nice and healthy relationship like yours, hyung," Jungkook nodded hurriedly. "Totally necessary, if you ask me."
"Good that no one asked you Kook," Jimin looked at him, his irritation obvious from his face as the rest of them laughed. Yoongi just sighed.
"Do you think Lisa cried, though?" Hoseok asked, suddenly excited.
If it was someone else, Yoongi would glare at the usage of her first name so carelessly, but Hoseok and Jimin had their own rightful connections with her through the very small and tight circle they formed with the very few good dancers in the industry over the years-there were literally five of them. They knew her not as Yoongi's girlfriend but a fellow dancer and a friend.
"Nah," Jin stretched his arms. "She's not like that. Jisoo always says it takes a lot to make Lisa cry, since she's extemely good at holding back."
Jin had his connections with her through Jisoo who he acted with in the last two dramas. They were small roles but still, they considered each other friends at some point.
"I bet she did," Taehyung grinned. "Even I cried."
"That's different, you're an emotional sap," Namjoon reminded.
Taehyung narrowed his eyes at the leader as the others laughed.
"That's just mean, hyung."
"It's not if it's the truth."
"What a heartless man you've become-"
"Telling the truth is one of my many duties as the lea-"
"Wow, playing the leader card huh, I'm heartbroken-"
Yoongi tuned them out after a while. Taehyung's bickering with any and every member was an ordinary thing that the others enjoyed a lot-they had huge grins on their faces as they watched Taehyung and Namjoon bicker back and forth.
What distracted Yoongi was his phone's chiming and the screen lighting up from where it was laying next to him on the couch. He glanced at the screen to see a text from Lisa.
Feeling nervous and anticipating, he quickly grabbed his phone and opened the message-maybe too quickly, his members were looking at him now but he wasn't aware of them.
Jerk, the first text said. And while he frowned in confusion, more came.
Istg you're so horrible min yoongi
Almost made me cry
Unnies teased me a lot
Tho i think you have two new fans
But jisoo unnie is still not a fan, sorry
But you impressed jennie unnie and chaeng a lot, they're fans now
Impressed me, too
It was so cool
Please don't say those to my face tho, I'll die
Yoongi's brain vaguely realised the grin on his face when his cheeks started to ache.
Then a voice message came. That was when he got up and left for his room under various cheers that he paid no attention to.
He closed the door after getting into the room and leaned bis back against the door. He didn't even turn the light on before pressing onto the voice message.
There was some white noise at first but then a silence came and a second later he heard the shy and soft tone he knew by heart.
"I love you."
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end of chapter five