It turns out assembling an army of the dead in under twelve hours isn't easy, especially with the strict candidate criteria of zero murderous tendencies. A fun fact I learned today is that there are statistically more dark spirits on earth than pure ones. It makes sense, given most pure spirits cross over to The Beginning immediately, and the ones with unfinished business are generally pretty quick on fixing that.
Nonetheless, we've amassed a sizeable amount of backup. I say we, but it was all Kato. She's been messing about with her aura to attract pure spirits, and convince them into agreeing to help us. My sole role has been looking pretty when one needs convincing of my existence and abilities. How many will actually show up when it boils down to it is another story.
Convincing the budget ghostbuster gang not to follow me to their inevitable deaths has been less simple, and is continuing to prove to be a nightmare. Both Carmen and Tom want to join the Medakis and me in meeting Connor at midnight. Jamie's happy not to die, but the other two are determined not to be left here twiddling thumbs while Armageddon is happening in the town below.
Sefu, however, decides to throw a spanner in the works by pointing out being left alone could be more dangerous for Carmen, Tom and Jamie. The moral of the story is that I've royally screwed them over, and they run the risk of facing a violent death either way.
Sefu then goes on to highlight how their blessed stones could prove to be useful weapons at the beach if need be, but he wouldn't want to risk taking them and leaving Carmen, Tom and Jamie vulnerable without their protection. Much to my dismay, the choice ends up in their hands, and it's the option I disagree with.
Even Jamie ends up deciding to tag along because he refuses to be left completely alone at the cabin. They agree on a compromise; I'll let them join, so long as they stay in the car. Kind of like the family dog, except there's three of them, they don't have fur, and one is my girlfriend, so probably shouldn't be compared to a canine.
What feels like no time later, we're preparing to leave the cabin to face whatever's ahead. It's pitch black outside, and it's as if the world around us has switched off. Not even the sheep in the fields behind the cabin are making any noise, though admittedly, that might be down to me. I've probably traumatised them into silence.
The spirits Kato has assembled will be lurking close to the beach, and have promised to intervene if things turn nasty. I don't know why everyone's acting like there's any if involved; things will turn nasty. I don't have a single doubt they won't.
"Does everyone know the plan?" is the first thing Sefu questions once we've crammed ourselves into Mosi's jeep, as if he's not asked us to individually repeat it step-by-step several times over.
"We get there, I hop out alone, say hi, hope he doesn't try to murder me, convince him I'm seriously considering joining his evil scheme, get him away from Ava, then when he thinks he's got my trust: KO him." I pause for breath. "Best case scenario. Worst case scenario: hope enough good guys show up."
I anticipate to get some sighs, or at least an eye roll, but no one acknowledges my poor phrasing. I think the anxiety is too high. No one has requested I literally knock Connor out, just restrain him, which Sefu and Mosi plan on helping me with. I worry we're underestimating the potential dark spirit army sized elephant in the room, but as I acknowledged, this is admittedly a best case scenario plan.
The worst case scenario plan is if any dark spirits appear during or after the KO step, then we better hope to hell that the pure spirits we've gathered come to our aid. If that does happen, the Medakis claim the extent of the aggregated paranormal activity would attract more pure spirits. What they're less enthusiastic about is that it would also attract more dark spirits.
So, in conclusion, a repeat of the shitshow that happened twelve years ago.
This time, however, I'm not a helpless eight-year-old kid. Maybe it's the darkness inside me talking, but we can do this. I can do this. I'm just not sure how, nor how I did it last time after my parents and sister had been killed, and I was left alone on the road. The memory that should fill that gap remains lost in some dark abyss somewhere. Here's hoping I have an epiphany.
"If he requests anything of you," Sefu says from the passenger seat as Mosi rolls the car off the cabin's gravel driveway. "To prove your loyalty. Whatever it is." He pauses, then flashes his eyes to me in the rearview mirror.
I nod for him to continue.
"Do it."
I go to open my mouth because such a bold statement should surely come with some conditions, but Sefu gets there before I can.
"Even if it means hurting someone or something."
No one says anything more. There is the condition of so long as you can control it, but I figure that's implicit. Can I control it? If Connor asks me to perform some dark act, do I have the restraint to not take it too far? To not get immersed so deeply into it that I can't pull myself back out when whatever's done is done? I hardly have the best track record.
As we drive ahead, I feel inexplicably calm. I don't know if it's the finality of everything, or the knowledge that there's nothing more we can do beyond fight tooth and nail over the next however many hours. Minutes, maybe. I don't know. I've got no idea. Part of me wishes this had happened months ago.
In the least morbid way possible, another part of me wishes Connor had just killed me when he had the chance. None of this would have to happen if that were the case. It would be over, for everyone. Then again, I'm not sure it would be. Without me in the picture, I can't imagine Connor would simply give up on his mission. If anything, the guy would try to figure out some way to resurrect and possess my corpse.
The car comes to a sudden halt, and I blink. We're here. Mosi has parked the jeep at the end of the large car park that overlooks the beach. I don't even remember driving beyond the caravan site. Before everyone's eyes have the chance to turn to me, I leave the car without saying a word.
It's cold. For a summer night, it's freezing. I zip up my jacket. I expect to do so with shaking hands, but they're perfectly still. It's as if every inch of my body has resigned itself into accepting whatever tonight has in store. I almost laugh. I could barely even think about something stressful before breaking into a frenzy a few months ago. Now look at me.
As I stride away from the jeep, a pang of regret hits me. I should have said something. Not goodbye, but something. At least to Carmen. I hope I don't regret that. I shake my head. I can do this. As I'm nearing the wide concrete ramp leading down towards the sand, something flashes beside me. Annabel.
"You should stay away," I advise before she has a chance to say anything.
"You're joking, right?" she scoffs as I stop to turn to her.
"I don't want you getting hurt. Enough people have gotten hurt."
"Excuse the spoiler, but I'm already dead." She crosses her arms as she stares me down.
"You know what I mean," I mutter as I start walking again.
I've only moved a few feet before something warm wraps itself around my hand, and I stop. Annabel has entwined her pale fingers into mine, and I turn my head to see her big eyes on fire.
"I'm not going anywhere." Her voice is smooth, but bold. She lets go of my hand, then shrugs. "Besides, I kind of have no choice. I'm your guide, so I'd only keep boomeranging back to you. Especially with your track record of repeatedly verging on death."
I fail to fight the smirk off my face. She's got a point. I could argue with her all night, but it would be futile. I take a sharp breath, nod, and continue on.
The beach is bathed in darkness, and as my trainers touch the sand, I can only vaguely make out where the beach ends and the ocean begins. I have a better idea from listening. The waves are quietly lapping the shore, but turn more violent as they crash against the rocks in the distance. Connor could've told me to pack a torch. Bit thoughtless. Maybe I could hide. Find a big rock, take cover, and wait for all this to blow over. I wish that was an option.
Connor didn't exactly give me much in the way of detail, and I was sort of assuming there'd be a huge cloud of darkness giving away his location. But there isn't. In fact, bar Annabel, there's not a spirit in sight. Not that there's much of anything in sight, even now my eyes are adjusting to the darkness.
The salt air that once smelled so fresh is churning my gut, and I curse myself for barely eating today. I couldn't stomach much. I scan the beach, but am failing to make out anything beyond the distant ocean illuminated by the moonlight, nor the shadowy shapes of the sharp rocks jutting out of it.
It's Annabel who spots him. In true Felix fashion, thanks to Annabel distracting me and finding myself blind upon stepping onto the beach, I've rocked up late. When I lock my eyes onto Connor's silhouette leaning against one of the huge cliffside rocks to my right, his face is lit up by a phone screen as I figure he checks the time, and he's tapping his foot against the ground with a tight expression on his face. As I approach him, something occurs to me. I don't see Ava.
"Where's Ava?" I announce as I approach, and it makes Connor snap his head towards me.
Within seconds, he's standing upright. He shoves his phone into his back pocket as he turns to face me. I stop when there's about ten foot between us, but he moves towards me, closing the gap a little too much. I'm about to demand Ava's whereabouts again when a figure I hadn't noticed sitting on the ground beside the rock stands up. I let out a long breath.
Ava.
At the sight of me, she treads forward, but Connor is quick to grab her wrist and pull her back. I step towards them with a clenched jaw and practically snarl, but before I can snap at him, he speaks.
"Whoa, let's not let things get nasty."
Let's not let things get nasty? Is he having a laugh? Has he forgotten everything that's happened to lead us to this point? Anger is bubbling inside me, and I want to lunge at him. Knock the guy clean out.
"Stick to the plan," Annabel whispers beside me. "Don't let him get to you."
I shut my eyes for a few seconds, take a breath, then straighten my posture. As always, Annabel is right. I shove my hands into my jacket pockets, then shrug. Confidence is key.
"Look, you're not a bad person. I know that--I realise that now," I start. "Your intentions were always good, and you're right, it's not fair. Dark spirits have no chance at redemption the way things are, and it's lonely. I met this kid, this spirit who'd--He'd killed his dad, but he wasn't a bad person. I could just tell."
Connor's fingers are still tightly curled around Ava's wrist, and I'm trying really damn hard not to burn a hole into them. His blue eyes scan me from head to toe as he nods for me to continue. His lip is twitching, but not as if he's about to blow. As if he wants to smile.
"When you explained it, the day I found you all those weeks ago, I didn't get it. But I get it now. About how there's this part of you that's been caged all your life, and you've finally opened it. Finally let it free. " I wish it was a lie. I've never wished for anything to be more of a lie. "I get it. It's not bad. It doesn't have to be bad."
"Felix? What--No!" Ava shrieks, and it's the first time I've heard her voice sound unsteady. Ever.
This is good. This works in my favour. I want to shoot her a look, something to tell her this is all a game, but I can't take the risk. Nor do I know how good of an actress she is.
Connor is fighting a smile off his face as he bends down and reaches into a backpack by his feet. His grasp is no longer on Ava's wrist, but she doesn't move. Not an inch. Her deep, brown eyes are on me with a look I fail to recognise bursting from them. It's either fear or confusion. Or maybe both. As Connor stands straight, I notice he has a small cardboard box in his hands.
"A little birdy told me," he says as he reaches into the box to bring out something small and furry. "That you've been having fun with some farm animals."
Fuck. No.
I use all my willpower to keep my face straight, my jaw unclenched. To show not even a flicker of emotion. I look at the small creature sitting calmly in Connor's hand, its fur a shocking white colour. It's a hamster.
"Kill it," he says simply.
The next few seconds feel like hours. I shift my attention to Ava's face, which is washed in horror, then to Connor, whose eyes are filled with hesitant optimism. I don't want to look at the white creature in his hands, but I can't hesitate. If I hesitate, this is over. It'll give the game away.
So I don't.
The second my eyes land on the hamster, my heart lurches to my throat, but I force the feeling away and play the role. As expected, it's dreadful at first. The worst sensation I've ever felt, so much worse than before; it has to be the worst, nothing can be more horrific than this.
A heaviness overcomes me as I focus on the small creature. It becomes more alert, and begins to move around Connor's palms. I grit my teeth and stick with it until the dark feeling cracks, and a warmth breaks through.
Why the hell was I so afraid of this? What an embarrassment. I want to laugh. I scan every inch of the small, pathetic creature in Connor's hands, and it's easy.
It's so easy.
Its tiny heart accelerates, its insides twisting and squeezing until they become a tangled mess. The hamster is squealing, squirming in Connor's hand like the weak little rat it is.
"Felix, stop!"
Ava's voice disillusions me, and for a split second, I hesitate. The euphoria is rapidly seeping away, but I grasp onto what's left of it, and recover myself. Don't be so weak, you're invincible. Nothing can stop you when you're like this. My attention is on the hamster again, and it's wailing, its lungs are squeezed, its brain pressing against its tiny skull. This is easy.
I tear its heart clean in half. It's dead.
I wait for the elation to disappear, to be snatched from me. Except it isn't. I'm still invincible. My abilities know no end, and I can do anything. Every doubt I've ever had has been wrong.
I scan the still creature in Connor's hand, and it's the best feeling yet. Annabel is talking beside me, but I don't pay attention. She was wrong. They were all wrong. This isn't bad. The things I could do. This was easy. Child's play. I could do so much more with so little effort.
"Perfect!" Connor exclaims
I turn my focus away from the hamster, and to his face. He's not trying to hide his grin anymore. He places the animal back into the cardboard box, and drops it back onto the sand below. He's bouncing. He runs a hand through his dark hair, the grin intact on his face. He can't keep still.
He needs me. All this time, he's needed me, and I never gave him a chance. All this time, this is what life could've been like, and I resisted it. Connor knew. He knows. I don't know what possessed me to ever doubt him.
"Just one more thing," he says as he turns to Ava, then nudges her forward. "Hurt her."