Chapter 12
Dad’s voice woke me up. “Hello! Anybody here?” He walked up the steps. “It’s eleven o’clock in the morning. Are you guys really still sleeping?” He knocked gently on my bedroom door.
“Come in,” I answered. I could feel the anxiety blossoming in my gut. Would he look different, act different now?
He stopped at the foot of my bed. I studied his eyes, looking for a hint that something or someone had changed him. “How were things while I was away?” he asked.
“Fine, I guess.”
“And your mother got out of bed?”
“For a little while.”
“Did you get out and have some fun?”
“Went to Ian’s.”
“You guys are getting close, huh?” He took a seat at the end of the bed.
“He’s funny.” I sat up cross-legged under the covers. “And smart.”
“Anything I should concern myself with? Do I need to put a lock on the outside of this door?” Dad laughed. I didn’t. I wasn’t really looking for a light-hearted father-daughter moment.
“It’s not like that. We’re just friends.” I cleared my throat ready to go out on a limb and ask about Zandria. “How was Texas?” I chickened out.
“It was good. Made some major progress with the clients, ate some incredible barbeque, and cleared my mind a little.”
“Cleared your mind?”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so checked out, Lola. I want to do better. Really.” He reached over and placed his hand on mine.
“Have you seen Mom yet?”
“Not yet.” He stood up and walked to the bedroom door. “I’ll go downstairs and check on her.”
I lay back down and counted the thuds as he made his way down the steps. I heard the hesitation in his movement. I climbed out of bed and surveyed my room. I stared at the path Dad’s feet created on the carpet and decided not to vacuum.
Downstairs, I tiptoed into the kitchen and listened for voices from their bedroom. I peaked through the doorway as I walked by and saw that Dad had lifted the shades to let some light in. He opened and closed drawers, but didn’t talk. Mom was quiet too, which I could only assume meant that her sleep was too deep to be disturbed by Dad’s presence.
“Don’t you want to tell her you’re home?” I asked as he joined me in the kitchen. He reached into the cabinet for a mug. I noticed the confused look on his face as he poured the coffee. “The coffee pot’s new.” I added.
“Dare I even ask?” He pulled out the chair in front of me at the table and reached over for the milk.
“It’s a long story. And you didn’t answer my question. Are you going to wake her or not?”
“I tried. She’s out like a light.”
“Try harder.”
“Seeing her like that just throws me back into the exhaustion of it all.” His head fell to his hand and he rubbed his brow. “I’m tired of having to save her.”
“But you haven’t even tried this time. You’ve left it all to me while you escape into your work . . . or whatever you’re escaping to.” I dropped my spoon into the cereal bowl.
“I’m sorry about that, Lola.” Dad got up and pushed his chair in. “I’m desperate for some normalcy.”
“You’re not the only one,” I mumbled as Dad walked out of the room.
I wasn’t hungry anymore. I pushed the half-eaten bowl of cereal away and gazed around the room. The silence was unbearable. I wanted to go back in time to some busy morning before school. I wanted to hear Mom humming as she poured her coffee and see Dad stretching as he walked through the bedroom door, claiming that we had woken him up with our noise. Then he’d ask her to fry him up some bacon and she’d make a snide remark about his fat ass. They wouldn’t be a perfect couple, but they’d perhaps be a normal couple.
I got up and poured some coffee for Mom. I walked into her bedroom and set the cup down on the night table. I opened the bottle of sleeping pills and dumped them into my hands. One, two, three, four, five . . .
“You checking up on me?” Mom’s voice was low and raspy.
“I, uh, just, uh, wanted to make sure.” I put the pills back into the bottle and screwed on the cap.
“It’s okay. I’d check on me too, if I were you.” Mom took the bottle from my hand and stared at it. “I wake up in the middle of the night and you can’t imagine the things that go through my head. I’m so scared, Lola.”
“What are you scared of, Mom?”
“God, I don’t know. Everything and nothing. This world is so cruel and unjust. I have this nightmare of you and your father being ripped away from me. It’s so irrational, but it haunts me. You go away and I’m left with only insanity. I’m a madwoman, Lola.”
I understood her nightmare. I wanted to tell her I’d seen it, but didn’t want to send her further into her fear. “Did you talk to Dad this morning?”
“He’s home?” She sat up and grabbed the clock. “Is it Friday already?”
“He got home about an hour ago. Said he tried to wake you.”
She rolled over and started crying. “I hate this. I hate who I am!”
I crawled under the covers and wrapped my arms around her. “Why don’t we go to the doctor?”
She nodded. I kept my arms around her until she sat up and wiped her cheek.
Her eyes glazed over. “I’m going to shower now.”
When the sound of the water filled the room, I ran upstairs.
“Dad, Dad!” I called as I burst into his office. He was on the couch, his eyes fixed on a spot on the ceiling.
“What’s going on?” He jumped up.
“Mom agreed to go to the doctor. Will you make the call?”
“Are you sure?”
“She’s in the shower right now. She’s getting ready to go.” I ran to Dad’s desk and shuffled through the rolodex. The fact that the doctor’s number resided in that ancient device was proof of how long he’d been an integral part of our lives. “Here, call him!”
Dad hesitated to take the phone from my hand. I dialed and shoved it toward him.
“Hi, yes, I was calling to see if it was possible to get Christine Ray in to see Dr. Koman today?” He paced as he waited for a response. “Okay. Thank you.”
“And?” I said as he hung up the phone.
“She has an appointment at three o’clock.
I resisted the urge to jump up and down, but gave Dad a big hug. If the doctor could help Mom pull it together, maybe Dad wouldn’t leave after all. I went to my room and looked for something to wear. The phone rang as I was deciding between capri pants or a skirt.
“Hey, girl! I haven’t heard from you or seen you on Facebook in like forever. Where have you been?” Hannah’s voice blared from the other end.
“I thought you were at the beach.” I replied.
“I am, but I got a better phone a couple of weeks ago, so I’m always on Facebook. All you have to do is message me.”
“Yeah, I haven’t checked Facebook in a while.”
“What the hell have you been doing then?” Hannah snapped.
“Just hanging out.”
“Oh, Lord, please don’t tell me you’ve been hanging out with the freak!”
How is it that was her first guess? And why couldn’t she call Ian by his name? Hearing her call him a freak made me cringe. “Why do you assume that, Hannah?”
“Well, let’s see. It’s summer and you can’t drive, so chances are you aren’t leaving the house too often. I keep up with everyone and no one’s told me they’ve seen you, so who else could you be hanging with?”
“I’m spending a lot of time with my mom.” My voice broke as I answered.
“So, she’s okay this summer?”
“Yep, she’s doing great. I’ve been going with her to the studio and making collages.”
“You know, for the sake of your reputation, you really should consider giving Bethanie a call.”
“I’ve only said two words to her in my life.”
“Well, when you get to cheerleading camp you better change that. We have to get invited to her back-to-school party.”
“Whatever, Hannah. Listen, I really need to get ready. We’re going to, uh, the mall in about an hour.”
“All right, chica! Have fun and stay away from freaks! Later.” Hannah hung up as I contemplated the lies I’d just told. Why did it matter what Hannah thought anyway?
There was a knock at my bedroom door just as I pulled the dress over my head. “Hold on!” I yelled. I buttoned up the front and opened the door.
“Your mother is back in bed,” Dad said.
“What?” I pushed past him and ran down the stairs. When I got to their bedroom door, I could see he was right. “Mom! What are you doing?”
“That shower took it out of me, Lola. I’m just so weak.”
“Dad made you an appointment with Dr. Koman at three.”
“Why did he do that?” Her face got red. “Bastard.”
“It’s not his fault Mom. I told him to.”
“Why? What on earth were you thinking?” she shouted.
“I asked you if you would go to the doctor and you said yes. You told me you were scared and wanted help.”
“I did no such thing, Lola.”
“But you told me—”
Mom interrupted, “I confided in you as a friend, not so you could come up with some grand scheme to save me.”
“But you need help. I’m so tired of you staying in bed. I want my mom back.” I lowered my head to hide the tears.
Mom shook her head. “That doctor will do nothing but poison me with his drugs and turn me into a damn zombie.”
I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. “You already are a zombie. And someone has to get you to snap out of it!”
“Get out!” she hissed. “I can’t believe you just destroyed my trust like that.”
I ran out of her room. Dad stood outside the door. He’d heard everything. I went into the living room and picked up the remote control. I hoped Dad would go in and talk to Mom. In the old days, he would have. Instead he walked by me, carrying a new cup of coffee.
“Aren’t you going to talk to her?” I asked through tears.
“No, I’m going to cancel the appointment and get back to work.”
“What about Mom?”
“I was fooling myself thinking I could come back from this trip and change anything. I’m sick of this crap.”