—Outskirts of Kiverryn—
Three days and not a word spoken between them. Not a 'good morning,' a 'you hungry,' or even a 'can we talk?' Not a single word or utterance, but Lulu would not be persuaded. She would not be guilted into apologizing for what she had said. The words were all true. Every last one. Yet, that silence was much easier to maintain with others around them. At the end of the third day, however, they were alone by the campfire, both pointedly avoiding the other's gaze.
In the end, Duncan, Isaac, and D'rundri had followed them from Kiverryn, all the rest having other places they needed to be.
Lord Brandon had taken his men and returned to his manor, where he would inform the remaining nobility of the tragedy that had taken the capital and their king. Teressa had gone with him, not even bothering to offer the slightest farewell to Lulu. Not that it bothered her. Teressa had been just a fling. Nothing more. She didn't care if Teressa never thought about her again. It certainly wouldn't keep her up at night. The Voice and her dad had joined them as well, the former promising to help Iskendryn figure out the path forward in the coming weeks.
That suited her just fine. It meant she wouldn't have to suffer another day with The Voice within earshot. Lord Brandon had offered a quiet farewell, a stern brow, and a bow of his head, but nothing more. Even her father, when he gathered her in his arms, had seemed to do so only half-heartedly. His whispered words to mend things with Ori ended the awkward hug abruptly, as Lulu wrenched herself free and turned her back. She didn't even say goodbye to him.
Lulu had stood at the open gates of Kiverryn, the silence of the city ringing loudly behind her. It would stand here, a shell, empty and devoid of all life until the remaining nobles and the Path of Light figured out what to do with it. Better to burn it, she thought. There was nothing good left of this place.
She stood there, waiting for Idelle and the others to join her as they said their farewells to Ori. Lulu wouldn't even look at her. It was some time before Idelle finally fell into step beside her, a hard, sullen glare urging her to turn back and say something to Ori, but Lulu ignored it, choosing instead to walk forward without another moment's hesitation.
And, thus, the long silence had begun.
Three days they had traveled, and now they were back where they had started their journey. They were near the burned down remnants of Shira and Tandabu's home, the pair and their child finding shelter with Lord Brandon for the foreseeable future. All was silent when they approached. They would be safe for the night. And, so, they made camp. Duncan and Isaac had fallen asleep quickly, the former holding the latter in his arms, back pressed against a thick tree, sylph on his opposite shoulder. D'rundri had gone to fetch more firewood, leaving the pair of friends alone with nothing to distract or delay them any longer.
She felt the weight of her gaze long before she lifted her head. Idelle stared at her from across the flames, her violet eyes burning in the firelight. Hands gathered together beneath her chin, she said everything on her mind without uttering a single sound. Lulu hated her a bit for that. Her eyes lowered, choosing to watch the flames dance instead. She could never take back the words she said anyway. What was the point in wallowing over them?
"I loved him," Lulu found herself speaking without meaning to. She cursed herself internally, but the damage was done. "Not romantically I mean. He had a dick, after all. But, I..."
"I know," Idelle breached the silence as well, leaving them on equal footing.
"You understand why she's to blame, right? Why it's all her fault?"
Idelle let out a long sigh. "The more we travel, the more I understand how little I know about it all. Every place we go teaches me something new. The only thing I know for certain is you."
Lulu raised her gaze, but Idelle wasn't looking at her. She was looking at the compass held in the palm of her left hand.
"I know why you had to blame her. I know why you said what you said. I know the thoughts running through your head now, how vehemently you're denying any responsibility, how adamant that Ori has to be the one to blame. Because if it's not her fault, if it's not the Creator's fault, then you can't be mad at anyone. And, gods know you can't let your anger go."
"Than...He said he saw light. It has to be the Creator, Idelle. It..."
"Even if it was, Ori's greatest sin was trying to spare you the pain of losing Thancred until the very moment it happened. She's right. What could she have ever possibly said? How does one begin to explain something like that? And, even if she did, even if she told you, what would it have changed? Nothing. The Sorceress still needed to die for the sake of the rest of Iskendryn, for the rest of Andavaran. You would have lost him anyway. Or, you would have tried to keep the Sorceress alive. But, that wasn't living, Lulu, and you know it. It would have spread to the rest of Andavaran. How many more should have suffered? Ori did everything she could."
"She's the Savior..."
"She's family!" Idelle shouted, rising to her feet in a sudden fury.
Lulu shrank back, surprised by the outburst. Coming back, D'rundri paused a short distance from camp, the firewood in his arms. Duncan and Isaac woke from the sound, but made no movement to interrupt. Idelle noticed none of it, her eyes filled with rage as she stared down at her.
"She's our family and you said the most awful things you could ever say to a person! I almost didn't come with you! I was ready to tell you to go fuck yourself and stay with Ori. She has to go all the way back to Avarra and tell the king and queen that she stopped the Sorceress but could save no one in the process. Do you have any idea how much she hates herself? How sad she is?"
Lulu opened her mouth to respond, but Idelle wouldn't let her.
"No! You have no idea how she feels because you wouldn't even look her in the eye! Since she was born she has looked at you like you were the greatest fucking hero to ever grace the worlds. She hung on your every word, followed your every step. But, the moment, the moment, everything turns to shit you blame her because she had the audacity to say the Creator might not be evil, because others call her Savior of the Path! But, has it even occurred to you that the loudest of those voices is yours? You were the one who encouraged the Path to see her as the Savior in the first place! You practically threw her at their door! You've never once doubted she was the Savior, but you won't even give her the benefit of the doubt on anything."
What could she offer as a response to that? Everything Idelle said was true.
"The only reason I am still here is because of this," Idelle threw the compass at her. It hit the dirt by her feet. "Aunt Teryn has gone to the hill every night since we moved to Medyulana. She talks to your dad every night. Every single night. The only person who could possibly be as happy as you to get him back is her. That compass is the best, most promising lead we've ever had. But, you can't do it on your own. So, I'm here. I'm still here because I know it will help us bring him back.
"But, what you did...how you made Ori feel...There isn't a punishment shameful enough for you. So, get off your high fucking horse and admit you fucking screwed up! Admit you're too fucking scared to ever tell another human being your feelings and because of that you spit in Ori's face after she went out of her way to bind Thancred to her as long as possible. She gave you a chance to say goodbye, and you couldn't even do that right!"
"I have," Lulu whispered, too softly for any of them to hear. Her eyes were locked on the compass.
"I'm sorry?"
"I have," Lulu said again, her fingers closing around the precious object. "I've shared my feelings. I've let people in. The first was my fathers. The Path took them away. Then, Ephine. Tal'Dovah took her. And, then, Thancred. The Path took him, too. Every time I open up that person dies. Anger's easier."
"You are..." Idelle growled, her hands balling into fists. "You are infuriating. 'Anger's easier.' Perfect answer from you. Throw it all behind you. Distance yourself. Fine. I'm done talking about this. You don't care what you did to Ori and I can't make you. But, I want you to think about something. That day, in the Weald, when the gates to the Garden were closing, do you know why your dad smiled?"
Lulu didn't have the strength to look up at her friend.
"It's because he knew he was sacrificing himself to save you. If that compass leads us to the Garden, and those gates open, and he's still alive...what do you think he'll say when he sees you? Do you think he'll even recognize you? Or is your hatred all he'll see?"
Her steps faded quickly as she left their small camp. Lulu never looked at the others. What would her father see, she wondered quietly? The girl he loved had died the day the gates closed. The woman she was now—Her thoughts drifted to Ori, to her sorrowful, tear-stained faced. She hadn't even healed herself as she held the binding to keep Thancred there a few moments longer. Even later, those few glimpses she had caught of her cousin—had she healed herself at all? Lulu's brow furrowed at the thought. Had she even eaten?
She cursed herself, eyes closing. What would Aunt Teryn say if she had seen what had transpired? Would she ever look at her with tender affection again? Likely not. It's not like she deserved it anyway. But, Ori was gone now from Kiverryn. She had plans to leave that morning. Perhaps, Idelle could take them to Avarra. Perhaps she could apologize there, and—
—Lulu started, realizing that she was no longer sitting in front of the fire. When had she gotten up? When had she begun walking? It didn't matter. She was out here, in the dark, near the river, with only a few feet between her and Idelle, the latter's back turned to her, arms wrapped around herself.
"I shouldn't have said what I did," Lulu found herself speaking once more without meaning to. But, these words were leaving in a rush. Unlike before, these were not spoken with hesitation, spite, or obligation. It was something she needed to say. "But, I can't take them back. I can't make it right. Even if we go to Avarra and find Ori...I can't undo the damage."
"At least you noticed," Idelle spoke over her shoulder, not turning around.
"But, I'll try. Take us to Avarra and..."
"No," Idelle's voice was firm.
"But, I can..."
"No." She turned slowly, the moonlight shining beautifully in those violet eyes. "Ori asked me not to. She said even if you came to your senses she didn't want to see you for awhile. After Avarra, she said she's going to find a small corner away from the rest of the worlds and figure some things out, whether she's the Savior or not, what it means if she is. She asked that I keep you away until she figures that out."
"Fine. She can have her peace and quiet after I..."
"You still don't get it," Idelle laughed with a shake of her head. "This isn't about you. Ori wants to be alone, Lulu. And as you have no means of teleportation without me, good luck getting to Avarra before she leaves."
A frustrated breath left through her nose. "You wanted me to apologize."
"No. I want you to realize that you need to."
"I do, alright? But, what does it matter if I can't even do it now?"
"It's a comfort to me at least," Idelle sighed. "It's good to know you're not the heartless marauder everyone else thinks you are. At least my friend's still in there somewhere...beneath the anger."
Lulu smiled, but it didn't touch her heart. "Did Ori say how long before my banishment ends?"
"At least a year, she said. She'll contact me when she's ready."
"Well, then, there's no use arguing about this out in the cold now is there? It's fucking freezing out here. I think my left tit's numb."
"It's always the left one," Idelle smiled in return.
"I know, right? It's my good one, too. Come on. Let's go back to the fire. We can argue more in the morning. We need food and rest. Tomorrow we can argue the finer points of how awful I am. I'll even let you swear at me again."
Idelle rolled her eyes at the light teasing. "It's not going to happen again. I don't understand why you curse so much. It didn't make me feel any better."
"It's an acquired taste...which I've acquired over my many uses of them." Lulu reached out, grateful when Idelle didn't pull away from her touch. "Come on, Dell. We need to warm up."
"The cold doesn't bother ice mages, Lu."
"Fine. I'm cold, and I'd rather not leave you out here alone. Like I said, you can yell at me more in the morning."
"Alright," Idelle finally relented, allowing Lulu to lead her back to camp, but as she took a step forward, Lulu didn't move.
Her hand reached forward of its own accord, gently stroking the skin along Idelle's right temple before doing the same to the other. There were still burn marks from where the Sorceress had seared her skin, outlines of two fingers at the temples that disappeared into her white hair. Lulu frowned at them.
"Ori couldn't heal these?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
Idelle shook her head. "She healed most of it, but it's dark magic. The pain's gone, but the scars will still be there. My hair's a little thin in some places. She said it would probably grow back in time."
"I'm sorry."
Idelle smiled, leaning forward to press her forehead to hers. Lulu's heart caught in her throat. She swallowed thickly, hoping her friend wouldn't notice her sudden rigid demeanor. It was overwhelming how nice it felt to feel her skin against her own.
"No matter what happened back there, Lulu, I'm so grateful that you made it out. For awhile I didn't know if either of us would, and then when I realized you were up in that castle...fighting the Sorceress alone..."
"It was the same for me when she turned her attention on you. I thought I'd lose you...And, we both know there's no one else in the world who'll put up with me the way you do."
Her friend laughed gently. "True."
That night, for the first one since Kiverryn had fallen to silence, Lulu slept soundly with Idelle curled tightly against her, the two huddled against the cold. Their next stop was Niflheim, a world of ice that would make the Iskendryn cold seem like a mid-summer heat. There, they would find the next place to attune the compass, and, perhaps, by the time they finished the rest, Ori would allow them to visit once more. Ori would want to be there when Lulu's father came home.
Her last thought before she drifted to sleep was nothing more than a fanciful dream, one of her fathers, Thancred, Ephine, and Ori gathered with her and Idelle as they made their way over the last hill leading to home. It was a far-flung fantasy, one that would never be, but it was enough to allow her weary heart to rest for the night.