Grace's POV
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I didn't get to sleep that night.
And it all happened because I thought I was hungry, which should've been normal, but then again, nothing was left normal with me anymore.
I had eaten some strawberry yoghurt--the only edible item I had in my luggage. And for that single moment, it had felt fine. But right as the exhaustion kicked in, I'd locked the doors and the windows, took off my coat and went inside my room.
I had been too under the hold of exhaustion to even care about my room or how lonely it felt in this house. Instead, I'd laid down without even changing my clothes or the sheets. I had even fallen asleep almost immediately.
For a little while, though.
Then that same, strange feeling had started gnawing in my stomach, a feeling that usually came to me at night. Guilt, fear, regret. And before I knew it, I had woken up abruptly and rushed over to the bathroom.
And then I'd thrown up.
I usually got that dreadful feeling whenever my gut was telling me to throw up, which I did a lot these days. So I tried not to eat much. I tried not to think about it either. I tried not to think why I felt the need to throw up, the dread and the guilt of it all were enough. Aunt Kiera hadn't seemed to care either when I'd been living with her. All she cared about was kicking me out of her house. And why wouldn't she?
After that little throwing-up incident, I tried getting a little more sleep, but it never came. Until the sun rose in the sky. Until it was a new start to another, hopeless morning.
Maybe I could take a day off from school today.
But that wasn't an option. Part of me knew that I couldn't waste even a single day of my life. I didn't know what waited for me ahead. I needed to get up and I needed to go out, look and search and figure this all out somehow. I couldn't lag behind. Not when there was so much I needed to get back to.
Thankfully, Aunt Kiera hadn't been so unkind with money. It wasn't much, but the money she gave me was enough for the bills and school. Other than that, I might just need to get a job when the time came.
My insides groaned in protest at that. How was I supposed to go through all of this alone?
Instead of letting further thoughts overwhelm me, I went inside the bathroom and took a very long shower. Then I changed into some of my old jeans and another large sweater.
My clothes shouldn't have been so large on me, not from two years ago. But ever since my throwing-up episodes started, I'd been losing weight. And I was trying my best not to pay attention to that either. I had other, more important things to worry about, didn't I?
I was almost out of my house, looking at the dust-coated furniture and my still unpacked luggage, when the doorbell rang. Once again, I had to almost bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from jumping in alarm.
When I opened the front door, it was the same girl from yesterday. Alice. Her hair was up in a high ponytail this time and she looked fresh. One look in the mirror and I'd know how exhausted I looked.
"Um, hi." I started the conversation. I didn't even know why she was here. Nonetheless, she just smiled.
"Hey, Grace. Ready for school?" Her eyes raked over my outfit. Even if she wasn't impressed, which I was quite sure of, she didn't point it out. "You look nice."
I almost smiled at that. Who even goes around calling people nice?
"Yeah, I am." I nodded, referring to her question and looking over at my backpack on the couch. The same dusty couch.
"Great. So...I have a car." She continued."How were you planning to go to school?"
I was planning on walking. I still remembered Hayward High enough to know that it wasn't far. I could walk, I guess.
"A walk sounds nice," I told her truthfully.
She raised her brows in surprise and laughed a little. I frowned. "Or I can drive us both to school."
I couldn't help but feel something stir inside me. Wariness. Fear? No, not exactly that. I knew she was just trying to be nice. This girl, this random strange girl that I had never seen before, was just trying to be nice. But I didn't want her to be nice, not when I knew people always had a motive behind their actions.
I didn't want her to pity me either. "I can walk. I know the way. I chose walking because I need to walk." I went towards my couch and picked up my bag. "But thanks for the offer."
And now she was giving me that look. I really hated when people gave me that pathetic, pitiful look.
"No, wait!" She raised her hands in surrender. I turned around and started locking the door. "I didn't mean it in that way. I just thought you'd like some company."
"I really don't need your company." Those words escaped me way before I could've even thought twice about it.
I guess that was the only thing that hadn't changed about me. When I felt angry, I lost control of my senses altogether.
"Really?" She sounded hurt, even if she shouldn't have. What kind of person expects a warm welcome from a total stranger? "I'm sorry."
I sidestepped her and started walking towards the fence. But then I stopped and closed my eyes shut.
Stop it, Grace. Mum would never want me to do this. Push people away. Papa wouldn't either.
With a heavy inhale, I turned around and found Alice still looking at me with her big, brown eyes. "No. Don't...apologize. I get it. You were just trying to be...be nice."
She nodded. "Yeah."
I exhaled. "Fine. I'll go with you."
Her smile seemed to return just as quickly. She readjusted the straps of her backpack and nodded. "Great. Come on then. I think we're already five minutes late."
Alice started walking towards her car while I brought my hands to my face and rubbed. If I thought things couldn't get any worse, I was so fucking wrong. Because right when I turned around to follow Alice to her car, the front door opened. Not of my house, of course, but of the house right beside mine.
My eyes almost immediately, out of pure instinct, flew over the wooden fence separating our houses. And for one clear second, my heart stopped beating. My eyes widened when I looked at him. And it really was him.
Luca.
I could've gone towards him or I could've followed Alice, but my legs were glued to that exact spot. Because something inside me ached so badly when I looked at him.
Those same brown curls. That same frown on his face when he tried closing the front door when he had his hands full. The same brown...eyes.
And then he looked at me.
It wasn't just for a second that my heart stopped beating this time. Perhaps it was more than that. And it was strange that it felt like I couldn't breathe.
I thought I saw his eyes widen a bit, but maybe I was wrong. Because right then he blinked and looked away as if I wasn't even there. Closing the door, he started heading outside.
As if I wasn't even there.
And when he was out of sight, I realized that I was still holding my breath. Even when I started breathing, I couldn't feel it. All I could feel was the ache in my chest and the knots in my stomach. And for the very first time in so long, I realized it wasn't just my chest. It was my heart that felt like it was aching.
Yearning for something so bad.