[author's note: every chapter will have its narrator on the title.]
"Haz?" I hear Niall Horan's soft voice calling me on the dark bunk of our tour bus. He had sneaked to my bed a couple of minutes ago, saying he had another nightmare, so we're kind of cuddled up right now.
"Yeah?" I say, my nose touching the back of his neck.
"I have to tell you something."
"You can tell me anything, Ni. You know it."
"Yeah, but it's not something that I can tell everybody."
"Oh, so am I special?" I say with a lower voice than his and tickling his waist, making him stifle a laugh on the pillow.
"Don't do it", he says, still trying not to laugh.
"Okay, I'll stop. You can tell me."
He takes a deep breath in, turning around to look right into my eyes.
"Harry, I'm bisexual."
With Little Mix's "Love Me Like You" playing on the background of the living room, I sit up on my bed. It's Christmas morning, and I know there's a breakfast coming because 1) I smell it and 2) my mom never plays songs that I like unless she is trying to please me.
I love her for that.
I pull up on my gray sweatpants and a Jack Daniels-esque T-shirt, going down the stairs right after that. Anne is right there, waiting for me, with a smile on her face and toasted bread on her hands.
"Good morning, son."
"Morning, mom", I say, hugging her and taking the breads from her hands a second later. I sit at the table, where Gemma is already waiting for me, her mouth full of bacon.
"Good morning for you too", I say, smirking right after. "I thought you would wake me up today."
"And I went to your room, in fact", she says, after swallowing the food, "but you had such a smile on your face while you were asleep... and I couldn't wake you up right like that."
"You sure you saw him smiling, Gemma? It's literally the thing I've been begging him to do ever since the hiatus", my mom laughs at her own commentary. "Why were you smiling, my dear?"
"I don't know. Ask my dreams."
But I know exactly what I was thinking of when Gemma caught me smiling on my sleep. I mean, I don't know it exactly 'cause my memory is not one of the best, but I bet that I was dreaming about Niall. Or with Niall. Or both.
They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. It's what I think about when I remember that I probably lost Niall forever, after the break of our band. I hate to think that we'll never get back together on the road, pranking each other on stage, cuddling on bed after every single show, and shit like that.
I miss him. Too sad to say it's true. I wish I didn't miss him, at all, if that's what you want to know. Because missing him means that I love him - and I can't love him.
Damn, he's straight. And miles away from me. Fuck. Insert here all the curse words of the world.
Message from Harry:
Merry Christmas, Nialler
I send the message without thinking too much about it. I hate when my feelings overpower my thoughts and make me do things like that.
But somehow I love it when he answers back.
Message from Niall:
Hey, Hazza
Merry Christmas for you too :)
There's a smile on my face. I don't even have to look at myself in the mirror - I already know it. He's so sweet for answering me in a time when everyone locks down their phones to focus on the family.
"You're doing that again", Gemma points out at my face.
"Doing that? That what?"
"That smile you had when you were sleeping." She says, laughing at herself somehow. "You like whoever you're texting."
"That's not true." I try to deny it, but it's already too late.
"Okay, Harry. You don't need to say a thing. But time will eventually knock on our door to push the feelings on your face."
"Wow. What a metaphor."
"You're welcome."
Message from Niall:
How's your family?
I'm surprised by another text from him. Damn it. Control yourself, Harold.
Message from Harry:
Happy. I guess
They haven't seen me for months, so I guess they're happy
And yours?
Message from Niall:
We're good, too
They miss you here, did you know that?
Don't do that to me, Niall. Don't make me miss you more.
Message from Harry:
I bet they love me more than they love you.
Message from Niall:
Don't do that, Haz
Message from Harry:
Do what?
Message from Niall:
Make me miss you just like them.