I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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In all my 17 years of life, I have never been to an amusement park, so when Axel told me we were going to one tonight I was little (and by little I mean totally) lost as to what I should expect. What do you even wear to an amusement park?
I sat on my bed looking at the catastrophe I made, clothes littered around my room, some on the floor and others scattered on my bed. I had absolutely nothing to wear.
Well, nothing that I felt was good enough to wear that is.
I threw myself back onto the bed looking up at my ceiling, I felt anxious. My stomach was a mess and my chest was tight, there was so much pressure for tonight that it made me want to run away from it all, but I knew I couldn't.
It's easy to run away, to let yourself forget and convince yourself that it's just the way things have to be, but in reality that's not true at all. You could stand up, you could do what makes you happy, you could try over and over again until finally everything just works out.
But I think a lot of people, including myself are more afraid of things going absolutely right then they are things going to complete shit. People like me prepare for the worst, we prepare to be let down, we prepare to become a distant memory or be forgotten altogether, I think in a twisted way we find comfort in it.
So when what we plan for doesn't exactly turn out that way it creates vulnerability, because now we have no game plan, we have no strategy to protect ourselves. It allows an opening to be hurt, to be heartbroken, it makes an opening for a person to do damage that's no one has done before.
But it also allows warmth to seep in and creep up to your cheeks and turn them red, to smile at a simple thought of them, to have your mind wandering off to them at the most random moments and maybe, just maybe to swell your heart and make you feel loved.
I have always thought I was better off on my own but now I'm not so sure, maybe I don't want to be on my own anymore. Which makes this situation even harder if tonight doesn't go well.
I pulled myself off of the bed, sighing in the process. I was reminded by the mess I made in my room that I have still not picked out an outfit for tonight. Looking over at the alarm clock on my nightstand my eyes widened, it was already after 4:30 pm so school had already let out for the day.
Which told me that I needed to stop procrastinating and get ready. Remembering that Axel said to dress warm and comfortable I decided to grab a pair of light blue skinny jeans with a few rips at the thighs and paired it with a dark maroon t-shirt that had thin, black stripes that went horizontally across it. I finished the look off with a plain black bomber jacket and knock off black and white vans.
I looked at myself in the mirror, not sure if I was pleased with the look. Was it too casual? Should I dress up more? Suddenly feeling like the outfit wasn't good enough, I grabbed a simple crystal necklace that had been on the dresser since I moved in and put it on. The crystal was completely clear but it brought the whole outfit together.
I didn't bother to brush my hair again, in fear that it would just cause the waves to just become a frizzy mess on my head. I did notice though, that my dark brown hair had seemed to grow a couple of inches over the months I've been here. Probably because I've actually had a chance to take care of it, unlike my last foster home where I had restrictions on showers.
I did a few circles in the mirror just making sure I was fully satisfied with my outfit for tonight and surprisingly I rather liked it. I remember when I hated looking at myself but nowadays I don't feel that same hate. Well, maybe sometimes but it's a work in progress.
I was putting on lip bum when my phone suddenly started ringing, putting the lid on my chapstick, I rushed over to my phone. I was confused when I saw that it was an unknown number calling me, I decide not to answer it, if it was someone important I would have their number saved.
I watched as the phone kept ringing in my hands, I didn't want to hit the decline button because for some reason I didn't want whoever was calling to feel disrespected and call back yet again.
When the ringing finally stopped, I was about to put my phone down when I suddenly got a voicemail notification from the same number I had just avoided. My curiosity got the best of me so of course, I had to play the voicemail.
The phone nearly slipped out of hand as goosebumps ran up my arms. All I heard from the other line was heavy, staticky breathing like the person had a phone from the 1970s. I was in full panic mode as I threw my phone away from me, it hit my bed before it somehow bounced off onto the floor.
I stared at my phone like it was cursed, I was too afraid to pick it up. My brain tried to downplay the call as a prank or wrong number but I knew it wasn't. I couldn't keep playing dumb, not after what Clayton had told me.
I was still side-eyeing my phone when the screen lit up, I was getting another call. My heart started beating fast I slowly walked over to my phone, like it was a wild animal that would bite me If I wasn't careful.
I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was Axel calling me and not another unknown number, but I quickly became nervous for other reasons.
"Uh, hello?" I answered, trying to sound as normal as possible.
"Hey, Angel." He replied.
I waited for him to say something next but he never did, so I spoke up instead.
"Why'd you call?" I asked him.
"Is wanting to hear your voice a bad excuse?" He said, his voice was soft.
"Axel-" I started but he hurried up spoke up.
"Um, have you got ready yet? Or should I give you more time, cause I can totally do that If you need," Axel said, he sounded as nervous as I felt and that thought made me smile to myself.
"I actually just got done, I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes," I told him.
"Great! Okay! Uh, see you downstairs." He said trying to hide his excitement.
Axel quickly hung up the phone and I shook my head amused at his boyish behavior, that I don't get to see very often.
Before heading downstairs I turn my phone off, still unsettled by the voicemail I received and stuck it in my jacket pocket.
Here's to making the possible last day with Axel the best.
Axel's POV
I was pacing back and forth by the stairs, waiting for Mia to come down them. Jesus, what takes girls so long to get ready? All I had to do was throw on a pair of jeans with my leather jacket and boom done, doesn't even take 10 minutes.
Be patient, dumbass.
My subconscious reminded me. I couldn't afford today to go wrong. It can't go wrong, I won't allow it. I couldn't lose her, not now or ever.
I still have no clue what Clayton told her but I can guarantee it isn't the truth, that dude is a lying bastard, he's always been one. I could feel myself getting worked up again at the thought of Clayton talking to Mia, I hope for her sake she doesn't believe him. The dude has been in out of mental hospitals since he was 12 years old, he struggles with Schizophrenia and severe OCD.
He got released again a little over a year ago, supposedly the medication he's been taking has really been helping him so they thought by bringing him back into society was the best thing they could do for Clayton. I, on the other hand, don't think it was the best thing for anyone, especially for Clayton. Although he struggles with mental illnesses he's in no way lacking intelligence and with his severe OCD, he plans his strategies out very thoroughly and accordingly.
To be completely honest, I wasn't sure if Mia was really ready for the truth, to find out why she got brought here but I knew If I didn't tell her after the day was over, then It would really be over between us when we haven't even had a true chance to begin. I could fill the urge to hit Clayton right in the face grow more and more by the second, If It wasn't for him we wouldn't be in the mess we are in now. It's not like I didn't want to tell Mia everything, of course I wanted to tell her, I love her. I don't want to keep secrets from someone I love. I just want to protect her.
"You good?" Camila asked, walking out the kitchen.
I grunted out a "yes" and went back to my pacing around the stairs. I haven't seen much of Camila since the night of the bonfire, when I shot Noah in the leg and he got arrested but she seems to be doing fine. Mia and her seemed to have made amends as well so I guess I don't have much to complain about.
After what felt like a century, I heard the stairs start creaking. My head automatically snapped towards the direction and I wasn't disappointed.
Mia kept her eyes on the stairs and her head down, It's a pretty common habit she always has her head down. It's like she's trying to not be seen by the world, It don't really work for me though, she's really all I ever see even when I didn't want to.
Her outfit was simple but I couldn't take my eyes off of her, the way she walked or pulled her hair behind her ear when it gets into her face or even when she starts playing with her fingers when she's feeling anxious made me want to watch her forever.
Tell her she looks gorgeous.
"Finally, you took forever," I somehow said instead.
You're a fucking idiot.
I mentally slapped the shit out of myself for chickening out.
"Sorry, I wasn't sure what to wear," She gave me a small before looking down at her hands.
I fought the urge to grab her hand and hold it in my head but I remember her saying not to touch her so I decided against it.
"You uh, you look nice," I told her pointing at her outfit.
For fuck's sake Axel stop making things awkward. You're going to end up losing her if you keep acting like this, suck up your stupid pride and be real with her.
I nodded to myself, agreeing. We got to do better.
"Really? You like it." Mia said, her eyes turning big and round staring at me.
"Yeah I do." I told her, smiling at her like a lovesick fool.
She giggled softly and said "good" before jumping down off the last step.
"I put a lot of effort in this look," She told me doing a circle to show off her outfit.
"Really?" I asked, looking her over again.
"No, not really," Mia waved her hand like she was dismissing me.
"That's good, you don't have to try hard to impress me, all you have to do is smile and my heart nearly jumps out of my chest," I told her.
My inner gang leader rolled his eyes at this sappy, love struck version of myself but I didn't care, right now it was just me and her. I needed her to know how I felt.
Mia's eyes widen at me and I had almost thought I said something I shouldn't have but when she looked down at the floor and smiled to herself I felt like I won the lottery.
"Are you ready?" I asked.
She nodded her head and we made our way out of the house and towards my car. I followed her to her side of the car and open the door, she mumbled a quiet "thank you" and climbed in.
Getting in the car, I quickly started the engine and started our journey to a night that could change everything.