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"I keep craving, craving, you don't know it but it's true
Can't get my mouth to say the words they want to say to you.
This is typical of love.
Can't wait anymore, I won't wait."
Imagination
Shawn Mendes
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Chapter VI - Mind Games
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All my focus followed her out the door when she left due to my engagement, I couldn't stand thinking of what went through his head. But when Theo rushed to me, my entire world stopped. I left the party, left Susan and anyone else that might have needed me. Following the boy from Beruna to wherever he goes next.
"What the Tash happened?" I order for answers, Edmund speaks quietly filling me in. "We left after the announcement. We all felt that the air thickened with distrust." Edmund jabbed at me for not speaking of the engagement with him first, "We headed into town, joined in on the dancing and ended up in a tavern."
"What's wrong? Isn't it all right for even the prodigy to let loose sometimes?" Mason asked with a chuckle, not seeing the big deal.
"Get him out of here," Edmund demands, not in the mood for his poor humor. This was not the time.
Edmund turns to the people he trusts, "Ashton only had water, you guys know this, she doesn't drink. She's seen what it's done to people who abuse it. She's afraid of the worst parts of her old life coming out, afraid that all the years she spent as the White Witch's second are still deep within her. This wasn't her choice."
Peter's eyes widened, calling down to a guard at the end of the hall, "Lockdown the castle, do it quietly so we don't cause chaos. No one leaves this room unless Edmund or I personally walk out with them. Consider this an attack."
"Yes, my King." The guard agrees, setting off to relay his orders.
"Theo, can you find Susan, fill her in."
"Of course." He agrees without question, starting down the staircase back into the ballroom.
"More importantly, we need to get her out of here," Edmund orders, motioning to the blonde leaning on a pillar aimlessly. "Take her to her room and keep her safe there."
"I won't leave her side," I promise him.
"Do I get a say in this?" Ashton slurred out.
"You better not, I'll update you when I can," Edmund tells be walking back into the ballroom, completely ignoring what Ashton.
I turned to Ashton as she smiled lightly.
"Hi," She said in a small voice.
I just shook my head with a smile. Whatever she has in her system has got to be strong. I guided her down the hall, knowing my way to her room.
"Why are we going so fast?" She whined, "Heels are hard enough to walk in nevermind trying to keep up with your tall person strides."
She pulled away from me leaning against the wall.
"What are you doing?" I questioned as she moved the bottom of her dress while accidentally dropping the part she had just picked up.
"Taking these Tash forsaken things off." She complained finally reaching down to the shoe clasp on her ankles. I caught a glimpse of her ankle dagger, which was the only accurate characterization of a normal Ashton at the moment.
She continued playing with the little clasps on her shoes, before whining, "I can't get them off!"
"We don't have time for this." I breathe out, walking over to Ashton and picking her up bridal style making her erupted in a giggle.
Ashton, the unmatched badass, giggled. She wrapped her arms around my neck, looking at me. She then smirked, snatching the crown from my head and placing it on hers.
"Would you look at that, I'm King now." She snickered.
"I believe you would be a queen in that position." I followed along with her playfulness.
"You already have a queen." She says, unwrapping her arms from my neck and crossing them in front of her.
"You were a Queen, remember?"
"Only for a minute or two." She says, keeping her head down, "People don't like me enough to be a queen. Lucy's good, everyone likes Lucy. Lucy is a great que-"
"People like you, Ash. Don't be paranoid." I hush her.
"Everyone hates me, only a few actually have the balls to say it" she slurs, her old lack of filter shining through, "That drunken King and your sister, the one that doesn't like me."
"Susan does like you," I tell her. I knew Susan and her have never been best friends but I doubt my sister truly hates someone other than Ed or me on occasion.
She scoffs, "No, she doesn't, she never has. She's made that clear from the beginning."
"What are you talking about?"
She shakes her head, "Don't worry about it, Cupcake. It was a long time ago, no need to bring up the past."
I wanted to question her more, but I couldn't take anything she says as a reasonable response due to the drug. But as I looked down at the girl in my arms, she was the only thing I cared about.
Ashton pouts continue, "I mean, guess she was right. I mean, look at me now. Causing hundreds of problems. I should have never come back after we won the war. I shouldn't have come back from our travels either."
"Hey, listen to me, this is not your fault. You are not causing problems, your mother did, long ago. This is your home, everyone needs to come home eventually." I try to console her, but she shakes her head.
"Home was never a place for me, it's a person," Ash admits, looking up at me throw her lashes.
My eyes met hers and I saw every part of her. All her defenses laid down far away and without even trying, she started breaking mine down too. My body calms even though he never kept its normal paces around her. For a moment, I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders.
"Home is where the heart is." My mother's voice echoes. In my head.
My arms yearn to never let Ashton go again. But I know I do not have that option. And she knows it. The realization flickers over her eyes, and the walls starting building themselves back up again, although the bricks stumbled due to the drugs infiltrating from the inside.
"And I ruined that too." Ashton breaks the silence, stepping away from me crossing her arms over her chest, "And now every day I have to hear about how you're courting the perfect princess of the kingdom. With the perfect family, the perfect title, and the perfect reputation." She spits, scrunching her nose every time she said the word perfect.
"If I didn't know any better I would say that you sound jealous." I point out.
"I'm not jealous but of your perfect little princess to match with your duel perfectness. Congratulations on your stupid engagement." She fights, making an aggressive turn. She kicks her bed frame, "Congratulations she's everything I'm not."
"Ash, stop," I request.
"Or what? What are you going to do about it, Cupcake?" She asks, taunting me, stepping up to be inches from my face. "Wait, I can't call you at anymore. My bad."
"Ashton. Shut up and listen." Peter orders, catching Ashton off guard with the drop in his voice, "You're not going to remember any of this in the morning but I have to say it at least once."
She bit her lip slightly, "You're hot when you're giving orders."
"I could care less about the perfect details. I adore everything about you. All the little things you may see as imperfections make my knees weak. Your soft spot for kids only makes me imagine the possibility of our future children. No girl even compares to you. Not even close."
Ash scans my face, eyes sparkling as she contemplates her next words. The words never come, to my surprise, she presses a kiss to my lips, quickly and shortly. The kiss was one we both know was stolen.
"Sorry," She mutters, taking a step back from me. Knowing it was not what she was supposed to do.
Just like Ashton a mere second ago, I am lost for words again, but actions speak louder than words. I counter the step she took away from me, my hands naturally finding their spot on her hips. Pulling her closer to me. I kissed her, longer, more desperate.
"I miss that."
"I do too."
In a matter of seconds that I turned around to get her nightclothes, she already fell fast asleep on her bed. I leaned against the door, listening to footsteps in the hall and waiting for any word from Edmund. My mind recalled every event from tonight. My meeting with the King of Archenland before, where the idea of courtship was proposed. Former witch supporters are ganging up in both Kingdoms and whispers tell of their motive. I will do anything to keep them from success. They want their queen. Not the one that died on the Battlefield at the mercy of Aslan's jaws. They want Ash.
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Ed had passed out on a chair in Ash's chambers, he joined me last night as guards searched for answers. The sun reflected off the sea, shining light into the room. I have unlocked everyone out for the time. I won't leave until I know she's okay.
I aimlessly wander around her room, out of pure boredom and hoping to get my mind to stop worrying about the possibility that she will never wake up. I step out onto the balcony, in desperate need of fresh air and space from her room that filled me with memories of the past. I could not escape the feeling of her. It only grew as the stone balcony reminded me of fresh images of Ash. They flashed in my mind, recalling the night of the courting ball. Seeing her, smiling and hearing her laugh in my mind as we traded words. A thousand stars could have been shining that night but I would have never noticed, she stole all of my attention. As quickly as they came, the images faded, blurring out details like the brightness in her green eyes. The memory seemed far distant. In the same way, I don't remember my mother's smile or my father's darkness in his hair. The only way to stop forgetting them is the shared features of my siblings. I see my father in Edmund and Susan has the same facial expressions as my mother. Lucy seemed to have a mix of all of us. I slammed my fist down on the balcony.
Stop. you won't have to remember her. She's right there. Anyone that wants her will have to go through me.
A brush of cold air sends chills down my spine, I scan over the sky, watching dark clouds accumulate over the water. In an instant, those clouds pour rain down over Cair Paravel. Thunder claps, shaking the ground and waking Edmund up. He sits up quickly, looking around desperately. Thunder cracked again and Edmund jumped to Ashton's side.
"Ash, hey, you've got to wake up." He begs, shaking her lightly. As the storm grew, adding lightning, he shook her harder. "Come on, Ash!"
Ash's eyes flutter open, looking down at her body, feeling the power surge through her in the same outfit she went to the town square last night. Panic quickly sets in, only making the storm pour harder and all the sun rays were enveloped by darkness.
"Ash. You're okay!" I tell her.
"Ed?!" She breathed heavily, begging him for help.
"Ash! Focus, you can stop this." He consoled her but it was no use.
"Ed, I don't remember anything." Her breathing continued to increase matching the raging stop outside as hail banged against the balcony doors, "What did I do?! Please tell me no one is hurt! Why won't it stop!?"
"Peter, get over here!" Edmund yelled, pulling me out of my shock.
"Ash-" Edmund inched closer to her, going to comfort her.
She switched gears, jumping away from him like he was toxic to her. That's when the lighting struck again, in time with her burst. "Don't touch me."
Ed's faces fell, a mixture of pity and sadness, "Ash, you're not going to hurt me. You never have."
Ed was right, I read the look on her face, she didn't think he would hurt her she was afraid of killing him.
I act on impulse, wrapping my arms over her arms, centering her into one spot, so she can't fight me."It's me, just breathe."
She wines, trying to wiggle away before another lightning bolt came from the heavens, but it never did. Ash calmed down, releasing the weather as she melted to the ground with me.
"I- I didn't mean to."
I rubbed her arm, hopefully offering some type of comfort, "Shh, shh it's okay."
Her breathing returned to normal and the skies seemed to clear with no trace of bad weather.
Ash gained her bearing, softly pulling my arms off of her. I instantly felt the absence of her warm, but when her eyes met mine, her stare was colder. Not cold in an angered way but cold as in lost, like we were strangers. I don't get to hold her, not like that. Not anymore. The courtship was the final nail in the coffin of us. From friends to beloved to hated and now, to absolutely nothing. Maybe I lost her after all.
Edmund helped her up and she stayed by his side, away from me, "It was an attack, at the ball. Someone spiked your drink."
She shakes her head in denial, "That's not possible I would have known. I would have tasted it."
"We don't know how it got in your system." He tells her, not doubting her ability.
Ash runs her hand over her face and through her hair, processing everything that she was. I didn't know what to do. I kept my mouth shut, standing out of her way. The last thing I want to do is cause her any more grief.
Ed and I stayed around, here if she had any more questions but she fell silent. We took it as our cue to give her a moment to herself.
We came face to face in the hall as Edmund shut her door, I ran my hand through my hair. Rethinking every decision I've made in the last twenty-four hours. I should have talked to her about the engagement, explained myself to her, she would have never left. I should have stopped her from leaving. I should have noticed she was missing earlier. This is my fault. In every way that I could have prevented this, I failed.
"Ed, how did you know to calm her down?" I asked, curiously. Silently cursing myself for not knowing how to help her sooner.
Ed rubbed the back of his neck, knowing Ash might want to keep this part away from public knowledge, but seeing the worry in my face, he relented. "She used to have nightmares right after we left. She'd usually wake up in some type of panic. Her powers would grow uncontrollable, just like that. She explained that her powers were tethered to what she called an anchor. And when she lost the anchor, she lost control."
That felt like a punch to the chest. When she needed me, I was gone. I would do so much differently if only time would allow me to go back. But even Narnia doesn't have that kind of magic.
"She hasn't had one like that in a while. Probably just a mix of confusion and loss of bodily control. We should give her time today, but I wouldn't expect it to happen again."
"Good," he stuttered, "good."
My brother and I parted, going their separate ways.
"Peter?" Ed called out causing me to turn back around. Ed paused, thinking carefully, "In all my attempts to calm Ash, none were as fast as that. You were her anchor, weren't you?"
I let my head fall, my eyes couldn't meet my brothers as I forced a nod, "In her own way, she was mine too."
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This chapter was sad but also happy. The mix of emotions was real. I love my babies to death but they are really killin me.