Chapter Eighteen
Gill pulled Pete aside the instant the man popped his head out of Jane’s tent at dawn the next morning. “Well hells bells, Gill! If you want me alone, all ya gotta do is ask,” Pete teased.
Gill just rolled his eyes and pulled Pete a safe distance from camp to ensure they’d have privacy while everyone else slept. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” Pete mumbled. “Anytime I’ve ever heard those words, I ended up in pain shortly after.”
“Pete, I’m damn confused,” Gill muttered, pulling off his hat and running his hand over his short, course hair. “I can’t eat, can hardly sleep and I can’t turn this off!” he added, tapping at his temple.
“It shows,” Pete acknowledged. “You look like hell lately.”
“Well, aren’t you!?” Gill demanded. “Hell, none of this is what I thought it would be including the people!”
“What about our job?” Pete asked sadly.
Gill shrugged and looked his best friend in the eyes. “Could you honestly turn her in, Pete? Could you watch them lock her up?”
Pete was quiet for a long moment and then he sighed. “No.”
“Well I feel the same way about Jeb. I can’t do this to him.. Or to any of them for that matter. These people know who I am--except perhaps my job title--and they accepted me without question. I’ll never have that with the rangers, Pete.”
“I know you won’t, Gill. Bunch of narrow minded sons of bitches is all they are.”
“We’ve given them seven years of our lives. Can we really walk away from that? Can we walk away from that to be part of a gang? We’ve spent years bringing down people like this..”
Pete shook his head. “No, we spent years bringing down murderers and rapists like ol’ Bigfoot McGee and Raindancer. These folks aren’t them.”
“Do you know that nearly every dime they make off what they steal goes to help orphans?” Gill whispered. “What kind of people do that?”
“Good people…. They have to have their reasons, Gill. These aren’t bad folks and I don’t wanna see them hang.”
Gill sighed and rubbed his neck. “So that’s it? We just walk away from the rangers and become bonafide members of the Crane Gang?”
Pete grinned. “Hell, I was only ever a ranger because my best buddy wanted to be one. I really don’t care much for the badges or those hoity toity sons of bitches at the base… and Captain J.T. don’t like me none at all.”
“Probably because you flirt with his wife and break something nearly every time you’re in his house,” Gill noted.
Pete chuckled. “I can’t help it that she likes red heads.”
Gill found himself laughing and was thankful for his best friend who could always manage to help him relax a bit when his head got screwed on too tight. Then Pete spoke again and Gill wished he had let the man drowned in the pond when they’d been boys instead of fishing him out. “So are you in love with Jeb?”
Gill shook his head and rubbed at his tired face. “I got too much to worry about just now to be thinking about love…”
“That’s your damn problem, Gill,” Pete scolded. “You’re always so damn worried about one thing or another. You’re either worried about being accepted by those bastard rangers or you’re worried about earning respect from folks who ain’t worth your worries, or you’re worried about overcoming your father’s legacy… and let me tell you something else that chafes my hide. Rafe wasn’t a bad man and if you would pull your head out of your ass you’d see that. He loved you and he loved your mama and that’s more than most of us get growing up. You have to lighten up, Gill. You have to quit worrying so much! Go with the flow, do what feels right and good. I’ve seen the way Jeb looks at ya and you have a chance for something real with him--take it! These people are good people. They do good things--even if their methods aren’t the most legal. For just two seconds I want you to forget about every worry, doubt and nagging insecurity you’ve got wrapped around your brain and make yourself happy!”
Gill blinked. He gawked. He opened his mouth to speak but shut it quickly when no words would form. Pete had just put him in his place. It was something so strange and out of character that Gill had no response…
“I’m glad to see you speechless,” Pete mused. “Now, what are we going to do?”
“You’re asking me?” Gill demanded. “After all that bluster about what a screw up I am?”
Pete shook his head. “I never once called you a screw up.” He grinned. “And of course I’m asking you. I’ve always said you’re the brains of our operation.”
Gill wished he could give an answer. He wished it were as simple as simply walking away from the rangers and picking up his outlaw roots… Roots that he’d tried so hard to hide and bury his entire life. “I’ll have to think about it,” he finally whispered.
Pete grumbled. “You think too much.”
“Maybe you don’t think enough,” Gill countered.
Pete laughed. “Probably not. But at least I’m happier than you.”
“I’m happy…”
“No, you’re not,” Pete countered, wrapping his arm around Gill’s shoulders and giving him a squeeze. “You won’t let yourself be. The happiest I’ve ever seen you is when we’re riding the open range and shooting people--and you looked pretty damn happy when you came riding back with Jane and Wyatt the other night at that ranch.”
“I don’t want to become the men we hunted down,” Gill whispered as he squinted into the sunrise.
“And you won’t. Those men were rotten deep down. They hurt innocent people, killed innocent people, raped women and orphaned children. You could never be that man and these people we’re riding with now, they ain’t those men either--well all except for Willie.. I ain’t real sure he doesn’t plan on slitting my throat in my sleep one night.”
Gill chuckled. “That could be because you stole his woman.”
“She wasn’t his woman,” Pete countered quickly. Then he shrugged. “And I can’t help it that she took one look at a real man and came running.”
“They’re waking up,” Gill noted when he heard Billy rattling pans at camp. “Jeb will probably want to leave pretty quick today and ride hard.”
“Think about what I said, Gill,” Pete insisted. “Life is too short to spend it trying to please and impress folks who don’t give two hoots in hell about ya.”
Gill simply shook his head at his best friend. Pete smiled. “All jokes aside though, I really do worry about you. Quit thinking so hard, quit trying so hard and just live your life, Gill.”
Gill sighed and wished he could see things as simply as his friend did. “I hear you, Pete. I hear you.”
The two made their way back into camp and Gill was surprised when Jeb was suddenly in front of him and taking his hand in his. “Everything okay?”
Gill stared down at their joined hands as Pete’s words replayed themselves in his head. His attention became focused on the contrast of their skin tones and the sensations of their rough work hardened palms rubbing together. Slowly, loathingly, Gill pulled his hand away and forced a smile. “Yeah, of course.”
Pete rolled his eyes and walked away. “Jane? Where or where has my Jane gone? My love? My heart? My delicate little prairie flower?”
“Would you shut your fool mouth?” Jane gasped, her cheeks flushed as she came rushing out of her tent. “I do think you’re a full bubble off plumb!”
Pete laughed and pulled her into his arms, spinning her around as she held desperately onto her hat to keep from losing it. “And just what does that say about you?”
“That I’m completely off my rocker as well,” she beamed up at him.
Gill felt his heart hurt. He had never seen Pete look so happy with a woman. Sure, he’d always considered himself a ladies man of sorts, but they had always just been quick flings or innocent flirtations… Just now, Pete looked every bit a man in love. Could Gill really take that away from him?
“I think my cousin might just be falling for your friend,” Jeb noted as he stood beside him.
Gill was overwhelmingly aware of the man’s closeness as their arms brushed. “I think my friend might just be falling for your cousin.”
“Maybe he’ll decide he wants to stick around with us--” Jeb cautiously stooped to capture Gill’s eye. “Maybe you both will.”
Gill swallowed hard and cursed the way his body trembled under Jeb’s gentle caress on his wrist. He knew the other man would feel the reaction he had to every little thing he did. “Maybe we will.”
“And I think I’m gonna puke over the whole damn mess,” Willie grumbled as he adjusted his cowhide gaucho pants.
Craig punched Willie in the arm. “You snooze you lose apparently,” he teased. “You can’t stand in the way of true love. Speaking of true love--” his gaze went to Jeb and Gill and he batted his lashes.
Jeb shook his head as his gaze went upward. “Alright, load up everybody! We gotta get a move on.”
“What about breakfast?” Billy questioned, holding up a pan he’d been preparing to heat.
Jeb shook his head. “Hardtack and jerked beef. We gotta go.”
Gill laughed. “Breakfast of champions.”
Jeb’s surprised gaze landed on him and a bright smile warmed his stubble covered face. “When you ride with me, you get only the best.”