Sam's Pov
"You guys should really think about changing your mascot." A girl's voice rang though the hall, followed by her laughter.
Nate never brought a girl other than Casey home. Who is she?
I knocked on his door and suddenly the voices were no longer heard. Nate opened the door and frowned at me.
"You never knocked before barging into my room. What's up?" he asked.
"Who are you with?" I asked and he frowned at me.
"Since when did you start taking responsibility to interrogate me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and his arms across his chest to stand in a defensive stance.
"Since I was born before you." I replied darkly.
"And since when did you remember that?" he asked scoffing.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked defensively.
"Oh I don't know. What about all the time you could be an older brother but you didn't and instead chose to ignore me?" he asked and I looked at him confused."Like when I was bullied, when I was teased because my older twins were freaking good at everything but I was good for nothing?" he reminded me and I just looked at him in confusion. "Good Lord, you don't even remember this?" he said with slumped shoulders. "What do you need Sam?" he asked in a resigned voice.
I stood there numbly for a while trying to take in everything I heard. Why does he sound so sad? Isn't he the one who is loved and adored by everyone? Why am I feeling guilty even without doing anything? It's not my fault if he always felt like that.
"Sam? What do you want?" he asked loudly to get me away from my thoughts.
"Why is some other girl who isn't Casey with you in your room?" I asked finally.
"Why do you care?" he asked stubbornly.
"Because Casey is my friend and I care for her." I retorted.
"Are you sure that's the only reason?" he asked sassily.
"What the hell are you speaking?" I asked with clenched fists.
"You know exactly what I mean. Everyone already knows about the fact that you have feelings for Casey. Despite her dating me. So what I am asking is, are you really worried about her because she is your friend or are you happy that now you can make direct passes at her." he said and even before I knew it I felt my fists crunching against his face.
I know I always disliked my brother. But my feelings were never this strong. I thought I just disliked him because mom and dad loved him and always praised him. But now I know why I truly hate him, it's because he is a smartass. Not that there was no truth in what he actually spoke.
He punched me back and within minutes we were on the floor, hitting each other.
"Sam, Nate, stop it!" my mom began shouting from behind us. She yelped and stepped back when our brawl continued till her feet. "Donovan! Stop them." she yelled at my older brother but I found him laughing from the sidelines.
"But why mother, they had that tension between them for years. If this is the solution, let them be." He said laughing loudly.
"I've got idiots for sons." She huffed and then Ruby, the oldest of us, entered the hall.
"What the hell is happening here?" they asked loudly.
"They are fighting for respect." Donn explained.
"Stupid, stop them." they said and shoved me away just when I was about to land another punch on Nate's face. When I was going in again, he lifted his hand up and glared at me.
Ruby is pretty scary when they want to be. With their muscles and share of street fights, they are pretty strong. I don't even want to imagine being beaten by them.
"I asked you to stop It." he growled and Donn stepped in between us to avoid any more damage.
Natasha walked towards me and did a quick inspection of my face before kneeling down in front of Nate to check his face. I smirked when I saw his busted lip and bruised face. Suits him right. He looked back at me and mirrored my expression. I must have had my own share of battle scars. I scowled at that knowledge.
Asshole!
A girl with platinum blonde hair stepped out timidly and knelt down beside him. She gingerly took his face in her hands and swiped her fingers over his wounds. "I am sorry." She whispered and as soon as he met her eyes he looked at her apologetically.
"No, I am sorry that you had to see that." He said and got up from the floor with a grunt. She helped him up and then he looked back at me.
"Let's get you fixed up. Yeah?" The platinum blonde asked, helping him up from the floor. He nodded, but looked at me before leaving.
"You have a little something there." He said pointing to my face smugly before walking away.
"What on earth happened here?" Casey asked as she approached the couple. She didn't look surprised or angry when she saw them.
"Ask that hothead." Nate said and moved past her.
"What did you do?" she asked shaking her head in disappointment.
"Why aren't you doing anything after seeing that other girl?" I asked her confused.
"Ashlyn is a nice person. Why would I even do anything?" she asked throwing her hands up in the air.
"Who is Ashlyn?" I asked and she looked at me blankly. "Stop being ridiculous. Why aren't you angry with him?" I asked.
"Gaaa... why should I be angry is the actual question." she said pulling my sleeve and nudging me towards our backdoor. She kicked open the door and led us into the garden. "He was supposed to ask her on a date tomorrow. I don't know if she would still go with him after what you did today." she sighed.
"You guys in open relationship?" I asked and she widened her eyes in realization.
"Oh, you didn't know?" she asked and I shook my head. "We broke up two weeks ago." She said nonchalantly and kept walking before me. I stood there in shock for a while before running to catch up with her.
"Why am I the last person to know?" I asked and she shrugged. "Why did you not tell me?" I asked again and she smiled at me mischievously.
"Why did I have to tell you?" she asked with a smirk. I didn't have an answer for that.
"Because." I replied lamely.
She rolled her eyes at me and kept walking. "Hold on. Stop walking." I said holding her shoulders so that she would stop moving so much. I started shaking her shoulders, hoping that this would knock some sense into her. "You should have told me. You know how I feel about you dating my brother." I said and she shook her head adamantly.
"No I don't. It's not like you ever told me how you felt about me and your brother." she said looking into my eyes.
"I thought it goes without saying that I –"
"Guys did you see Shaden?" Louis asked running up to us, unaware that he interrupted something important for me.
"No." I growled at him hoping that he would understand that his presence is not required here.
"Yeah, I saw her going up to Theo's room. Oh, there she is." She said looking around.
He grinned at that and ran towards an approaching Shaden. I turned away from them to look at Casey but saw her concentrating at the two idiots who were now standing facing each others with shy smiles on their faces. I huffed in irritation to concentrate on them.
Shaden was wearing Louis's green sweater but it was different from the last time I've seen it. It had red patches at certain places and it looked more designed from the last time. We were in hearing distance from the pair and their conversation put a small smile on my face.
"You came." Shaden said with a small smile.
"Of course, I did. You called me." he said with a grin. And then he sucked in a breath when he saw the sweater. "My sweater." He said and she nodded her head. "You repaired it." he said with a heavy sigh.
"You said that it was important for you. I couldn't let it be damaged. I can return it to you if you want." She said shyly, looking down on the floor. He placed his hand on her cheek and made her look up.
"And so are you. You are important too. I want a part of Char to be with you." he said and then looked at her with so much adoration it was hard not to feel happy for him.
So he told her about Char. That's a good thing. He leaned down swiftly and gave her a tight kiss on her lips. She looked up at him in surprise.
"I thought we agreed on not doing this kinda stuff until a certain time." she said looking up at him with a small smile.
"Yeah, you being sweet isn't helping your case." He said and started kissing her all over her face. She pulled away from him with a wide grin.
"What is this for?" she asked laughing loudly and clutching his hands tightly.
"I don't know. I just like kissing you. Don't worry, I am not gonna kiss you here until everything is clear." He said holding her lips between his fingers. She laughed again when he bowed down to shower her with kisses all over her face except her lips.
"Louis! Stop! You are making my face dirty." She said and yelped when he was about to kiss her again. "Louis, no." she said glaring at him, though the smile on her lips betrayed her.
"Okay okay. Come here." He said pulling her into a hug and placed his head on her own before kissing her hairline again. I couldn't even see Shaden because of his large frame enveloping her short one.
"Since when did this start happening?" Casey asked me surprised.
"I think it's the second time. Though they decided that they don't want it to happen frequently." I said and laughed at her confused expression. "They don't want to get into a relationship just yet Cass." I said pinching her nose.
"You lovely people out there. You've got audience." Casey yelled waving her hands around like a crazy person.
Shaden blushed deep red and covered her face with her palms. Louis laughed out loud and brought her face to his chest in a hug.
"Sam, get that man-girl out of here and ask her to give us some privacy." He said still hugging her.
"Come, let's give them some privacy." I said tugging on her hand. She looked at me stubbornly shaking her head.
"He is your best friend. You should take the honor in teasing him." she said digging her heels into the grass.
"Not in this situation." I said and sighed when she continued looking at me with those pleading eyes. I opened my mouth to speak but stopped myself when I saw Shaden raising her hand to stop me from uttering a word.
"Samy, not a word from you." she said in a strict voice and I smirked when I saw Louis having his hand around her waist. I opened my mouth to speak again but she cut me off. "You have a little something there." She said pointing to my cheek, just the way my brother did moments ago.
I huffed when Casey and Louis started laughing at me and stormed into the house with a laughing Casey following me.
"Okay Sam, we need to do something with that cheek before someone again tell you that there is a little something on It." she teased to which she received a glare from me. I wanted to step on that smugness she has been showing the whole day.
"Or you could just kiss the pain away. Would be easier too." I said with a smirk and my smirk widened when I saw a small blush on her face.
"Or I could punch the other cheek too. No one would notice the difference." She covered it up cheekily and I just looked at her blankly.
She held my arm and guided me to our kitchen. She brought a first-aid kit and started cleaning my wound. I hissed in pain and she just looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
What? A guy can't even show his pain now? I asked internally.
"I didn't say that you can't show your pain out." she pointed out and I frowned at the fact that she heard the words which I didn't even utter out. "Yes Sam, I can hear what you are grumbling in that head of yours." She said poking her two fingers on my forehead and I shoved her away from me.
"I am not that easy to read." I said defensively and she scoffed at me.
"You weren't. But lately you are being very open with your expressions when you are with Me." she said with a shrug. I was about to retort something when I saw a small dust of blush on her cheeks. "And I like it. I don't want others to read you as easily as I can." She said with a frown and her frown lines deepened when she saw my smirk.
"So, are going to speak about this." I said pointing between us.
She smiled at me sweetly, Un-Casey kinda sweetly. She pressed my bruise hardly with the ball of cotton in her hand. I hissed at the sudden pain which gained a wide grin from her. She is such a sadist.
"We could. After you settle your rivalry with your brother." She said, still with that sweet smile. I huffed and was above to reject her idea when she lifted her finger up to stop me. "You seriously need to speak to him. A feud with your own family members is a very toxic thing for you. Settle it." she said patting my cheeks. "Meanwhile, I will go and have a very well deserved nap." With that she was out.
I sat there contemplating on what to do. Finally, I decided that it is better to get it done with today. With that goal in mind, I walked towards Nate's room.
I knocked on the door twice and this time stopped myself from barging in until I heard his voice from the other side asking me to enter. As soon as he saw me he sighed deeply and the look on his face told it all. That he was regretting his decision in letting me in. The girl was still there and she looked at me with wild eyes. As if she was waiting for another fight to break between us.
"What do you want again?" he asked, this time he looked frustrated and tired.
I ignored him and instead smiled at the girl. "Hi, I am Sam. I am sorry that you had to see whatever you saw. Not a great scene for the first visit." I said grimacing. She laughed and waved it away.
"It's okay. Siblings always fight. And I've heard a lot about you from Nate." She said with a small smile.
"I hope they are not all bad things." I said in a joking tone but I knew that somewhere back in my mind I didn't want my own brother to speak shit about me.
"Are you kidding? Nate absolutely adores you. He always spoke to me about how talented and intelligent you are." She said with wide eyes and from the corner of my eyes, I saw Nate shushing her with a finger on his lips. "I am Ashlyn by the way." She introduced herself after a while to cover up the awkward silence I created while thinking about what she just said.
Really? Nate adores me?
"If you don't mind, I wanted to speak to Nate privately." I said and I didn't realize until then that I was actually nervous to speak to him. Why? I didn't know.
"Yeah, I don't mind. I was anyway about to go." she said gathering her books from his table.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" he asked and she raised her eyebrow at him.
"By what excuse? You don't have anywhere to go." she said with a small smirk on her lips.
"I just wanted to drop you off." He said and rolled his eyes when he saw her expression. "Yeah yeah, I know. You are capable to go on your own. I can at least ask someone to drop you off." He pleaded and she shook her head.
"Nathaniel, I am competent to take good care of myself. You don't have to worry about Me." she said and looked at him with challenge in her eyes. Challenging him to say otherwise. She is good. Too independent, but good. He sighed resigned.
"Okay, just call me when you reach home." He said to which he received a small nod and then a peck on his cheek.
She murmured something in his ear and he looked at her with a huff but an understanding crossed both their eyes. He nodded once and she was gone. He looked at me waiting for me to speak something. When I didn't speak anything and just continued to stand their awkwardly, he spoke up.
"So what is it you wanted to speak in private?" he asked enunciating each word.
"Hmm... what did you mean earlier when you said that I wasn't acting like an older brother?" I asked and he looked at me with surprise.
"It's nothing. Let's forget that it ever happened." He said walking towards his study table and sitting on his chair.
"No, let's not." I shouted immediately. When he looked at me weirdly I spoke again, softly. "I want to know where it went wrong." I said and he scoffed at that.
Asshole! Stop showing soo much attitude and just spit it out.
"Wow! You really want to know. Well, where should I start?" he said with his hand on his chin and acting as if he was thinking. "Oh! My favourite part." He said with a smirk and this made me a bit uncomfortable. We never had one on one confrontation. Never. "How about you making me miserably lonely and damaging me for starters?" he asked with a humorless laugh.
"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown.
"Oh my God! You have no clue, do you?" he asked and I shook my head. He again released a humorless laugh.
"Ruby and Donn were like a pair and then came you and Char. By the time I was there, you guys were already thick as thieves with that twin connection and all. I thought we could be the three musketeers considering the fact that all of us were born the same year. Though I was younger to you just by ten months. But you always hated me and pushed me away. And whenever Char was with me, you always pulled her away from me and didn't allow me to have any time with her. So I thought I could at least be close to the next siblings we were getting and they turned out to be twins too. Jayden and Hayden."
I just stood there, listening to him dumbly. I just realized that all of us siblings were in fact paired up. Everyone of us except Nate.
"Did you ever stop to think how lonely I felt? I couldn't even make friends at school because I was always a lackey to you. Always a joke that you could use to amuse others while making yourself popular. Do you know how hard it was? To always having your older brother push you around and step all over you?" he asked and I was stunned to silence. I never knew I was this big a jerk to him. He laughed again blankly.
"I tried. I always tried to be good enough for you to hang out with me. I even started learning baseball because you loved that damned sport. I thought we could bond over that at least. But you got me kicked out from the team and forced mom and dad to join me in football which I loathed. People snickered at me Sam; they bullied me because I was a big joke to my brother itself. Who would bother if I got punched and kicked? Obviously not you. And whenever Char cared for me, you always made a great deal out of It." he said clenching his fists at that.
"But you always had Mom and Dad by your side." I reasoned stupidly.
"That was my only choice. My only way out of this was to at least catch mom and dad's eyes. That's why I started studying extra hard. I tried participating in every club in school, I tried to make myself known in school, and I started making a name for myself. And somehow this made you hate me even more. Why?" He asked looking at me. "Why do you even hate me so much?"
I sat there shocked. Why? Why did I do this to my own brother? Why was I so cruel to my own blood?
"Sorry." I blurted out and even without my knowledge, words tumbled out of my mouth. "I don't know why I was such an ass to you. I think I was just jealous of you." he frowned at my revelation.
"Of me?" he asked.
I nodded my head. "Char and I were the youngest before you came. We were loved by everyone very dearly. But when they said that we were going to have a younger brother, I felt like someone was stealing all this from me. I mean Char was still the only daughter, so they would have loved her the same nonetheless, but I was going to have to fight my place to have the same love. And Char's excitement for a new and younger brother didn't help it. I guess I hated you even before you were born. I know I was not even one, but I guess I was just too opinionated since I was young." I said laughing wryly.
"I wanted Char for myself. That is why I never let her too close to you. And then, Bam! You started being the golden boy and everyone adored and praised you. And I started harboring stronger dislike towards you. I am sorry. I never realized that it would affect you this way." I said feeling extremely shameful all of a sudden. He laughed loudly.
"How else did you think it would affect me?" he asked mockingly and I scowled at him. "You were so ignorant about me. Did you even know that I have been diagnosed with Depression for three years now?" He asked and my heart stopped at this.
I was the cause for this?
"Don't worry. You aren't the only one in the family who is in the dark." He said running his hands through his hair with a sad smile.
"Who?" I asked and he looked at me in confusion. "Who else knows about this?" I cleared for him.
"Ruby, they were the one who took me for a check-up. They caught me trying to slit my wrists." He said and I widened my eyes at this.
My brother, my own brother was trying to commit suicide when all I did was sit there and hate him.
"Was I the reason again?" I asked him guiltily.
"You along with many others." he replied and started fidgeting with his fingers in discomfort.
"What are you afraid to speak Nate?" I asked him softly.
"Char knew it too. She saw me when I had a breakdown and realized that something was wrong with me. It was around the time when Ruby left house for college. With my one confidant gone, my condition was getting worse and worse. And then I started having her as my support system. Until she met with that accident. I know it was hard for you but it was hard for me too you know." He said with tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to flow down his cheeks.
"Why did you not tell anyone when she died?" I asked softly.
"I didn't want to trouble anyone. Everyone kinda concentrated on you and it was hard for anyone to even notice what I was going through. I felt useless and I don't know, I didn't want to steal that attention from you. I was scared that you would be ruined if no one payed you any attention. That's why I didn't tell this to anyone. And it kinda ate me up from the inside. It was getting harder with each day to just live. I loved her the most in the entire family, and she was gone. I loved Ruby a lot and dad kicked him out because of him rejecting the business and it was just soo hard. I felt like I was the reason for everything and I over dosed on my medication." He said and I stared at him in alarm. And then slowly realization dawned at me.
"That is when Hayden and you went off the grid and came back home a week later telling that you went on a trip?" I asked and he nodded his head with astonishment written all over his face.
"I am surprised you even remembered that." He said chuckling.
"Yes, I did. I wanted to blame you for something but then you weren't there. Now I see it. I always blamed you or lashed out at you to let go of my frustration. I was such an ass." I said with a self-deprecating laugh. He laughed along with me, but with sorrow filled voice. "So Hayden knew about it?" I asked and he nodded his head.
"He said that he always knew that something was off with me and knew that I always discussed it with Ruby. So when he found me motionless on my bathroom floor, he freaked out and called Ruby. They together took me to hospital and I was with them for the whole week." He replied.
This explains everything. Why I had a huge fight with Char few months before the accident. Why Ruby was always sensitive and defensive when it came to Nate. Why Ruby, Nate and Hayden were always close and secretive. Why Nate never spent money on useless stuff and was away at least once every week. He wanted to save money for his therapy and medication. But why not ask mom or dad? They would've sent him to best psychologists out there.
"Mom and dad? They don't know?" I probed and he shook his head. "Why?" I asked confused.
"You don't understand. All my life I tried very hard to build that image of a perfect son. I don't want that to go because of my depression. I know they love me and that they will continue loving me even after they get to know about this. But I guess I am just not ready. Just not ready to lose that title. That part of me which helped me believe that I am not totally broken and useless. I want them to keep believing that I am perfect. I think somehow that title is the only thing which is helping me not to breakdown." He said with a sigh.
"I am sorry. I damaged you. I am the cause for all this." I said.
I felt so shameful. I was such an asshole to my brother. I was the worst older brother one could ever ask for. I never treated him like family. Hell! I never even treated him like a human.
"Thank you for sharing this with me. I am glad that you trusted me despite everything I did to you." I confessed and he waved his hand away.
"It's all right. You didn't know you were doing this to me." he said in soft voice.
"That is no excuse for what I did. I hope I can work through this to make you forgive me." I said and I knew tears were welling in my own eyes.
"Come on, I started forgiving you the moment you stepped inside my room seeking for an explanation and asking me where it went wrong." He said smiling at me genuinely.
I felt shittier after this. I was such a bad brother. Such a bad person.
"Does anyone else know about this?" I asked and he nodded.
"Casey found the medications in my drawer and that's how she got to know. Shaden found me in the clinic when she went there to get reports about her brother's condition. And Ashlyn." He said with a small smile.
"Ashlyn?" I probed him to continue.
"She just knew that something was wrong with me. And then she figured it on her own. She even planned a campaign for mental health. She is freaking amazing." He said with a small smile and I smiled at that content look on his face.
"She sounds amazing." I put my own thoughts in words and he nodded eagerly.
He continued speaking to me all about her and only later did I realize that this is the first time in the 18 years of our lives. He looked very happy and free to speak about everything that was happening in his life. It felt good. It felt new and I felt content knowing that I was trying to get to know my brother for the first time ever. He smacked me hardly when I saw him with guilt when he was taking his medications in front of me. But I was happy that he wasn't at least hiding himself from me about his condition.
Finally we settled on going through our childhood pictures. Though I didn't allow it, we were always forced to be the three musketeers by everyone. I realized in a shock that we were always the trio and not the duo. He always tagged along with us despite me pushing him away. So what if one in the trio is no longer around us? At least I didn't lose the other before it was too late. I still have him and I could do a lot of stuff together. Together like brothers. I could repair the damage I caused between us.
With this thought in my mind I smiled at my brother only to realize that he was knocked out. I smiled at his sleeping figure. Removed his slippers from his feet and pushed him to make him sleep properly on the bed. I covered him with the sheets and walked out mumbling a soft good night.
I was happy that I got to clear this between us. I should thank Casey for pushing me to do this. With this thought in my mind, I took my bike keys from my room and ran down to the garage. I sped towards her house and when I knocked on their door, I was ushered inside by her dad with a yawn. He asked me to lock the door behind me before walking back to his room. I chuckled at this. He trusts me way too much. I walked into her room to see her already asleep. I lifted the sheets and got under them. She moved in her sleep before placing her head on my stretched arm.
"Hey." She said sleepily. "Did you speak to him?" she asked rubbing her eyes and yawning sleepily, though I know that she was trying to push away her sleep.
I nodded my head with a small smile. "Sam, I am too sleepy to read and see your expressions in the dark. Just reply in words." She mumbled with a scowl in her lazy tone. I chuckled at this.
"Yes." I replied and began to tell her everything that happened between us. She patted my chest encouragingly whenever I was too overwhelmed to speak. I caught a small smile on her lips in the dim lighting when I finished telling her everything that transpired between us.
"I am soo proud of you. You need courage to confront something like this." she said and smiled mischievously. "And now, there is again a little something there." She said patting my non-bruised cheek. I looked at her confused. She lifted her head and kissed me on that cheek and smiled at me sleepily. "My appreciation." She said turning away from me and mumbled a small good night.
I smiled widely at this and hugged her tightly before falling asleep beside her. With a content and light heart.