Chapter 27
My mouth hung open and I could only stare up at Binah. What was there to say?
“How? Wha-?” I stuttered the words out before letting my mouth drop open again.
She shifted from foot to foot, a flush storming across her beautiful skin as she struggled to maintain eye contact. She was dressed in another of her elegantly embroidered saris. The golden threads on the cream coloured fabric only made the woman shine all the more. And yet she looked so normal – so good.
“I’ve been around a long time Savannah. I came to this world when it was new, when your people were still cave dwelling Neanderthals. I needed purpose in my life. It’s who I am. Without purpose I would become like my kin, crazed from the inaction.” She rubbed a hand up and down her arm. I watched it closely like the simple gesture would unravel this being’s outer shell and reveal all of her secrets.
“Why come forward now? You’ve been hiding for a long time. Lucius thinks you are his sister. He thinks that you were created by God too.” I paused. A frown made its way onto my face. “How did you even manage to do that? Did you manage to fool God too?”
Binah slumped down onto the sofa beside me, not even noticing when I flinched away from her presence. Her eyes became unfocused as she stared off into the distance.
“Once I had aided the old Gods in imprisoning my three brothers, I wandered out into the world on my own for the very first time. It was bliss. I saw all of the wonders of the world, discovered new and exciting things.”
She turned her eyes to me then. In them I could see the memory of joy that lingered within. I could see the sparkle of excitement those first days of freedom had given her.
“I could do what I wanted and I did not have to spend the majority of my time wondering which of my siblings would be the one to wipe out the planet. They had done it before and they were more than capable of doing it again.” She shivered delicately so I placed a hand on hers. I got a smile in thanks.
“When your God was born, he was young and new. I gave him guidance and advice.” Binah looked down at her hands and smiled softly to herself. “He was kind, loving. He was so pure and good in heart. He offered me a place when I had nowhere else to go.”
Her voice had become wistful, almost like she was-. I couldn’t believe I was going to even ask the question but the words were out before I could stop them.
“Did you love him?”
“I did and I still do. I always will. What humans perceive God to be is just but a small fraction of what he actually is.” Binah shook her head and twirled the ends of her braided hair around her finger. “No one I meet will ever be able to compare. Unfortunately I will never be able to experience love as mortals do so I must live with just my fantasies.”
I nodded my head and tried not to be blown away. Sure, I could understand loving the almighty but to Binah he was a person just like Lucius was to me. He may have the titles and all the trappings that come with in but from the glint in her eye, I could see that there was more than just the love for a God there.
“I stayed by his side and when his son fell in love with a mortal, he asked me to go with him down to earth. I had become restless up above. Heaven is a wonderful place but for souls like mine, peace and contentment do not come easily and never say for long.” Her fingers clenched around her skirt as she bowed her head. “If you cannot be with the one that you love like your form demands you be. Well, it all becomes a bit messy.” The horseman shrugged her shoulders and offered a sheepish smile. “I fell too with the knowledge that once I had fallen, I would not be able to return. It was the hardest choice I had to make but it was for the best. We could never be together like my heart yearned for us to be – it was impossible. It is impossible. So instead I have spent millennia standing by Lucius’ side, watching over him as God has asked me to do.”
My heart ached for the woman. Even though she was a horseman of the Apocalypse, she was just that - a woman. A woman in love who could never be with the one she loved. It was rather tragic. We both fell into a contemplative silence.
I couldn’t help but compare her situation to mine and Lucius’. She loved God and would probably take the first opportunity to be the woman at his side if someone offered it to her. Lucius and I, we danced around one another. I knew he felt something for me and I knew, deep in my heart, that I loved him with all that I was. There was nothing standing in our way. Even the fates had decreed we would be together and yet we stubbornly refused to make that next step.
“So,” I started when the quiet dragged on for too long. “How do we get this piece of Horseman out of me?” A shiver ran down my spine. “I do not want him in me for any longer than I have to.”
Binah shifted on her seat. The softness to her face disappeared and she became distanced, strong.
“It will not be easy. The part of him has been buried deep and has already started infecting your body.” Her eyes were boring into my stomach and I could almost imagine that her eyes could see through my flesh to whatever was lurking within. “I will have to remove the splinter from within you and then cleanse your flesh of his taint. It will be painful. You will feel it right down to your soul.”
I nodded my head even as I felt the blood drain from my face. This would be easy. Painful wounds – have already dealt with my fair share of those. This would not be any different.
“What do you need to do this?”
I hoped that she didn’t hear the tremor in my voice but the expression on her face told me otherwise.
“We just need somewhere we can easily clean. There will be a bit of blood.”
Closing my eyes for just a second, I took a steadying breath. At least I knew I couldn’t die of blood loss, I was already making up what I had lost in battle – much quicker than any human would. I supposed I would have to stop comparing myself to humans. I was no longer human and I would not be again.
“The kitchen,” I muttered. “We have easy clean floors and it is big enough for you to do your thing. I think.”
We gathered a few supplies from around the house before we made our way to the kitchen. The house had been cleaned the day before all the trouble had started with the Horsemen and no one had cooked in the kitchen since so it was all clean and tidy. I was grateful for the small mercies.
Pulling off my top, I laid back on the floor. I sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of the cool polished floor against my back.
“I can’t give you anything for the pain. It may interfere with my work so just bite down on this.”
“How can I trust you?” I murmured, as doubt crept into my mind.
“Savannah, I could have killed you at any time. I could have left you to suffer a fate worse than death. And yet I didn’t. I have chosen to help you.”
She handed me a tea towel which I dutifully twisted upon it over and over before placing it between my teeth. I tried to convey my apologies around the cotton but she just shook her head. Guilt welled up within me.
Binah had swept her hair up into a high bun. I kept my eyes trained on her hands, watching as she pushed back her long sleeves and then doused her hands in alcohol. I didn’t even know I possessed a bottle of Vodka but it was always surprising what could be found at the back of the larder.
“I’ll remove the sliver first okay.” I nodded my eyes and closed my eyes, unwilling to see what happens next.
The first cut was merely a twinge, a slight sting as something sharp pierced my skin and then I knew nothing but agony. I bit down on the towel in my mouth to stop myself from screaming out. It would not be good for any of us if one of the neighbours heard me screaming and decided to come investigating.
The heat of the blade burnt through my flesh and cauterised the wound at the same while burrowing further into my body. And then I felt her hand, burrowing through my insides, searching for that elusive piece that would decide how my life would go. The thought that I could spend my life as a puppet for anyone was enough to strengthen my resolve. I had been through too much to allow myself to be pawn for anyone.
The fireball within my stomach eased. I spat out the towel and drew in deep breaths of air to try and soothe the ache in my lungs.
“That’s the easy part done.” Binah murmured distractedly.
I almost laughed. My eyes opened and immediately closed them again. Staring down at your stomach and seeing all your innards exposed was definitely not for the faint of heart. And right in that moment, I was feeling a little faint. I swallowed.
“Put the towel back in your mouth. Unfortunately the worst is still to come.”
I wanted nothing more than to crawl to my bedroom and hide under my bed when I heard those words. Obediently I took the tea towel and put the damp fabric back through my teeth.
There was no word of warning. First I felt gentle warmth that felt oddly pleasant after everything I had experience so far. But then the temperature increased, getting hotter and hotter. I felt a wrenching within my very soul. My body trembled and my mind disconnected. I was aware of my body convulsing as I was burnt from the inside out by the strange energy that Binah controlled but I could do nothing to still my body.
There was no end to the torture. The fire roasting my very spirit felt like it was consuming me, taking me over. For a second I was filled with doubt. What if the sliver was real but Binah just wanted to hurt me. They were here brothers after all. I pushed away the thought.
My spirit shuddered and re-joined to my body. It felt significantly more battered and bruised than it had before. Then trauma within my body consumed me in a relentless wave. My head lolled to the side and I vomited on the floor, the pungent odour filling my nose along with the smell of burning flesh. I felt my organs melting away under the fiery energy into nothing and then painfully reconstructing at a rapid rate. It was a strange sensation but painful nonetheless. My body was being forced to do what is should not be able to do.
A jolt surged through my body. It was a bolt of electricity that sent my body arching off of the ground, trembling as it tried to come with the additional charge. It ceased quickly and I slumped back to the cool kitchen tiles, my breath leaving me quickly.
I felt soft and gentle hands stroking hair away from my face. My mouth opened but the towel was in the way so I could not speak. My eyes refused to open. They felt like someone had taped them shut.
Fingers prised my jaw open and the towel was pulled free. I groaned in delight.
“It’s over now. The taint has been removed.” Binah’s voice caressed my ears in a soothing balm for my aching soul. I attempted to lift my arms but she pressed a staying hand on my body to keep me settled on the floor. “Please just rest. Your body has been through too much trauma. I will watch over you while you sleep and we will talk more in the morning.”
I tried to protest but the only sound to escape my lips was an unintelligible whisper.
“Shh, just go to sleep.”
My body, too traumatised by the recent events, accepted the words as an order. My thoughts became muddled and lying in my own sick and blood, I quickly slipped into a restless sleep.