Welp....its almost new years and i have not made a resolution knowing that i am not going to change. There would be no point because i think i am still stuck in the past.
I realized that my feelings are so closed off, and being alone makes me sad. I realized that my communication skills is really not that good and i need to be more blunt.
What i notice is that i say "its okay" to everything when everything is not okay. Going through these things in my life now, was not what i was looking forward to.
Like i am so emotionally and mentally so damn tired it's not even funny. I tell people I'm tired ALL the time becuz it is true. I do not know how to explain to others but i know that it is not easy.
But i keep myself going. I don't even know why but I think its because of having my mother here. Without her i would probably have been lost my shit but i just .... can't.
I'm going to just say that I'm not tired. I'm going to say I'm exhausted.
There will be no change from me at ALL until it surprises me.