Enjoy >:D (mwahahahahaha)
‘You say you love rain; but you open your umbrella. You say you love the sun; but you find a shadow spot. You say you love the wind; but you close your windows. This is why I am afraid; you say that you love me too,’
- Qyazzirah Syeikh Ariffin
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“I swear to god Cole, if you don’t freaking call me back in the next five minutes - I’m gonna hunt you down and chop off your balls and feed the to Galileo,” Azelie threatened as her call was put straight to voice mail for the fifth time that day. A smile formed on her lips as she looked down at her cat who was weaving himself in and out of her legs, distracting her from her call. Her attention snapped back to the call when she realised that she had fallen silent. “Call me back damn it!” She quickly said as she hung up the phone.
He had left in the morning, escaping out of the window, but not before she managed to kiss him again, and once they started, there was no stopping. She understood exactly why Kelly and Alex were always kissing, it was addictive; almost like a drug. A drug that Azelie needed. Before he left, he had told her that he had gotten tickets for an art exhibitions in a town about an hour away and asked if she wanted to go - her answer was, of course, yes.
She had been waiting for Cole to pick her up for almost forty minutes. They were supposed to be going out to the exhibition, but when he hadn’t shown up, Azelie started to get slightly worried. Cole was never late, ever, in fact he was usually early in picking Azelie up! Plus his phone was off, and the home phone was engaged meaning that the only was Azelie would get in contact with anybody who knew Cole was to drive to his house, and that was just too stalker-ish extreme for Azelie’s liking.
“Azelie - I thought you and Cole were going out!” Ted said, pulling Azelie out of her own little word and bringing her crashing back down to earth. She spun around on her heels, turning around to talk to her uncle.
“He was! He’s forty minutes late and his stupid phone is going straight to voice mail!” Azelie replied, crossing his arms, “I’m telling you now - that boy better hide when I track him down!” Her uncle just smirked, rolling his brown eyes at his niece.
“Well just make sure you hide the body!” her uncle replied, a smile playing on his lips, noticing the huge difference in Azelie since she had first moved in with her. When she had first arrived, she had practically shut herself up in her room for a week, refusing to have any sort of conversation with Ted, but then when the night terrors started and Ted was there to help her, she grew closer to him - but she still wasn’t happy. And the Cole entered her life, and Azelie changed completely. She was no longer the broken girl Ted had adopted but a beautiful happy girl who had fallen deeply in love, even if she wouldn’t admit that she was in love with him, Ted knew she was.
“I plan on locking him in a room and making him listen to ‘Slim Shady’ on repeat for about four hours,” Azelie laughed, “It’s a technique the CIA use on terrorists,” Ted laughed as he rolled his eyes at his niece.
“Just make sure he uses the front door instead of climbing through your window,” he smiled just as Azelie’s smiled dropped off her face, thinking back to the previous night when Cole had stuck into her room through her window. He had kissed her, or she had kissed him. She didn’t know who had actually kissed who first, but she did know that she wanted to kiss him again, over and over until her lips where swollen. “I’m not stupid Azelie, you’re not the quietest of talkers!”
“I-I... we... We haven’t been doing... anything,” she stuttered, her gaze dropping to the floor as a blush rose to her cheeks. “We are just friends!” she added. But she didn’t want to just be friends. She loved him, but she found it impossible to even consider the idea that he loved her back. Of course he didn’t love her, who could? Who could love the girl who had death following her around like a shadow?
“I know!” Ted laughed as he rolled his eyes, realising how embarrassed Azelie was, “And keep it that way,” Azelie looked up at her uncle, a smile on her face while nodding her head in reply.
“Are you.. em.. meeting up with Liam tonight?” she questioned, desperately trying to change the subject.
“Yeah, we are going out for drinks later,” Ted replied, his face lighting up as Azelie mentioned his name.
“Aw, Teddy’s in loooove!” Azelie smirked, dragging out the love part, teasing her uncle.
“Yeah.. So... just shut up,” he replied, this time him blushing as he struggled to find his words. “You’re in love too!” he replied, a giant smirk growing on his lips.
Azelie didn’t reply, she just stood in her doorway, slightly speechless. Was it that obvious that she had totally fallen for him?
“N-n-no.... of course not!” She stuttered, a blush rising to her cheeks.
“Of course you are! Anyone can see it! Every time somebody mentions him you practically light up like a Christmas tree!” Ted replied, rolling his eyes at his niece. Azelie’s gaze just floated to the floor as her uncle spoke, questions running around her head. “Are you going to tell him?”
“I’m scared I’ll lose him if he doesn’t feel the same way, he deserves so much better than me,” Azelie replied slowly, admitting her feeling to her uncle. The words just stumbled out. She was finally admitting it - out loud, something that both Kelly and her therapist had been trying unsuccessfully for weeks to get her to do, with her uncle asking first time and getting her to admit it straight away. Her uncle simply shook his head in reply.
“He loves you Azelie! Ever since I first met him I knew he was falling for you! Hard to miss really! He loves you and you love him - it’s the most obvious thing in the world!” Her uncle said, laughing a little at the both. “And there’s isn’t any better than you Azelie, don’t put yourself down like that,” Ted smiled, looking down at Azelie.
“You really think he loves me?” She questioned, her brown eyes looking up to Ted, trying to figure out if he was lying. Her mind trying to push down the hope that was building up within.
“I know he does,” He replied, confidence with his answer, he quickly left the room, sending Azelie a quick smile as he walked down the hall.
Thoughts ran riot round her head, questioning if Ted was right, if Cole really did love her. She pushed it all down, trying to ignore the bubble of happiness building up inside of her as she turned around call Cole again, quickly pressing the call button, before hanging up the phone when it when straight to voice mail.
Azelie quickly grabbed the small bag she had packed, stuffing her phone into the bag as she grabbed her house keys. Since Cole had decided to turn off his phone, she was just going to have to go over and beat up his ass. Azelie quickly looked in her bedroom mirror, checking that her make-up hadn’t mysteriously been ruined in the last forty minutes before walking out of her bedroom and storming up the hall to the stairs.
“You going to cut off his body parts?” Ted shouted, appearing in his bedroom doorway just as Azelie was passing.
“Yup, I’ve been warning him through text and voice mails for the past forty minutes that I would if he didn’t call back and down he is just going to have to deal with the consequences of his actions,” she smiled, wondering how Cole would react if he answered his door to her standing all dressed up with a her pink pocket knife in her hand. Cry like a girl; that’s what he would do - or at least that’s what Azelie was imagining him doing.
“Well he deserves it, you’re dressed up all pretty for nothing!” Ted smiled, completing Azelie. She was wearing a polka-dot black and burgundy dress with a thin brown, leather belt across her waist paired two simple black pumps on her feet. Her dark brown hair had been washed, blow dyed and curled to within an inch of it’s life to complete her look.
“He really does,” she smiled, “See you later okay, and if I’m caught by the police, please just post my bail,”.
“Okay, see you then - And Azelie, just tell him!” Ted replied as he turned away and walking back into his room. Azelie practically ran down the stairs and pulled open the front door, before making her way over to her car.
Azelie turned the keys into the ignition, the sound of the engine bursting into life filled the air as her music player came to life, the sound of the Black Key’s ‘Little Black Submarines’ started blasting out of the car speakers. A smile erupted on her lips as she sang along to the words, reversing onto the main road as she did. Ted had bought her a car just after he had gotten out of the hospital, telling her that it wasn’t practical for her to walk everywhere. Little did Ted know but Azelie had loved to drive when she lived in Florida, for the one fact that she loved speeding. Cole had experienced her driving a days weeks ago and since then refused at point blank to get in a car when Azelie was driving due to a slight fear of his life.
She sped down the streets, her fingers tapping to the song as she tried to figure out what she was going to do when she saw him. Thoughts ran through her head about what Ted had said to her, should she tell him? How would she tell him? It’s not just something you can blurt out without any warning? She pushed down the thoughts of telling him, right now all she needed to concentrate one was how she was going to get revenge on him for being late. She could give him a chance to defend himself, tell him tell her why he hadn’t picked her up to take her out; although as soon as Azelie thought of showing him mercy, she laughed a little, throwing the idea aside as she began to consider other options. Cut off his balls? Knee him in the crotch? Azelie quickly came to the conclusion that she would just do the first thing that came to her mind when she saw him, whether that be punching him in the crotch or stabbing him on his door step.
Azelie quickly drove up Cole’s drive-way, instantly noticing that his car was still parked outside his house. She quickly parked her car before jumping out of the vehicle and storming over to the front door, ready to give Cole a piece of her mind. She knocked hard on the door, her heart racing in her chest as she stepped back, waiting for somebody to answer the door.
What Ted had said popped into her head again, the words stumbling up her throat. Her brain made the snap decision to tell him - there and then, pushing all the thinking down and just focusing on preparing herself to tell him.
‘I love you’ she thought to herself. Short, simple and straight to the point. She ignored the building fear that was growing stronger and stronger. She took a deep breathe in, right now, she wanted to be fearless. She forgot about the consquences and decided to focus on the now.
This was it.
She was telling him.
‘I love you’
A few seconds after she had knocked, the door swung open and she opened her mouth to tell him, the word read to slip out. But, then, every thought of harming Cole or confessing her feeling or him flew out the window. Not because she was freaking out, but because as soon as Azelie laid eyes on Cole, she knew something was seriously wrong. His green eyes didn’t hold the happiness they usually did, his tired green eyes told Azelie that he had been crying. His expression on his face when from shock to confusion in a matter of seconds, finally switching to realization as he figured out why Azelie was on his doorstep.
“Shit, I forgot! Shit! Sorry,” He swore repeatedly, stepping back a little and running his fingers through his hair, something Cole only did when he was stressed or worried.
“It’s okay, honestly, it’s fine,” She replied quickly, stepping into the house before closing the door behind her, not taking her eyes off of Cole for a second. “Cole, what’s wrong?” she questioned, the feeling that this was not something good took over. Cole opened his mouth to tell her but all the escaped was a breath as he broke down in tears. Azelie instantly wrapped her arms around him as he sank to the floor, tears running down his face as he cried silently, leaning on her. She squeezed him tight, her fingers placing with his hair as they sat in his hallway, leaning against the wall. Tears ran down Azelie’s cheeks as she watched Cole cry, unable to watch the guy who had been her rock for the past few months break down in tears.
They sat in the hall for about ten minutes before Cole stopped crying, Azelie loosening her arms around him as they grew tired. Azelie’s hand floated down to take his as she leaned forward and kissing him softly on his cheek. Cole instantly reacting, turning around to press his soft lips against Azelie’s, needing her to take away the pain he was feeling, needing her as close as possible. Azelie’s heart thumped hard against her chest as her body molding into his, her soft lips never once leaving his lips. Thoughts flew around her head Did he really feel the same way? Was he kissing her because he loved her; or just because he could? She pushed her thoughts down, not wanting to over-think the entire thing, trying to concentrate on the kiss, needing more and more of him. He clung onto her as if she was his life line, as if he would die without her. The kiss grew more and more as time passed, before finally Azelie pulled back, ending the kiss and leaned her forehead against Cole’s, refusing to kiss him until he told her what was wrong, but at the same time not wanting to force him into talking. Azelie looked into Cole’s green eyes which looked like all the love and happiness had been sucked out of them. Her heart shattered into pieces, the fact that Cole was upset was killing her, making her just as upset as he was.
“I-It’s Lily,” he said, his voice rough from the crying. “She got three months,”
“Three months until what?” Azelie questioned, coming crashing down from the high the kiss had given her, her lips still tingling. Cole took a deep breath in, trying to figure out how he was going to tell Azelie that his sister had three months to live.
“Remember what I said I was stressed about, well it was her test results from a few weeks ago,” He croaked, his voice breaking as he thought of his baby sister. “The cancer... it’s back, Azelie. She has three months to live,”
It was almost as if somebody had stabbed Azelie in the heart, the pain being too much for her to handle, too much for anybody. At first no other thoughts filled her mind, just the dragging pain, killing her slowly, almost watching her squirm with the pain. And then it hit her like a tidal wave, everything crashing into her mind at once.
Lily’s cancer. It was back. Lily was dying. Lily could die. Lily would die. Everything hit Azelie at once, the pictures in her head of the sweet little girl she loved like she had loved like her like she had her little sister, her little sister that had been the first to die.
‘She had cancer when she was younger,’ Cole had said, ‘It almost killed her,” He had told her, “But she got better, she survived - she was a fighter,”
“No,” Azelie spoke, tears rolling quickly down her cheeks. “No. No. No,” she added, shaking her head from side to side, climbing up and walking away from Cole; needing, wanting to be as far away from him as possible. He walked after her, nodding his head, words escaping him as he watched Azelie freak out. “You said that it was gone, that she had been cured,” she screamed; not out of anger, but out of pain.
“It’s back, it was aggressive, the doctors just didn’t catch it in time....” Cole replied, trying to stay strong for Azelie even though tears were rolling down his cheeks. He stepped towards her, and she stepped away, pressing her back against the wall, trying to get as far away as she could from him. He stepped forwarded, trapping her up against a wall, trying to make sure she couldn’t run away. Cole needed to be as close to Azelie as possible, while she needed the exact opposite, needing to get as far away from him as possible. Her legs gave in over her weight as the hysterics set in. Her body fell to the floor, rolling up into a ball as she did, crying out her pain. Cole leaned down, wrapping his arms around Azelie only for her to push him away, trying to escape. Suddenly, her stomach lurched and she climbed to her feet and ran thought to the downstairs bathroom, before puking up the contents of her stomach. Cole ran after her, pulling her hair back and rubbing her back, trying to make her feel a little bit better while knowing that Azelie was feeling the exact same pain as he was. Her body shook as she threw up again, tears running hysterically down her cheeks, sobs blocking up her throat.
Azelie treated and loved Lily like a younger sister, reminding Azelie of her own younger sister who had died when she was young, bringing up the pain of her own sister’s death. The death that Azelie had believed was her fault.
Almost as soon as the thoughts of Azelie blaming herself from Lily’s death entered Cole’s mind, Azelie thought the exact same thing. Disgust for herself taking over as she began to tell herself how stupid she had been to think that it was over, that all the deaths had all just been a coincidence. How stupid she had to think that she could get close to people again when she had sworn to herself that she wouldn’t get close to anyone this time, that she would just be alone with nobody getting hurt.
“It’s my fault,” she whispered, but it was almost as if she had screamed the words in Cole’s ears. “It’s all my fault,”
“No,” Cole replied, gritting his teeth. How could she think that this was her fault, that Lily’s cancer was down to her caring for her. “Azelie, it’s not your fault, none of it was ever your fault,” He added, his voice pleading with Azelie.
“It is! Everyone I love dies. Every. Single. Person,” She shouted. Cole fell silent, trying to think of what to say. All he wanted to do was tell her that he loved her, as he wrapped his arms around her in hope that it would make it better, but he knew that it wouldn’t help, mentioning that he loves her right now would be the worst thing in the world. Azelie stood up silently and walked quickly through to the kitchen. She opened one of the cupboards and picked out a glass and filling it with ice cold water. Azelie downed the liquid, thoughts spinning around her head. Her hand squeezed around the glass in her hand as anger began to take over.
“It’s all my fault. Lily’s cancer, it’s all my fault,” Azelie whispered, barely loud enough for anybody to hear. Tears ran down her face as she broke down again, sinking the kitchen floor once again. Cole sat down beside her, resting his head on her shoulder as she wept, drawing circles on her back with his finger, not sure on what to do anymore, not sure how to make it all better. A poem started reciting itself as she thought to how much she loved him, the poem a promise she had made to herself only a few years previously.
‘I fear love, Sometimes,’
The tears stopped. Everything stopped. Azelie knew what she had to do, where she had to go. She sucked a deep breath in, pushing her brown hair back behind her ears as she faced what she had to do, planning it out in her head. She climbed up off the floor, placing the empty glass on the counter and grabbed a piece of paper towel and cleaning up the remaining puke around her mouth. She looked down at Cole, her brown eyes dull and dark, looking into his green ones, his eyes watching his every move. It was almost as if he was reading her thoughts, realising what was going through her mind what she was going to do, what she thinking.
‘I fear what it can do, For people,’
He slowly stood up off the ground, as if moving too quick would scare her away. He didn’t break eyes contact with her, fearing that if he did, the whole thing would explode into chaos. He stood up, wanting to touch her but fear building up in him. Cole simply shook his head from side to side, telling her no, conforming her fears that he knew.
‘I fear romantic love the most,’
Cole shook his head again, this time from side to side, and Azelie began to sob, nodding her head slowly in reply to Cole. If you had walked into the kitchen at that moment, you would had called the nut house, but that was what the news of Lily’s cancer had made them - crazy, Azelie more that Cole. Their silent argument continued, each screaming at each other in their heads, telling each other not to do it, or to let her go. Without speaking, Azelie ran towards the front door, picking up speed as she did, Cole not far behind, yelling her name. She pulled it open and her run turning into a sprint as she left the house, running past her car and onto the empty street. Cole ran behind her, cursing the fact that she was faster than him, yelling her name and begging for her not to do it. He quickly ran back inside the house, grabbing his keys from the table that stood behind the door, before running back out of the house, running as fast as he could towards his car.
‘To have something I love, So close, And so easy to lose.’
The words from the poem echoed around Azelie’s head, the lyrics playing with her emotions as she ran with tears running down her cheeks. She didn’t even dare to look back, she heard the engine of Cole’s car starting up, if she slowed down for a second, he would catch up with her in no time. She ran, her feet hitting the floor hard, trying to get as far away from Cole as she possibly could. Her heart beat pounded against her chest, begging for Azelie to slow down. She quickly ran off the road and onto a side path, hoping that it was a short cut to where she needed to be,
‘Fear that love won’t be. Authentic since love does, not exclude,’
Cole praying in his head that he was wrong, that what he was sure Azelie was going to do was all in his head, that he was just jumping to the wrong conclusions, but when Azelie turned onto the path that leaded over the bridge, he knew. His heart stopped in his chest, the pounding heart beat turning flat as she sprinted fast and faster away from his car. He pushed the accelerator down to the floor, praying that he would get to the bridge before her.
‘But most of all I fear that, Though I love you,’
Azelie caught sight of the red metal structure, and she let out a breath of relief. She was sure Cole would have caught up with her by now, but he hadn’t. He was only just turning onto the bridge. Why couldn’t he just give up on her life she had on life? She sprinted over the nearest side of the bridge, preparing herself to jump over the rails. Her hand caught onto the red metal fence, her hand slipping a little due to the wetness of the metal. Azelie kicked her leg over, the other one following in suit. Cole was already out of his car, the engine still running as he ran over to the rail, trying to pull her back over but she just managed to escape his grasp.
This was where they met, properly, for the first time. She was on one side of the bridge, he on the other, trying to pull her back. The sad reality of the irony hitting Azelie. They would be saying goodbye where the first met, only a few short weeks ago.
He began to climb over after her, desperately trying to drag her over to the other side. She turned around to look at him, needing to see his face just one last time. He stopped moving, frozen in the spot.
“Don’t Azelie, don’t, please,” He cried, begging her to climb back over. She shook her head slowly, as she gulped in. Cole jumped into action, climbing over the other side. He jumped over to her, trying to grab her waist so he could pull Azelie back, but he grabbed thin air. One second she was there; the next, she was gone.
‘I’ll have to deny the truth,’
She jumped, taking her last breath, not daring to scream. She shut her eyes and though of Cole, how much she loved him and how much she loved Lily. She thought of everyone who had ever died. Her mother, her father, Haley, her grandma, her grandpa, Rick, Tina, Bonnie. Everyone. Then Lily at the end, poor little Lily. She thought of Cole, she thought about him more than anything. It killed her to think of him, how much she loved him and how she never got to tell him how she felt. It stabbed her like a knife to think about Cole, but she couldn’t escape the thought of him; she didn’t even try.
She jumped, the coldness of the water stinging like tiny daggers hitting her body all at once, the rapids pulling her under, pulling her down to the bottom to the river, the darkness surrounding her as the light disappeared. She let out the breath she had been holding in out, the tiny air bubbles floating to the surface as water began to fill her lungs.
‘A part of me is already dead,’
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming swimming swimming. What do we do we swim, swim, swim. OH HO HO How I love to swim. When you WAAAAAANNTTT to swim you want to swim...