The windows are rolled down, allowing chilly air to blow in from outside. Thankfully, for a November day, it is pretty warm.
I look outside. I feel nervous suddenly. This is Collin, the guy who has hated every single part of me since I was brought to their house.
"Would you stop tapping your foot?" Collin seethes with venom.
I frown, "Sorry."
He laughs suddenly, super hard. I almost expect him to drive into a tree. I watch him confused and kinda annoyed. Why did he think it was funny?
"You're something," The laughter dies down and he shakes his head while he drives.
Unlike Hunter, he surprisingly sticks to the speed limit. It is back to silence. The truck's engine hums, occasionally making a chugging noise beneath it's heavy hood.
"Who's truck is this?" I look at him briefly.
"Joe."
"Who's Joe?" I ask with raised eyebrows.
"Joe mama," He doesn't even offer a smile.
It is clear I won't get a straight answer from him. I thought we might be restarting, then he turns onto the highway and I'm very confused.
"Where are we going?" I gaze around the inside of the vehicle, it looks old.
He snorts, "Do you ever stop asking questions? Seriously, you are like a child."
"Ok," I exhale loudly then turn towards him, "What did I do to you? Seriously, I'm just trying to be nice and you are a dick."
Collin stops talking, shifting his jaw. After a while, he glances at me and runs a hand through his hair. When his hand reaches the steering wheel he starts talking.
"It has nothing to do with you, idiot," He shakes his head, "You're just perfect. You're everything my parents have ever wanted. They love you."
Suddenly my heart wilts. I feel sadness seep into the darkest corners of my being. Is that really how he feels? He doesn't hate me, but he misses his parents?
"Everyone is fond of you. Especially my brother. Fuck, I spent so many years trying to impress him and one up him. You come along and he is nothing but perfect to you. Hell, perhaps he is in love with you or something crazy. He treats you like you are royalty, a special guest."
I feel like a puzzle piece that has been replacing another. I am like a vegetable in the fruit section. I don't belong there. It feels like I'm in a costume. Hey, i didn't ask for the role. He is right.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing," He practically hisses at me, "Seriously."
I bite my lip and look back outside. I allow the tension to wave slowly. Once he looks normal again, I speak again.
"So... Where are we going, anyway? This is clearly out of town."
"There is a party in the next town, my cousin is going to be there and she invited me. Showing you around was a good excuse to go."
His words are like an icycle to the heart. It hurts
"Oh. Like drinking?"
"Yeah."
"Smoking?"
"Oh, definitely."
"Sex...?"
He grins wolfishly, "Yep."
I smile, "If we get in trouble it is all on you."
He holds up his hands in surrender, "I'm not taking the blame for shit."
• • •
Hours later I am giggling with some random girl at the party. I don't even know what time it is, but I lean my head on her shoulder.
"So you're gay?" She asks while I squeeze her boob drunkenly.
I nod what feels like quickly, "Are these real?"
"No. They are implants," She looks at me with doe eyes and pouty lips.
Surely guys really like her, she is pretty. I tell her that and she giggles. I squeeze it again and then pat it softly.
"I like them. Do you know where the bedrooms are? Im going to bed?" I say the whole thing like a question.
She hiccups and takes a minute to answer, "It's down there. On the... Left?" She nods and then I stand.
I dizzily look around. The alcohol has really gotten to me. Maybe I need to puke.
I walk slowly down the hallway, almost tripping over people. I open the door and walk right into a bathroom. There is a guy sitting on the toilet, smoking a blunt.
"Oh, hi," I whisper, for absolutely no reason.
The guy laughs and looks at me again, "Lost?"
I nod, "I am Jaime. Can you help me puke? I think I'm dying."
Tall buzzcut guy laughs the stands, lifting the toilet. I kneel in front of it while he holds my hair back.
"You don't look so hot, dude. Do you have a ride home?"
"Bullshit, I am on fire," I whisper again.
I'm pretty sure he didn't hear a word I said.
"Right... Hey, how did you get here? Who did you come with?"
"I can't hear anything you are saying, but you're pretty."
"Jaime, how much have you drank?" He rubs my back with a thin block in his hand.
"One? Two? Maybe more," I dry heave into the toilet loudly.
"I think I should go get someone, huh?"
Then I puke, all over. I miss the toilet and nearly gag on my own throw up. I spit and shake my head.
"I have Collin... Get him..."
The guy with the pale skin and southern accent lifts me up. I smell him and he smells so familiar. Suddenly images of Andréa flood through my head. He smells just like him. My best friend. Weed, cologne, and sweet sweat.
"Are we ok?" My voice is soft.
"Of course, scricciolo."
For some reason the guy morphs into Andréa.
"Hunter got mad."
"What was that?" He leans closer as he takes me outside.
Then everything goes black.
• • •
"Hey, wake up," Someone shakes my arm.
I yawn loudly, deciding to go back to sleep.
"Jaime, seriously. We have to go home and act normal."
I open my eyes and look at a slightly intoxicated Collin. I look at the radio and notice the time 12:46 AM.
"How long have we been gone?"
My head throbs and my throat screams for water.
"8 hours? I don't really know. Listen, my head hurts and I would really like to go to bed. So, pull yourself together and let's go inside."
"Ok," I inhale and unbuckle my seat belt. I notice we are parked in the middle of a field.
I take in my surroundings then realize that my pants are wet. Why?
"Shit. I must have spilled something on my pants," I turn on the light on the roof and my face turns red.
There, on my pants is a white spot. Dried now.
Cum.
There is fucking cum on my pants.
"What the hell? Did we-"
"Ew. No. I don't know what you did. Last thing I knew you were with some strange chick then we were in the car headed home," He cringes visibly, "Listen, we will stop at the gas station before we go home so that you can... Clean off."
When we get home, every light in the house is on. It is 1 AM and everyone is awake. Jessie is on the porch, pacing until the truck pulls up.
"We got lost," Collin mutters, "You chewing the gum?"
"Yeah."
We get out of the truck and Jessie is already yelling at Collin. Even though I was with him. Even though I also fucked up. She doesn't even turn to look at me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She screams exasperatedly.
Hunter comes from inside, looking tired and worried. When he sees me he walks out to us, clearly happy to see me. Suddenly, everything makes sense. I understand everything Collin said.
"It was my fault," I say loud enough for them to hear.
"Jaime, you don't have to take the blame for Collin's behavior."
"I wanted to look at the animals on a back road and then we got lost with no reception. He was just trying to make me feel welcome. We actually had a really nice time. I am sorry for keeping us out so late."
Her anger fades, "I was worried. Collin I thought you were hurt. I thought someone kidnapped you guys or you were killed."
Then she sheds tears, hugging Collin, "I'm sorry. I don't want to yell at you... Please just don't ever do that again you two."
She hugs him tighter and then hugs us both, "Alright... Head inside. There is dinner if you guys are hungry."
She smiles and we all walk back inside. I head straight up the stairs and burst into tears. I feel guilty and sadness build inside of me. When Hunter walks in the room I feel even worse.
"So, where were you actually?" He asks quiet, but angry.
I look at him, wiping my eyes, "We were driving around-"
"Jaime, don't lie to me. I'm not my mom. I've seen you lie," He sits on the bed.
I inhale slowly and shakily, "We went to a party outside of town... Your cousin invited him so he brought me along..."
Hunter frowns at me and sounds venomous, "So you went to a party and did what exactly?"
"I drank and had fun. Why do you sound offended?"
"You don't exactly have a good rest record when it comes to being intoxicated."
"I didn't do anything if that's what you're wondering," I say a little angry.
He is silent as if he doesn't believe me. I roll my eyes and then mutter.
"No matter what I say you won't believe me anyway. Don't forget the reason I went with Collin. You were too busy to spend time with me."
"I was helping my family with work," He scoffs, "Unlike some people we dont like sitting around waiting for someone else to do it for us. Some of us work hard to change things."
I recoil like I was slapped. Did he realize that for my entire life until now I have been working?
"I work hard. I had two jobs to help out when money tl at least I don't fucking shove what I do have in people's face! At least I don't take my brother for granted. At fucking least I am spoiled enough to not have fucking parents I guess!"
I cry. It's anger, frustration, hurt, and just overall tiredness. I release every stupid pent up emotion that has been building and let it out.
It registers in his expression that he knows he made a mistake, "Jaime, I'm sorry. I didnt mean it like that-"
"Then what did you mean?" Tears roll down my cheeks as he stares at me.
He moves closer and lifts me onto his lap and in his arms. His chin rests on my head as he rubs my back.
"I'm sorry... I did not mean any of that. I was just worried and upset because I didn't know where you were... Baby, I'm sorry."
I shake a little, my voice sounding unsteady, "You do know that Collin feels like I am his replacement right?"
"Why would he think that?"
"Because you guys treat him like shit! He feels unwelcomed... He is your brother and you don't really talk to him... Your mom treats me like I'm perfect. It is overwhelming enough to have a new person in the house, but it is even worse when it feels like they are taking your place."
Hunter looks ahead with furrowed brows, his body warming mine like it normally does.
"I'll fix it... Or I can try... Tomorrow we are having a day with just us though. Nobody is pulling me away... In fact I have somewhere in mind..."
I inhale shakily then smile, kissing his cheek, "I think I'm falling-"
"In love?" He laughs.
"Asleep," I finish and then snuggle against his warm chest.
He plays with my hair and I drift off.
"You know, you really have changed my life, Jaime. I know I'm not the only one who thinks so... You kept the family together."
I smile softly and open my eyes one last time to peck his lips.
The last words I hear before I drift off echo in my dream.
"You're like an angel or something."