Zach
After I ended the call, I composed a post on my Instagram.
'I'm glad that I found you. Although it's hard for me to, but I stayed with you. I chose you. That's the least that I can do for you kaya ginawa ko na, kahit alam kong may masasaktan ako...I lied just to see you, and spend my life with you. I love you.'
That is for my sister. Kahit nasaktan ko si Julia, may mabuting dulot din pala yung nangyari.
Now, I can stay with my sister. Lalo na't nasa crucial case siya? Wala akong magagawa kung hindi mag stay at samahan siya.
And I hope that I can spend my life with her while she's still alive na hindi ko nagawa ng ilang taon.
Gusto kong bumawi sa kaniya at iparamdam na mahal ko siya.
Sana magawa ko lahat ng 'yun...
---
"At talagang umabot ka dito sa Canada?" I asked. He's in front of me. Stalker ko siguro 'to kasi alam niya kung nasaan ako.
Tumango lang siya. "Hindi ako pumunta rito para makipag-away. In fact," he stopped at lumuhod siya sa harapan ko. Seriously?
Tumawa ako. He looks pathetic. Ano nanaman kaya yung gustong mangyari nito?
"Bro, Julia and I already broke up, thanks to you." I sarcastically said. "And Charisse, too." I added.
"I know. Kaya nga ako nandito eh." Sabi niya. Hindi parin siya tumatayo. If that's what he want, then okay.
"Bakit? Para humingi ng permission na balikan siya?" Tanong ko. It's not possible na gawin niya 'yun.
I lost. We broke up, kagaya ng gusto niyang mangyari.
He nodded. Tama ako.
"I heard that you got someone pregnant that's why I assumed that the both of you are living together. That's why I'm starting to pursue her now, just letting you know." Paano niya nalaman 'yun? Sinabi niya?
"Bago kita sagutin, tumayo ka nga diyan. You look stupid." I said. Dahan- dahan siyang tumayo. He faced me like he's about to cry. Akala mo kung sinong mabait.
"You're starting to pursue her?" I asked, kahit masakit.
Tumango siya ulit. "Little by little, gusto kong bumawi sa kaniya na alam kong hindi mo kaya." He smirked. How dare you.
Without a doubt, I started to punch him.
Hindi ako tumigil hanggang hindi ako na-kkuntento. I punched him kasi alam kong tama siya, at alam kong wala na 'kong magagawa.
But I still want to make it work so I said, "Even if she's not mine anymore, she's still mine. Her heart is still mine. Sana maintindihan mo." Sabi ko at binitawan siya.
Dahan-dahan siyang tumayo. Ang dami niyang dugo sa mukha, suits him well.
"Seven months, that's the timeframe. Don't bother her for seven months kung hindi..." He paused so that he'll be able to catch his breath. Ang weak naman.
"Ano? Suicide?" Tanong ko then I laughed. Gamit na gamit na yung salitang 'yan.
"Yes. I'll kill myself." He said.
"Why don't try it as an example? Baka sakaling maniwala ako." Sabi niya.
He just smirked at me at dahan-dahan niyang kinuha yung baril sa bulsa niya. Heck.
"Try ko sa'yo, gusto mo?" He asked. He pointed his gun at me. Wala akong pakialam. Siya naman yung paparusahan, hindi ako.
Kinasa niya ito at tinutok ulit saakin.
"Suicide parin ba yung tawag doon? Kapag iba yung papatayin mo?" Tanong ko sa kaniya. Tumawa ulit ako.
Pinutok niya yung baril. Napapikit ako...
Hindi saakin tumama. I already expected that, alam kong hindi niya yun kayang gawin.
"Shoot. Damn picture." Sabi niya sabay bato ng baril sa sahig. I looked at where he's looking.
And yes, binaril niya lang naman yung picture namin ni Julia. What a jerk. Tao pa ba siya?
Dahan-dahan ko ulit siyang nilapitan. Hinigit ko yung kwelyo niya. Kanina pa 'to. Kahit kailan, wala na siyang nagawang matino.
Magsama sila ni Charisse. Suicide squad, perfect.
"Bakit mo ginawa 'yun?" Tanong ko. Nakahawak parin ako sa kwelyo niya.
"Bro, that's just a freaking picture. You want example, right? There, I gave it to you." Binitawan ko siya, enough for him to fall down.
"Hindi ako childish na magagalit lang dahil sa isang picture. Narinig mo yung sumigaw kanina? Kapatid ko 'yun. She must be so shocked dahil sa kabaliwan mo!" Sigaw ko.
"Pwede ba? Kung wala kang gagawing matino, just please get out of my room." Sabi ko.
Tumawa siya, then he got up slowly. Kulang pa yung ginawa ko sa kaniya pero ayoko na, nakakaawa.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll give you what you want. But before that, I just want to add something very important." Kinuha niya ulit yung baril niya at tinago sa bulsa niya. Pasalamat siya, hindi banned ang baril dito.
"Julia and your child. Mapapahamak yung dalawang importante sa buhay mo kapag sinubukan mo siyang lapitan. Seven months, Zach." Sabi niya at umalis na. Wow, just wow.
I shouted out of my frustration. Wala na, hindi ko na talaga alam yung gagawin ko.
He gave me seven months to stay away from Julia. And seven months to pursue her.
Fine, I'll give him what he want. Wag lang mapahamak si Julia. Ayoko ring mamatay yung lalaking 'yun dahil sakin, konsensya ko pa 'yun.
And my child...hindi ko alam.
My cellphone began to caught my attention kaya kinuha ko ito.
Charisse sent me messages.
'Hi babe, I'm on the way to Canada. Don't worry, I already forgave you for leaving me alone in Hongkong. Can you please fetch me at the airport? Your baby wants to see you. Take care, love you'
At talagang ginamit niya yung bata? Even if she did that, I still don't care.
It's still morning, and yet parang pagod na pagod na 'ko. And yet that guy ruined my day so easily, and also that woman.
Kaagad akong pumunta sa kabilang unit. I want to see my sister.
"Zach, good morning. Join us for breakfast." Then she smiled. Ang gandang salubong.
I smiled, too. "Harry, can you do me a favor?" I asked. He arched his eyebrows.
Lumapit ako sa kaniya then I whispered in his ears, "Can I take her out? Is it possible?" I asked.
Tinawanan lang niya ako. Nakikipag-usap naman ako ng maayos eh.
After a few seconds, he nodded. "Eat your breakfast first, your sister cooked that for you." Then he looked at her and I did the same. Nakasmile lang siya parati, nakakawala tuloy ng frustration.
He stood up and got me a plate and utensils. There are various of meals na nakahain. Niluto niya talaga 'to lahat?
"Uy, anong sinabi mo kay Harry?" She asked, looking so curious.
Umiling lang ako. "You'll know later." Sabi ko. Tumawa lang siya.
The reason why I said it to him is because I'm still cautious and shy when it comes to her. Kahapon lang kami nagkita and I want to make this work one step at a time.
--
"Sabihin mo lang kapag nilalamig ka na, para bumalik na tayo sa room." I said to her." Nasa garden kami ng hotel. Kasama ko yung nurse niya kaya hindi ako nahirapang ibaba siya.
"No, it's okay. Ngayon lang kita na-solo, eh." Sabi niya. Tumawa lang ako.
Kanina ko pa tinutulak yung wheelchair niya, mga ilang minutes na siguro na pabalik-balik kami.
"Tell me Zachary, what else do you want to know?" She asked.
Ang dami na niyang na-kwento saakin. Kung saan siya nag-aral, how did she achieved her dreams, and such things. And yet she's still asking me kung ano pa yung gusto kong malaman.
I want to know everything. But I want to be cautious kasi kapag may mali akong itanong at isasagot niya, baka mag seizure nanaman siya.
"What's your happiest moment in life?" Tanong ko. Nakita kong ngumiti siya, like she always do.
"Right now. I'm happy being with you right now, Zach." Sabi niya.
I carried her in my arms para makaupo siya sa bench, since kanina niya pa gusto na umupo dito.
"Ako din, ate. Masaya ako." I said then I took a deep breath. Lies.
"Hmm, parang hindi naman?" Tanong niya. "Tell me, anong problema? I don't know you well but I can sense that you have a problem."
Tumingin ako sa kaniya. I leaned on her shoulders then I started to cry silently. Sobrang bigat na kasi.
"I broke up with Julia because I found out that I got someone pregnant. And her ex-boyfriend...pumunta siya sa unit ko kanina." I stopped. I should pause, ayokong malaman niya na sa unit ko galing yung putok ng baril.
"Her ex-boyfriend gave me seven months para layuan ko si Julia. Eh sobrang layo ko na nga." Sabi ko.
It just felt so good to have someone na pwede akong mag rant, with no judgements. Because I've never done this with my parents, I also have no real friends that I call.
"Seven months? That's selfish. Bakit ka pumayag?" She asked.
"For her safety, para sa anak ko narin." Sabi ko. Yeah, I just called that child 'anak'.
"Hay, I can't believe that you'd grow up like that." Tumingin ako sa kaniya. Everything about her is just genuine. I also thought that she'd grow up like that.
Huling memory ko sa kaniya...maarte, mahilig makipag-socialize, always want to be pretty and dress well, mabait, at iba pa.
She did changed a lot. Ako rin ba?
"I feel so old. Sobrang liit mo pa nung huli kitang nakita, and you we're so immature, but sweet." Tumawa ako.
Ang ganda ng description ko sa kaniya but she'll just describe me like this. I want justice.
"I'm serious! Huwag mo 'ko tawanan." I smiled at her. And now we're joking around each other, parang sobra na kaming magkakilala.
"Okay, let's change the topic." She paused. "You still love her, don't you?" I asked. I would be a liar if I say no.
That's why I nodded.
"It's not hard to move on, but I think I should. I have a child now and I should be responsible for it." I sighed.
Napatigil siya. I looked at her for a moment, she looked like she was about to tell me something.
"Do you still remember the day that I last saw you?" She asked.
"Sa airplane, when Julia fought with you. Right?" Sabi ko. I started to reminisce that moment again. She looks so bold and I didn't expect that I'll be hearing my sister's name again.
How time flies so fast. Now, she's here right beside me.
Napailing siya. Bakit, may iba pa ba? "You probably forgot, because you we're drunk."
"What? Drunk?" I can't remember a scenario kung saan nakita ko siya. Maybe I was drunk, like what she said.
"Yes, you were at the bar. I came because my workmates planned a farewell party for me. Then I saw you, and I talked to you..."
Unti-unti kong inalala ang lahat ng nangyari nung araw na 'yun. I thought I saw Julia but Charisse betrayed me.
"I thought you recognized me, but then I was wrong. You dozed off that's why I couldn't talk to you more. Hinila ka ng babaeng kasama mo papunta sa isang room, I thought she's your friend that's why—"
"So that was you? Hindi si Charisse? And not definitely Julia?" I asked. Heck.
"And what did you said? Hinila ako papunta sa isang room? And you didn't stop me?" Tanong ko.
"Because I thought that she's your friend. Tsaka, I still have no rights that time, hindi mo pa 'ko kilala." Sabi niya. Right. Why does it sound that I'm blaming her?
Umayos ka nga, Zachary.
"So, tama ba yung iniisip ko?" Tanong niya. I know what she meant.
"I think so. And they have to pay for setting me up. I was helpless and drunk and yet they took advantage of that." Sabi ko.
Kung ganoon yung nangyari, anong laban ko doon? Wala akong maalala. Tapos pag gising ko, bigla akong magkakaroon ng anak? That's magic.
"Zach, I know that you're blaming them for what happened but that's all in the past. May magagawa ka pa ba? All you have to do is accept and let go." She said. "Siguro...galit si Julia because of what you did. But trust me, mahal ka pa niya. Seven months? That's a long time but no matter how long the timeframe is, kung mahal ka, mahal ka." She asked. Yeah, I guess this is what I need right now.
"And it's also good for you. Because for the whole seven months, you'll have time to reflect, love yourself more, and be also a better version of yourself. That's why if I were you, I will use that time wisely. I will have a break from the weight that the world is giving me. Tama ba 'ko, bunso?"
Bunso? Hindi ako sanay.
But, she's right. I should have time to love, heal, and improve myself for the whole seven months. It's not easy, but I certainly can do it.
"Don't worry, I'll help you." Then she carressed my face. And I considered it as an assurance of something that I can truly have from her.
It's time to fix myself and to build myself along with my sister.
----
Julia
Kinuha ko yung letters sa table, it looks vintage and this is the first time he wrote long letters for me, lagi kasing nasa sticky note.
"Let's do this." I said to myself.
But before I started to read it, naalala ko yung sinabi niya kanina...
"Prioritize him first. I know that you must. If...you wanna get me back, trust me. I'll turn my back against the world and fully focus on you. But if your decision's final that you don't want me back anymore, trust me, you'll never see my presence again...not anymore."
Lord, please help me to make the right decision.
Hi, Julia Faye. It's exactly 2am here in Canada. I'm on the rooftop, writing this letter for you. I don't know kung hanggang saan ka makakaabot na magbasa nito, but in case that you won't end it, it's okay, at least you tried. But if you'll force yourself to read up until the end, then thank you in advance, and I am very sorry. Since the day that I left you, hindi ko na alam kung tama pa ba na mabuhay ako ng malayo sa reyalidad pero ikaw, alam ko na you're suffering. I'll go straight to the point. I didn't left you because of Charisse and her baby. It's because my sister's still alive. She's sick and worst, baka ikamatay niya agad. You know what? I'm happy to know that she's still alive pero parang baliwala lang din kung agad siyang mawawala. That's why I took this chance to be with her, to love and know her more. Second, I want you to know that I was framed. Charisse set me up. I was drunk, and she took it as an advantage. I know that this sounds cliché, but that's what really happened. If you won't believe me, at least I tried to prove myself to you again by saying the truth. I'll understand if you can't give me the trust that you once gave me. But if you'll give me the permission, I'll do everything to pursue you again. Kahit itulak mo ko palayo, magpapahila ako palapit sa'yo. Sa kabila ng mga pagkakamali ko, gusto kong ipakita sayo na isa sa mga tamang desisyon na nagawa ko, ay ang mahalin ka. At kahit labanan mo ako gamit ang iyong mga masasakit na salita, patuloy kitang ipaglalaban. Now, I want to propose something to you...which I hope will soon lead to my dream proposal... -Z
I took a deep breath as I finisyed reading his letter. My heart is breaking. His words, ganoon parin. Kung paano niya ako sinimulang mahalin, sa tingin ko hindi naman nagbago 'yun.
Sobrang ramdam ko yung emosyon niya while reading that letter. Ang dami niyang pinagdaanan. We both passed through a needle.
I really don't know what to say. Ang alam ko lang, I felt genuineness and sincerity. It feels like, bumalik yung Zach na nakilala at minahal ko simula nung una palang.
Strong but weak on the inside, never fails to surprise me, always reminding me of the extent of his love for me, willing to sacrifice everything just to fight for me, and so on.
And right now? I think I'm ready to make a decision.
But wait, there's a cliffhanger.
What's his proposal?