"D, this shit doesn't make sense," I shrugged, throwing down my pencil.
"Javi you aren't even trying, you're just giving up." He pouted.
"Because I can't do it, and you explaining it is just confirming how stupid I am." I spoke, a throaty groan escaping lips out of frustration.
"You're not stupid," he shook his head.
Since it's a Friday and he had a bit more freedom we came to the community library. The entire community center had a bunch of shit for us, including the basketball gym that we all constantly came to.
"Think of it like basketball, it's not much different—when you shoot a ball you know which angle works best, and you know what form you need to perfect it," he spoke, "and math is the same way, once you get that hang of it—you won't struggle as much because that mental barrier will be gone."
"You make it sound a lot easier than it is," I sighed.
"No, you're just making it harder than it is because you don't think you can do it." He said matter of factly.
I'd gotten him to be so much more comfortable with me, to the point now that he would actually get a little bold, feeling less and less nervous as time went on.
I gave him one last glance before attempting the problem again.
This time I tried what he suggested, morphing the problem into basketball, something I was definitely confident in. After rewording and reworking, I miraculously got it right.
I stood up and did a little dance, my eyes were closed so I was unable to see his face.
When I opened them I looked up to see him smiling at me brightly, "don't even start," I chuckled, shaking my head.
"Told ya so," he teased.
"bet," I said simply before attacking his stomach with my hands, tickling him.
"St-stop," he whined, breaking out into fits of laughter.
Immediately my eyes widened at the sound that he made. I know he didn't mean for it to come out that way, and had he not have been Laughing I know he'd be embarrassed. But it definitely had blood rushing in places I didn't want him to notice.
"Javi?" He spoke, looking at me with concern when I stopped all my movements and just stared at him.
I looked down at myself and mumbled a low "fuck" before rushing to sit down.
"Yeah—Uh, my bad." I chuckled,clearing my throat.
"The librarian lady is giving us dirty looks I think we should leave." He laughed, whispering so she couldn't here.
I gave him a wide eyed look immediately, "No!"
My tone and quickness scared him causing him to jump.
It also caused the librarian to shush us, again.
"sorry," I apologized, grabbing each of his arms softly with my hands, "I just Uh—caught a cramp....in my leg." I lied.
"Oh," he laughed, calming down, "how'd that happen?"
Again I had to come up with a quick lie to hide the embarrassing truth.
You moaned and made me hard.
"Sat down to long," I shrugged.
"Oh let me see, I know how to—"
Again, I looked at him in panic, "D, honestly it's okay, it's going away already." I smiled, chucking nervously.
"Are you sure?" He asked, looking at me weirdly.
I nodded and tried to focus on anything else to help my problem.
That only became more difficult when his small hands touched my cheek, taking off what appeared to lint.
For a split second we just stared at each other, but of course he looked away and back down to the work in-front of him.
I on the other hand didn't, and instead watched him, admiring his side profile and the rest of his body as my eyes trailed down.
Instead of helping my situation I was making it worse and I now had a full blow tent in my jeans.
I did my best to hide it, scooting up to the table so that only my upper half was showing, once again garnering weird looks from him.
"You're being weird." He giggled, looking over at me.
"just getting comfortable." I lied.
After a couple of minutes my problem fixed it self and we were able to leave
As we made our way out he'd broke the silence and asked me a question.
"How was your first week, any opinion of the school so far?"
"It's aight," I shrugged, "everyone just seems all high and mighty, it's annoying."
"Yeah, a lot of kids there are rich kids, so they're pretty pretentious and judgmental." He nodded.
"They are quick to prejudge you and run with it." He agreed. "Once they've decided something about you, they stick with it whether it's right or wrong..." he said lowly.
I squinted my eyebrows as I spoke, "you sound like you've experienced it."
"yeah...." he responded quietly, whispering almost.
Immediately I softened my voice, "you wanna talk about it?"
"You don't have to," I reassured, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable.
"No it's okay," he shook his head, eyeing the ground.
"Um, people at school, they don't really understand my anxiety, they just think I'm some weird kid." He explained.
"My freshman year I had a lot of panic attacks and ended up running out of class a couple of times."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," I said sincerely.
He shook his head before speaking this time, "I've gotten a lot better with my social anxiety now though. All of that was freshman year but it's stuck with me, now I'm just the weird kid."
"You ain't weird D, those kids are just assholes." I spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He finally looked up, smiling at me after my words.
"Why didn't Marquees say something, He's your brother right, kinda his job to look out for you."
"He did sometimes, but he's only one person, and after a while he just stopped, which I can't blame him, he shouldn't have to fight my battles." He said lightly.
"Standing up for you isn't fighting your battles though," I responded.
He stayed silent which caused me to realize he didn't wanna talk about it anymore. I understood entirely and changed the subject.
"Basketball tryouts are next week," I smiled.
He mimicked me as he spoke, "are you excited?
"Definitely, I've never gotten the chance to play for a school before, or even on a team for that matter."
"I'm sure you'll make the team, you're a really good player," he complimented, blushing as he did.
I chuckled and nodded, "thank you."
"But since we're on the topic of basketball, you gonna come to the games?" I asked boldly, smirking.
He quickly shook his head, "no no no, I've never been to one and I never wanna go to one, there's too many people."
I thought to myself before speaking, "what if I get one of my dads to sit next to you, he's really good at calming people." I nodded, thinking to all the times Mr.Jay calmed me down.
Again he shook his head, "I don't want marquees to feel weird"
I jerked my neck back in shock, "why would he feel weird about his brother coming to a game....that he's playing in?"
"He doesn't really like being associated with me too much, another reason why he stopped defending me."
The second part he said really quietly, almost like he didn't want me to hear. I did hear him though, but I chose not to comment so he wouldn't feel weird.
"Then don't go for him, go for me." I suggested, smirking. His eyes grew wide and he immediately blushed again.
"If you think it'll be too much for you then you don't have to come, I don't want you to get overwhelmed. But I'd love for you to be there" I told him.
He stayed silent, thinking to himself before speaking. "I guess it wouldn't be that bad..."
"It won't," I smiled, "you know what else won't be that bad?"
His eyebrows raised in a questioning manner causing me to speak.
"You wearing a shirt with my name on it," I smirked
"Josh you never know, it may go well," Alyssa suggested.
I groaned and flopped down on my bed, aggravated with the entire situation.
"Why is it they want to reach out now, they haven't said a peep since I've been back. It's just a coincidence that Freya walks out on me and NOW they want to talk."
"Josh you've been talking about how you wished your parents would reach out, and now they have, maybe you should just give it a chance." She continued.
"Yeah maybe you're right," I said lowly, hearing the door shut.
"I'll call you back later and let you know how everything went, wish me luck." I sighed, hanging up.
"Mr.Jay?" Javier called out, causing me to respond.
"Coming,"
After making my way downstairs I spotted him at the dining room table with a bunch of papers.
"Do you mind signing these, it's a bunch of stuff so I'll be able to join the basketball team if I make tryouts," he explained.
"when you make tryouts, and of course." I smiled, grabbing a pen from the drawer and reading over everything before I signed.
He muttered a quick 'thank you' and smiled causing me to laugh.
"I do need to talk about something with you though," I spoke, getting serious.
"Am I trouble, I swear I didn't d—"
"No no it's nothing like that!" I assured, watching him visibly calm.
"My parents invited me over to dinner tonight, and they want you to come with me." I spoke.
"Problem is I haven't spoken to my parents in months and we didn't exactly leave on great terms. I'm not sure what to expect and I don't want to put you into an uncomfortable situation so of course if you don't wanna go I complete understand. I'm sure André and you could do something in the meantime." I continued.
"No sir, I'll be fine, if they invited me and I don't show up, I'd already be leaving a worse impression than anything I do once I'm there." He shrugged.
I nodded and smiled at how mature he sounded. Not to mention he was right, my parents were people that based their entire life upon respect, if they felt disrespected they'd make sure you'd know it.
"Okay well dinner is until 8 so you have a couple of hours to yourself before it starts," I smiled
He nodded and made his way back up stairs after gathering the papers I signed.
I decided to take a bath beforehand to clear my mind and relax for what would sure be a long night.
I was nervous, not only for myself but for Javier. Even more so for him honestly.
As I ran my water at a piping hot temperature I added bubbles before stepping in my self.
I laid my head back and relaxed comfortably.
That intense moment of relaxation however was cut short by my phone, the loud ringtone causing my eyes to shoot open.
The number was unknown but I answered anyway, in hopes that it would be the man I hadn't heard from in weeks.
"Hello?" I answered, tone questioning.
"Sweetheart," Clares deep voice responded, immediately giving me goosebumps.
Physically I couldn't smile because of the face mask I had on, but I wanted to.
"Finally," I sighed in relief.
I'd been dying to hear from him, and honestly I was wondering when he'd call, I just figured he didn't have the time.
"Yeah I'm sorry bout' how long it took me, we didn't get to call until today, and even then we all had our own time bracket. Which also means I don't have long." He explained.
"Have you heard.....the news," I asked lowly.
This time, he was the one to sigh, "yeah I did, are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I spoke, voice trembling, giving away my lie.
"Don't lie to me Joshua.." he responded, his tone soft but his words demanding.
I let go of a shaky breath before speaking, "I'm terrified Clare, what else am I gonna be."
"I'm sorry.." he apologized.
"Don't apologize, it isn't your fault..." I told him honestly.
He didn't respond which meant my words fell on deaf ears.
"Is there anything I can do?" He asked.
There wasn't anything I wanted besides his presence, but saying that would only cause him to feel more guilt that he already did.
"I'm okay, I'll be better when you get here." I spoke.
"soon," he responded.
"I need y'all to be extra careful Jay, like deadass." He started.
"I don't care where you're at, if you feel like something isn't right, run, don't take any chances."
"I know Clare, I do, plus Andres here so I doubt I'll really be going anywhere alone now."
"Is he okay?" He asked.
"He's just as scared as I am, but he handles it better." I said truthfully.
"What about about Jave?" He spoke, his tone changing, softening.
"I don't know, he didn't seem scared. It was like he was numb to it." I spoke, voice trailing off as I thought.
"What does that mean, is there some doctor explanation or some shit?" He asked causing me to shrug
"Possible, he's endured so much physical and emotional torment that he may be desensitized to it all. That's definitely possible seeing as he's witnessed and been victim to a lot." I explained.
I honestly forgot what it felt like to dissect the psyche of someone.
"He usually practices at the court alone actually, I don't wanna disrupt that, that's the only thing he really asks." I explained.
"Jay I love him, but all of us gotta make sacrifices to be safe. Him going anywhere alone is putting him at more risk than anything."
"He's just started to feel normal, it just isn't fair that his own biological father is taking that away from him again." I said sadly.
"I know..." Clare responded, "is it okay If I talk to him?" He asked.
"Of course just gimme a second," I spoke, standing up and grabbing a towel.
After drying myself off, I grabbed a robe and through it on.
"Where going to talk with my parents today," I told him as I slipped on slippers.
"I thought you ain't fuck with them?" He asked.
"I don't, but I've wanted to reconnect, and they also wanted to meet Javier." I explained
"They wanted to meet Jave? After how your sister reacted do you think that's a good idea?" He questioned.
I stayed silent prompting him to speak again.
"Be safe Jay, I don't want either of y'all being hurt."
"They wouldn't hit us or anything like that, they aren't that crazy." I chuckled.
"That ain't the hurt I'm talking about baby."
As he said that I walked in to Javiers room, who happened to already be on the phone with someone himself.
"It's Clare," I smiled, motioning the phone to him.
His eyes lit up and he quickly spoke, "D imma call you back, just think about what I said okay."
With that he hung up his phone and grabbed mine.
"Hello?" I said shakily, clearing my throat after.
"Jave, how you feeling?" He asked.
"I'm fine, I guess," I chuckled nervously.
He chuckled randomly and then spoke, "why you acting so on edge, it's just me?"
"I don't know, just kinda nervous about what you're gonna say." I said honestly.
"I'm just checking up on you, I knew you've heard about Rodrigo." He spoke.
"Yeah.." I said lowly, I hated when the topic came up, I didn't even really like thinking about it.
"Of course, and I want you to be safe, extra. Which means you can't be going anywhere by yourself, it's dangerous.."
"Yeah I know, but I'm never really alone. I'm with Destin most of the time, or with the other guys." I explained.
"Jave, you and I both know a couple teenagers isn't gonna stop Rodrigo or his connections."
I sighed to myself then spoke, "it just ain't fair, I wanna be normal, just for once. I finally almost get that and he's gonna take it from me.....again."
"I know, it's not right, but until I know what to do about it I need you to be safe."
I stayed silent and laid back, staring at the ceiling.
"How about this," he sighed, "you can go, but you gotta call jay every hour, if he texts, respond, if he calls, pick that shit up on the first ring."
"You serious," I smiled, sitting back up.
"Don't ask again, I might say no." He spoke, it came across as a joke but I knew he was serious.
"Jave I know what it's like to have parents steal your childhood, and I don't want that for you. Imma let you live, but you're gonna be safe, even if that means that privacy shit goes out the window."
"Yeah I understand, thank you!" I said quickly
He chuckled at my enthusiasm before speaking, "put jay back on the phone."
I did as he asked and stood up, walking to Mr.Jays room.
"Wait Jave," he spoke, the moment my hand touched the knob.
"I uh, I love you, be safe."
•RUIN 🥀US•
Please forgive any errors.