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c h a p t e r t w e n t y e i g h t
{Just Breathe}
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Skylar's POV
"Say it again," I whisper with my eyes closed. Jayden's fingers dance along my bare back, prolonging my already immeasurable smile. His lips—which rest against mine—open, and I know those three silly words that I desperately need to hear are about to come out.
"I love you."
I close the remaining space between our lips.
"Your turn." He says when I pull away.
I mimic his exact movements from before then utter, "I love you."
To say something and mean it is entirely different from saying it just to say it. Especially when the person whom you're saying it with feels the same way. I learned that the hard way.
But I can't help but wonder why we let those three words hold so much weight. They can change relationship dynamics entirely. They sure changed the dynamic between Blake and me, even though our relationship was doomed either way.
Jayden breaks the silence. "It's almost time for work," he says. I groan, tucking my face in the crook of his neck. "But we still have enough time for a shower."
I lift my head, smirking. "I like the way you think."
In a matter of seconds, he hoists me up bridal style and we are on our way into the bathroom. Our shower isn't as efficient as it should be, and by the time I get to the office, I'm a couple of minutes late—which rarely happens.
"I got you coffee." Anaya sets the cup down with a grin. "Too busy doing aerobic activities?"
"Oh hush," I glare, but beneath is a hidden smile. She knows why I was late. I called her before I left to let her know, but I wasn't expecting her to get me coffee. I don't know how I functioned without her. Every chance I get, I put a good word in, but she doesn't know that.
"You have a couple coming in around nine and then another appointment at eleven."
"Thank you." She perches herself in a client chair as I talk. "I'm sorry I have been so spacey lately. I haven't been focusing on work as much as I should."
She waves her hands dismissively. "Sky, don't apologize. We all have those moments."
She doesn't fully know what is happening out of respect for Jayden, but she knows that it is personal. And when I told her, she never tried to pry, which I respect.
"How is everything with Owen?" I question, sorting through paperwork.
The corners of her mouth lift as I mention her boyfriend, and she tells me how he asked her to move in. I express my excitement for her and she vents about her worries. I reassure her she will be fine, and we continue talking until we have to immerse ourselves in our work.
My first appointment goes well. The family is lovely, and they made a good first impression, but there are still many more important meetings to come and many other impressions to make. My mind could change and theirs could.
After all these meetings, I also question how ready I am for a child, but then again this isn't about me. Jayden has proven himself, and I feel guilty for ever doubting his parenting abilities. Ellie has been on Jayden's mind longer than I have, in this situation I mean nothing.
I know he is trying not to get his hopes up, but every once in awhile I find a shopping bag in the spare room with a toy inside. I also notice him shopping for bedroom decor or furniture online, but buying nothing. That night when I met him, I could tell there was sadness in him, but I did not understand it would be linked to a dead lover and lost child.
I still don't regret getting close to him. Truth be told, I don't think I had a choice. Fate had its own plan, and I couldn't run from it.
I jump when my phone vibrates just as the front desk informs me my eleven o'clock appointment is here. When I see it's Marlee calling, I shoot her a quick text that I'll call her back later, and then set my phone on my desk.
I walk out in the hall with a smile plastered on my face. While he picks up his briefcase, I extend my hand and introduce myself, "Hi, I'm Skylar Leighton, you must be David."
The man with brown, salt and peppered hair in a nice suit finally looks up at me and my skin goes cold. My hand falls back at my side and I feel myself losing connection with reality.
"Hello, sweetie pie." His voice—like silk—catapults me directly into the past where I do not want to be. He's just how I remembered, but looks older and worn out. I've been so disconnected from work lately, I didn't recognize that it was my father's name etched on the appointment list. How did I miss it?
He says something, but all I can focus on is the ringing in my ears and the ghost from my past standing in front of me.
"Sky," Anaya's hands are on me. "Skylar, are you okay? You need to sit down, you look like you've seen a ghost." Along with Anaya, my father is at my side, and they are walking me back to my office.
"Sir, I'm sorry, but you have to return to the waiting room until we get this sorted out."
"I'm her father," He states, his voice assertive.
Anaya turns facing me, her expression reads pure confusion, and I nod my head that I'm okay.
"You can, um—" I grip my desk for support. "You can sit and wait. I'm going to use the restroom and then I'll be back." He smiles, faintly.
Anaya and I leave the room, without looking back at her I whisper. "Keep an eye on him, but don't let him see you."
She replies, but the bathroom door is already closing behind me, so I don't get to hear what she says. I grip the counter and release a massive breath. I try everything in my power to hold my tears in, but some slip out.
I vigorously wipe the lone tears away and reach for my phone, but I realize I left it in my desk drawer. Sighing in defeat, I look at my disheveled appearance in the mirror and I reassure myself, "I'm fine, I'm fine."
I wait till my tears are gone, and I've caught my breath to return to my office. I check the appointment calendar just to make sure I'm not crazy, and that my father was actually scheduled this entire time. I'm pissed when I see he used his first and middle name, David Michael. Clever, but kind of deceiving. Nonetheless, I should've noticed. Then again, it was less obvious than Leighton being plastered on the board.
Why did he make an appointment?
Mustering up courage I didn't think I had left, I close my eyes and knock on the door. I feel like I'm twelve again, confronting my dad after I was being ornery.
He stands when I enter. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, thank you."
We sit and stare in awkward silence, then I ask, "Why are you here? Why did you make an appointment?"
"I knew you wouldn't want to see me any other way."
All I see is my dead mother when I look at him. "And you thought it was appropriate to bring our family issues into my workplace? To make me look foolish in front of everyone in the lobby?"
He opens his mouth to speak then quickly shuts it. "I didn't think..."
"No, you never did." My voice grows quiet as I try to swallow the uncomfortable lump in my throat. "You never stopped and thought, did you?"
He looks into his lap; I notice him fidgeting with a ring, a wedding ring. I feel my heart tighten, but quickly scold myself for feeling bad. I have a habit of forgiving too easily. I can't forgive him for what he's done.
"I'm sorry Skylar... I made a mistake, and I don't even know where to fix things." His eyes are glossy. I've never seen my dad cry, not even when my mom died. He was so inexpressive with anything remotely serious.
I take a moment, but my voice trembles when I speak. "You are almost ten years too late. You left two young girls to fend for themselves after their mother had died. You forced Marlee to grow up and take care of me at eighteen. Hell, you forced me to grow up. I don't understand your thought process and I don't want to hear the excuse that it was too much for you to handle."
He tries to talk, but I cut him off. "I see children almost every day because of this job. I hear their stories, and I thank the lord I had a sister like Marlee because if I hadn't, I'd be in the system struggling to find people to take care of me." I stand up and walk to a window because I can't take looking at him. "You were not the only one hurt when mom died. You were selfish then, and you are extremely selfish now to believe you can walk into our lives and disrupt everything we've stabilized."
My cheeks burn from hot tears.
"You are one-hundred percent right. I am selfish. I am an awful father for leaving you guys, and I've lived with this guilt every day. I know I could've prevented it, I know. I was scared. Your mom was the absolute love of my life. When I lost her, I lost myself too. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I've been getting help and I needed to apologize."
I turn toward him. His face, wet with tears, continues staring into his lap. "You came here to clear your conscious?"
"No, that was not the only reason. I'm finally at a place in my life where I could do this. I didn't have to, I could've continued my life how it was, but if it's not too late, I would like a relationship with you guys."
"I'm not ready yet."
He nods. "Okay, that's okay. I'm sorry for dropping in on you like this, I can see myself out. Here is my information though, if you want to contact me." He sets a note on my desk and stands to leave. I am frozen in place, unable to move. I stare at the vacant chair he occupied.
Anaya doesn't hesitate to walk into my office. "Skylar, I'm coming in. I know you want to be alone, but I can't let that right now. I don't know what just happened, but I know you need someone and I'm here." I hear a clink and look up to see her set a vase of flowers on my desk. "These were delivered, they're absolutely beautiful, and from Jayden."
My stomach twists into a knot when I notice it's a bouquet of baby's breath, my mother's favorite. The ones I always put on her grave. He doesn't know that though, and I can't help but believe this is a sign from her to just breathe.
Jaydens POV
I call Skylar again, but just like before, it's directed to voicemail. It's almost eight at night and she should be home by now, she's always home before me.
There is a pit in my stomach and it does not feel good. I keep wondering if it was last night that scared her off... did me saying I love you chase her away? I know things ended badly with her and Blake when love was brought into the equation, but I didn't think she felt that way about our relationship. Maybe I'm overthinking things. Maybe she just got caught up with work.
As I slide my phone into my pocket, it begins ringing and I pull it out faster than the speed of light to find it's Marlee.
"Marlee, where is Sky?" I can't stop the words from spilling out.
"I was calling to ask you the same thing." I hear worry laced in her voice. "Our dad, he visited me earlier and then went to visit Skylar at work. I tried calling to warn her, but she didn't pick up. She said she'd call me back, but never did, and when I stopped by her office, they said she went home."
I stare into my empty apartment, lost. "She's not here."
"Shit."
I grab my coat and car keys and immediately head for the door. "I'll go look for her, call Raven and see if she's there, and let me know what she says. I'll check Mr. K's and the graveyard. Don't worry until we have too, alright?" Marlee agrees and tells me where their mother's gravestone is before we hang up.
Keeping my cool, I drive to Kenny's and head inside. I look everywhere and check with Kenny to see if she stopped by. He says he hasn't seen her, and questions if everything is alright, which I tell him yes because I don't want to worry anyone else.
Just as I'm walking out, Marlee texts me that Raven hasn't seen or heard from Sky, so I head to my next spot—the graveyard. It's growing darker by the minute as I hurriedly walk toward Mrs. Leighton's grave. I find nothing but wilting flowers.
"Fuck!" I shout, hitting my forehead with my palm. "Where could she be?"
My brain can't help but picture the worst. I rummage through my jumbled thoughts until it hits me. Where was I when I found out I had a daughter? My immediate reaction was to go and drink. She's at the bar. She has to be.
I run to my car and drive to the place where we first met.
Inside is bustling with people, but I spot her right away sitting at the bar. My entire body relaxes at the sight and I text everyone to let them know she's okay.
She still has her burgundy dress on from work and her hair is disheveled. I watch her bring a glass full of clear liquid to her lips and gulp it down. Then she raises her hand to get the bartender's attention.
Slowly, I make my way over and sit.
"Can I have water please?" I ask as the bartender sets her drink down. She looks at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. The bartender watches our exchange and casts me a commiserating look and walks away.
"You found me." She slurs her words.
"I'm not sure I know who you are." I smile, trying to lighten the mood. "I saw you from across the bar, you look like you needed a friend."
She cocks an eyebrow, confused. "Jayd-"
"My name is Blondie." I extend my hand to shake hers. "It's nice to meet you."
She pauses, questioning whether she should go along with this, but eventually gives in and shakes my hand. But I don't let go of her hand.
"You came over out of pity."
"No, I just don't enjoy seeing beautiful girls sad. Especially when I can help."
She sets her glass down and twists her chair around so our knees touch. "My estranged dad came to visit me today. How about that?" A laugh bubbles out of her beautiful lips.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head no, so I don't press any further. I watch her down another glass and wave the bartender over once more. He looks toward me for an answer and I shake my head no. Skylar is too incoherent to notice.
"I'm a mess." She cries out, leaning into my chest. I hold her upward.
"We're all a mess baby, some of us just know how to hide it better than others." I brush her tears off her cheek and stand. I pull a twenty out of my wallet and set it on the counter before hoisting her off the stool.
"You okay to come home with me?"
Wordlessly she nods, and I carry her out of the bar, and we head home.
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Thanks for reading, xoxo Anna :)