I sat in the living room, feet tucked under me, chin resting in my palm. I was still in my pajama although it was already noon. My fluffy penguin pants were getting worn out though and I knew I needed a new pair. The Christmas tree was twinkling it's white lights behind me and the sound of Santa Claus was coming from the tv speakers.
"Sam, are you coming or what?"
I looked behind me to the sound of the voice. Colby was standing in front of the couch, a blanket wrapped around his body. He was also in his pajamas, his pants had dinosaurs wearing Santa hats on them. He looked so small in that moment. I laughed softly as he pointed to the tv. The movie was almost over but he was insistent that I join him on the couch. I glanced one more time outside, at the wet pavement before sighing. I guess the snow wasn't coming today.
He smiled giddily when he saw me get up. He plopped down on the couch, laying over the entirety of it. I put my hands on my hips, looking at his giggling body.
"Now where am I gonna sit?" I questioned.
It was the day after Christmas and everything was starting to settle down. Until New Years, that is. My parents slept in and my sister drove to her college friends house. My younger brother, Ben, was still here but he was too busy working on a Lego set he got for Christmas. Though he's almost sixteen now, he still loves his Legos.
Colby lifted his legs and I settled between them. He wrapped the blanket over half my body and flicked his eyes to the movie. I was glad Colby was wearing socks otherwise his feet would have stunk so bad.
The weatherman said a blizzard was coming soon. And I loved the snow, it was the one thing I missed when we moved to California. Because it doesn't snow where we are in the state. I loved the white innocence of it, the fluffy coldness that seeps into your heart, the way it makes the whole town look beautiful.
My eyes focused on the screen but I wasn't really watching the movie. It was just background noise to all the thoughts in my head. Colby had gotten me a new ring for Christmas, it was just a silver band with mine and his initials carved into it. "Because we'll always be together," he had said yesterday morning. Nothing could separate our friendship.
I twirled it around my finger. It was the only ring I put on this morning. Colby had his on but that wasn't unusual. For me, rings weren't a big part of my outfits but something about this ring made me want to wear it forever.
"Do you like it?"
His question brought me out of my thoughts. He was biting his lip, looking at me intensely as I played with the ring.
"I love it Colbs. I told you that yesterday," I answered.
"Okay," he said.
He buried himself back in the blanket, leaving me with barely any. I wasn't cold but I thought I would mess with him a little. He is my best friend after all, I'm allowed to do things like that.
"Hey," I pouted. "Give me some of the blanket too."
He laughed and pulled the blanket farther away from me. I pouted even more and got up on my knees. I towered over him as he squealed. Before I knew it, I was straddling his body as we played tug of war with the blanket.
"Sammy, I'm cold too," he laughed.
"Well so am I," I said. "Sharing is caring."
He was laughing so hard he couldn't even respond to me. I had given up on fighting with him for the blanket that I had resulted to tickling him. His face was turning red as he tried to grab my hands. My fingers worked up his sides. His back arched and his legs squirmed underneath me, he was panting and struggling to breath. Somehow he managed to roll us off the couch. He ended up on top of me, hands pressed firmly beside my head. My hands held his waist, stopping their movements. I held his gaze as he tried to regain his breathing.
He was so close to me. Of course, we've always been close. But not this close. His nose was almost touching mine and our lips were inches away. All I had to do was lean up and they would connect. Are you crazy? You can't kiss your best friend. My thoughts were tumbling around in my head.
He cleared his throat and sat up straighter. His hips rubbed against mine, on accident, but I let out a strangled groan. His eyes widened and then he was jumping off of me.
"I... uhh sorry," he scratched the back of his neck, avoiding my eyes. I leaned up on my elbows.
"It's okay," I said breathless. Until the movie was over, we sat on opposite ends of the couch. The blanket was in the middle of us, unused.
I didn't mean to make it awkward. But the feeling of his hips rolling on top of mine got me excited. I couldn't contain it. We tell each other everything, but for some reason I could never confess my feelings for him. From the corner of my eye, I could see him glancing in my direction every so often. It was getting kind of annoying.
"Are you gonna look at me the whole time? Or watch the movie?" I snapped suddenly. His cheeks flared red as soon as I said it.
"Sorry, I just... oh my God," his answer was cut short by his sudden excitement. I followed his eyes to the window. My own widened.
"It's finally snowing," I squealed.
But upon further inspection, it wasn't just snowing. The snow was coming down fast, sticking to the pavement and grass. It had only been thirty minutes or so since I had moved from the window. Yet here the snow lies. The wind was swirling the large flakes around taking them on a rollercoaster. Mounds of snow piled up quickly due to the amount that was falling.
"We haven't seen snow in ages," Colby murmured beside me. He was gazing out the window too, the blanket once again wrapped around his body.
"Yeah, it's been awhile. But that's what we get for moving," I replied.
"There was nothing here for us anyway," Colby said. He wrapped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his side. He was warm. His other hand grabbed my hand with the ring. He traced it gently, outlining my initials. "I'm glad I moved with you. If it was anyone else I would've said no."
I blushed and looked away from him. His words sparkled a fire in my heart. He didn't know what he was doing to me. But I shouldn't feel this way about my best friend either.
"Hey, I have an idea," he said, changing the subject. I raise my eyebrows at him. "Let's make Christmas cookies."
"Colby, Christmas is over," I laughed out. His shoulders slump in defeat and my smile faded. "But we can still make cookies."
His eyes light up and he jumps from foot to foot. I roll my eyes and drag him into the kitchen. With it snowing, we couldn't do much anyway. And having the oven on will keep the house warm.
I tell him to get out the roll of cookie dough from the fridge while I preheat the oven and get out the pans we need. We work in silence for awhile. He was cutting the dough, while I rolled it and placed it on the pan.
"We need to add more chocolate chips, Sammy," he announced after we had one pan filled.
"But there's already some in the dough," I said, ignoring the nickname he gave me. I cross my arms as he gives me a begging look to add more. His bottom lip juts out and his head tilts. It took everything in me to not kiss him.
"I guess we can add a few more," I finally obliged his request. He squeals and grabs the chocolate chip bag and pours a few in his hand.
"Thanks Sammy, you know how much I love chocolate," he said happily.
Once he's finished adding more chocolate chips, the oven beeps and I place the pan in the oven. I set a timer and we start on a new pan. From the window in the kitchen, I could see snow piling up. It was at least a few feet deep now. There was no way any of us would be leaving the house.
"Can we frost them too?" Colby asked, licking the excess dough off his fingers. My lips part as I watch his own lips curl around his finger. I know his tongue is sliding all around his finger inside his mouth and I pretend to know what it feels like.
"Colbs, these are chocolate chip cookies. Look to see if we have any sugar cookie dough," I sighed. He wipes his wet fingers on a napkin and searches the fridge some more.
"Ah ha," he exclaimed, pulling out a half used roll of sugar cookie dough. The oven beeps suddenly and I jump. Our first batch of cookies was done. I grab the oven mitt and pull open the oven. Inside the smell was captivating and delicious. I pulled out our cookies and set them aside to cool. Then I placed our other full pan in the oven.
"Ohh wow, those look so good," Colby semi-whispered to himself. Before I could react he was reaching for one. His finger bumped into the tray and he yelped. The tray wobbled but didn't fall and Colby was clutching his hand. "Ow, ow, ow."
"Colby! Those just came out of the oven," I exclaimed. His eyes were wide in pain and he started sucking on his burnt finger.
"Here, let me see. Are you alright?" I asked. He gave me his injured hand and I noticed the side of his finger was a dark red. I rubbed around the area gently and he flinched. I grabbed a rag near the sink and looked up at him.
"I'm just gonna..." I trailed off. He was looking at me so intensely. His eyes fluttering underneath his eyelashes, his bottom lip in his teeth again. Some of his brown locks were hiding his beautiful blue orbs. But I could still see the pain in his face.
I shook my head and slowly placed the damp rag on his injured finger. He sighed in relief as the pain dwindled. The rag was absorbing the heat.
"Are you alright?" I asked again. His hand was smooth in mine and much larger.
"I will be," Colby sighed. He removed his hand from mine to inspect the damage. I tossed the rag in the sink. I tried not to look at him but my eyes wandered over his figure. The oven beeped again, our second batch of cookies was done.
After minutes of waiting for the cookies to finish cooling, Colby took a seat on the stools by the counter. He watched me use a spatula and put the cookies in a tin. His finger was wrapped around his lips.
"So are we gonna do the sugar cookies too?" I asked, looking up at him. The half used roll was on the counter still.
"Mm, I'm not really feeling it now," Colby shrugged. "But do you have any frosting?"
I furrow my eyebrows as I put the roll back in the fridge. He got off the stool and started going through the pantry. I turned the oven off because we definitely didn't need a fire.
"Why would we need frosting if we're not making the cookies?"
He turns around, a smile on his face as he tosses and catches a container of frosting. He sat himself back on the stool, not answering my question. He popped the cap open and gazed at the satisfying appearance of a brand new container. "Colby?"
"I just want some frosting, Sam. Let me have some," he mumbled. "I'll even share because sharing is caring."
I groan, "Only a little or else your gonna have a bellyache."
He smiles happily and before I can even get him a spoon, he's dipping two fingers into the icing. They come up with white frosting up to his knuckle. I watch as he places both fingers in his mouth and sucks them clean. It made me squirm slightly and I decided to take a seat next to him so I would have to watch him do it agin. He goes in for seconds, moaning at the flavor of the sugary treat.
"Here, have some," he says suddenly. I turn to him. Both his fingers were covered in frosting again and he was holding them up to hmmm mouth. The same two fingers that had just previously been in his mouth. I shake my head and go to speak but before anything comes out, he's shoving his fingers in my mouth.
The frosting was cold in my mouth. Suddenly a wave of confidence took over. My tongue swirled around one finger at a time, getting the most frosting off as possible. I swallowed around his finger and he gasped. I close my eyes and move to the second finger. There wasn't much on that one but I still ran my tongue up and down his finger, sucking on it gently. When there was nothing left, I pulled off his fingers, licking my lips.
He was staring at me, lips parted, eyes wide, redness creeping up his neck. It made me blush too because when did I get so confident?
"Um that was kinda hot," he whispered. His fingers were frozen in front of my face and I pushed them away lightly.
"Uhhm well it's not going to happen again," I say, rolling my eyes. Although I really did want to do it again but the tightness in my pj pants told me that it wouldn't be a good idea. I watched him swallow thickly. Then the lid was back on the container and he was putting it away. He wobbled slightly and I wondered if he had the same problem I had, the tight pants.
On his way back to me, everything went suddenly dark. A few things beeped in the kitchen. The clock on the stove blinked red, 12:00. The power had gone out. I vaguely heard my brother screaming upstairs as he was probably sitting in a dark abyss. The white mounds of snow outside seemed to shine in the dark house.
"Sam?" Colby whispered my name. My eyes adjust quickly to the lack of light and I see his figure frozen in the middle of the kitchen. He had both his hands out in front of him as if he was going to hit something standing still. I held back a giggle and hopped off my seat.
"I'm right here," I whispered, grabbing one of his hands. He pulls me close so my face is pressed into his neck. He's scared of the dark, my thoughts reminded me.
I hear my parents leaving their room for the first time all day. Light bounced into the room and onto our hugging bodies. I cover my eyes and lightly push off of Colby, but his arm is wrapped around mine, keeping me close.
"Are you boys alright?" My dad asked. From what I could see, they were both in their pajamas too. "Oh, honey it's snowing."
My mom walks in seconds later, a flashlight in her mouth, a bunch of candles in her arms. And Ben following close behind her. They clatter onto the kitchen table and she is quick to light them.
"Okay, Sam go put one in the bathroom please," my mother asks of me. I can feel Colby shaking beside me. I pull him along with me as my mom hands me a lighted candle. I can hear Ben complaining about not finishing his Lego set.
Once in the bathroom, I place the candle on the counter and turn around, literally running into Colby. He was so close and I suddenly realized his hand was around my waist. My cheeks flushed red but it was so dark he couldn't see. His eyes were scared and fearful.
"It's okay, Colbs. The power will come back on soon," I say, patting his shoulder.
"And if it doesn't?" His voice was shaking.
"Oh it will... and if not then I'll... I'll," I try to think of something that I could do to help him but nothing really came to mind.
"You'll hold me?"
Colby asked it with such genuine voice. It made my heart melt. He was so terrified of the dark that he had broken down in front of me.
"Don't cry, Colbs. I'll hold you, yes," I whisper, brushing my fingers under his eyes. Only a few tears had fallen.
"Hold me now." He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, bringing me closer to his body. My arms went around his shoulders and my head was once again buried in his neck. He was still shaking, I could feel his stomach inhale and exhale in a rapid movement. "Don't let go."
I ran my fingers up and down his back, trying to calm him. I saw that his eyes were fixed on the flickering candle, the only light in the room. I could hear my parents and brother putting more candles around the house. But all that I cared about right now was making sure that Colby didn't start hyperventilating and that he settled down.
He eventually did after a few more minutes. We shuffled out of the bathroom, his had wrapped firmly around my waist. But I didn't care, I actually liked the feeling of it. There were two candles in the living room, two in the kitchen, and a few more scattered in the halls.
"I put a few in your room as well Sam," my mom told me when we arrived back in the kitchen. With that my parents went down the hall and back in their room. I didn't know what they were going to do since the power was out but that was none of my business.
"Cmon, let's go to my room," I said, leaning my head on Colby's shoulder. I guided us down the hall and opened my door. There were two candles on my desk but it didn't hide the fact that my room was a mess. Clothes, both mine and Colby's, scattered the floor. I left the door cracked and Colby shuffled for my bed. He had been sleeping on the air mattress on the floor since he's been here.
"I'm scared Sam," Colby confessed. Through the dark I could see him sitting criss-cross on my bed, my sheets thrown over his body.
"You don't have to be scared. I'm right here," I sighed, sitting on my bed too.
"You think I'm stupid right?" I glance at him. He was fumbling with his fingers not looking at me.
"Huh? Why would I think that?"
"Because I'm scared of the dark. What kinda fear is that?" Colby chuckled darkly.
"No, Colbs. Fear of the dark isn't uncommon," I tell him.
He moves so he's laying down with his head on my pillow. He reaches for my hand and placed it in his own, urging me to lay beside him. My bed wasn't that big but I managed to lay beside him, our shoulders touching.
"It's not so much that I'm scared of the dark," he said, pausing to twirl the ring he gave me around my finger. He had some sort of infatuation with it. "I'm scared of the things I can't see," he murmurs. "I feel useless if I can't see what's in front of me. I feel like I can't help or do anything."
"Colbs," I murmur, turning on my side to wrap him to my chest. There was no emotion in his voice and it kind of scared me.
"Yeah, yeah laugh all you want," he said bitterly but he let me hold him.
"I'm not laughing," I whisper, breath floating over his neck. I feel him shiver and I suddenly realize that since the power is out the heat went off too. "You wanna know what I'm scared of?"
"Tell me," he said. His fingers were running over my arm that was thrown over him. It felt nice and relaxing.
"I'm scared of falling in love with someone who doesn't love me back," I whisper. It sounded cliché.
"Do you love someone now?" He questioned. I opened my mouth to speak but closed it to think about it. Did I love anyone at the moment? I mean I love my family but that's a different kind of love. And I love Colby but in what way?
"Because if you don't, then you shouldn't be scared," Colby whispered. He looked at me, blue eyes meeting mine. This is the first time since we've been friends that I've thought about him as something more, as someone that I love.
"I think I love you," I breathed out. He didn't seem fazed by my confession. Instead he just turned to look back at the ceiling. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting him to yell at me, to jump away, to deny it.
"You know, whenever I'm with you, you seem to be my light in the darkness. Like right now, the power is out and it's completely dark and I was scared at first. But when you grabbed my hand it was like the sun was shining again. I wasn't scared because you were by my side."
I listened to the words leaving his mouth. They made my heart swell and a tingly feeling to spread throughout my body.
"And so maybe I love you back."
He leaned up on his elbow, my hand dropping to the bed. His cold fingers cupped my face and he was inching closer to my lips. He kissed me softly. It was only for a few seconds but I was already wanting more.
"So that means if I love you back and you're my light in the darkness, we can't be scared anymore. Right?"
I nodded my head because I was too shook up to speak. Sometimes Colby's mind is amazing and I wonder how he comes up with these things. I press my lips back to his.
"Now can you please cuddle me because I'm freezing," Colby laughed.
After grabbing a blanket from my closet, I settled down beside him. My face was buried in his chest while his arms were wrapped around my body securely. And we didn't talk, just let the silence surround us. From over Colby's shoulder I watched the snow continue to fall, the blizzard persisting. And even though Christmas was over, it felt like this was the best gift ever.
—
(hi, hello, hey... to be honestly I didn't really know where this was going)