This story was contributed by BrittanieCharmintine
Leigh poured a pewter goblet of eggnog amply doused with whisky and a light sprinkling of nutmeg, then plopped down on the sofa next to her discount Christmas tree. She got it three years ago in the bargain bin at Target. None of the red lights worked, it smelled like Jolly Ranchers, and the fairy perched on top had a broken wing and a missing crown. The perfect tree for Cursed Christmas.
She took a swig of eggnog and shuddered as the liquid set her throat on fire. Maybe she'd gone a bit overboard on the whisky.
No matter. She had Christmas Eve Plans.
They included an evening of wallowing, while watching her favorite Christmas movie—Avalanche Sharks (don't judge, the movie boasts an Arctic, snow-filled landscape). What her Plan did not include, was a cell phone interruption with the dratted device buzzing and crooning Like a Virgin from some unknown location. Leigh had not been the one to set her ringtone to Madonna's pop anthem. No. That was the doing of her best friend Gabrielle, who thought it would be hilarious.
It's been so long, you're practically a virgin, Gaby loved pointing out.
Since Leigh had no clue how to change it back to something more normal and distinguished, it continued to be her ringtone. Hitting pause on the remote, she fished between the sofa cushions. She found a broken harp string, an ampoule of pixie dust, a shriveled mushroom, two golden feathers, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pez dispenser, and three shiny pennies, but no phone.
Like a vir-er-er-er-gin ...
With increased vigor, she dug deeper into the cushions, cookie crumbs wedging into her fingernails.
Leigh didn't love being a practicing-virgin. She wouldn't have minded, for example, having a hot, technically-savvy, lover/tech hero to change her ring tone for her, but she'd long since given up the idea of having a lover—technically-savvy or otherwise.
Men are like Christmas presents—more appealing when wrapped. The minute you untie the ribbon and rip off the gilded paper, it's all disappointment, Leigh liked pointing this out to Gaby whenever she brought up the virgin business.
"Dammit, where is it?" Leigh dropped to the floor to check beneath the sofa. Something clunked against the leg of the coffee table. "Oh, pixiesticks!" she swore, upon discovering the phone had been in her robe pocket the whole time.
Unfortunately, the screen image was her own face staring back at her. "Ugh! A Facetime call!" This would make it harder to conceal the fact that she looked like the "before" on one of those reality makeover TV shows. Leigh sat and ran her fingers through her unruly blond locks, though it did nothing to improve her appearance.
She sighed and tapped the green button. Gaby's delicate, creamy face, framed by flouncy, perfect, shoulder-length lavender ringlets, shifted into view. She smiled, white teeth gleaming. Gaby was a lovechild between a Greek god and the tooth fairy. It was super annoying.
"Gabs," Leigh said, trying to incorporate—"I am really busy, and your phone call interrupted me at the best part of the movie so leave me alone and let me wallow"—into the subtext.
"You're watching it, aren't you?"
Leigh resisted the urge to look at the paused TV screen. "Watching what?"
"Come on, Leigh. It's Christmas Eve. What are you doing at home on the couch drinking whisky, sitting by that pathetic excuse for a Christmas tree, and watching the worst movie ever made?"
"It's eggnog. Partially," Leigh defended. She didn't bother denying the rest. Most best friends have freaky ESP, but Gabrielle could've been a professional medium if she'd wanted to. Instead the harridan put all her energy into being a professional pain in Leigh's ass. "Besides, I'm cursed."
"You can't let that son-of-a-witch control your life. Anyway, I sent over your Christmas present early."
"How early? It's going to be actual Christmas in about 2 hours."
The doorbell rang.
Gabrielle laughed. "About now, I'd say."
Icicles of fear froze Leigh's spine. "What have you done?"
"Just slug your whisky, and answer the door. You can thank me tomorrow." Gaby winked, then disappeared, ending the conversation.
"I will not thank you!" Leigh swore.
Head swimming, Leigh stood, examining her robe, only to discover a blotch of eggnog right between her breasts. "Whatever." She wobbled to the front door and peered through the peephole.
Oh. My. God!
Her mouth hung open, and her heart rate skyrocketed to almost emergency room levels.
A man, if you could call him that, more of an Adonis really, stood in the rose-toned hallway outside her apartment clutching a giant bunch of peonies in one hand and a bottle of Dom Perignon in the other.
He wore a bright green elf suit. But rather than this fact being firm evidence that Leigh ought to hide in the closet, it was literal firm evidence that she should proceed. For all he wore on the bottom half was green tights, and his "package" looked like it wouldn't disappoint. Even though Leigh reminded herself about her last experience with a "man" on Christmas, she had to admit she liked this "package," jaunty elf hat notwithstanding.
After an uncomfortable length of time passed, he inched closer to the door until one green eye blinked on the other side of the peephole. Is he looking back at me? She cleared her dry throat. "Yes?"
"Is this Leigh Oja's apartment?"
"Who are you?" That sounded a tad rude.
"My name's Jacques Jamison. JJ for short," came a sexy baritone. "My cousin Gabrielle sent me."
Cousin? This is when Leigh noticed that the way-too handsome Jacques also had purple hair. But while Gaby's was lavender, JJ's was so dark you could only see the purple sheen when the light hit it just so.
Leigh scrunched up her toes inside her bunny slippers and had the following conversation with herself:
I cannot open this door. I'm a mess.
Open this door right now! Look at him! He's the hottest guy we've ever seen!
I am looking. Which is why I can't let him in to see me like ... this.
Uh, you may be in a slightly stained robe and bunny slippers, but he IS in an elf outfit.
I hate it when I'm right. Wait, that didn't come out the way I meant.
In the end, Leigh compromised and asked Jacques to hold on a sec. She dashed into the bedroom, splashed water on her face, brushed her hair and teeth, flicked out the cookie crumbs from under her fingernails, and slipped on a Hawaiian-print sundress, as it was the quickest thing to change into. Racing back to the door, she cringed at the bunny slippers, that seemed to be wriggling their little pink noses at her in disgust. "Hey, don't judge!" She kicked them into a corner.
She opened the door, which creaked open. "Hi! I'm Leigh," she also creaked.
Jacques smiled. He had the same gleaming teeth as Gaby, but his were framed by full, kissable lips. What would they feel like pressed against mine?
"Nice to meet you. Cousin Gaby has told me so much about you."
"Uh ... okay. I mean, come in." He handed her the peonies, her favorite flowers, and she led him into the living room.
He glanced at the TV screen, which was still frozen on an image in Avalanche Sharks, where a coed's leg is about to be bitten off by the paranormal, snow-swimming predator. "I love that movie!"
That was it. Leigh's frozen began to melt. "Do you want to watch it?"
"Nothing goes better with Dom Perignon than watching a B-horror movie beside a gorgeous blonde in Hawaiian print. We don't have much tropical patterned attire where I come from."
Her heart fluttered, as if it had wings, and further melted into a figgy-pudding consistency. She jammed the peonies into a vase and retrieved two champagne glasses from the cupboard.
What am I thinking? I don't know this guy from Santa. He shows up in tights, bearing gifts and a sexy smile, and boom! I want to slide down his chimney and secure my position on the naughty list? Maybe I did put too much whisky in the nog.
Lighten up. He's Gaby's cousin. Maybe he could help us get over the Christmas curse.
"But he looks like an elf."
"Why discriminate?"
"Do you need help in there?" JJ called.
Wow, he even offers to help in the kitchen.
Leigh liked JJ. And the chances he was a serial killer or recently released from an asylum were within acceptable limits. Plus, there was the whole Avalanche Sharks enthusiasm in his favor.
When she returned to the living room, Jacques was kneeling beside the Target abomination. He flicked one of the broken lights. The red bulbs blazed to life.
"How did you ...?"
He stood, took the glasses, and poured the already-corked champagne. "Some people say I'm handy. Besides, I have the same tree. On sale at Target, right?"
But Leigh couldn't take her eyes off of his large hand as he held out the glass. "Um ..." She drained the glass, and he poured another.
JJ raised an eyebrow. "I've never seen anyone guzzle Dom Perignon like that."
"It's a skill."
JJ laughed. "My cousin never mentioned you had such talent!"
Leigh made a decision. "You know what, Jacques?"
"Call me JJ."
"I'd like to kiss you. I mean if that's not too forward. You see it's been a long time ... since I kissed anyone. My last boyfriend dumped me on Christmas a few years ago. And I think if you kiss me tonight, it might help break the Christmas curse he gave me as a parting gift."
JJ took her glass and set it on the coffee table along with his. "Yes! Even though I don't see a single sprig of mistletoe, I think I could still conjure a kiss."
He held her face, the way leading men do so often in romance films and saw her. Really saw her. Like he understood her imperfections and still wanted her. He skimmed his thumbs down her cheeks and jaw. Her nether-regions sprang to life, like a sleigh launching into the sky.
His kiss, slow and deep, tasted of cinnamon and apples. Leigh moaned. It was like no kiss she'd ever had before. The skin along her arms, neck, and scalp tingled as the curse—black and stinking of sulfur—wafted from her body.
JJ opened his eyes and followed the curls of smoke as they pooled on the ceiling. "Dark wizard?" the sexy elf speculated.
"Yeah. Never again." Leigh waved her hand and the smoke dissipated.
"Probably wise. Now, where were we?"
Leigh smiled as her powers rushed like an avalanche back into her body! The room brightened. Magical glittering snowflakes drifted from above, landing on her lashes. The tree became lush and real, trimmed with garlands of peonies, and scenting the room in pine. The bunny slippers turned into real rabbits that hopped adorably around the tree.
"I think we were about here," she said, returning to his soft, warm lips.
She unwrapped him with the wave of her hand, and JJ literally sprang to glorious life. No disappointment here!
And there, on a bed of magical snowfall, the fairy and the elf set about pleasuring one another with all the joy of the holiday season. For hours on end, he jingled her bells ... all the way.
Afterward, sated, and filled with warm bliss, they curled up on the sofa to finish Avalanche Sharks. In the morning, before he left, with promises of returning for dinner, JJ changed her ringtone to the sound of Christmas bells, where it remains to this day.
Debra is a refugee from Hollywood where she served as a financial executive for companies like Jim Henson Productions. After garnering over 11 million on-line reads on Wattpad, her YA fantasy Mermaids and the Vampires Who Love Them, was published by Hachette Audio. She secretly hopes she's royal. You can read more of her stories @BrittanieCharmintine