Please shower some support <3 So obliged (in line comments please)
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31 August 2010
"I love you and that's the beginning and end of everything."
–F. Scott Fitzgerald
At 6:10 that gloomy evening, I stepped into a basketball courtyard bound by green diamond fences made of cheap wilting metal. I shouldn't have come, I wasn't planning to but staying at home drove me to insane restlessness. I had nobody to talk to, and Chikkamma went walking with her friends like she did every evening to catch up on all the neighbourhood gossip. She invited me, but I didn't like being the only kid amidst aunty-talk.
The gate creaked as I pushed it. Nobody noticed me entering, which was a good thing for me. Cement steps were arranged like platforms on either sides of the court. I occupied the left stack, a spot closest to the entrance. Sports bags were arranged beside me. Abhi, Mukti, Dhruv and a few others versus Manik, Alya and Cabir and a bunch of people I'd never seen before occupied the large court. Was this where everyone from the neighbourhood hung out? I was clearly missing out. Cabir yelled out 8-5, when Manik's head flicked in my direction. I don't think he intended to. It just happened.
There were moments when I hated being this kind of girl, who stares a man down to his naked skin, but not every man caught my attention like Manik did; other times I heard a voice in my head, of my father's no more. A reality check that nothing was permanent. Today could be all I have, and for that I deserve to give my everything to live without regrets. That was how I dealt with my introversion. I didn't turn away.
He combed his hair with one hand, and shot me a small smirk. Was he expecting me? His eyebrows jumped without any warning. My head shook until I forced my eyes off his sweaty body. I don't think that smirk left his devilish face though. Damn did he know how to flex his toned biceps and muscular calves.
Mukti then waved at me. "Hey Nandini, hop in!" She was my favourite from their group. I was wearing comfortable pumpkin printed pajamas and a casual navy blue round neck t-shirt, with hair tied in two ponytails.
Cabir scanned my outfit thoroughly before clicking his lips, "Woh khelne ke liye thodi aayi hai!" to which she quickly retorted, "Chup kar kamine!" I regarded that as a friendly banter between the two. Cute, they were.
So much that I didn't realise Manik was just beside me until I heard a bag shuffling and as my face pivoted, I felt him stare through my eyes into my soul. His glance kept me hooked, I couldn't look elsewhere but his dark brown eyes if I tried. I didn't want to either. Somehow I felt I intimidated him. He had the longest eyelashes, it was a sin for boys to have such beautiful assets. As if my eyes could communicate what my lips couldn't, I studied him up close as he went about jolting every muscle in his body in slow motion around me. Never have I ever felt so strongly for anyone.
"Are you trying to stalk me?" He was stern with his question, and for the first time he spoke to me without attempting any Hindi communication. My jaw fell ajar and I rolled my tongue in my mouth, hunting for words to say that weren't once uttered. Luckily, he was the only audience to my gestures throughout.
It took me a while to compose myself into formulating words. Correcting my surprise to sheer fascination, I spoke with utmost confidence, "Why? Do you want me to?" His eyes enlarged in size. You could say this was borderline flirting, maybe beyond and he wasn't expecting that. That was not the image he pictured of me in his head. My speeding heartbeat poisoned my frame with anxiety.
I was visibly shaking. He crossed his arms together, still maintaining a calm front. He was so comfortable with all this while my insides were literally collapsing in my body for voicing mere sentences. "Well if there's anything I want you to do..." he paused, leaning over with his hands over his bare knees exposed with his Nike shorts, "...it's practice with your guitar." He mumbled.
By then, everyone was curious. "What's up, guys?"
Manik threw his bag, which was packed by then, over his shoulder while facing them. If a line was drawn from Manik to the rest of the older kids, I would be a point somewhere high up near Manik, with my back at them. "We'll see you." His head jerked towards the exit while he looked at me. I was given no heads-up so I was plain confused. So was everyone else. "It's 4:30. I told you guys I'm taking guitar lessons na?" Everyone collectively admitted their realisation. Wow, that was so uncalled for. "Uske liye aayi hai, right Nandini?" My gaping eyes triggered a smirk from him.
Knowing he had an escape plan in place and that I would do anything to stay as far away from their sport as I could, I gave them a meek nod. Manik's face lit up in a way I cannot pen down Babbu. His eyes sparkled, his nose twitched and his lips turned into a slight curve. What was he so happy about, I wouldn't know. But he was my first teenage crush, and for that sole reason his happiness became mine.
"Chalo!" He signalled me to lead. The jitters hadn't gone away yet. I was still thrown in the dark. I hopped off and fumbled with the fences I came through before he sped up to my aid to whisper a, "Thanks."
"For what?" He smiled. That smile could mean anything. He pushed the gate open and I was going to take a step when I felt something on my back.
His hand.
His hand on my back.
Pushing gently.
"Let's go."
The glow on my face didn't subside. My brother Abhimanyu was right there, it should have occurred to me but it didn't. That could've been one of the last things on my mind, in fact. We cut through a street in the neighbourhood, and then once we were out of sight from the basketball crew, Manik slowed his walking pace. Until then, believe me, I was practically running.
"I didn't know... you and Mukti were... twins." I gasped, catching my breath. I heard a scoff, but I wasn't quite sure.
"Oh, so she's told you... Hmm... what else did she say?" Something changed in his tone, it was sharp. He seemed guarded. The blood rushing to my brain doubled in quantity. I didn't want to get into trouble for saying or knowing something I shouldn't have. He was then standing to my left. I locked my hands at the front, in hopes that I wouldn't be awkward if my fingers brushed against his.
"That Harshad's a terrible boyfriend." He didn't sigh, but he was relieved.
"You don't think so?"
I shrugged, "I don't even know him so I don't have an opinion about him."
Curious and quick to reply, "Do you have an opinion about me?" It came as a sudden statement. I unconsciously let my hands free. Did it ever occur to him how much of an impact he could have on a girl? Maybe he was aware. That was why he was all smiles. "Come on... tell me..." He nudged my arm with his elbow, eliciting a smug curve on my lips.
I didn't know what to say. Babbu, you've heard a lot about Manik and saying it to a third person like you is okay, but imagine telling the person itself... what would I say even? That day he redid my homework for me, that was generous, he banked a place in my heart. No, it was generous, that's it. Then he made the effort to take me out on a coffee 'date' I guess I could call it. That was generous too, and not needed. This is good, but erase the word 'date' because that's far out. And that I find him hot. No Nandini, you're not saying that...
He was in a jolly mood, and unlike any other time, I found in me the courage to do something a sane Nandini Murthy wouldn't dare do. As I watched his right arm sway beside me, I timed it to tuck my index under his middle finger. Anything but effortless. I was dying inside. As they locked together, he looked at me; 'fingers crossed'.
Breathing softly, I said "No," with a tiny smile that he mimicked.
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My heart leapt the second my eyes dwelled over the majestic bronze entry gate. What the hell? Manik lived in such a luxurious house?! The Malhotras' had a circular driveway centred by a stunning five foot tall Greek fountain artefact gifted to his father by a business partner of his. Behind the masterpiece was a beige coated two storied villa with an attic. He was only brief with the details.
Though I had several questions, and was amazed by the architecture of his mansion, Manik tuned in some headphones which meant no talking, I believed. His house easily had to be worth a few crores especially in Mumbai, where houses are tiny as hell. But looking at Manik, one couldn't tell he was uber-rich. I wondered how he didn't spend it if he had the money! Even today I tempt myself into buying expensive things I don't need.
My Chikkappa's house was 22 lakhs back around the time I was born, and neither of our families could afford it without a loan. Yet he bought it for Chikkamma, also because she threatened him by saying she wouldn't marry him if he didn't buy her a house!
I quietly spectated the motion of trees shifting as we buzzed through a highway. I was lost in thought when he parked and then got off his vehicle but not before a command, as always, "Sit down. Don't get off," that snapped me from my trance.
What? Why?
I desperately wanted some answers. Where was his father? Why did he not take me to his house? What was the lie about wanting to take guitar classes for me? On one side of the road we were parked on were tall buildings, businesses of all sorts and on the other side was water: stretches and stretches of water. Manik unbuckled his helmet and combed his hair through the side mirror. Why does he even have to try?
Both my palms were on the seat and like a frog about to leap, I was trying to balance on it so I wouldn't topple off. Manik did kick the bike-stand in place but I didn't trust my weight. "Manik, what are we doing here?" He took slow steps, every step exponentially increasing my heartbeat before putting his elbows on the black leather.
I felt cornered. "Are you still scared, Nandini?" Still?
"No."
Smiling, he straightened up. "Good. So, this is Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan Road..." He was on about something, but my dumb brain couldn't register his tactics. "This is one of our favourite places. Yahan pe zabardast chai milta hai..."
"Manik..."
"What? I'm showing you my city. You said it scares you na?" I realised what he had done. He came sightseeing with me, to familiarise me with this change. My parents never told Abhi or I what love feels like so I was not sure if the feeling I felt then was love. We'd seen love off them, their actions even if not words. My father never proposed my mother, she said in her diary. They just fell for each other. Their belief in fireflies defined love for them and I want to believe though they aren't with us, they're both together serving Aiyappa with sheer joy.
Manik was gone for a bit but when he came back with tea, I was blank, staring. At him.
"Kya..." A tiny giggle left his throat. "...dekh kya rahi ho?" He asked while handing me a glass of tea.
With a warm fulfilled heart, I murmured, "You don't have to do all this." He sipped his tea, nodding while I sipped mine. He was right. It was better than Chikkamma's masala honey tea, whose recipe she came up with by the creativity of her mind. My hand lazily fell.
I was comfortably sitting on his sturdy bike, and he barely leaning for support. Both our gazes consumed the glory of a bright sunlit sky, that grew darker nevertheless more vibrant with every passing minute.
His fingers stretched into mine, filling the spaces between and he budged closer. "I know." And the sun set.
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I love you all <3