I pack up my bag slowly. It's like the stress is actually manifesting itself into physical exhaustion, I yawn. Just a few more days, I remind myself. A few more days and then I'll be home for four weeks, without pesky Biochemistry notes keeping me awake at night. As I fumble to put all my notebooks into my backpack, I knock my iced coffee off the table, staining the carpet floor and my jeans. "Shoot,"
I quickly grab a fistful of thin napkins from the dispenser at the center of the table. Curse these environmentally friendly napkins for being so thin, I think to myself as I push the thin paper into the carpet.
"Need a hand?" My own hand jolts to a stop at his voice. CJ's voice.
"Hi," I whisper, falling back on my knees as I gaze up at his tall figure. I take in his warm, one dimpled smile and pretty eyes slowly, unsure on how to proceed having so adamantly rejected his offer of a date.
"How've you been?" He kneels beside me, placing more napkins over the mess without hesitation.
"Good," I lie quickly. "Maybe a little stressed," I admit to him, only because I know it's written clearly across my face. As he cleans the floor, I begin pressing the napkins into my jeans, hoping to remove some of the sticky residue.
He chuckles, "How much longer are you here for?"
"Only till Friday," I respond. "My last final is in the morning... You?"
"I never really leave." CJ stands, helping me to my feet. At my questioning stare, CJ adds, "I live off campus, remember? I'm allowed to stay in my apartment."
"Oh," I mutter lamely, shifting my backpack on my shoulders.
"Sorry about your coffee," CJ grimaces at the floor. "I can get you another, if you want." He stares directly in my eyes and for some reason, perhaps the studying induced exhaustion, I agree. The smile on his face immediately makes the decision worth it.
We walk in silence all the way to the cafe in the student center, but he holds every door open for me to pass through. We stand in line quietly, and I squint to see the menu. I'll need something with extra caffeine to keep me up tonight. "What would you like?" CJ's voice breaks up my thoughts as we stand in front of the register. I order the first option I see with "espresso" in the description. "On me," CJ winks, handing cash over to the student worker.
"Thanks, again. It seems like you're always showing up at the right time," The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I look at him timidly, greeted by a smug expression on his face. I look away quickly, sipping the too hot coffee, just for something to distract myself with.
"I don't want to be here," CJ shakes his head, taking in the chaos of stressed out zombie students, madly flipping through textbooks and talking to each other about their unpreparedness.
"Hm?" I take in the sight, as well, feeling guilty for each minute that passes without a book in my hands.
"Let's go somewhere else." CJ looks down at me eagerly.
"What are you... where do you want to go?" I ask shyly, feeling the normal sense of unease I get whenever CJ asks me to do something with him.
"I know a spot, if you're up for a little adventure." His eyes twinkle as he bites his bottom lip in that shy expression of his.
"Adventure?" I mumble uncertainly, feeling the weight of all the studying I need to do, literally on my back.
"If you're too busy, I understand." CJ's face falls only a bit before he composes himself into one of his friendly smiles. But the words I used when I turned him down the first time still sting.
"Okay," I give in.
"Okay?" CJ grins ear to ear.
"Yes, okay." I try to hide my smile, but it only grows when he grabs my hand and pulls me outside into the parking lot. "Wait, where are we going?" I stop him again when he brings me to the side of an old pick-up truck.
"It's only to the top of that hill," he points right in front of us. "The highest point on campus." At my hesitation, he continues "It'll be worth it. Trust me," he opens the passenger door, giving me his hand to steady myself as I step inside. The inside of the truck smells just like him, I inhale deeply, while he is outside and unable to see me doing so. This is crazy, my mind scolds me. For once, I push the thoughts to the back of my mind, focused on the sweet, slightly smokey smell of CJ.
The ride to the top of the hill is only seconds, but as no one really has time to work out at this point in the semester, the lot just in front of the Varsity Gym is empty. They're expanding the parking area, so construction vehicles idly sit in the open dirt, waiting to be used again in the morning.
"Come on," CJ's eyes are bright with excitement as he stops the engine and jumps out of the vehicle. He is at my door quickly, his hands on my waist to help me out in the dark. I flush, thankful that it's nighttime and he cannot see the blush in my cheeks. His hands are strong as he lifts me up, and my breath is caught in my throat until he releases me onto the ground.
"Follow me," he urges, taking my hand and guiding me over to the construction fence. He looks around quickly, and upon seeing no one else, lifts the fence a little, revealing a small opening. "Go on," CJ instructs.
"What?" I nearly choke. "In there?" I point to the construction, jaw dropped. "We'll get in trouble!"
"No one's around," CJ notes, shrugging. "Come on, you agreed to adventure. You can't have adventure without breaking some of the rules," he laughs, dimple and all. I hesitate, chewing the inside of my cheek. "Hey, we'll be fine. I promise." His voice is soft, his eyes gentle. I nod, pushing myself through the hole.
"Now what?" I whisper as he climbs through himself.
"Come here," he takes my arm and walks me over to a flat spot in the dirt. "Lie down with me," CJ lies back, hands behind his head. My eyes trail to the tan strip of skin visible at the waistline of his jeans, where his jacket has pulled up slightly. My heart almost stops beating, and I force myself to look away.
"In the dirt?" I'm second guessing coming with him at all as I take in our surroundings again.
"Here," CJ sits back up, unzipping his outermost layer.
"No, it's cold!" I scold him, but he only laughs, throwing his head back.
"I wear layers for a reason," He flattens his dark jacket onto the ground beside him.
"To pick up girls and take them on construction site dates?" I giggle, settling on top of the jacket he laid out for me.
"Date?" His eyes twinkle again. I choose to ignore him, mimicking his stance from before, lying back and staring at the sky. He eventually joins me, so close that our arms are touching as we lay side by side. The sky is so dark and vast, speckled with little bursts of white light. Stars, thousands of them. Staring out into space, seeing the millions of stars so far away, I am reminded that I'm nothing but a particle of dust in the universe and so are all the problems I'm facing right now.
After a few quiet minutes, I turn my head to face him gratefully. I'm surprised to find that his face is already turned, his eyes on my face. "Caught me," He grins, unashamed.
"Why are you staring at me?" I whisper, blushing once more.
"Enjoying the view," His voice is deep and quiet and honest. I shiver at his words but don't look away, even as he turns his head back to the sky. Without looking at me, he says "Blue, rock, and daisies."
I smile, understanding his reference perfectly - I had told him my favorite color, music, and flower in an effort to let him get to know me the last time we spoke. This is him returning the favor. "Daisies?"
"My mom's favorite." He explains to me, his face serious in the moonlight.
"Hm," I sigh. "Thank you for sharing."
"Do you actually think that small things like that help you get to know a person?" He asks, turning to face me again, so close to me that I can feel his breath on my skin.
I nod truthfully. "Little things add up to big things," His lips turn up slightly as he considers what I've said. "For example," I continue. "If you remember your wife's favorite flower on your anniversary, you've saved yourself a big argument," He laughs quietly and I smile, happy that I can evoke such a sound.
"True." His eyes are staring straight into mine and my insides turn to mush. "I like action movies, I prefer popcorn to candy at the movie theater and... I've always wanted a dog."
I open my mouth to respond, but he places a finger on my lips. "Not yet, don't tell me now." I smile against his finger, enjoying this new game we've created. "Promise not to tell?" I nod my head and he removes his finger slowly.
"Can I do something?" He pushes up to his elbows, hovering over me. My eyes lazily trail his body before reaching his face.
"Depends, I suppose."
His dimple pops as he leans closer to me. "Can't you tell?" The moonlight shines over us, illuminating his green-brown eyes, and my belly fills with furious butterflies.
"No," I barely breathe, afraid to ruin this moment. This one moment where everything is still and nothing is scary.
"My apologies then." CJ chuckles. "A girl like you," he trails his long finger down the side of my face, my jaw, and the lines of my lips. "Should always know how wanted she is." Wanted? My heart trips over his words as his face inches closer to mine. "May I kiss you?" His lips almost touch mine as he asks, his voice deep and gentle.
I nod my head, surprising both of us, I think. I feel his smile as he presses his lips against mine, and before I know it, I'm kissing him back. My hands wrap around his neck, feeling his hard muscles under my fingers. My lips move with his, parting slightly, asking for more. To my dismay, CJ leans back, breaking the kiss before it's even really started.
My cheeks flush, embarrassment filling me up. CJ stands, still smiling to himself. I awkwardly follow suit, wondering if I was really so bad that he couldn't bear to kiss me any longer. Once we're back in the same parking spot as before, CJ turns to me.
"You need to study," His voice is low.
I nod. "Thanks for the coffee." I unclip my seatbelt, ready to bolt back to my dorm. This is why you don't kiss strangers, my mind mocks me.
"Hey, no, not this again." CJ grips my elbow, stopping me from leaving. "Don't get distant on me now," he pleads.
"But you," I stammer, not understanding.
CJ's face softens when he realizes my confusion. "I don't want to distract you." He finishes my sentence for me. "No matter how badly I wanted to keep kissing you," He adds, licking his bottom lip. "In fact," his eyes are on my mouth. "It's best that you get going while you still can,"
I giggle, feeling the flush in my cheeks as I hop out of his truck, backpack in my hands. I wave before I make my way back to my dorm, fingers tracing my lips absentmindedly, butterflies still going crazy in my stomach.
Once I'm back, I plug my phone into the charger, seeing one missed notification.
MISSED CALL FROM LUCAS
Shoot, I'd been so caught up with CJ that I forgot I was supposed to call Lucas this evening. I shoot him a text telling him I got caught up with a study group, but even after he replies telling me it's all good and that he's glad I got work done, I can't help but to feel badly. Why did I go out with CJ instead of studying and calling Lucas as planned? My mind is reeling with the memory of our "date." I smile involuntarily, knowing that deep down, I should feel guilty for what I did with CJ. We trespassed, I blew off a phone call and more importantly, my school work, and then I kissed a boy I barely knew.
But, to my surprise, I can't bring myself to feel guilty about what happened, only that I had to lie about it afterwards.