alternate ending: joshua
what if they hadn't gone to korea for the party
chapter reference: nineteen
it was very uncomfortable to pack my things, specifically because i am going back to the place i alreay cursed in my head a lot of times.
"do we really have to go?"
"jeonghan, its just for three days. and the party, you can just show there up for an hour then go home already." shua explained.
"why are you rushing me home? are you meeting someone?"
i looked at him suspiciously. but surprisingly, he looked really suspicious and i think he looked at me very unusual.
"are you gonna meet someone?" i asked again, emphasizing every word.
"we, jeonghan. its not healthy for you to meet that person."
no one has come to my mind and was confused but then as i looked at him, he looked worried and so am i. i got nervous as hell.
"is he really gonna be there?" i asked.
"i am truly sorry, but yes.. he's invited."
i felt this disgusting feeling inside my stomach. i ran to the bathroom and puked. after i puked, someone who looked like him went after me.
"are you oka.."
the voice became inaudible, my body started to feel like a stone. i can't move a limb but am currently standing. i can hear the beat of my heart and the feeling was making me sick.
-
i woke up in a set where it was shaky and kinda dark. after some time and focus i realized it was a car and joshua was driving. i still lack strength to move my body, so all i could do is groan. our eyes barely met at the rear mirror, my eyes still felt groggy and was ready to sleep again.
i can sense that he is actually worried and maybe because of me he'd cancel this trip. after another time, all i could see was white. i was confused keeping in track, why am i jumping places?
as i try to focus my eyes i already felt the comfortable bed i am in.
"jeonghan?"
i noticed that i accidentally moved my hand. literally annoyed, just let me sleep.
"water." i said softly, but he was able to hear it.
he called someone to take care of me. i also realized that my eyes are widely opened, but i still can't move my body.
"for how long?" i asked.
"an hour from now?"
"it felt like days."
"that's scary don't say that."
he went closer to me and looking at me as if waiting for my permission. i nodded at him, and he immediately hugged me and rubbed his head on my belly. i couldn't do amything but watch him. but i really can't see him because i can't move my head to see but i can feel him and i let him do what he wanted.
when i was about to asked what happened, he stood up.
"you showed severe signs of trauma. im sorry for dragging you into this."
as he said this, i saw his eyes were already teary. it was painful that i couldn't wipe it even though i tried all i can, i still can't move thing from my body. i can do small movements but i still can't control my body.
"do we really have to go?" he asked me.
look at how the tables turn.
"you have to go." i said.
"its still in two days, you can still make it. i need your support. i can't do it without you." he sincerely said.
i was astonished with the sentence. i have never thought that his love for me was like this. i could always tell that he likes me but i still don't know how much. i think i confirmed it just now. i was feeling happy so i smiled at him.
"i love you, joshua." i said.
"what? say it again."
"i love you."
i saw his eyes smiling and he turned his back for me.
"i am not ready for this, fuck. its the first time you've said it first. i mean it hasn't been long since we're official. but i was shocked because you said it."
my heart felt some kind of warm. it feels so good to see him actually happy because of me. i decided to recover fast and face the problems with him.
after a day, i gained much strength because i could eat already. i was actually feeling a lot better because i can already move a lot of my body, but i haven't actually tried standing up.
i was still in-bed and joshua being happy just looking at me. i wonder what he is when he's sad he only shows his happy side instead of the aggressive side.
you know me, i like it the wild way.
nothing ever really happened between us except that night when i answered him. it was the first and has never really been followed. isn't he sexually frustrated, because i am. but damn, his flat but shaped belly is too fucking attractive every time i look at it, the better it looks. and damn his size. just damn.
maybe he's just holding back on me everytime.
"hey, joshua. did you ever masturbate thinking about me?"
it was seen at every part of his face that he was shocked by the question.
"uhm, do i really need to answer that?"
"why not?"
"all the time?"
"but, why don't you just go to me and fuck me then."
"i don't wanna be physically attracted to you, that is.. unhealthy."
damn, this guy. does he really deserve me? he deserves so much more than i can ever give him.
"but still you masturbate and think about me right?"
"you know what? okay, stop. this conversation is too nonsense."
i pouted at the idea. i was just curious no need to be angry though. but i feel good that he masturbates about me. i mean who isn't?
he left the room and i think he went somewhere i wanted to follow him but i couldn't i immediately asked the guard to follow him.
yes, he's listening to every word we say.
-
we both were already standing in front of the car after two days of lying down on the bed.
"are you really sure?" he asked me.
something hit me as he said that, my knees felt weak again for the second time this day. but now i obviously know the cause of this drama. i had second thoughts as soon as i felt weak.
joshua was fast enough to hold me in the arms to support me, a strong stab from the inside of my head was what i felt. it was so painful, my heart was racing fast, i don't know where to gain strength.
"call an ambulance!" joshua shouted.
--------
i woke up with some distinct chatters not so far away from me, i was slightly annoyed, so i let out a groan for them to know im awake. joshua looking worried at me, he imemdiately came to me and said, "we're not going back there, its not healthy for you."
i puked with what i heard, i kinda remembered the scene when i was actually dumb enough to go back, it made me cringe and something was pulling my emotions back, but then right now i can stabilize my emotions and just let them out.
"t-thank you for this joshua." jeonghan said.
----
[ joshua ]
i was so worried with what he did earlier, am i actually dumb not to call off this deal? what is my true agenda?
don't i love jeonghan?
is he worth it in exchange of money?
i made up my mind and i immediately knew what to do. smiling at jeonghan, i promised him i'd comeback because i have to deal with these business matters since we can't attend the party.
i was walking towards my car and told my driver to go to my office, as soon as i arrived there i was slightly running because i could feel the tension and the nervousness was present due to what im gonna do.
calling off a business deal isn't easy.
i opened my laptop and immediately called someone.
"hello, mr. hong jisoo, are you perhaps in a plane with-"
"no, im not taking jeonghan, neither i will go to the party, due to jeonghan's severe health condition we won't be attending the party, im calling off the deal, im sorry."
starting this day, i'd have to call my company "fallen" i knew this was gonna be the end of my business but i took out my wallet and saw a picture of jeonghan and was relieved.
maybe it was worth it after all.
as i called off the business, i gathered my workers around and announced them that i have to leave this company, so do they.
"i know its hard to accept this but me, hong jisoo, is really sorry for your loss, it was a big decision for me too but, we have to part ways, even though we've reached this far, im thankful to each and everyone of you who is loyal and still loyal to this company, i hope we support each other's paths."
the workers groaned and some protested, but i just smiled and answered their questions smoothly.
"why? is there a concrete reason for this?"
"love." i answered.
it seemed that they were all astonished with the answer which they, did not ask about and left the place, some said farewell, but some were angry. at this point, i don't actually care.
it was worth it.