Lucy's POV
It's been a few days since my date with Niall. To say that I miss him is an understatement. But I'm so angry at myself for having those feelings. I know better than that. Nothing good will ever come out of this! Relationships always end. And it always hurt. It's not worth it. Even if he makes me feel so good and I'm always happy and free around him.
I'm out in the city right now. I was supposed to be buying everyone some gifts, yes I know I'm late. But all the shops were so crowded that I just gave up. So instead I chose to walk around in the cold. I stop at a coffee shop, get a hot chocolate to-go and then continue walking until I stop on the side of the road, just watching over the Thames. I lose myself in my thoughts. Barely even conscious of what I'm thinking of... If that makes sense. Until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and to my surprise it's Niall.
'Hey! Your coat gave you away. Had to check if it's really you.' He chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. 'It's really nice to see you, Luce.'
'Nice to see you too! I was worried I wouldn't hear from you again.'
'Please. After the evening we had? Not a chance of that happening. I just got wrapped up in some things.'
'Oh, I'm sorry...'
'What are you doing here?' He asks me.
'Was supposed to be doing my last-minute Christmas shopping. I'm late on the gifts.'
'Didn't find anything you like?' He asks, looking around me.
'Didn't look. Too many people for my liking. I don't like overly crowded places and long waiting lines.'
'Yeah, I get it. You could always do them online. Or, I can come with you and then maybe you'd forget about everyone else since you'd be too busy talking with me. What do you think?'
'It's okay. It's getting a little late for shopping tonight. But thanks.'
'Alright. But still doesn't answer my question. What are you doing here?'
'Was just on a walk. Then somehow found myself in this spot. I always end up here. I like looking at the water. And you can see everything from here. It's beautiful.'
'It is.' He says, smiling fondly while running his hand through my hair.
'What about you?' I ask him.
'I've been growing this habit of going out at this time of night, just before dinner, and just walk around. I've been feeling a little... Overwhelmed, lately? Walking helps. Earbuds on, favourite music on...'
'Therapeutic isn't it?'
'Yeah! It kinda is.'
'So... umm, do you want to walk together, or stay here with me? Or do you have to go?'
'No, I think I'll stay. We can walk around in a bit if you want to.'
'Yeah! And if you don't have any plans... Since you mentioned dinner...' I say playfully.
He laughs and says, 'I know the perfect place!'
We sit on the now-empty bench, and I stare straight ahead as he puts his arm around my shoulders.
'What have you been up to lately?' He asks.
'Nothing too interesting. Outside of the usual routine, nothing. Spent a few hours rearranging my kitchen drawers looking for my mom's recipes.' I answer without moving my head or looking at him at all.
'Recipes? What for?'
'Oh, I'm hosting the Christmas dinner this year. Jamie, Danny, Ro and I gather every year and have it together. Them, and whoever significant others that are around at the time.'
'Is that your indirect way of inviting me?' He teases.
'I mean... if you want to come... that could be great... for me... not necessarily for you... you'd be meeting my friends. That could be all sorts of awkward. But it's a special occasion and I'd be happy if you were there. But if you feel like it's too much too soon then I understand if you say no. Besides, you probably have your own Christmas dinner to attend to. You know what, nevermind. I didn't say anything.'
He laughs and stresses on the spot between my shoulder and neck. 'Relax! Why are you so stressed about! It's not like it's the first time we go out. I mean we kissed! Why are you being so nervous for! You can't even look at me!' He says, making me smile while looking at the ground.
'Hey!' He calls softly.
He put his hand under my chin, makes my head turn to face him and lift it up. I'm still looking down but I can see his sweet smile.
'Look at me.' He whispers.
I close my eyes briefly, but then I open them up, looking straight into his eyes.
'That's my girl. Now, was that so hard?'
He smiles at me again, then moves his hand to the back of my neck. For a second, I thought he's gonna kiss me. But instead, he leans in, presses his lips on my forehead for a lingering amount of time.
'When's your dinner?' He asks keeping his hand on me.
'Christmas eve.'
'Perfect. Mine is Christmas day. I'll come to yours if you come to mine.'
I open my eyes widely. The thought of eating with Niall's friends, whom I don't know, just scares the shit out of me. I know they're not gonna bite. And I'm not generally the type of person who seeks approval and validation from people. But they're Niall's family and friends. They're important to him. And their opinion matter to him.
'It's just a few people. Less than a dozen. Just 3 of my cousins, 2 best friends, and a few other friends. I'll stay with you at all time. I'll try my best to make you feel part of the group. I know you probably don't like new people and feel anxious around them. But I'll be there at all time okay?'
I try to get myself to calm down but I can already imagine a bunch of people just staring at me and I can't stop the tear from forming in the corners of my eyes. Seeing my reaction, he quickly hugs me, but not too tightly. Instead, and with my head resting on his shoulder, his hand goes up and through my hair, gentle strokes calming me down.
'I'm sorry darling. You don't have to come if you don't feel comfortable. I'll come to your dinner, and I'll meet your friends. And we'll have a lovely night. And It'll be great okay? We'll do that. Alright?'
But I don't answer. I just stand up, wiping away my tears and starting to walk away. I'm not really walking away from him since I'm walking slowly enough so that he can easily catch up with me. I'm just... Angry... At myself. Why can't I be fucking normal! Why do I have to have social anxiety! What's so hard in having dinner with the guy that I'm dating and his friends. It shouldn't be this hard. Ugh! I fucking hate myself!
'Hey! I'm sorry! I'm didn't mean to upset you. Please don't be mad at me. You don't have to do it.'
'I'm not mad at you Niall!' I shout.
'What is it then? Darling, talk to me please.' He pleads.
'I'm mad at me. Cause I'm so fucked up I can't even go through one dinner with my boyfriend's family.' I yell.
He chuckles and puts his hand on my cheek, 'It's okay. Meeting new people is never easy. Especially not this soon. I mean even though I'd love to be your boyfriend, technically I still haven't asked you yet. We just happened to meet around Christmas and the invite just happened. So it's okay that you feel like you're not ready to meet them. It can be just the two of us for now. I don't mind.'
'Sorry... It's just my anxiety acting up again.'
'You don't have to be sorry. I understand. I know it feels like a burden and an obstacle. I understand it's not something that will go away easily. I don't expect it to. When I say I like you, and when I choose to go out with you and date, I accept all of you. Even the things that you think make you "Fucked up", and I don't really agree with you. We'll learn to adapt together okay? It'll be okay.'
'Thank you. And sorry for calling you my boyfriend. I know you're not. I was just panicking and it came out. It-'
'You don't have to apologize for that. At least now I know you'll say yes when I ask you!' He winks at me, taking my hand in his. 'Now come on, let me take you to dinner.'
'Lead the way.'