I know you said things are okay with your parents, but I think you're hiding something. You know I'm a locked vault. Whatever you say stays with me. Or if it's too hard saying it out loud, write it in here. That's what this notebook is for. I know it can be difficult but take it from me, keeping everything bottled up only leads to pressure building, and then an explosion of epic proportions. It's okay to let people see how you feel, Freddy. -Georgie aka Alexx
Alex stared up, her thoughts as jumbled as the clouds overhead. She'd managed to survive Alexx's inquisition, but that didn't mean she felt good about it. In fact, there was a lot she didn't feel good about, but what could she do? Telling the truth would only create more problems.
She jerked as a stack of books hit the lunch table. Looking up, she met Ravi's chocolate eyes that were brimming with amusement. "Soooo partner," he drawled, taking his time as he sat down. "When are we starting our project?"
"Start?" she snorted. "I haven't even finished the book yet."
He hitched up the sleeves of his green army jacket and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the books. "You've had a whole week."
"Exactly. One week, Ravi. I'm not even halfway done." What was he? Some kind of reading wizard?
He looked at her blankly. "It's not a hard book."
Wow. "Take it down a notch there, Mr. Condescending. Your ass is showing."
Ravi's lips quirked even as his brows drew together. "I was sure I put this thing called pants on this morning." He lifted his ass and looked. "Oh, phew. Got it covered."
She rolled her eyes despite wanting to laugh. "Come back in a month. I'll have it read by then."
"Our project is due in a month."
She flashed him a sweet smile. "Exactly." She might fail the assignment, but she'd win a gold medal for procrastination. "Speaking of reading, have you finished the book yet?" When she first challenged Ravi to read one of her favorite books, she was positive he'd brush her off, but then he shocked her and took her up on it.
"Yup." Ravi pulled out a book from the stack. Neon tabs stuck out from the pages, fluttering as a gust of wind rolled by. "Read back to cover."
"Already?" Her heart pounded as she leaned forward. "And?"
He hesitated, and her heart dropped. She was sure he'd get a kick out of it, but then she caught the twinkle in his eye. "I knew it!" She bounced in her seat, her hands slapping the table. "I knew you'd like it. Didn't I tell you it was beyond anything you've ever read?"
"Okay, hold off on the celebratory dance. It was good but not the be all end all." His head moved side to side as his gaze went to the sky, reflecting on the book. "It was entertaining. Lots of action, which I wasn't expecting."
"Right? The cover and summary don't prepare you for what's coming."
He nodded. "I liked the heroine more than I thought I would. At first, I was put off by her whole wallflower type of personality, but the more I got into the story, the more badass she became."
"I know!" She snapped her fingers and pointed at him. "Character development at it's finest."
Ravi let out a low chuckle. "I don't think I've ever seen you this passionate about a book before."
"Because there was nothing to get passionate about. I wish we could read stuff like this in class. I'd have it finished in a week."
"Now who's the one who needs to be more openminded?"
"You know what?" Alex asked, crossing her legs. "I'm okay with that." Because it's not like she could outrun classical books. She still had two more years of reading them.
Ravi stretched his arms out on the table. His reach was so long; his fingertips nearly touched hers. "What chapter are you on in Lord of the Flies?"
She grabbed it from her backpack and flipped to the bookmark. "Um, chapter two. The boys have just established order on the island and are now racing up the hill to start a fire, hoping planes or ships will see and come rescue them."
"It gets pretty dark after that."
"I don't mind dark. I think my problem is that we have to analyze it. Analyzing the themes and motifs and all that other stuff takes the fun out of reading." She eyed the multitude of tabs he placed in her favorite book and sighed. She bet it was covered in highlighter and pen. "Although you seem to do that regardless."
Ravi dropped his chin, rolling the gold bead on his bracelet between his fingers. "I can't seem to turn it off," he mumbled.
His embarrassment made her want to smile. "Just like I can't turn off thinking about fabric or re-designing someone's outfit."
His head jerked up. "You do that?"
She turned to the inside flap of Lord of the Flies and handed it to him. "See?" she said, pointing to her doodle of Mrs. Trentworth's outfit. Instead of the horrendous drop-shift dress she favored that made her look ten times heavier, Alex had drawn an A-line skirt with a pretty blouse and a belt cinching in her waist to accentuate her figure.
Ravi regarded the drawing with a keen eye. "Just like I thought," he whispered under his breath.
"What?" she asked.
"You're talented," he told her, his finger tracing the lines. "But you know drawing in a book is practically sacrilegious."
"Versus highlighting and scribbling in the margins?" she asked, motioning to the monstrosity sitting on the table. "Besides, who's going to know?"
"I'll know."
"You don't count."
He sniffed, drumming his fingers on the table. "You're really good for my ego, Canterbury."
"It's a tough job, but someone's gotta keep that ass in line."
He chuckled. "My aunt will be thrilled. I'm pretty sure she believes she did something horrible in a previous life and I'm the karma inflicted on her."
"That's awful," Alex exclaimed. How could he joke about that? "You weren't exaggerating when you said you and your aunt don't get along."
"And she was on her best behavior that night you came over."
Alex shook her head in wonder. "I see why you'd rather wander outside then go home."
"That's not home," Ravi insisted. "That's a place to sleep and shower."
"Do your parents know what's happening?" They couldn't possibly be okay with their son living in such hostility.
Every muscle in Ravi's body tensed. "It doesn't matter. They wouldn't believe me even if I told them."
That couldn't be true. "They're your parents. They want what's best for you," she argued. Her parents might be a mess right now, but there was no doubt that they would do everything in their power to make things good for her.
Ravi's voice grew bitter. "We can't all be lucky like you."
Lucky? Maybe in one sense but the rest of her life felt like two trains about to collide.
Ravi cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong? You got sad all of a sudden."
Her hand flew to her face, covering as much as possible. How did he read her so easily? It's like he was in her mind. "Nothing is wrong."
Ravi's fingers touched hers. "You don't have to hide. Not with me."
The statement rang with such sweet sincerity her nose prickled as her eyes started to well. Why couldn't he be a jerk? It'd make pushing him into Alexx's arms easier. She glanced away, focusing on the quad instead. Everyone was talking and laughing as they ate their lunches, soaking up as much sun as they could.
She looked to the bleachers where Hugo and his friends hung out. He'd invited her to eat lunch with him, but she'd put him off again, saying she needed to concentrate on the Guys and Dolls costumes. He'd taken it with grace, but both of them knew it had been pure crap.
Her stomach rolled as she remembered yesterday morning when he'd driven her to school. His phone had been in the cupholder between their seats, and by chance, she'd seen a text from Libby pop up. She couldn't read it but the fact that she was texting Hugo at seven in the morning said something.
Hugo knew she saw it too. He'd burst into an awkward rant about a weird dream he'd had while stealing glances at her out of the corner of his eye. Luckily, Alexx hadn't been there; otherwise, she would have demanded to know why Libby was texting him and probably gotten into a fight. Alex had too much fighting in her life as is. She didn't need to witness more.
"Hey." Ravi squeezed her fingers, his warmth traveling up her arm. The gentleness in his face disarmed her, made her want to be held by him, squeezed until her problems disappeared, but that would never happen. "Where'd you go?"
She rearranged her expression and looked up at him, puzzlement in her tone. "I'm right here."
He rapped his knuckles against the tabletop. "You're a horrible liar, you know that?"
She gazed at him, the sharp angles of his face like a knife against her soul. Anger and resentment boiled inside. "So what if I am? I don't owe you anything."
Ravi sat back and blinked. "Now who's the one being an ass?"
She squeezed her eyes shut. He didn't deserve a verbal whiplashing, but despite that, she couldn't stop the hurtful words from spilling out. "Just because we've met a couple of times and talked doesn't make us Frodo and Sam. You don't get to bear my ring."
His lips pressed together so hard she was surprised they weren't infused. "Sam didn't need to carry the ring. He just carried Frodo."
Thinking of Alexx, she said, "Well, it's a good thing then that I have a Sam in my life."
He jerked back like she'd stabbed him, and at that moment, she knew he thought she was talking about Hugo. If she cut a little deeper, twisted the knife, so it penetrated, she could sever their bond once and for all.
Do it, she told herself. Do it for you and Hugo. Do it for Alexx. Nothing good can come of this.
She opened her mouth, the words hovering on her tongue, but as she took a deep breath, she found she couldn't. Frustration welled as she banged her forehead against the table. Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.
Alex lifted her head and brought it down again, but instead of cold metal, she ran into a warm palm. For a moment, she let herself rest against him, let him bear the weight wrecking her soul, but then she remembered who this was, what he meant to her best friend, and pulled away.
"Don't," he whispered, the harsh sound conflicting with the gentle caress of her cheek.
"I can't," she whispered back.
"Why? What don't I know?"
Bitterness simmered in her gut. He could never know. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me!" He stomped his foot, punctuating his remark. A lock of hair fell onto his forehead, brushing his gaze which held such fire, she thought she might combust. "You matter to me."
Alex shook her head, the denial ripe on her tongue, but he placed his thumb on her bottom lip. Bolts of electricity raced across her skin, making her shudder. "Ravi," she whispered, his name a curse and a plea.
He leaned in as if to kiss her and she jerked back, suddenly aware of where they were. She glanced around. Hugo was gone from his spot, but Arlo was there. Watching.
Crap.
Arlo raised an eyebrow in a challenge, and she knew he would be telling Hugo the second he returned. It made her heart race, but the real panic set in when she saw Sloane and Bri. Both were staring at her with narrow eyes, their scowls a mirror of each other. She needed to do damage control stat.
She rose, and Ravi rose with her, an expectant look on his face. "Not now," she pleaded.
"Then when?" he demanded with a stubborn glint in his eye, and she knew he was digging his heels in.
"I'll call you."
"You don't have my number," he pointed out.
She thrust her phone into his hands, and he quickly added his digits.
She walked past, intent on tracking on Sloane and Bri, but Ravi touched her arm. "You can trust me," he whispered.
"With what?"
"Anything. Everything. Does it matter?"
She nodded so hard, her teeth banged together. "I only trust one person with all my secrets."
"Alexx?" he guessed. Shadows came over his face as his voice dropped. "Is she the reason you won't let yourself be with me?"
Shivering, she bit her lower lip. "She's my best friend."
"Can't you have more than one best friend?"
Something in his tone made her heart pound. Staring up at him, she swallowing at what she saw reflected in his eyes. "That's what you want to be? Best friends?"
She held her breathe as a moment passed. Then another.
He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as his gaze traveled over the contours of her face. "I want you in whatever shape that comes."
A breeze lifted her hair and swirled around them, creating a cozy cocoon. His scent—woodsy and spicy—enveloped her, seeping into her until she was sure even a shower couldn't erase him from her skin.
"I-I have to go," she stuttered. She pulled away, and part of her was disappointed when he let her go.
"I'll call you tonight."
"I'll be busy." Trying to undo all the damage this caused. She shook her head when he looked like he wanted to argue. This wasn't the time or place. Conscious of the eyes on them, she stepped away. "See you tomorrow, Ravi," she said in a loud formal voice that carried over the quad.
She hurried away but not before she saw his flinch of hurt. She almost stopped and turned back around, but Alex hardened her heart and kept walking. It sucked wounding him, but she had more important people to take care of.
The minute she came into Sloane's view, Sloane picked up her lunch bag and walked in the opposite direction.
"Sloane, wait." But Sloane kept on walking. Alex hurried after her and grabbed her arm, whirling her around. Sloane wretched away with such vigor, Alex was afraid she would pull a tendon.
"What?" Sloane asked, her tone laced with indignation.
"I want to talk to you." Alex glanced around. Where was Bri? She had been with Sloane literally minutes before.
Sloane slapped a hand to her hip and jutted out her chin. "Well, in case you haven't clued in, I don't want to talk to you."
Yeah, got that loud and clear. "Will you just listen? Back there—I, uh, that wasn't..."
"I know exactly what that was and if you think I'll keep my mouth shut, then you've seriously lost it. Hugo deserves to know you're going behind his back, and so does Alexx."
"Please don't spill to Alexx. I need to be the one to tell her."
Sloane's brows lifted. "But not Hugo?"
Alex ran her fingers through her hair, getting stuck in all the tangles and knots. Frustrated, she yanked, welcoming the pain. "Things with Hugo are complicated." She didn't know where they stood, but she was afraid to find out.
Sloane hesitated. "Complicated how?"
Alex huffed. As if she would confide in Sloane of all people. "Can you not tell Alexx? Please? If not for me, then for her?" Sloane cast her a confused expression, and Alex quickly realized Sloane didn't know about Alexx's crush on Ravi. Judging by Sloane's face, she didn't even know who Ravi was. Was she the only person Alexx told?
Guilt compounded on top of each other until it was hard to breathe. She had to fix this somehow. Maybe she could get Alexx and Ravi together. Set them up on a date or something. Her chest ached at the thought, but she ignored it. Steeling herself, Alex said, "If I don't tell her by tomorrow you can do it, okay?"
Sloane let out a deep sigh. "I don't know what's going on, but don't hurt Alexx."
"That's the last thing I want to do," she vowed. "So you'll hold off on telling her?"
Sloane nodded slowly. "And advice from a former friend? Secrets are a snake's playground."