chapter 25: like a gunshot
forgiveness, is not easily acquired.
forgiveness it takes time.
forgiveness, it is a choice.
forgiveness isn't what is currently running around this boy's head, instead he felt guilty. he knew that deep inside, the other guy loved him.
using someone isn't actually a choice.
they just took advantage of him.
it was painful seeing the person you care about the most cry, that is because, you didn't do this for them to cry. you feel disappointed in yourself, that's why.
like a bullet fired by a gun, is how fast realization escalated between these four walls. jeonghan immediately stood up and pushed seongcheol away, but the latter grabbed him, not giving the choice for him to go away.
what was the both thinking at the moment wasn't really clear, it was so blurry. they were both crying, not wanting this to happen, but they both ran out of choices but to accept the truth that this, actually happened.
jeonghan was just standing there, eyes puffed, but tears were still able to fall down. something was punching his heart right onto the ground, it was unbearable.
"...remember you were accountable for things too..."
words of another person allowed jeongahn to think, he stopped his mourning and he was made sure that he actually stopped.
on the other hand, seongcheol was still hugging jeonghan from the back, without even receiving any look from the eyes. he thought, jeonghan was seriously broken from this moment on. he didn't wanna speak, he was scared he'd hurt someone more.
he was at the edge of giving up.
"please don't go, im begging." seongcheol grieved.
"then how are you gonna fix a broken heart seongcheol." jeonghan fired back.
seongcheol was momentarily frozen with what the other had said.
a broken heart you ask?
seongcheol was also, hit by the reality. he didn't knew what could happen if he continues to do this.
for the first time, he wanted to let go.
he started to let go slowly of his arms wrapped around jeonghan. flashbacks of them together were playing inside his head. he closed his eyes, not wanting to open up his eyes, for he knew that no one would be there to meet him.
it was depressing.
the one he knew that was the love of his life was hurting, thus he wanted to let go. it was darkness, nothing but darkness came crawling inside seongcheol's heart.
he officially got off his arms off of the other and he felt the other's presence left him. he heard the door close and yet there he just stood, battling with reality, he still did not want to open up his eyes, he just wanted the memories to stay.
he sat down on the ground, started to lie down and while he was still reminiscing everything he could remember, tears started to fall on his eyes, despite of feeling like his world was about to be devoured because of love, he smiled.
jeonghan started walking, dark awra started to fill him. not dark because of angriness, it was pure sadness, he didn't knew how to get out of it. he was screaming for help, but he couldn't.
how did it end up like this?
he found himself calling mingyu, and he met up with him at the same place where they met the last time.
mingyu was slowly approaching the bench but before he could approach it, jeonghan was fast to stand up and hug him and cried on the taller's chest.
the taller felt a sting, for he didn't knew what degree of sadness this was. he was just an observer and a helper but he knew from the start that it was already complicated. he felt guilty over everything. he thought that knowing was everything so he tried to pursue the love that was broke and put it back again together, but the result, everyone was hurt.
he felt like a piece of shit.
mingyu caressed the other's hair. jeonghan's tears wasn't stopping he wanted it to stop, but the thought of their situation was the reason why he can't actually stop.
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the next day, jeonghan woke up beside mingyu in a bed. he was shocked at the moment. he didn't have clothes, but mingyu has.
what happened?
mingyu was also awake with the motion and sound of the bed.
"hyung, don't panic. i didn't do anything, i just thought that you would stink." mingyu explained groggily.
"what happened last night?" jeonghan asked.
"you kinda passed out crying so i brought you here, cause i didn't know where else i should bring you."
jeonghan was still chilling 'til he remembered the date.
today was the scheduled flight of them going back to america.
he shivered with the thought. he has to be with joshua again.
"can i borrow your phone?" he asked.
mingyu got his phone at the small cabinet beside the bed where the lamp was placed. jeonghan immediately dialed a number, he was nervous and having second thoughts but he didn't have a choice.
"hello?" the other line spoke.
"uhm, this is han, im at mingyu's room. can you please pack my thing and get me here?"
"sure, why not. see you in an hour, wanna get breakfast?"
jeonghan was hurt with joshua's tone. he acted that nothing actually happened. it was fucking heartbreaking. how could someone be as good as joshua already is. he was thanful for having people like this in his life.
he looked at mingyu and nodded.
"where's my clothes?" jeonghan asked.
"there, don't worry, i've seen everything. damn hyung, you should've let me score back then. i was into you though."
jeonghan rolled his eyes with what the other said.
tops will be tops.
he realized he had to take a shower before doing anything. so he borrowed a towel and hurriedly ran to the bathroom and did what he needed to do. he borrowed everything from mingyu and the puppy was happy to serve.
"thank you for everything." jeonghan sighed.
for the last time he hugged mingyu. he wished he had a bestfriend like him, which made him think about ark. where's that bitch?
anyways, mingyu was comforting and was very caring. wondering who's he pursuing now, im sure it'd be a good thin for him, he already got the looks, and personality is a big check too.
they both got off each other and said they're goodbyes then jeonghan went out and pressed the elevator to get to the lobby.
the elevator opened, and two unexpected people was containing the machinery. he was immediately burdened by the situation. he already had enough suffering, now, he had to be extra embarrassed.
the twenty-second elevator ride felt like an hour. after getting down, joshua looked at jeonghan and he knew where they were going, they both ate their breakfast and no one actually spoke.
they both went to the airport and left the country once again.
he wasn't actually expecting for someone to show up, but he knew he needed one presence. that presence was enough to convince him to actually stay and not go. but, he also knew that the other one gave up.
it was already disappointing as it is.
pride, pride was one of the main reason.
he was accusing his own pride.
he felt angry with himself.
he also was convincing himself not to be guilty, it wasn't his fault.
but just like any other individual, he ended hurting himself and he knew he wasn't able to forgive himself.
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