~Lylah's POV~
3 weeks since Billie and I went our seperate ways. 3 weeks. As soon as we started our break we stopped talking, and haven't talked since. If I'm being honest, I haven't found it easy. Since I turned 18 I've been getting ready to move out into my own house, Billie said I could live with her for the time being but now I can't really.
My parents said no to me moving back in so instead I found a one bedroom apartment that was like $50 a week for my poor ass, and here I am. Alone, trying to be happy. But I don't think I am.
~
My alarm sounds and I groan as I roll over to turn it off. "I don't wanna go to work!" I yell. I lay in bed for a little while until that little while turns to half an hour and I'm running late. "Shit!" I basically fall out of bed, quickly getting dressed and brushing my teeth before running out of my apartment and down the fucking 20 flights of stairs.
~
Back, and forth. Back, and forth. I go, placing labels on soaps. I was lucky to land a job at Bath and Body Works, and I'm grateful for it, though doing the same thing over and over leaves me with only one thing. My mind. That's a scary place.
"Yo, you okay?" My co-worker says looking over at me. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I finally snap, throwing the roll of labels out of my hands and storming off.
Tears stream down my cheeks as I walk home, not having enough money to put gas in my car. Always feeling tired, but never being able to sleep. Always feeling hopeless, even when your life is going in the right direction. Never wanting food and it's showing by the amount of weight you're losing. That's me.
"What did I fucking do to be this way?" I cry, running through the entry to my apartment and to the bathroom. My body slides down the bathroom wall as I tug at my hair. Sometimes I feel like there is something eating me up from the inside, as if my conscience is telling me I'm not good enough. Everyday I do my hair, wear loose clothes and fake a smile; but some days I just can't take it anymore.
My eye slides over to the sink, wear my razor sits from yesterday. I look down at my legs, then back up at the razor before I suddenly find myself sitting on the edge of the bath, blade in hand. It feels like there's no tears left to cry as the razor makes contact with my thigh. "Ah!" I wince in pain, blood dripping from my leg. You deserve this Lylah. You deserve to be in pain.
Being numb is normal now.
~Billie's POV~
I check my calendar, 3 weeks since I've last talked to Lylah. Lylah was always the type to apologise and come running back quickly, but I guess she's doing just fine without me now. What an ass I am. I'm still blocked on all platforms for Lylah so if I ever want to talk to her it's through Eli and Isaac.
billie: hey long time no talk
billie: do y'all know how lylah's going?
isaac: We were gonna ask you the same.
elijah: She hasn't really talked to us since last time you called
elijah: Rumour has it she hasn't really talked to anyone
billie: fuck
billie: have you even tried to visit her?
billie: i bet her mom would let you in to see her if she wasn't alright or something
isaac: Her mom? She lives alone Bil
billie: what? since when?
elijah: Since she moved out from yours.
elijah: I think her parents said she wasn't allowed to move back in or some shit
billie: i had no idea
I felt instant guilt. Lylah was living all alone, probably in some shit hole and I haven't even tried to help her. Was she alright? Had a steady job? Was going out and seeing people?
isaac: And about the visiting thing
isaac: She doesn't answer our texts anymore so basically we have no idea where she lives
elijah: We miss her :(
billie: well fuck same
If I couldn't reach Lylah through social media or the twins, I only had one idea left. See her in person. Tour ends in only a couple days, and there's gotta be a way to find out where she's staying. I head to my bunk on the bus, the clock reading 9:00PM. "I'll see you soon Lylah." I whisper to myself before closing my eyes and trying to get to sleep
~a couple days later, tour is finally finished and billie is on her way back to l.a~
We board the plane and take our seats. I'm next to Finneas, who's next to Claudia. They're being all cute and stupid, which I can't help but laugh at. "Eww!" I shout as they kiss.
I put my headphones on and lay back, watching the office on my phone as the plane takes off.
~
I'm awoken to the plane coming in for landing, an absurd amount of turbulence. As I realise I can take my phone out of airplane mode I go straight to trying to find where Lylah lives. First idea, her mom.
~
I'm on the long car ride home from the airport as I call her mom. "Hello, Ms. Smith." I start, "This is Billie." It sounds like she laughs before saying, "Wow Billie, I haven't received a call from you since Lylah decided to hate you for a while back when you were just little." My heart drops.
"Well, Ms. Smith, I actually haven't heard from Lylah in weeks and it seems she's moved houses." I sigh before continuing, "Do you know where she may be?" Ms. Smith almost sounded relieved as she said, "I do actually," "She got me to get her some stuff from the grocery store once, so yes I know exactly where."
"Would you mind telling me?"
~
I didn't spend a second at home before I got into my matte black dodge challenger and was off to Lylah's place. By her moms description, an old, worn down, concrete apartment block in the back streets of L.A.
I could hear my own heart beat, suddenly becoming extremely nervous to see Lylah as I pulled up at the place. "Fuck." I mumbled, looking up at the really depressing looking building.
I walked up what felt like a never ending amount of stairs, extremely out of breath and reaching for my inhaler by the time I was at her door.
knock knock knock
My hand rose to the door, knocking quickly before taking a step back and waiting. No answer. My heart ached and I squeezed my eyes shut for a quick moment before opening them and knocking one more time. Suddenly I heard footsteps approach the other side of the door, the door-handle turned and suddenly there she was. Lylah. Her facial expression dropped as she took a step back.
"Billie?" Lylah asks with a tone of confusion in her voice. She looked exhausted, underweight and like she'd been crying for a really long time. "B-Billie?" She repeats, even more confused by the fact I didn't answer. "Lylah." I sigh. She wore a 'Bath and Body works' employee shirt and grey sweatpants that were baggy at her tiny waist. "Why are you here?" She asks, she looked so out of it and tired.
"Because I miss you." I say just loud enough for her to hear me. A small smile creeps onto her face as she says, "I miss you too." I open my arms and her small figure comes running into my arms. What feels like hundreds of butterflies erupt in my stomach as I feel her touch I haven't felt in weeks.
"God." She basically laughs. "What?" "I missed you so much, fuck." I was laughing too now. Still in her arms I ask, "How have you been?" The whole mood in the room changes instantly. "If I'm honest?" She starts, "Horrible." I lift her face into my hands. "Baby-" I pout. "Wanna talk about it?"
~Lylah's POV~
I lead Billie to my couch and ask for her to sit. "Life's hard bro." I laugh, though it's pretty harsh. She lifts my hands into hers, gasping quietly as she does so. "Your hands, they're literally so cold." Billie looked so shocked and sad. "I'm always cold." I say taking my hands back.
~
"You hungry?" I ask, standing up and walking in the direction of the fridge. "Are you?" Billie says quickly. "Not really, but I feel rude not offering you anything since it's basically dinner ti-" I mumble before she cuts me off. "I'm not gonna eat if you don't." My gaze falls to my feet.
"Do I look bad?" I ask, suddenly very conscious of my upsetting appearance. "Small." She says quietly. My eyes stay staring at the floor. "Fuck, I'm sorry." I apologise, slowly backing away to my bedroom to change into bigger clothes. "Hey, wait.. Lylah where are you going?" Billie asks following after me. "To change." I cover my face with my long hair as I continue walking to my bedroom.
I enter my room and start taking off my sweatpants as I think she's stopped following me but to my surprise she stands, leaning on my doorway. My pants fall to the ground and I'm left standing in only my underwear. Billie's mouth hangs open and her eyebrows furrow. "Your legs." Cuts from weeks ago and cuts that are fresh cover my thighs.
I rush to the door yelling, "Get out!" I push Billie out of my room quickly closing my door. My heart races as I quickly put on some other clothes. Acting like nothing happened, I open my door to Billie still standing there. "I didn't mean to intrude your privacy, I'm really sorry.." Billie stuttered, her cheeks turning a rosy red.
"It's okay." I smile, "I trust you." I say, my face heating up. "Trust me with what?" Billie looks up at me. I make strong eye-contact, looking into her beautiful icy blue eyes. "I trust you with everything Billie." Billie suddenly looks down. "You just need to regain that trust." She says quietly, "Because I broke it." She continues. I put my hand up to her cheek.
"If you can prove to me that you're trust-worthy, I can prove that I still love you." I laugh, bringing her into a hug. I missed her hugs.
A/N
this is the longest chapter i've ever written and it's unchecked so expect mistakes lol - did u like it? i spent like 2 hours writing this soooo i hope you did aha (1.8K words)
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