"So, how was Ireland?" I asked Lisa. Her eyes lit up in excitement.
"It was amazing! I loved his family, they were all so incredibly kind to me. And they showed me a lot of baby pictures of him. He was a cute baby and he was actually ginger growing up! How cute is that?" She exclaimed and kicked the back of my seat.
"Ciarán? How was Ireland for you?" I asked the man on the seat next to me.
"Absolutely terrible." He said with a playful smile on his face.
Lisa and Ciarán had finally come home from their Christmas trip and I had volunteered to pick them up from the airport again. It was amazing to see the two again. Even though I had had a lot of fun with Timmy while they were gone, I was more than happy about their return.
"How was your Christmas?" Lisa asked. I didn't know wether I wanted to tell them about how I got drunk with a Canadian man I barely knew and then proceeded to uhm... stay the night at his place. Then I realised I would probably have to since he would be tagging along to Freddie's party tomorrow.
"Well actually, I met someone. His name is Timmy, he's from Canada. He moved here a while ago and he was spending the Holidays alone as well as me so we decided to spend it together." I said, trying to sound as innocent as possible but Ciarán being Ciarán, he caught on immediately.
"Oh you spent it together alright." And playfully punched my arm. A light pink shade rose onto my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip.
"Nothing happened." I said and gave Ciarán a wink.
"Oh yes sure. Just like nothing happened in the shower after my family had gone to bed." Ciarán said and soon Lisa's hand came flying from the backseat and collided with the side of Ciarán's head.
"Ciarán!" She shouted and I burst into laughter.
"What? I said nothing happened!" He laughed.
I dropped Ciarán off at his house, but refused to take Lisa to hers'. There were too many things I wanted to talk about with her.
"Fine." She had groaned as I drove past the intersection that would've taken us to her house.
"So let me get this straight. You met this Canadian man like a week ago, and now you're taking him to Freddie Mercury's New Year's party?" Lisa said in a doubtful tone and raised her brows.
"Yes. Why? I think he's a great guy and I think we have a lot of fun together." I defended myself.
"And the fact that your ex boyfriend is going to be there has nothing to do with this decision?" She asked again.
"Of course not!" Well duh, obviously. "I can't believe that you'd think that I'm only bringing Timmy along to make John jealous!"
"Your words, not mine." She said.
She was correct. Even though I did in fact like Timmy, even I knew that the reason he was coming along was to make John jealous. I wanted him to see that I had moved on and that I didn't need him for anything. That I didn't still miss him and that my heart didn't ache every time I heard someone mention his name.
He didn't have to know that I still loved him.
"Oh fuck off." I mumbled to her and.
Brian called again that night to make sure that we were still coming to the party. He had promised that all four of us could stay the night at his or Freddie's. He tried his hardest to mask his disapproval when I told him about Timmy. Even though he had told me on multiple occasions that he didn't care if John and I ever got back together or not, I knew it was a lie. But because he was a good man, he had agreed to also let Timmy stay over at his.
"Well, how did Timmy react to being invited to Freddie Mercury's party?" Lisa asked.
"Well..."
"So a friend of mine is throwing a party for New Year's in London and I was wondering if you'd want to come? He asked me to bring friends." I asked Timmy as I prepared breakfast for us.
"A party? That could be fun, sure why not?" He said and smiled before taking a sip from his coffee. "What's your friend's name?"
"His name's Freddie, he's a really fun guy." I said and smiled at the thought of Freddie. I missed him greatly. I had spoken with him once after Brian had visited Cambridge. It was great to hear from him after almost three months of radio silence.
"Freddie? Is that a nickname?" He asked.
"No, he's just called Freddie."
"Is he a big Queen fan?" He joked and I bit my bottom lip.
"Yes, I think he's their biggest fan." I answered, knowing that that was probably true.
"Well he's lucky to share a name with Mercury then."
I probably should have told him that my friend was indeed Freddie Mercury, but I also really wanted to surprise him. Timmy had somehow managed to avoid all the articles about me and John and I was very happy about that, that meant that he was actually getting to know me because he liked me, not because he wanted to befriend Freddie or one of the others.
Lisa didn't stay over for long since she had just come back home and we would be going to Freddie's party tomorrow. After I had taken her home I went to the shower to think.
I was nervous about tomorrow. Even though Brian had promised that he would make sure that I wouldn't cross paths with John, I knew that it was more than likely that I would bump into him. What would I say to him? Or should I say anything at all? Should I just pretend that I didn't know him and move on? Yeah that's not going to happen now is it?
I missed him. I missed every single little thing about him. But he hurt me. He hurt me so bad. I sat down on the shower floor and let the water flow over me. I felt trapped. Trapped in a feeling that just wouldn't go away.
I got out of the shower got ready for going to bed. I knew that I wasn't going to fall asleep, but there was no harm in trying right?
JOHN'S POV
I stared at the empty glass of whiskey on my nightstand. I'll see her tomorrow, I thought to myself and sighed. How different everything would be if I hadn't run into Ronnie that one night. She would be here, she would be asleep next to be, curled up into a ball with her beautiful blonde hair all over the place.
But she wasn't. All because of me being an idiot. I turned out the light and tried closing my eyes, but no matter how hard I tried, all I could think of was her.
It killed me to know that in less than 24 hours I would be at a party with her, she'd be so close yet so far away. Brian had told me that she was bringing a man with her and though I had tried to convince myself that I didn't care, I did. She had moved on. She was probably happy. I used to make her happy.
"Fuck." I groaned out loud and rubbed my eyes with my palms. Freddie and advised me to not go talk to her if and when I would see her tomorrow. That she'd still need time. Of course I understood but that didn't make it any easier.
If I could just hold her once more.
LORETTA'S POV
"Right everyone, in the car!" Ciarán shouted and clapped his hands. I was still putting on my earrings and doing all the other necessary finishing touches to my appearance. I had opted for a black turtlenecked bodysuit and simply curling my hair. Knowing just how crazy and wild Freddie's parties would often get, I had decided to wear clothing that was as comfortable as possible.
"Now!" He shouted again in deep desparation. Lisa and I had promised him that we would be ready be four and it was now six. After some vile curse words and threats from Ciarán, we were finally on our way towards Timothy and London.
"I plan on being so incredibly wasted by the end of this night that you two have to carry me out of there." He said and looked at Lisa and I as Timothy sat on the back seat next to me.
"Yeah yeah whatever just drive!" Lisa laughed. Timothy made a small chuckle as well and I could have sworn that Ciarán gave him a dirty look through the rear view mirror.
The car ride to London was filled with relaxed conversation and joking around. It had taken me almost an hour to convince Ciarán and Lisa not to give away that the part we were going to was in fact Freddie Mercury's party. We would first drive to Brian's place and settle in our things. Then we would take a cab to Freddie's and meet everyone there. Ciarán was still quite salty over the fact that we were running late because of me and Lisa.
"Oh don't be so bitter, you'll get to be drunk tonight." Lisa scolded him.
"I'll stop being late when you two stop being late." He said back and earned a laugh from Timmy and me.
"Thanks for coming along Timmy. I'm sure you're going to like my friends." I said to the ginger man sat next to me.
"Thank you for the invitation." He said and smiled warmly.
Soon it was time to pull up onto Brian's yard. I had been carefully reading Timmy's expressions for the past ten minutes, watching it go from relaxed to slightly surprised.
"What does this Brian of yours do for a living?" He asked me as we got our things out of the car.
"He's in a band." I said and from the corner of my eye I could see Lisa giggling.
Settling in at Brian's didn't take us long since we all had packed just enough things to be good for one night. It felt odd being there with some man other than John. Sometimes I'd even forget that I had someone else with me and when I'd turn around to say something to him, I'd remember.
Something was off with Ciarán. He's be his lovely sarcastic self when with Lisa or me, but every time Timmy would join in on the conversation, he'd just become mean. I wanted to ask what his problem was, but I was afraid I might not want to know the answer.
"You have some wealthy friends Loretta." Timmy chuckled as we got out of the cab on Freddie's driveway. He scanned the beautiful mansion's exterior in amazement.
"Well yes, but just a couple." I said and began making my way towards the entrance. There was an ocean of people smoking outside, some I recognised, some I didn't and to my displeasure, I think most recognised me. I put my head down and avoided eye contact with everyone.
Once we were at the door we gave our coats to a yonung boy and made it inside. The music was blasting out as loud as ever and I scanned the room to find a familiar face. It didn't take long for me to lock eyes with Freddie. A wide smile spread onto the man's face and he waltzed over, holding a glass of champagne.
"Loretta! It is truly a pleasure." He said and wrapped his arms around me. He smelled like an expensive cologne and booze, a combination I had actually grown quite fond of.
"It truly is Freddie. Thank you for the invitation." I said.
"Oh no problem darling, I wouldn't want you to miss a good party! Lisa!" He exclaimed and went to her. While he greeted her and Ciarán, Timmy turned to face me. All colour had drained from his face and he was giving me a very surprised look.
"When were you going to tell me that you were friends with Freddie Mercury?" He said jokingly.
"I did tell you that his name was Freddie and that he was the biggest Queen fan." I laughed.
"I suppose you did." He said and smiled.
Freddie then turned around and shook Timmy's hand. "So you must be Timothy?" He said in a polite tone.
"Yes, that would be me. But please, call me Timmy." He said. Freddie raised his brows ever so slightly and had I not been paying attention, I wouldn't have noticed a small smile in the corner of his lips.
"Timmy it is then. I truly hope you enjoy yourselves tonight. Find me if you need anything." He said and disappeared into the crowd. I turned around to face the others and clapped my hands together.
"Who here want to get absolutely shitfaced?" I asked and Ciarán let out the loudest cheer I think I have ever heard.
We began making our way through the sea of dancing people. The party was already in full boom and it seemed like everyone was drunk. I took a glance at the watch on my wrist. It was only a little over nine. I don't even want to know what condition these people will be in at midnight.
Once we reached the bar I got beers for all of us, or well one for most of us, Ciarán chugged down four in less than a minute.
"You're really aming for that 'shitfaced' aren't you?" Lisa said as the tall Irishman put down the fourth pint with a proud smile on his face.
"I most certainly am." He said and planted a small kiss on Lisa's cheek. The adorable gesture put a smile on my face, but at the same time it felt like a punch in the gut. Why does everyone else get to be happy?
The nexr thing I remember was us dancing the night away to one of the new tracks on the album, Tie your mother down. I kept slamming into people I didn't know but instead of apologising, I'd just laugh it off. The alcohol was doing it's job and I was finally starting to feel a little more liberated. Every once in a while I would turn around and give Timmy a little kiss, then I'd go back to dancing the shit out of every song. The alcohol was doing it's job in another way as well. I constantly had to go to the bathroom. I excused myself from my friends to go look for a vacant one.
After minutes of trying to make my way through the crowd, I finally found myself in a somewhat empty hallway. The bathroom is at the end. I thought and began wobbling towards it. I was far drunker than I had even realised and all of my concentration went to walking.
I finally made it to the bathroom and to my utter relief, the door was unlocked. I flung it open only wish I had never done such thing. I was greeted my Roger's back and a lady in her knees in front of him. It didn't take me more than two seconds to get what was going on.
"Oh my Lord, I'm so sorry." I said and covered my eyes.
"Oh hey Loretta! How's it been?" Roger said cheerfully. He slurred his words so much that I was certain that alcohol wasn't the only substance he was on.
"We'll talk about it later, bye!" I said and backed out of the bathroom and back into the hallway and closed the door. Once I was certain that the door was indeed closed, I opened my eyes and let out a relieved sigh. That was hella funny. I thought to myself and started laughing. Some other people were loitering in the hallway as well and raised their brows at me. I gave them a very drunk smile and waved as I stumbled past them to the other end of the hallway where I knew the staircase was.
Going up the stairs was a piece of cake. I basically hugged the railing and slowly moved my feet up the stairs. It probably didn't look half as graceful as it felt, but I made it up so everyone can suck it.
Where the fuck is the bathroom? I wondered as I stumbled from wall to wall. Perhaps those four tequila shots from that tray weren't as fabulous of an idea as they had seemed. I finally, quite accidentally, found a bathroom and was able to relieve myself.
Then it was time for the real battle to begin.
It was time to go down the stairs.
I took a deep breath and clutched onto the railing and slowly began making my way downstairs. At first, everything seemed to be going nice and well. Then, I could feel my heel getting caught in something. I didn't know what it was, but what I knew as that it set me flying face first down the stairs. Great, so this is how I'm going to die? Falling down the fucking stairs? How lame is that?
Then out of nowhere I could feel a pair of hands grab my arm, stopping my fall. I fell backwards and on my ass. The hands let go of me and descended the stairs just enough to be able to help me up. Just as I was about to take his out stretched hand, I finally looked up from the ground. Just like that, all the music in the entire mansion seemed to die out. Every single person in the room disappeared and apparently someone also took out all the oxygen.
His eyes are so green.
"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly, scanning my face.
I couldn't get a single word out of my mouth, the all seemed to have gotten stuck in my throat. And what would I even say? All I could do was stare into those deep, green eyes of his. I had completely forgotten how beautiful he was.
"John." I managed to sob out. I felt like I was going to burst into tears at any given moment.
"Yeah... it's me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, but I was the only one near enough to catch your fall." He said quietly and put his hand down. He looked sad, skinnier. His eyes had sunken deeper and he had cut his hair. Not much, but a little. I liked his old hair better.
"It's... it's alright. I'm alright." I slurred and attempted to get up but almost fell again.
"Can I help you make it down the stairs?" He said.
"Yeah, that'd be grand." I chuckled and grabbed his hand.
The fireworks were still there. It felt like the entire part of my skin that was in contact with his had suddenly been lit on fire. It was tingling in the best way possible and my head stopped spinning. I hadn't even realised how much my heart had been racing before I held his hand, before he calmed it down.
"Right, let's go then." He said and wrapped his other arm behind my back, helping me get down the stairs. I soon found myself intentionally leaning closer to him, even though I knew that it was a horrible idea.
And way too soon, we had reached the bottom of the staircase. Even though the man had caused me a tremendous amount of pain, I simply couldn't let him go. So I did what any self respecting woman would. I came up with an excuse.
"John?" I asked as he let go of me.
"Yes?" He said.
"Can I bum a fag?" I asked and bit my bottom lip. I was painfully aware of the lighter and a pack of cigarettes I had in my pocket and I think he had seen them as well.
"Yes, of course. You want to go now?" He asked and gestured towards the door and I nodded.
The weather outside was cold but neither of us bothered to take our coats. We walked down the road a little bit so we would be able to talk to each other without having everyone eavesdropping on us. He handed me a cigarette and lighter. I was way too drunk to be able to use it so with a soft chuckle he lit up mine as well.
"Thanks" I murmured.
"No problem." He said and smiled a little. "So are you guys having fun?" He asked.
"Yeah... I suppose we are. At least we were the last time I checked. That was before I wandered off in search of a bathroom. I walked in on Rog by the way." I told him and he laughed.
"Why am I not surprised?" He said and took a huff from his cigarette. We giggled at Roger for a while before falling into a comfortable silence. I had missed him, I hadn't even realised how much. I had realised, that it was possible to long for someone you tried to convince yourself you hated.
From the corner of my eye I could see him studying me. His eyes wandered all over my body, and surprisingly enough, mostly my eyes. He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead.
"Are you alright?" I asked him and he looked up to meet my eyes.
"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. I think." He said softly.
"You think?" I questioned. I didn't know why I cared. Okay there is no point in lying about it, I knew exactly why I cared and it was because I was deeply in love with him.
"Yeah, I think. I've just... had a lot on my mind. Anyway, so you and Timmy huh?" He said, trying to steer the conversation away from himself.
"Yes, we've been going out for a week now, it's all very new for me. But he's a good guy you know? Very kind." I told him and he nodded understandingly. "And he's loyal." I muttered under my breath.
The atmosphere changed immediately. John's face dropped and he threw his cigarette into the snow.
"Loretta..." He said sadly but I shook my head.
"No John, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, but could we please talk about what happened?" He said and took a step closer to me. His eyes pleaded mine, but I looked away.
"No John, there's nothing to talk about. I don't want to hear it, okay? You hurt me, you fucking did. There's nothing you can do about it. And now I've met someone, someone who treats me right." I said and tossed my cigarette in the snow as well.
"Loretta... would you please just hear me out?" He pleaded.
"No!" I shouted, tears now streaming down my face. I couldn't do this again. I didn't have the strength in me. I began walking back inside and grabbed my coat. I didn't bother telling anyone I had left, I simply took a taxi to Brian's and fell asleep in the living room.