Aizelle's POV
The brakes of the car squeaked as we stopped. It has already given me a warning of an upcoming danger. I inhaled sharply when I realized we reached the mansion. I was nearly crying, shattered and my focus being clobbered by my fear.
I was rooted to the spot, couldn't move in the front seat. He scrambled out of the car, went straight to the other side so he can open my door. Hinila niya ako palabas ng sasakyan. It was harsh enough to scare the hell out of me. "Drei, please! Let me go!" I cried.
Nagmamadali ang mga maids na umiiwas sa amin. Takot din sila makialam. Kinaladkad niya ako sa hagdan at laking pasasalamat ko na hindi ako nadapa sa ginawa niya.
Patulak niyang binitawan ang aking palapulsuhan at pilit niya ako'ng pinasok sa kwarto. I looked at him while rubbing my wrist. It was almost numb because of the pressure.
He shot me a furious glance.
"How embarrassing, Aizelle. How embarrassing!" He shouted. Nagulat ako nang itumba niya ang coffee table sa harapan ko. I tried opening my mouth to talk but I decided not to. It would just make things worse. I hugged myself at hindi ko napigilan ang mapaiyak sa sinabi niya.
Nakakahiya ako. Nakakahiya.
Paulit-ulit iyon sa isip ko habang nagmumura siya. Nakakahiya ako. Hindi ko inaakala na ganitong kasakit, na ganito ang mararamdaman ko kapag sa kanya nanggaling.
"What are you now, a prostitute? This is the dream that you have been talking about huh. Do you have any idea how much I blamed myself because I thought I pulled you down? For ten fucking years Aizelle, I was blaming myself! I thought it was my fault and I ruined you." He was talking too fast. "Fuck no! I never ruined you. You ruined yourself! I should've not blamed myself. I should've not felt guilty!" I caught my own breath, inhaling sharply. Pain sheeted through me with terrible intensity, this is just worse than any physical pain. "You never deserve any of my help." He added, sounding tired and impatient. His tone gradually lowering until I could hear the harrowing silence. Bawat salita niya ay parang kutsilyo na humihiwa sa aking balat. Gusto ko'ng magsalita. Napatingin ako sa kanya. Pulang-pula ang kanyang mukha sa galit.
Natigilan siya. He wasn't waiting for me to speak. He shook his head in disappointment, staring sightlessly through the darkness of the window. His tired steely-eyes became fixed with cold anger.
"Pagod na pagod na ako." I blurted, almost whispering. He looked at me with a strangled expression. Lalo kong niyakap ang sarili ko. My body started trembling and my shoulders are shaking, I couldn't help it. "Sasaktan mo ba ako? Sasampalin mo ba ako?" I asked. Lumapit ako at kinuha ang kamay niya, dinala ko ito sa aking pisngi."Wala na ako maramdaman, Drei, Wala na." I struggled saying.
"Alam mo bang gustong-gusto ko'ng bumalik noon, gusto ko'ng humingi ng tawad pero tuwing titignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin, hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko at ayaw na kitang madamay" I pointed his chest. My throat is full of lumps and I'm trying my best not to cry."Hindi ko naman ginustong maging ganito ang takbo ng buhay ko." I sobbed. And then to my horror, with no warning, tears started falling like waterfalls. My fingers are jerky and agitated. It was hard to control. My head is a mess. My breaths are short and frantic. I wasn't intending to hold this conversation, but at last I couldn't stand it anymore. I have to say all of this. All of this emotions, all of this pain I kept for years.
I composed myself so I could say more. I feel like this is my only chance to do this. There was a strange and still quietness in the room. His emotion is still fixed but his breaths are obviously short and struggling too. He didn't interrupt me as though I said something that knocked him off. "Alam mo bang ikaw ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa buhay ko?" Napahagulgol ako. "Tuwing naaalala kita, lahat ng ginawa mo para sa akin, my conscience is just killing me. Pinapatay ako ng pagsisi na nararamdaman ko dahil pinakawalan kita. Hindi na ako makabalik sa'yo kasi nakakadiri ako. Diring diri na ako sa sarili ko." His dark face altered, taken aback and staring at me in disbelief. "Drei, hindi ko ginusto na ganito. Patawarin mo naman na ako. Pagod na pagod na akong mahirapan. Ano pa ba ang kailangan mo sa akin? Ano pa ba?" I asked desperately.
I had it all organized in my head. Everything that I want to say to him. "Why are you here? Why did you comeback? Lagi mo ako nililigtas, tinutulungan and I'm so thankful for that. You don't know how much it means to me. Pero bakit?" I forced myself to chuckle. I cupped his face and surprisingly, he just let me. "Do you really believe that I choose this life? Kung maniniwala ka, hindi ko naman ipipilit. Pero sana.. sana bigyan mo ako ng chance na mabuhay ulit. Sana ikaw ang magpakita sa akin na pwede pa, pwede pa ulit akong bumangon. Ikaw na lang Drei. Ikaw na lang ang meron ako. Please, maawa ka.." I pleaded. I was crying, chuckling hysterically and forcing myself to carry on. Mababaliw na ako sa sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko.
"Marumi ako'ng babae, wala ako'ng karapatan humingi ng kahit ano sa'yo. Pero nagmamakaawa ako. Ikaw na lang, ikaw na lang ang makakatulong sa akin. Nasa mga kamay mo ang buhay ko. Kung patuloy mo ako'ng pahihirapan o ililigtas. Nagmamakaawa ako, Drei." Wala na ako'ng makita dahil sa mga luha ko. Napakapit ako sa kanyang damit, sa dibdib niya hanggang sa unti-unti ako'ng napaupo, niyakap ko ang mga binti niya. Hindi siya nakakilos, tulala siyang nakatayo. Hindi na ako makahinga sa pagiyak, masakit ang aking dibdib–masaydo ng masakit. Hindi ko na kaya pang tumanggap na mga paghihirap.
Napahagulgol ako at napatakip ng bibig pagkatapos ko'ng sabihin ang lahat lahat ng nararamdaman ko.
Hindi ko alam kung naiintindihan ba niya ang mga sinasabi ko. Hindi ko rin alam kung may saysay pa ba, napapagod na kasi ako umiyak. Nakakasawa nang mapagod. Ayoko na. Gusto ko nang magkaroon ng direksyon ang buhay ko.
Lumuwag ang pagyakap ko sa mga binti niya.
"Drei, gusto ko nang mamatay.." Napahagulgol ako ulit. I covered my mouth using my palm.
I cried until I feel tired. I didn't get any response from him. Pilit kong kinalma ang aking sarili hanggang sa tumahimik. Muli ay nakakabingi na naman ang katahimikan.
It was a long and harrowing silence.
I struggled, slowly pushing to my feet despite being disoriented. The situation was a frantic beat in my blood, the silence is too deafening and the sickness in my gut is spreading like a cancer.
I need air so I could regain myself and I can shove the memories back into a deep, black hole where they still lived in. My eyes stung when our gazes met, he was still there. He didn't move–he didn't move an inch. His chest expanding on deep breaths. I just want to get out of this agony where I once live through.
His eyes were suddenly different, there was no threat anymore. I saw something in his eyes I've been begging to see again. My eyes were brimmed with tears of disbelief but I keep it myself. Ayokong umasa. I just couldn't let him see that from me because he had seen enough.
"I'm sorry." I said, forcing myself to smile. "I'm sorry because I'm still stuck in the past."
Tumalikod na ako. Gusto ko ng makalabas at makahinga.
"Aizelle, wait.." He said, clear and loud enough to stop me from opening the door.
Narinig ko na naman ang boses niya, ang boses niya na kinatatakutan at kahinaan ko. It wasn't a threat, it wasn't a command. He sounded like he was begging for me not to leave.
I started hearing his footsteps approaching from behind. Ten, five or even three feet behind me, at a guess. His presence became so painful and so strong and it gave me intense goosebumps.
I want to swivel around so I could see him. I couldn't do it. I was frozen to the spot.
He paused behind me. I could almost feel his gentle breath fanning through my hair and my shoulders. My stomach churned while I waited for him to speak.
Then slowly, he wrapped his arms around my waist. Napapikit ako sa ginawa nya, kasabay nito ang paninikip ng aking dibdib. I leaned myself against his strong chest and I know there was already a shared understanding that I didn't expect. We started off like this, back then, back when everything was so simple and not complicated.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say all of that." He finally said with pure sincerity, whispering it against my ears. It made me weak in the knees, my body and my heart. Parang sumikip ang aking dibdib at nahirapan akong huminga ng maayos. Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin at binaon niya ang kanyang mukha sa aking leeg. My shoulders started shaking uncontrollably. Napatakip ako sa aking bibig dahil sa ginawa niya. Kung naaawa siya sa akin, wala na akong pakialam. Napakaiporkrita kung sasabihin ko'ng hindi ko kailangan ang awa niya. Kailangan ko ang awa niya.
"The truth is, no matter how hard, no matter how suffocating, no matter how crowded the place is, I will always look for you. I'm so sorry, Aizelle, I can't.. It's always been you that I want." He said sincerely. Hinarap niya ako sa kanya. "I was just so mad and lost." He struggled so much in explaining. It was more than enough, more than enough for me. Umiiling-iling ako, hindi ko mapigil ang pag-iyak ko. He cupped my cheeks and kissed my forehead.
Sa tagal at sa ilang taon na nagdaan, sa akin pa din siya. Hindi siya nawala. I was crying but smiling at the same time, masaya ako. Masaya ako dahil alam kong may parte sa kanya na akin pa rin. "I'm so sorry, babe. I'm sorry." Paulit-ulit niyang hinalikan ang noo ko habang sinasabi iyon. Hindi ko maintindihan ang mararamdaman ko, para ako'ng nabunutan ng malaking tinik sa dibdib. Kinulong niya ako sa kanyang mga palad at pilit hinuhuli ang mga tingin, ngayon lang ulit kami naging ganitong kalapit sa isa't isa. He wiped my tears and kissed my eyes.
My smile grew bigger as soon as he did that. Siya pa rin ang Drei na nakilala ko.
He looked at me in the eyes again, assessing me and looking for an assurance or permission. I licked my dry lips and slowly nodded my head. It was the response he's been waiting.
Wordlessly, he sealed his mouth over mine in another heated embrace. There's this pressure in his lips that made my fingers flex. I got scared as soon as I felt the driving urge to touch him. My heart twisting with a hard-core emotion that could either make me whole or break me into pieces. I felt vulnerable like never before.
But he held my hand, bringing it to his chest. "Don't be scared." He whispered, his jaw clenching with his restraint and concern lining his furrowed brow. "I'm here." He assured and my body finally calmed. Then again, he moved his head forward to claim my lips.
My hands were in his hair, pulling the silky strands, using him to direct his mouth over mine. He groaned, so sexy, so impatient but I could sense the restraint from him.
Then he touched me–the curve of my buttocks, caressing me so gently, so soothingly. I felt worshipped like a god.
He groaned, stroking my tongue with lush slides of his own. He deepened the kiss then he lifted me off my feet, guiding me. I felt the raging beat of his heart against my chest, proof that he wasn't just a hopeless ideal conjured by my fevered imagination. He groaned and I moaned.
My body pressed-fully against him, achingly aware of every warm inch of him. My skin was damp and too sensitive, the peak of my mounds was heavy and tender. I suddenly felt my clit, throbbing for attention, pounding along my raging heartbeat. The throbbing transformed from pain to pleasure.
My back felt the softness of the bed. His right hand gripped the back of my knee, restlessly, sliding upward along my thigh in a firmly possessive glide.
His breath hissed out, he reached the point where my garter clipped to the top of my silk stockings–It was Manang's idea, she told me to wear this. He tore his gaze away from mine and lowered down, pushing the silk fabric of my dress higher to bare me from the waist down.
"Damn, Aizelle!" A low rumble vibrated his chest, the primitive sound sending intense goose bumps across my skin, the weight of his feiry gaze tracking my every move. He looked at me, completely dazed. He stopped, he ran his fingers through his hair. "You're shaking. I'm sorry–" I shook my head as I trapped his face between my palms, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence.
"No, Drei. Please." I breathed helplessly, wrapping my arms around his torso. "I want you." I added. He stared at me, trying to speak. Then he sighed and smiled.
I felt his fingers on my hair almost instantly, he cradled my face ever so gently. My skin burnt under his touch. I want him. I crave for him, every inch of me crave for him like a drug.
He smiled sweetly as his eyes turned onyx in a mere second. He maneuvered me as we lay ourselves completely against the velvety of bed. He claimed my lips with a heated and passionate kiss. His tongue brushing on my bottom lip. His cool, sweet and minty taste flooded my mouth as he stroked his tongue against mine with long sweeps. His touches found its way for me not to be self-concious.
"Drei, please." I moaned, completely lost in him.
His hands roamed down my back, his cool fingers followed the line of my spine, then sneaked under my dress, leaving a trail of fire wherever they touched my skin.
He pushed my dress up, much quicker this time. Reluctantly, I released my hold around him and lifted my arms. He broke our kiss and pulled the soft material off me, throwing it down on the floor.
He paused, his eyes were in awe as he watched my hair fall around my face smoothly. His gaze traveled down on my almost bare torso, drinking in every detail of my body, as though it had been the first time he saw me like this. He started removing every piece of fabric I have that seemed to be getting on his way, leaving one thing, he didn't let me remove my pumps. He started undressing himself until he's completely naked infront of me, his shaft sprung free and I couldn't help but to give him praises in my head.
"You're so beautiful" He purred with a masculine satisfaction while rubbing my thighs. His fingers went on my clit, then he moved his middle finger in a soft and cautious circles, rimming my cleft. "And so wet for me.."
"Look at me, Aizelle." He added with a hoarse and sexy voice. He cradled my thighs, then down my legs, touching my feet still wearing my pumps..
I gasped as his mouth covered the hard and tender peak of my left mound, he moved to the other and bring it inside his mouth, too. I arched into him, completely lost to his magical mouth. It moved over my body, his tongue dipping to my navel, then sliding lower.
He pulled my legs over his shoulders and his tounge licked my folds. Soft and challenging laps of heated waves started to consume me. "Ah, Drei!" My hands fisted in the sheet, my chest heaving frantic, heavy and struggling for my own as he swirled my clit with the tip of his tongue, nudged by the hypersensitive knot of nerves.
I weep, feeling the devious torture dominating me. My walls tightening with the clawing need to come. "Drei, I can't take it.." I begged because of the light and teasing flutters, driving me nuts. Giving me just enough to make me writhe but not enough to get me off. "Drei, please." Then the tip of his tongue hardened and went faster.
Biting my lip, I fought back the sounds of delightful torture and helpless pleasure that might have broken the serenity of the night.
He tortured me, persuading my body to the brink of orgasm, and then letting me slide back down. Over and over.
In anticipation, sweat misted my skin and my heart felt like it would burst. His tireless and magical tongue is diabolical, shrewdly focusing on my clit 'till a single stroke would set me off, then moving lower to thrust into me. The soft and shallow plunges were maddening making me desperate enough to beg shamelessly. "Let me come. Please, I need to come!" I pleaded.
"Ah Drei!" I screamed in delight. He finished me with compassion that made the orgasm rolled through me like a crashing wave, swelling and spreading through me in a warm rush of pleasure.
He threaded his fingers with mine when he came over me again. He's smiling gloriously, pleased. Then he retrained my arms. He pointed the head of his length, aligning with the slick entrance of my body and he pushed inescapably into me.
"Ahh.." I moaned and widened my legs more, letting him in, welcoming him so he could go deeper. I moaned again, shifting myself from the crashing wave so I can accommodate the heavy surge of his manhood.
"You're so soft, still tight and warm, Aizelle. You're mine, still mine. " He groaned. His breath gusted and humid against my throat.
I wrapped my legs around his hips, accepting, receiving and embracing way deeper, feeling his buttocks flex and release against my calves.
Our hands linked, palm to palm, he took my lips and began to flex his hips, gliding in and out with unhurried and graceful speed, the tempo precise and ruthless yet not struggling and smooth.
The skills of his hips are tireless, every inch of me was his to possess.
"Damn! Fuck." He groaned, stopping and looking at me with a fierce look of possession. He started moving again, this time almost not human, repeatedly until I was gasping against his kisses. My hands were bloodless from the strength of my grip on his.
He kept telling me heated praises, worshipping me over and over again, telling me how beautiful I was–wearing only my pumps, and how he wanted not to stop, ever.
He was right there with me, inside me when I came with a sharp cry of relief, vibrating and throbbing with his punishing but pleasurable thrust.
"Fuck I'm coming!" He groaned again, struggling. His pace quickened for several slamming thrust, then with a few dynamic and powerful plunge, he climaxed with a hiss of my name, spilling into me. He sobbed my name until his body calmed.
He rested his body on top of me, while I betrayed the frightening depths of emotion that I still, and I couldn't imagine myself not loving him.
I love him, I would choose him over and over again, no matter how complicated it is, no matter how hard. I love Drei so much.
He struggled rolling beside me. He covered my body with a white sheet, hugging me closer to him, to his chest.
"I love you, Drei" I whispered, looking at his gorgeous face.
He kissed my temples and he closed his eyes, smiling from ear to ear. I waited for him to respond but he didn't. I stared at his face until I heard his gentle breathing. He looks so peaceful
***