Avery
I've been at work for six hours and I'm ready to go fucking home. James has said maybe four words to me, so I know that he is still upset with me for rain checking. I was going to ask if he wanted to go out tonight, but since he is being a baby about it, I'm not. I'm just going to go home.
Cam is out with Dylan, Lindsey is out with Nya, and Finn is at practice. I am alright with just hanging out by myself tonight, though. I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden I got friends and haven't spent nearly as many nights alone as I used too. I don't mind at all, obviously. But I would be lying if I said I didn't like to be alone. Besides, it's been really tough waking up every morning and realizing my dad has still made no effort to try and talk to us. I guess it really shows how much he doesn't care about his family.
I hate that he's my father. I hate that out of all of the men in the world, I got stuck with an asshole as a dad. I would kill to get the dad I used to have back. The one that would take me to NHL games and would come to my dance recitals or pick me up from school and let me sit in the front seat. I don't know when I started to become not enough for him.
After we close the store, we leave without another word to each other, which really sucks. James is one of my closest friends, I don't know why all of a sudden he's caught an attitude.
When I get home, I'm greeted by silence once again. I don't even know where my mom is at this point. My aunt left last week, so now my mom is just spending all her time at work so that she isn't at home more than she needs to be. I get it, because this is where it all went down. And not for nothing, she really just came here to start new with him, but that obviously was bullshit. She doesn't have anything here anymore.
I sigh deeply as I feel random tears come to my eyes. Everything sucks.
I walk up to my room and close the door behind me, even though no one is home. I take off my clothes immediately and put on sweats and Finn's shirt. Once I'm comfortable, I sit down at my desk and take off my makeup, turning on the New York Islanders game. I really fucking miss going to those games.
I was a die hard Isles fan when I lived in New York, which a lot of people found weird back home. I lived in Queens, which was technically considered the city. Everyone where I lived were New York Rangers fans, but my dad lived further east on Long Island before him and my mom moved to Queens. His love for the team just rubbed off on me.
Once my makeup is off, I put on a face mask because my skin has been giving me the finger lately. I decide to french braid my hair while I'm at it, that way when I wake up for school in the morning I just have to take them out and not actually do my hair. I also take out my contacts and put on my glasses once the face mask dries a bit. We love self care.
I sit back in my desk chair and watch the hockey game, scrolling through the American Hockey League app to check up on everyones stats. Ever since meeting Finn, I've become more involved with the AHL, looking at players from other teams to see who he's up against. My eyebrows furrow at a story on the homepage. Finn Wilder is One Goal Away From Being the Youngest Payer in Thunderbirds History to Score 30 Goals.
"Holy shit," I mumble as I click on the article.
Finn Wilder is already the leading goal scorer in his first season with the Seattle Thunderbirds, but he is one goal away from breaking history. With one more goal, he will become the youngest player in Thunderbird history to score 30 goals, and this is only his first year in the American Hockey League. Wilder is a Toronto native who moved to Seattle last August to compete for the Thunderbirds. Since then, he has been a key component for the teams game and has had at least one point for every three games. There are already speculations on Finn Wilder being drafted for the upcoming season by the San Jose Sharks. Finn Wilder is only at the start of his career and there is no doubt that he is going to go places.
I let out a deep breath as I get to the end of the short article. Below are his stats for the year and above is a video. I click on it, quickly realizing that it's a short compilation video of some of his best plays, the announcers voice ringing from my phone.
"Finn Wilder is on the ice again in his first game in the AHL. He's going down the ice with Jack Hu. Hu gets the puck from Liam Kilo, Kilo to Hu, Hu to Wilder, but it's up high. Wilder gloves down the loose puck - he shoots! He scores! Wow! What an incredible first goal for the rookie, Finn Wilder! The Thunderbirds are now in the lead!"
I watch as his teammates attack him in bear hug as Jack takes the puck from the net and hands it to them. I wish I knew him when this happened. He was sitting in the back of my English class and I didn't even know it.
The video plays for about another minute and a half, before it ends and I'm left with a smile on my face. There is something about seeing someone you care so deeply about succeeding that is incredibly fulfilling. It's also kind of strange knowing that he has fans. Like, people really like him and follow him and care about where he goes in the hockey world. Which reminds me, I have to ask Finn about his Instagram DMs because I'm positive girls, and guys, message him on the reg. I'm really not jealous, and I'm not just saying that. I just think it would be really funny and also, kinda curious to see how people flirt because I obviously have no idea what I'm doing.
A message from Cam pops up so I click on it, my eyebrows furrowing. Well, there goes my night in alone.
Cam: I'm at your front door
I shake my head with a smile on my face, leaving my room and walking down to my front door. When I open it, Cam is standing there with a smile on his face, but I can tell it's forced.
"Come on," I invite him in. He laughs as I start walking to my room without another word. He closes my front door and follows me upstairs, falling on my bed. I sit on my desk chair, looking at him as he stares at the ceiling with his hands in his hair. "What's going on, Cam?"
"I broke it off with Dylan," He sighs.
"Why?" I question. He hasn't talked much about them but I know he was just testing the waters. He had told me that he does like him, but he wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship.
He covers his face with his hands, groaning. I don't push and wait for him to speak up again.
After about a minute, he says quietly, "He wanted me to come out."
"What?" I scoff, leaning forward. "He wanted you to come out?"
He sits up and looks at me, his eyes sad. "Yeah. He said he didn't want to sneak around anymore. He said I would never come out if I wasn't forced."
"That's so fucking stupid," I shake my head. "You shouldn't be forced. You'll come out when you're ready."
"I know," he says. "But I don't blame him for not wanting to sneak around."
"Yeah, that I get," I backtrack slightly. I do understand someone who's fully out not wanting to hide behind close doors anymore. "But he still shouldn't try to force you out. It's not up to him."
"That's what I told him, and then I left," he sighs.
"I'm proud of you," I say. "Seriously, Cam. I am. You'll know when you're ready."
"Boys suck," He groans, and I laugh. "Welcome to the club, my friend."
"How did it go with James at work?" he asks, and I shake my head. "Got the cold shoulder, which was such a blast."
"Did you ever give him another date that you're able to go out?" He asks. I bite my lip. "Well, no. I was going to ask him today but he was being a dick."
"I think you have to be the bigger person here, Avery," He says. "I have a feeling that he's going to keep ignoring you until you apologize."
"Why do I have to apologize," I groan, dramatically slipping to the floor until I'm laying down. "I didn't do anything."
"To him, you blew him off for your boyfriend," he says. To which I say, "Not my boyfriend, officially." He ignores me and continues to speak, "Which you and I both know isn't cool. I know that there was a bigger reason, you know that there was a bigger reason, and you can tell him that all you want. But to him, you would rather hang out with Finn than him."
"Well..." I trail off, not really saying that I would rather hang out with Finn but implying it.
"Okay, well don't tell him that," Cam rolls his eyes. "Just text him and apologize. Tell him that after work on Sunday, you should go get coffee or something."
"Fine," I give in. "I'll be the bigger person."
"Good," he smiles. "How does Finn feel about it?"
"About what?" I ask, sitting up and leaning my back against my desk as I continue to sit on the floor.
He looks at me expectedly. "About you going out with James?"
"Oh," I shake my head, surprised. "I-I haven't told him."
"Avery, Avery," he shakes his head at me, so I get defensive. "Why would I tell him?"
"Because you guys are together, are you not?" He asks.
"I guess, not officially though," I repeat. "I still don't understand why I need to tell him prior. I'm not going to lie to him about where I'm going, but I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is."
"Finn has told me about how he thinks James likes you," Cam continues, which actually surprises me. I didn't know they talked. "If you just drop on him randomly that you're going on a coffee date with the Brit, he's going to freak."
"It is not a date," I make myself clear. "James and I have been friends far longer than I have even known Finn. It's nothing new or more than just going out with one of my friends."
"Whatever you say, Avery," he says. "All I'm saying is that if the girl I was talking to went out with a friend that I'm already nervous about and she didn't tell me, I would freak out."
"I'll think about it," I try to end the conversation. "Like I said, I'm not going to not tell him."
"Alright," he shrugs before laying back down on my bed and pulling out his phone without another word.
*
Now Cam has me paranoid.
It's Sunday and I'm leaving for work in a few minutes. I don't even know if I'm going out with James or not, so I don't want to tell Finn prematurely. I didn't want to text James. I wanted to tell him in person that I was sorry, even though I feel like I didn't do anything wrong. But Cam is right, James and I have been friends for a while and I don't want to lose that relationship. I should just be the bigger person and apologize.
My phone starts ringing so I get up from my desk and walk to my night stand and unplug my phone, a smile on my face. Speak of the devil.
"Hey Finn."
"Aves!" He shouts, and I can tell he's on speakerphone, probably in his car. "Guess fucking what?!"
His excitement is contagious and I can't help but get butterflies and my smile turns to a grin. "What?!"
"I'm going to be in the All Stars!" He shouts, before laughing to himself, "I'm in the fucking AHL All-Stars!"
"No way," my jaw drops. "Finn, are you fucking kidding me?"
"No, Aves! I can't fucking believe it!"
"Holy shit, Finn. Oh my God!" I run my hand through my hair. "I'm so so proud of you."
"This isn't real life," He says, completely in shock which makes me spiral into pure joy. "I don't understand how I'm living this life. I'm so lucky."
"You deserve it, Finn. " I have my hand to my heart, feeling tears in my eyes for him, "You deserve all of it. You work so hard, you're a good man, and you're a great hockey player. God. I'm so happy for you."
He sighs happily before another voice speaks. "That was cute. I'm going to go vomit."
"Shut up, Jack," Finn says, which makes me laugh loudly.
"Hi Jack," I say. I've never met him before, but I know who he is and I'm pretty sure he knows who I am. Him and Finn are best friends, and even though he doesn't know I know about what he's going through, I do want to be there for him. He seems like a good guy and if Finn trusts him, then so do I.
"Hi Avery," he says back. "Full discloser. Finn found out about this like, five minutes ago and the first thing he said was, 'Okay, okay, I need to tell Aves. I gotta call Aves. Jack, dial Aves on my phone, eh?'." He puts on a deeper voice to mock Finn puts on a stronger Canadian accent, which is hilarious. I'm pretty sure Jack is Canadian himself, and even though I didn't pick up on Finn's accent at first, it definitely comes out a lot. I think it's really cute.
"Fuck off," Finn laughs, before Jack adds. "I wish you spoke about me that way."
"Oh, he does," I interject. "You come up in many of our conversations."
"Oh, Finny!" Jack shrieks. "You're making me get all flushed! I love you, too."
"Fucking hell," Finn sighs deeply, which makes me laugh.
"Where are you guys now?"
"On our way to a children's hospital," Finn says. "We should be done pretty early though, probably by the time you get out of work."
Fuck.
"Oh, um," I panic. "I think Maureen and James were talking about getting coffee or something after, but I'll let you know."
Not the entire truth but not an entire lie, right? Fuck, I immediately feel guilty.
"Okay," he says, buying into my fib. "Just let me know. Have a good day at work and drive safe. Text me when you get there."
"Have fun at the event," I say, biting my lip. "Bye Jack!"
"Bye Avery!" He answers. I say bye to Finn and the call ends.
I shouldn't of lied, I should of just told him then that I was probably going out with just James. But I panicked and I really didn't want to ruin his mood. He just got awesome news and feel like that would of made him upset. I know he is nervous about James, but nothing is happening and I feel like this is being made into a bigger deal than it is.
I grab my jacket from my chair and put it on, before grabbing my keys and bag. When I go downstairs, my mom is sitting on the couch reading a book.
"I'm going to work," I say, causing her to look up at me. She smiles and closes her book. "Okay. What was all the screaming and laughing about?" She asks, referring to when I was upstairs.
"Oh," I chuckle. "Finn just called me. He made it into the AHL All-Stars Competition."
"No way," She gasps. "That's incredible!"
"I know," I grin, shaking my head. "He deserves it. He's one goal away from being the youngest player in Thunderbird history to score 30 goals in one season."
"Wow," She shakes her head, shocked. "I didn't realize how good he was."
My heart falters. My mom and I are usually really close and I usually tell her everything about what's going on in my life. But ever since my dad left, I feel like I haven't spoken to her about mundane things. I miss hanging out with her, but I can't help but feel like I'm just a reminder of my disgusting father. I've always been told that I look like my dad. I'm afraid that when she looks at me, she just sees him.
"Yeah," I look down. "I have to go to work. I'm probably going to go out with my friends after, but I'll text you."
"Okay," she says as I walk towards the door. "Avery, wait."
I turn back, seeing her eyes concerned. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I lie. "Just don't feel like going to work. I'm fine though."
"Alright," she says. "If you're sure."
I give her a small smile, before walking out the door. I sigh heavily when it shuts behind me, shaking my head. This is the way life is now, I guess.
The drive to the store is quick and quiet, since I'm not really in the mood to listen to music right now. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous about confronting James. I wish I didn't need too.
When I get there, I go straight to the break room to put my stuff down and clock in. Once I do, I scan the place for James, seeing him putting away some books. I take a deep breath and walk over to him, leaning against the bookcase. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, before turning back to the books.
I clear my throat, causing him to sigh and look over at me completely. "Hi Avery."
I smile widely at him, causing him to shake his head and turn to me, waiting for me to speak.
"Can we like," I scrunch my face. "Not?"
He laughs lightly, shaking his head. I feel relief flood over me. He's not mad anymore. I should probably still apologize though. Just to be safe.
"I'm sorry if it felt like I was blowing you off," I start. "I really wasn't. I had something I needed to take care of. I would never blow off my friends for the guy I'm dating."
"So you are dating?" he questions and I try not to roll my eyes. That's what he's focused on?
"Well, we haven't put any labels on it really." I shrug, "But yeah. We're seeing each other."
He nods, not really saying anything else. I speak up again, "But I'm sorry I upset you. I didn't mean too."
He shakes his head, "Don't worry about it, Avery. I overreacted."
Can't disagree with him there.
"Do you want to get coffee after our shift today?" I ask, and he nods and smiles. "Sure."
"Cool," I nod, my smile small. "I'm going to get to the registers before Pete yells at me about how he wants to go home and play Call of Duty."
James laughs, "Yeah, you better go."
I walk away from him feeling relieved but also a little guilty. I should of told Finn and now I feel like I can't. He's going to a children's hospital, for Christ's sake. If I were to text him right now, there is a chance that he'll get upset and he will be around a bunch of sick children. I can't throw it at him then. That's not fair.
God, I really fucking hate that this was not a big deal until Cam made it a big deal. I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't think I needed too. I feel like I don't know how to be in a 'relationship', even though I was in one for six months. I guess it was because I knew it wasn't going to last forever, so I wasn't all that worried about it. But I really, really like Finn and I don't want to fuck this up. I already feel like it's too good to be true and he's going to realize at any moment that he's way too good for me.
When I get to the registers, Pete is standing there with his arms crossed. "You're late."
"I'm not late, Pete," I sigh, looking at the clock. "My shift starts in 2 minutes."
"You're supposed to be here 5 minutes before your shift starts," he starts his rant. "You know I compete competitively on COD, Avery. I have to practice or else I won't stay on my pro team-"
"You do realize that with the time you've already spent arguing with me, you could of been on your way home," I interrupt him. He rolls his eyes and signs out of the register before walking away, shaking his head. "Have a good night, Pete!" He ignores me, but I laugh and start my six hour shift.
I go through my shift, talking to James and helping costumers. It's not super slow today, which is nice because it makes the day go by quicker. Once it's 4, I go to clock out with James.
"I have never needed to be caffeinated more than right now," he says, the two of us heading out the door.
"I actually feel pretty good," I shrug. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to get a large iced coffee."
He laughs and we both get into our own cars, meeting at the coffee place. I pull out my phone, sighing while texting Finn.
Aves: hey bud, going to get coffee. i'll text you in an hour or so when i get home
Aves: hope you had a nice time at the event. thinking of you :)
Trying to win some points, here.
I get out of the car, meeting James at the front of shop. He opens the door for me, to which I thank him. We walk in and my heart immediately drops. Are you fucking kidding me?
"Avery!" Lindsey smiles, waving from her table as she sits with her girlfriend, Nya. I turn and smile to James, before the two of us walk over to the table.
She eyes James as we walk up, and I literally want to throw myself out the window. I should of fucking told Finn. "Hey Lindsey!"
"I'm not sure if you've met Nya before, but this is my girlfriend," She motions to the dark skinned goddess sitting across from her.
"We've spoken a few times, I think." I look at Nya, "It's nice to see you again."
"You too!" She says, her aviator glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose as she looks up at me.
I smile at her, before turning back to both her and Lindsey. "This is my friend, James."
"We've met before, yes?" She says, causing my eyebrows to furrow. "You have?"
"Yeah," he says. "Here, actually."
"When did this happen?" I ask, completely confused.
"A few weeks ago?" she questions herself. "I was here with Finn and Jack."
"Oh," I look at James. "You didn't tell me you saw them."
"I forgot." He shrugs and I look back at Lindsey as she starts to speak again.
"We'll," she claps. "Love to stay and chat, but we have to run. See you tomorrow?"
"Yep," I smile, knowing she's referring to school. "Can't wait."
She laughs and the two of them get up. We say goodbye and walk up to the counter to order coffee. I order mine and then James, both of us getting them quickly and going over to a table that has a booth seat and a chair. He sits in the chair so I slide in the booth, sighing as I get situated.
I'm feeling g u i l t y.
"So," He says as I take a sip of my coffee. "What have you been up too? I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."
I sigh, knowing that I'm going to have to tell him about my dad at some point. He is one of my closest friend and he does know the reason behind me moving here. I should just rip off the band-aid.
"That's a loaded question," I laugh lightly, trying to make this as casual as possible. "Um, my dad cheated on my mom again, so I've really just been dealing with that."
"What?!" He leans forward. "Avery, when did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"
"A month ago?" I shrug. "Maybe a little longer. I'm not sure."
"Why haven't you told me?" He asks again, his eyes sad.
"I didn't really tell anyone," I shrug.
"What happened? If you don't mind me asking."
"Well, um," I look down at my cup. "I was at Finn's game but my dad thought I was at work. So when Finn and I got back to my house, we saw my dad with another woman. I left with Finn and called my mom to tell her, and that was that."
"Holy shit, Avery," He shakes his head, looking down at the table, "I don't know what to say. I'm really sorry."
"Please don't apologize," I shake my head. "You have no reason too."
"I do, though," He sighs deeply, looking up at me. He bites his cheek before speaking, "I've been such a dick. Like, a proper dick."
Well, kinda.
I don't say anything, but he continues talking anyway so it doesn't really matter. "I know it's not fair for me to say this, especially right now, but I think I have feelings for you, Avery. And I know I turned into a jealous twat over these last few weeks, but it was really because I've had so much time to tell you how I feel and I missed my chance. I'm sorry about how I've treated you, I had no idea you were going through this. I know that's not an excuse because I treated you poorly, so I'm just-" he bites his cheek again. "I'm really sorry."
I literally do not know what to say. Finn was right, James does like me. What the fuck is going on?
"Um," I look down, really not knowing what to do. "It's okay, James."
An awkward silence washes over us before he speaks quietly. "Am I too late?"
COME FUCKING ON.
I sigh deeply, putting my face in my hands. I never in million years thought I would be sat here, rejecting James. A few months ago, I would dream about this happening. Now its my nightmare.
I look up at him, his kind eyes looking into mine. This all happened so quickly.
"Yeah, James," I say bluntly, and his face immediately shows his hurt. "If you told me a few months ago, I would guarantee my answer would be different. But you didn't and Finn is around now and I really care for him. I can't mess this up with him. I can't hurt him like that. He's really special to me. I'm sorry."
"I get it," He sighs, tracing the lid of his cup with his pointer finger. "I had to at least try, or else I would of hated myself."
I give him a small smile, a thought coming to my mind. Oh man, Maureen is going to kill me. "You know, I heard that someone we work with has a 'lil crush on a certain Brit.."
He narrows his eyes at me. "Really, Avery? Are you trying to set me up with someone right now?"
"I'm not trying to set you up with anything or anyone," I put my hands up, leaning back in the booth with a smirk on my face. "I'm just relaying information."
"Do I want to know who you're talking about?" He asks, "Or should I steer clear?"
"I would go for it," I shrug, "She's pretty great. But you can figure out who it is, if you want."
He leans on his elbows, resting his chin on his fists, narrowing his eyes at me. I do the same, making us get a little bit closer. We stare each other down, before a smirk covers his face. "It's Maureen, isn't it?"
I lean back into my seat, crossing my arms. "I never said that."
"Hmm," He leans back into his seat, "Interesting."