Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Two weeks have passed, and Hitori has gotten even better at speaking. To me, anyway. His speech has become more fluid, but it's not perfect; he goes back to stuttering or taking long pauses when he asks for a favor. Though, at least it's never both at the same time anymore.
He rocks from side to side as he takes bites out of his strawberry cream bread.
"He—Hitori." On the other hand, I still slip up, forgetting to call him by his name.
"Yesh?" He looks at me, mouth full of bread.
"What do you eat at home?"
"Hm? Um... food?"
I fight a smile. "Right, but what kind of food?" I wasn't paying much attention that time I visited his home.
"Normal food."
His communication skills need major work. "Rice?"
"Yes."
"Meat?"
"Yes."
"Vegetables?"
"Yes. My father eats it all," he says with a casual expression.
"Your father eats your food?!" He won't even let his son eat?
"Yes. I cook it."
It's then that I realize there's some miscommunication going on. "Oh, " I say, relaxing my muscles, "you cook for your father and yourself."
"Yes. Does Natsu-senpai cook?"
My mother usually does the cooking. But when she's not there or too depressed to cook, I'll just make rice balls or miso soup. They're about the only things I know how to fix and can stomach. "Not really."
"I see." He finishes his bread.
If he cooks at home, why doesn't he fix himself a lunch box? Then again, I'm not sure if that'd be more calories than the bread. Meat. He needs meat. "How tall are you?"
"158 centimeters." He shoots a glance over to me as he wipes his sleeve across his mouth. "I was born early, and also my mother was small. I look more like her. But... I'll grow more." He pouts a bit and looks away while muttering, "Probably."
That's a bit ironic, seeing as I supposedly look more like my father. It's one of the things I think my mother holds against me.
"How tall is Natsu-senpai?"
I try to remember back to our school physical exams in April. "181 centimeters." Since exams a year ago, I've grown a full five centimeters.
"Tall." Hitori picks up his sketchbook and pencil. "Um... This weekend... N-Natsu-senpai..." With each word, his head lowers further. "Go to—together... Um..." His body begins to tremble.
"Where?"
My words have their intended effect; he stops shaking. "Pardon? Ah... bookstore..." He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. "I need to buy some textbooks... to help with studying. And I thought... Natsu-senpai... Um... what's the word... The best... The best book..."
"Oh, you want my help choosing a book?"
"Yes. Please help me."
I really shouldn't meet him outside of school. I shouldn't.
He's staring at me, shiny eyes hopeful.
I bite my lip and look away. "Sure." I'm an idiot, this is reckless, and I'm setting myself up for danger. Holding back a sigh, I glance at him.
Before his lips can curve into a grin, he pushes them together hard.
"I told you, you can smile." Maybe he listened, because his smaller smiles he doesn't hide. It's the bigger ones that he's ashamed of.
"Then... just around Natsu-senpai." With a shy smile, he starts to draw.
"He—Hitori," I call as something comes to memory. "Do you still hear birds?"
His smile is gone but eyes are still happy as he looks at me curiously. "Yes."
"Do you talk back to them?"
"Um... sometimes. But... I shouldn't in public," he says, shaking his head. "It's bad."
Staring at him, I wonder what this talking with birds thing is all about. Does he have schizophrenia? Or are they like imaginary friends?
"You see... the birds tell me things... That I need to hear, sometimes. Sometimes it's bad, but it's usually good. And... I can tell them things. Like... what I did today or... how I feel... Because, they'll listen. But... Well... Like... They told me Katana-senpai is a good person. So... like that." He nods once.
"Oh." I have no clue what else to say.
He smiles at me innocently before returning to his drawing. He's so peculiar that I don't know what to make of him. But despite his quirks, I don't have any bad feelings towards him. Compared to any normal person, for whatever reason, he's—
I stop my thoughts short. They were definitely headed in a dangerous direction.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I walk to the station nearest my home to meet Hitori. I shouldn't be doing this. But my mother isn't around. I shouldn't be doing this. But if I don't, Hitori will...
I get to the south entrance and see the boy leaning against the wall. The sight is startling. His casual clothes are mostly black: skinny jeans with purposeful tears across the legs, an oversized shirt—the neckline hanging off one shoulder, exposing a red and white striped shirt beneath it. The long sleeves cover most of his hands, and platform shoes add four or five centimeters to his height. What was it called... Punk?
His back straightens when he sees me, and he covers his mouth with his fabric-covered fist. When I reach him, he looks up at me, hand still covering his mouth. "Oh!" he removes his hand and bows.
I glance around, wondering if anyone sees this awkward situation. "You don't need to bow."
"Ah, is that so?" he ponders, a bent finger to his mouth.
The awkwardness is so bothersome, I don't say anything and just walk towards the train. He runs to catch up.
When we get into the city, we go to one of the more popular bookstores. I help him choose a math textbook and another for English then lead the way out of the store.
"Ah, please wait!" he calls from behind once we're outside. I turn around and see that in one hand, he's holding the small black backpack he was wearing while the other hand is trying to shove the bag of books inside.
I take the bag of books out of his hand. "Hold it open."
With both hands, he holds open the backpack, and I situate the books inside so that they fit.
"Thank you very much." He zips it closed and puts the backpack on again.
"Then, let's go."
About a block later, we pass by an arcade. From the sidewalk, I can hear the sounds of jingles, lasers, coins, mechanical whirrs, and whatnot coming from the place. Hitori stops to look inside. I watch him stare longingly before finally asking, "Do you want to play?"
He looks at me in wonder. "Um... Is it okay?"
"Just one game."
Smiling, he runs inside. I follow him as his eyes jump around the arcade, taking in all the various types of games. A couple of kids run by him, and he jumps. But he recovers quickly, jogging up to me. "Um... What game does Natsu-senpai like?"
This is my first time in an arcade, so naturally, I have no preferences. "Nothing in particular."
"Oh... I've never been to an arcade before," he explains, surprising me. "I'm not sure which to play..."
"Then... something easy." I glance around and spot a 2-player fighting game. I'm pretty sure there's not much to it than pressing buttons. "That one." I lead him to it, and then he puts in the coins. I touch the lever-type thing and see it moves the selection box across the screen to various characters. From beside me, Hitori watches and mimics my actions. I select someone random, and he chooses a ninja-style player garbed in black.
"Ready!" a voice from the machine shouts. "Start!"
Our characters both awkwardly punch and kick at the air. "Oh," I let out, realizing I have to move the lever to direct my avatar. "Move the lever," I instruct the boy beside me.
"Yes." He does so, his character coming towards mine, and gets in a punch.
I alternate pressing the buttons, quickly figuring out what each does and that pressing them in combination while moving the lever allows special moves. "Hey, you have to fight back," I tell Hitori, whose avatar is standing there, taking attacks.
"Oh. Yes." He glances at my hands then tries to mimic what I'm doing. In the end, I beat him.
"Round 2!" the machine yells, commencing another battle. This time Hitori hits the buttons frantically and gets in more hits. Still, my combinations are more powerful, so I win again.
He bites his lips, lowering his hand from the machine. I think he's disappointed until he chuckles and smiles. "I lost."
"Then, why are you smiling?" Isn't losing a bad thing? He could at least look indifferent.
Instead, he tilts his head curiously. "It's fun. Um... Can we play again?"
"Sure."
He puts more money into the machine. The second round of our second battle is more intense. Hitori smashes the buttons and moves the lever sporadically. It's close, but I win in the end.
When the game is over, he bounces on his heels, grinning. "Fun." I watch him glance around, looking for something else. "Um..." He points to a big pink and white box decorated with cute characters and photographs of abnormally large-eyed girls. Ah, it's a purikura machine. I've heard my peers talking about it before. A photo booth that prints pictures they then stick on their cell phones or notebooks.
"It's girly," I state.
"Eh?" His expression falls. "We can't?"
We? He wants to do it together? I'm about to refuse, but his large eyes full of hope are staring at me. "I-It's fine." The smile reappears, then he runs inside. I follow him and close the curtain behind us. There's a green screen on the back wall and monitors in front of us. "Do you know how this works?" I ask as he puts coins in the machine.
"It's okay. It tells us what to do. I saw it on TV."
I watch as he follows the instructions given in a chipper, cute voice, and he makes selections on the screen. "Don't pick anything girly," I tell him, peeking at the monitor.
"Yees." He finishes choosing whatever it is that needs to be selected. "Get ready, please."
"Eh?"
"3, 2, 1." After the machine counts down, there's a flash, taking me off guard. The picture it just took momentarily shows up on the screen.
Hitori frowns at the image. "Natsu-senpai is too tall."
I frown back. "I'm not too tall. You're too short."
He scrunches his nose and glances up at me.
"3, 2, 1," the machine says again.
"Ah!" we both exclaim at the same time. This photograph is no better.
"I only picked four pictures," Hitori whines in a speedy voice. "Heey, bend down, please." He tugs on my sleeve.
I bend my knees a bit and tilt my head above his. "Like this?"
"2, 1." Flash. This picture is better, albeit awkward.
Hitori bounces from foot to foot. "Now, V," he says, making a peace sign beside his face. "Senpai, V, V!"
I hold up my hand a make a peace sign as well. Flash.
"Hehe. Now we decorate," he tells me, picking up the selection pen. "Does K—N-Natsu-senpai want to decorate?"
"Go ahead." I concede the duty while shaking my head.
He makes some selections then begins to draw. "Na-tsu-se-n-pa-i," he says as he draws each syllable above my head. "Hi-to-ri." He draws his name above his head, then hums. "Does Natsu-senpai like cats?"
"Huh?" I think his question is random until I see the pen hovering over animal stickers. "Ah, choose whatever." He chooses a doe-eyed cat and sticks it between us.
"Oh! Bird!" He selects a boxy cartoon crow and sticks it in a few places. I wait as he pokes at the screen a few more times, then starts chuckling. His chuckling turns into full laughter. I look at the screen and see he's placed cat ears on my head.
"What's that? It doesn't suit me." I snatch the pen from him.
"Eh? But it's cute," he teases, still laughing.
"It suits you better," I say, moving it to his head. I hand the pen back.
"Hm... Then... Should Senpai be the dog?"
"Hey," I warn.
"Yes, yes." After poking at the screen a few more times, he nods decisively. "That fits much better." I glance at the monitor and see he's placed a crown on my head. "Then, I have finished," he announces. Once the pictures are printed, Hitori takes the sheet and looks at it. He beams, then bites his lip. "Ah. Um... Does Natsu-senpai want half of it?"
I shake my head. "You can keep it."
The grin returns as he bounces on the balls of his feet. "I'm happy." He looks so elated; I have no clue how to react.
After he puts the sheet of photos in his backpack, we leave the arcade and head towards the station.
When we pass an ice cream shop, he stops, just like he did at the arcade. "Oh! Ohh," he touches the glass. I walk back towards him and see a display advertising the new 'Very Berry Strawberry' flavor. "Amazing," he sighs at the enlarged photo.
"You want to eat it?"
"Pardon?" He looks at me, only just realizing that he'd been distracted. "Oh... um..." He looks at the price at the bottom of the advertisement. "I don't have enough money."
My eyes shift from the display to him. "Do you want to eat it?"
After looking at me quizzically, he repeats, "I don't have enough money."
I sigh, really not wanting to say outright what I'm offering. "Do. You. Want. It?"
At my low tone, he responds quickly, "Yes."
"Then, let's go," I say, pushing open the doors.
As we walk down the sidewalk, Hitori stares at his ice cream. "Amazing," he says, eyeing one of the strawberry chunks sticking out. The ice cream is melting, a drop slowly moving down the cone.
"Hurry up and eat it before it melts."
"Ah, yes." He stops walking, scoops a bit off the top with the small spoon, and puts it in his mouth.
"Why are you stopping?" I ask.
"Um..." He takes a step, then stops again to scoop another bite.
Don't tell me... "Y-you can't eat and walk at the same time?"
"Oh... I can't?"
"You're acting like you can't." I frown, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Oh..." Again, he tries but ends up stopping like before. "Oh, I can't," he states in revelation.
This kid is more interesting than I ever gave him credit for. I purse my lips, fighting the smile that threatens to surface. "There's a park over there. Let's sit down."
"Yes." He follows me into a park, and then we sit on the wooden bench. Now that he's stationary, eating has become a simple task. "Oh, does Natsu senpai want some?" He holds the spoon out to me.
"I don't like sweet things."
He frowns deeply. "Is that true?"
"Yeah..."
For a second, he stares at me blankly then says, "Wow," and goes back to eating.
It's a bit amusing how surprised he is to find out not all people like sweet things. I scratch my neck. A bird flutters down and picks at the ground in front of us, looking for crumbs.
"Hey, Hitori."
"Y-yes?"
"Can you hear that bird?"
Hitori pauses. "Yes."
Oh? "What is it saying?"
He hums and stares at it. "'I'm hungry.'"
I can't help but let out a chuckle. He looks at me in shock as I press my lips together again to hide my smile.
He turns his attention back to his ice cream and says, "Hm... Natsu-senpai can smile." He takes a few more bites of the treat. "Hey, Natsu-senpai's smile... is it gone because of your father?" Blankly, I gaze at him. He swings one of his legs and stares at the ground. "My father... lost his smile when my mother died." His expression is solemn.
I continue to stare at him, not knowing what to say and not knowing what to think of the person he is.
"Papa broke... Hitori broke... Natsu-senpai's mom broke..."
How does he...?
"Natsu-senpai broke." He smiles without happiness and says with more enthusiasm, "That's why. It's okay... We can be broken together."
My mind goes black, and I turn away. When dark feelings begin to creep up, I take a deep breath to keep it together. What does he know? Why does he know? What does he mean 'together?' It's not okay. None of it's okay. "You," I say, reverting my language to how it used to be. "Are you almost done with that?"
He looks at the ice cream, which is half gone. Suddenly, he jumps. "Oh... W-what time is it?"
His eyes are worried as I look at my watch. "4 PM."
"Oh." He stands up. "I have to go home."
I nod and notice him staring at his ice cream. "It's a waste, but you can throw it away."
"Yes." He scoops out a few strawberries, shovels them into his mouth, then tosses the cone into the nearest trash bin. "Home, home," he mutters, leaving the park and me behind.
As we ride the train, I notice his legs bouncing.
"What happens if you're late getting home?" I dare to ask.
He jerks his head toward me. "Oh... Nothing. Nothing."
What a lie.
He smiles and settles his legs. "As long as I'm there to cook dinner, it's fine."
Despite feeling unsure, I guess I just have to trust his words.