'Last night ... I thought we'd lost you,' Pierre admitted.
'Yeah, I was pretty scared too,' she answered without turning to look at him.
'Well, we should have known better. You proved yourself more than capable, making it out alive, on your own,' he continued but Sonia would not respond.
Pierre knew that even when he was talking to her, Sonia's mind was with Carlos. He sighed. 'He'll be alright.'
'I hope so,' Sonia answered just to fill the emptiness between them.
'Sonia, can I ask you something? It's completely irrelevant,' he said, his words soft, almost careful.
'Yeah, I guess,' she said and turned to look at him. Her eyes had their usual sadness but to him, any signs she had not yet lost herself were welcome. Including sadness.
'I heard you've had a lot of nightmares and, well ... I was wondering how you go through them? Like, is there any way that you can wake yourself up?' he asked.
'Why? Are you having nightmares too?' she wondered. She needed a distraction to keep her thoughts away from Carlos' condition.
'Yeah. I've only had two so far but they were so ... so real,' he answered sincerely.
'Right, well ... I don't really have any advice,' she said. Pierre tensed up. 'Really. Most of the time I just .... I just die. It wakes me up. I think it has something to do with fear, though. I usually experience something scary and the fear wakes me up,' she said. At that moment she turned around to look at his expressionless face. 'Pierre, just because it happens a lot to me doesn't mean I'm some sort of an expert. I don't want to have to talk about my nightmares at all,' she said to distance herself from him.
'I'm sorry,' he answered. 'Carlos will be alright. Don't lose your mind over it,' Pierre reassured her before getting up and leaving her side.
Pierre's words made her think. She reached for her journal in her backpack whose pocket was ripped on the side from last night's chase. The pen was untouched at the page she had left it so she picked it up and started spilling out her thoughts on the yellow paper.
***
The children were all gathered around the sizzling bonfire. Pierre had suggested they had not lit up a fire but Lucas insisted they would not attack them again right away. The seven travelers had spent most of their day looking for food with poor results and only a small rabbit to cook over the burning sticks.
Carlos broke the silence upon deciding to speak up to Sonia.
'Can I talk to you?' he asked her with a hint of concern.
'Of course,' she answered without hesitation. 'What's up?'
'I meant, like, privately...' he added and everyone suspiciously stared at him.
'What is he hiding?' Lucas wondered.
'Um, fine. Sorry guys,' she mumbled and followed Carlos away from the camp. Carlos led her to an array of big trees, their branches tangled together over the two friends' heads.
'What's the matter?' she asked, her face painted with agony. Her voice became softer, tender even. 'Are you alright?'
'Yes, don't worry about me. I'm gonna make it,' he insisted and took hold of both her cold hands in his palms.
'Please tell me what's going on. You're really scaring me!' she pleaded and looked into his eyes.
'I'm sorry. The gunshots ... you heard last night...'
'Yeah? What about them?' she asked in a trembling voice. 'Oh, no, did they get you?' she asked again and felt his body tense up.
'No, no. You ... you need to listen to me,' he whispered. 'A guard shot at me. And I was scared and ... it was my only choice, you know?' Carlos was tripping over his words.
'Carlos, slow down. What you're trying to say doesn't make any sense.' she said and her teary eyes begged him for honesty.
Carlos took a deep breath and as he exhaled, he let Sonia's hands slip out of his grip. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a revolver. Sonia gasped but she could not shout. Not yet. Not before she could confirm that was not one of Carlos' bad jokes.
'Tell me it's not real,' Sonia whispered in a state of shock, her eyes still fixated on the gun.
Carlos lowered his gaze as his eyes were beginning to sting and his vision had become blurry. 'I'm sorry,' he breathed. 'I didn't know what else to do. I was trapped,' he apologized, trying to excuse his actions. Then, something changed about him. A flame started burning his lungs; he raised his head and looked straight into her red eyes. 'What else was I supposed to do?' he shouted the question angrily. 'Would you rather find me dead in that pit? He shot me first. I didn't mean to-' and then he stopped at the realization of his chain of mistakes.
Sonia was now crying. Hot tears were flooding her eyes and running down her cheeks. She had to bite down on her lower lip to prevent it from shaking. 'Is he dead?' she asked only a few seconds later. 'Did you kill him?'
'No,' Carlos rushed to answer. 'I shot him on the hand,' he added but the waves of tears would not stop emerging from her big brown eyes so easily. She started panting in a failed attempt of hers to speak.
Carlos walked even closer; close enough to feel her warm, uncontrollable breath on his chin. His arms instinctively pressed her on his chest, wrapped behind her back as she sobbed. Carlos rested his head on top of hers and repeated the words "I'm sorry" as many times as his guts allowed him to.
'You should have told me,' she breathed. 'Damn it, you should always trust me. I wouldn't tell on you,' she said while sniffling.
'I know you wouldn't,' he mumbled but it did not seem enough. 'Thank you,' he said next before planting a small kiss on her hair. He had betrayed her trust.
Sonia had started to calm down as the voices inside her head had stopped screaming and she could see more clearly. A couple of sighs later she pushed herself free from Carlos' arms.
She looked at him with pity rather than disappointment. The guilt he must have been through ... But then her thoughts returned and started to drown her. Questions kept popping up in her head until she could not ignore them anymore.
'How did you get a gun?' she asked impulsively.
'Um, my dad. He gave it to me,' he answered in all honesty.
'Right. And ... how could he have obtained a gun?' she asked next. Carlos noticed the stability in her voice which gave an end to his worry about her mental state at the moment.
'That's a tough one. Well, he stole it from a guard. Let me explain this. A guard was bothering my mum for days, messing around with her. She did not know what to do to turn things round and after five days of ... harassment ... She couldn't report him because the ... "heads of the business" usually turn a blind eye on such cases. And then my father found out about it. He got in a fight with him and when my dad knocked the guard out, he took his gun and threatened to kill him and his family. That's it,' Carlos explained slowly.
'When did he give it to you? Did you have it at school too?' Sonia wondered.
'No, silly. Who would be that dumb as to carry a gun to school? No, my dad gave it to me when I announced our escape plan to my folks. He showed me how to use it in the crops, late at night. That's why I couldn't meet you at your place sometimes...' he answered.
'I believe you, Carlos. But I sense there's something else you're hiding from me,' Sonia said trying to convince him to open up more. 'I need to know before it's too late!'
'There's nothing else, I promise.'
'Wait. You mentioned a letter ... from ... your parents?
'Ah, yes,' he replied. 'It's not much of a secret, you can read it. It has to be somewhere-Oh, got it,' he replied as he pulled an envelope out of his sweatpants' back pocket. 'Do you want to read it?' he asked.
Sonia looked at the envelope, trying to make a decision. Reading it sounded so tempting.
'I don't want to be nosy. I'll read it as long as you think it concerns me,' she answered.
'Just take it already,' he said and placed the envelope into her hand. She lifted it up as her eyes tried to scan the inside of it like x-rays.
Sonia opened the envelope easily as it was not sealed. She pulled the folded letter outside and handed the empty envelope back to Carlos. She took a breath before unfolding the handwritten letter. Sonia started reading out loud without realizing it.
Carlos, our only son,
Your mother and I decided it was time we handed you this letter. You've always been the rebellious type. I blame your mother about it. Both of us knew this moment would come when you would set out for the journey to discover a world you could call your own, a world different from ours. And since we may not be part of your world anymore, here is a piece of advice from your old but wise folks. Follow our words and you'll never lose your way and, most importantly, yourself.
Remember us. We wish to remain in your life, even if that means being a faded memory in the back of your mind. Also, remember to eat well (your mother insisted on that part), read a book once in a while (it doesn't hurt) and appreciate everything that comes your way. Sometimes, you see, the little things are the ones that count.
I refuse to believe that you would ever leave Sonia out of your plans. Keep her safe and keep her close to you because she's the only one you'll have out there. And remember, you're the only one she has too. Be kind to her, cheer her up and please don't beat her in any games, she's so bad at losing.
Take care of yourself. Your needs, your dreams should come first. Don't let others demean your opinions on any matter .Keep smiling son and stay out of trouble, if possible.
You're loved, and that's important.
Carlos watched as Sonia's face changed from one expression to the other. One second she was smiling and the next she was about to crumble. Sonia stared at the letter for a moment before handing it back. His father's writing was tender and honest.
Sonia's gaze then fell upon the revolver that was resting on the top of a nearby bush.
'Please don't look at it like that,'
'How exactly am I supposed to look at a gun?' she wondered loudly and her voice cracked at the last word. 'No matter who it belongs to, its only purpose is to kill!' she protested.
'Sonia, look at me,' he said and so she did. 'I would never do anything to hurt you. Okay? You know how I feel about you, don't you?' he asked, staring into her puffy red eyes.
'I do,' she answered and tried to smile. 'And just to clear things up, I'm not bad at losing I just ... like to win, that's all!'
A wide pearly smile formed onto Carlos's lips and after wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he guided her back to the company of their five friends.
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