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When the ATM spit out $40.00 in cash, I could have sworn it said, "You've only got $9.48 left until next Friday's paycheck, losah!"
I was so excited/nervous to meet artist/undercover barista Shane that I sped to Studio City as fast as my scooter would go. When I arrived and saw only one guy working behind the counter, with Shane on his name tag, I almost turned around and ran out as he was totes adorbs, but looked way younger than Cooper. I'm open and fluid, and there are many exceptions I'd make for love, but cradle robbing? Not so much.
I turned away from the counter and reminded myself that this was all about the camera and not necessarily the camera seller.
"Hey, I'm Maggie," I said to him. "I'm here to buy your camera."
"Oh, it's not mine," he answered.
I don't know which was louder, my exhale of relief or the sound of him steaming soy milk.
"The guy selling it just left it here and asked me to collect."
Hmmm... a little suspect. What if the camera didn't work? Or the charger was left at Disneyland? I took a cursory glance through the case and all seemed in order. Camera, lens cap, instruction booklet, charger, cords. "So what if I have any problems with it?"
"You can contact the seller through the ad on Craigslist."
"OK."
We made the exchange, and he winked at me as he handed me one of those crazy lollipop birthday cake thingies that Starbucks sells and I SO don't get. I don't know which was scarier-the wink or the pink waxy ball on a stick. I thanked him, and asked for a bag, feigning fullness, but really I thought I'd take the freaky dessert to Malcolm, just in case he was pissed that I'd come in late. It always seemed to work for Coco.
The boss wasn't even there when I arrived. Maybe he was at the beauty parlor getting his puffy hair done. Coco took the camera bag and excitedly started rifling through. "This is so old school cool! Come on, let's do a screen test."
"No way, I have helmet hair. For reals."
"We're not gonna use the footage. Just to see if the thing works. What's this?" She pulled an envelope out from the bag. "It was tucked under the lining."
"I don't know. I didn't see it before." I took it from Coco and opened it. Inside was a MiniDV tape with a HELLO MY NAME IS sticker on it. But the name part was blank. "So should we play the tape and see if something's on it?"
"That's kinda creepy if you ask me," Coco said, cringing.
"Fine, so you'll look the other way till I make sure it's not a snuff tape or porn or something." I peeled off the sticker and put the tape in the camera.
I looked into the large rectangle viewfinder.
And that's when it happened. Everything led up to this moment. The dating site challenge from Coco. Me deciding to buy a camera. The intriguing ad. The follow-through of buying the camera, and actually picking it up. Everything aligned to bring me to this impossible moment of such possibility.
(check out the video in sidebar)
If you didn't check it out, here's what it said:
Hey. I know this might seem kinda crazy, but I purposely left this tape for you.
Well, I hope it's you. Let me explain. I believe my match is out there somewhere, I just haven't found her in any of the usual places. But why would I find an unusual girl in a usual way?
So I'm inviting you on a treasure hunt. Not that I'm the treasure or anything, but maybe we are. If you look closely, I've put clues on this tape and I've also planted clues throughout Los Angeles, and on the internet, too. So. If you believe in destiny like I do, and you think there's even a remote possibility we're meant to be together, then find me I'm yours.
Oh yeah, and let me assure you, I don't have a criminal record or anything, and the only woman in my life is, well... her. [Looks at his dog.]
And one more thing. I may have put this tape in three different cameras I sold, so... first person to find me in fourteen days on Thursday at noon, I'll know you're the one. So what do you say? Are you in? I can't wait to meet you.
I couldn't move. Couldn't say a word. It was like those nightmares I've had where I'm in a car that plunges off the road into the ocean, and I can't even scream as it slowly sinks down to the bottom. Then I use every ounce of will in my being to roll down the window, escape, swim up to the surface and GASP for air.
Except this gasp was me shouting "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"
"That's pretty whack," our coworker Jeff called out from the cubicle next to ours on the left.
"Totally crazy," Coco added.
I was quiet for a bit, considering every possibility.
"There's no way anyone I know could have done this-like Jason." I was actually hoping he was the one behind it.
"He didn't know you were buying a camera," Coco said. "No one did except me."
"It's got to be real. I mean, the guy's destiny ad totally set me up for this! And he looks totally legit."
"I don't know..." I could see in her eyes that Coco was mistrusting it. But I wasn't about to have this incredible moment popped and deflated by her rampant skepticism.
"You have to admit-it's a brilliant idea," I said. "OH and did I mention he's completely HOT?! This is CRAZY!!!"
"Exactly. So you're not gonna fall for it, right?"
Pop. Deflate.
"What do you mean, Coco? Here's a key to everything I've ever wanted and I'm just gonna throw it into the trash? Cuz it MIGHT not open the right door? That's fucked up."
"Agree," Maya called out from the great divide.
"OK guys," Coco said, "private conversation here." If Maya had agreed with her and not me, Coco wouldn't have said that.
"Seriously," she continued, "haven't you seen Catfish on MTV?"
"A couple of times."
"So you've seen how that dude-what the fuck is his name?"
"Nev," another of our coworkers called out.
"Exactly." Coco answered. "So you know the show is based on this doc Nev made where he meets some child prodigy artist online who has a hot sister. He gets totally into the sister, they talk on the phone till all hours, sext, she writes songs for him, and they fall in love. He finally goes to meet her and finds out she's really some troubled, homely old housewife with severely handicapped twin stepsons. That was the movie. The TV show features a million more freaks like that and worse."
"So you'd ignore this because it MIGHT be bogus?" I asked. "What if it's not?"
"I'm just sayin'... you could end up on 48 Hours, with your tragic story of being led on a wild goose chase straight to the door of a whack job sadist rapist killer."
"Well, then, a totally gorgeous, brilliant, creative sadist rapist killer. I'll take my chances." I grabbed my camera, went to my corner of our cubicle, and fished out my earbuds. I plugged the cord in and put them on so the tape would be for my ears only. I watched it over and over, looking for clues.
On the first and second viewing, I noticed his eyes. Deep blue. Deep. And blue. His adorable crooked nose. Crap, he was way handsome. Like totally out of my league hot. On the third play, I noticed the dog with him. And the dog had a very distinct spotted tongue. If that was his dog, it sealed the deal. The five of us would live happily ever after, Boo and Toupee frolicking in our large yard with their polka-dot-tongued step-sib. The fourth time I watched, I noticed my future husband's sexy smile. On the fifth, sixth, and seventh time, I still didn't spot any clues, but I did notice his perfect muscles-strong yet not overdone, and his stylin' wardrobe choices (come on, mui importante! What if he was wearing, like, Jesus sandals, or high-waisted pants? What if he had Mammaltoe?) On the eighth viewing, Coco unplugged my earbuds as she finally leaned over to watch. I knew full well if I kept playing the tape in front of her, she would ultimately break down. I wanted to tell her how damn predictable she was, but I was so relieved to have another set of eyes that I kept my mouth shut.
"Wait, pause it there," Coco said. "Look at his feet."
"Well, you can't really see them except for one cute blue sock."
"No, by his left foot. Well, his right foot, on our left."
"Looks like either a really round lemon or a tennis ball. So?"
"So, look at some other things there. The trash can with the plastic lining, the green bench..."
"Yeah, and there are dogs barking," I added. "A DOG PARK! IT'S A FREAKIN' DOG PARK! Right?"
Coco and I shrieked like, I'm sure, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson never did when cracking a case. We were high-fiving when Malcolm burst in.
"What's going on in here?"
I had to act fast while Coco hid the camera.
"Coco was excited over the treat I brought in for you. Over there." I gestured broadly to the Starbucks bag on my desk like an amateur magician misdirecting the audience while he's palming the dove he's about to change the playing card into. "Coco loves these, so she got a little carried away."
I handed the impaled pink birthday cake waxy ball to Malcolm. He grabbed it and sniped, "Are you both done with the graphics for the Renegade Registry?"
"Not quite yet," Coco answered.
"You're two days late." He walked up way too close to Coco's face. "I was going to send you to Big Sur next week for a 'Treehouse Wedding' story, but since you seem to disregard the importance of deadlines, I'm sending Maya instead."
"WHOO HOO!" we heard from Maya's cubicle.
"Right," Coco said. "Like I even believe you were ever gonna send me."
"And what about me?" I asked Malcolm. "I suppose once again I wasn't even in the running? Just send me anywhere. Poughkeepsie. Truth or Consequences, New Mexico."
"I'll send you both somewhere. A weekend on sunny South La Brea. You're coming in to work tomorrow."
"Come on, Malcolm, that sucks!" Coco whined. "Aren't there labor laws that say you can't make us work on a Saturday?"
Malcolm turned around quickly to face me, as if he wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to jump him from behind, then he turned again and stomped out in his high heels.
"Fuck, he's a little fucker," Coco hissed.
"Not news. Well, it ain't Big Sur but you could have a helluva trip helping me get to destination Mr. WTF."
"Mr. WTF for reals," Coco said, then sighed. "Fine. Just to make sure you don't get killed. And I'll help only on one condition."
"Anything, name it."
"You promise you won't get hooked on him until you find out if this is for real?"
"I promise."
I couldn't get hooked on him. I already was.
Remember: Find Me I'm Yours is NOW ON SALE for only $2.99! Can you believe that low price? !? You can get the whole book through Amazon, iTunes, Barnes and Noble, and Kobo. Go here to get it: http://findmeimyours.com/how-to-get-and-read-the-book