[repost]
Normally when a man takes my hand and drags me somewhere, I get excited. In this case, not so much. Jack's iron grip on my wrist was so tight that it kind of started to hurt. I wanted to whine like a child in protest as he pulled me through the steel compound, but decided against it. From the looks of it, Jack was taking me outside to scold me which is exactly what I was hoping for. I knew Jack better than I think he knew himself sometimes. He was a dad at heart. It's in his nature to reprimand me like I'm five. I don't mind it, though. It reminds me of the older brother that I never had.
Picking up his pace, we rushed past two men standing by the entrance. They were pack members in charge of watching who was coming in and out of the compound from the inside. It seemed a little like overkill to me having two watching from the inside and two from the outside, but I guess that's just how Matteo likes it. Everything has to be secure. I made eye contact with each of them and gave a small shake of the head to let them know I was okay. I watched as their tense postures relaxed slightly, shoulders rolling back and their heads dropping a tad. Jack may be the Beta, but I'm the Luna. The pack would not hesitate to kill Jack had he posed any type of threat to me. Especially, now. Again, I don't quite understand it. Jack is definitely more important to this pack than I'll ever be, but I guess it's just a pack wolf thing. I'm learning not to question these things anymore.
The contrast from the artificially lit cellars to the outdoors was shocking, to say the least. The air was colder, but the bright sun spread warmth over my skin. It also managed to blind me in the process. I squinted as I stumbled over my feet, no longer on the smooth concrete but an uneven mix of damp grass and mud. I suppose that was the worst part of March weather--the aftermath of February snow.
Suddenly, the dragging came to a halt. Jack released my hand and turned around to face me. I could see the anger in his eyes as they connected with mine. It was a foreign darkness that made my lips fall into a flat line. Jack being mad at me was a whole other feeling than when Matteo is. It made a weird pit settle in my stomach.
"What was that?" Jack snapped. I bit back the urge to snap back at him and shrugged.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Kaia, don't do this. I know you aren't that dumb," he argued. I bit the inside of my cheek, not knowing how to respond. Do I agree? Well, of course, I do, but do I literally tell him that?
"I just want to help," I responded. It was an honest answer. I did want to help. Not her, though. Jack closed his eyes for a moment and ran a hand down his face. I could tell by the heavy sigh that he was already tired of this conversation. The purple bags that practically swallowed his under eyes told me that he was also just tired in general. I reached out a hand, placing it comfortingly on his shoulder. "Jack, I just want you to be happy. You're falling apart in there. It's not good for you." It was manipulative. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't being manipulative at that moment, but I couldn't do it. Jack could have sat down in that cellar for another five days, and I probably wouldn't have thought much about it. The only reason I was even here was because Matteo wanted me to be.
Jack dropped his hand from his face, allowing me to look into his emerald eyes, once again. This time, I could see the pain in them. Anger had completely vanished, and all that remained were the remnants of a lost boy. I bit the inside of my lip to hold back the comment that I wanted to say, 'Suck it up, Jack. It's not that big of a deal.' It was a big deal to him, though.
"It's so much harder than I thought it would be," he admitted softly. I didn't respond, just gave an encouraging nod. "She's everything to me, and I don't even know her. I hate it--wanting her in every way, but knowing that there's no way I ever can." I always knew Jack to be the most emotional out of Matteo, Daniella, he, and I, but I can't explain why it made my chest drop when a small tear slipped down his cheek. It felt like a brick had been dropped on my ribcage.
"I don't know what to do," I admitted. Daniella's words kept playing through my head. The more they did, the heavier the weight got.
Taylor is a threat. She was sent here on a mission to kill me which gives her no right to ever see the light of day, again. But, how can I say that when I've done worse and gotten away with it? That weight on my chest was not sadness or sympathy. That weight was guilt, and it was crushing me alive.
"There isn't anything," he shrugged. "She dug her grave. Now, she has to sleep in it."
"Then, why are you trying to lay in it with her?" I asked, instantly regretting it as I watched the sadness drain from his face. It was replaced by nothing, just a stoic expression. Almost like a mask. I would have rather him stayed looking like a lost puppy. At least, that Jack was readable.
"Because sometimes I forget that we're only allowed to lay in yours."
The pain that seared through me at that moment felt like someone shot me at close range in the chest with a cannonball. It had enough force behind it that I took a step back as if it was going to lessen the blow. It didn't.
I didn't have the time to respond before Jack pushed past me. I wanted to tell him to stop, to tell me that he didn't mean it, but I couldn't find the words to do so. My voice was caught in my throat to the point that it hurt to breathe.
I don't know how long I stood there by myself before Matteo found me. It could have been hours for all I knew, but it probably was only ten minutes at the most.
"I don't know how you managed that, but I just got the call that he's back," Matteo's cheery voice said from behind me. Usually, hearing him in such a happy mood would have made me smile. Not this time. I didn't respond. My hearing tuned in on the sound of his footsteps approaching me rather than what he was actually saying. "Kaia?" Again, nothing. However, I was very aware of Matteo's hand grasping my wrist, the same one that Jack had, to turn me around to face him. Immediately, his face softened. "Kai, what-"
I didn't want to listen to what he had to say. I wasn't in the mood to answer all of his questions. I wasn't even in the mood to talk about anything that just happened. To avoid it all, I resorted to embracing Matteo instead. Burying my face into his chest, I squeezed myself against his body which hardly had any effect on my mood. His arms wound themselves around me, pulling me impossibly closer. Judging by the lack of conversation that was made, I knew Matteo got the hint that something just went incredibly wrong.
The ride back was silent. I didn't have anything to say. I think Matteo was too nervous to ask the wrong thing. It was just a very tense situation. I didn't bother to eat lunch when we got back. My appetite had definitely vanished for the day. I went straight to bed, instead. Again, Matteo didn't say anything. He just gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before I shut him out of our bedroom. I think he understood that I wanted to be alone.
I didn't sleep very long, maybe an hour. I growled lowly as I ripped the sheets off of me and stormed into the bathroom. I considered another shower. Maybe the hot water scorching my skin could distract me from what was happening? Probably not, so I scratched the idea.
I found myself staring at myself in the mirror. It was the replacement for the one that I shattered the first time I woke up in Matteo's bed. Recalling the moment, I could practically feel the sharp edge of the broken piece of glass in my hand, again. That same hand balled into a fist at my side. I was going to send that piece of glass in one fell swoop through Matteo's neck. If done right, it would have ended his life in seconds. My fingers twitched, tightening my fist even more than before. I could do it, again--break the glass. It wouldn't be hard. I broke it with the toothbrush holder last time, but my fist would work just as well. I wouldn't need my fist after I did it, anyway. A simple punch to the center. The connection would shatter it instantly. Then, I could just end it. I don't think it would hurt. Adrenaline would take over, and I would only feel the aftermath for a moment. Just one fell swoop and I would never need to worry again. I would never need to do anything again.
Dropping my gaze down to the fist at my side, I sucked on my bottom lip before forcing my fingers to relax. My eyes crawled back up to the mirror. They settled on my face that just happened to be dead center in the mirror. I clenched my fist again and raised it to the mirror.
"One fell swoop," I sighed deeply as I straightened my posture, "and then it's over." NO more worrying about my dad, about this pack, about Vindicta, Jack, my brother, me, Matteo...anything. No more running, no more hiding, no more fighting or trying to avoid what I started. No more anything.
My fist trembled from how hard I was clenching it. I could feel my nails digging into the skin of my palm, and I was curious if it was drawing blood at that point. With another sigh, I closed my eyes thinking about my knuckles connecting with my own reflection. It wouldn't hurt. Would it? I've punched glass before. It never hurt in the moment, but it always did later. I'd never punched glass and wound up not digging it out of my knuckles after. This time there wouldn't be a later, though.
I scrunched my face up in anger. Just do it, I snapped internally. It's the least you could do. End it, and make everyone happier.
But, I couldn't.
I didn't want to.
What would Matteo do? I couldn't stand the idea of him following my lead. Or what if he didn't care? No. He would care, too much.
Loosening my fist, I forced the weakest smile I could possibly muster and threw up a peace sign.
"You're fine. Get over yourself," I snapped at myself before leaving the bathroom.
I made the decision to not go back to bed. Being in this room by myself for so long was clearly affecting me. I had enough common sense to know that I needed to leave.
I had a fairly good idea of where Matteo would be. When in doubt, start with the office. At this point, I'm not sure that he really does anything else but sit in his office. I didn't bother knocking. If he was doing something so secretive that I needed to knock beforehand, then he shouldn't even be doing it. His eyes snapped up from a paper that he was reading. For a second, they filled with anger, but that dissipated when he realized that it was just me.
"Hey," he acknowledged, setting the paper down on his desk.
"Hey," I replied, shutting the heavy door behind me as I took a seat in the chair on the other side of Matteo's desk. I could see the little bit of disappointment on his face that I hadn't gone to sit on his lap like I normally do, but he didn't mention it.
"You sleep okay?" He asked to which I nodded. "Did you eat anything yet?" I shook my head, no. "If I go get you something, will you eat it?" I knew why he asked me that instead of just asking if I was hungry. Of course, I was hungry. I've been hungry all week. I just didn't have the appetite to actually eat anything. I nodded in response. He gave me a weak smile and leaned over the desk to give me a kiss. I know he wanted me to meet him halfway, but I just put my head down so he ended up kissing my forehead instead. He didn't say anything else before leaving the room.
I sat patiently for about thirty seconds before my curiosity got the best of me. Matteo left his phone sitting on his test by the keyboard of his computer, so I took that as an invitation to check it out. I already knew the password for it. It was a really random assortment of numbers that have no correlation to one another. I smiled when the lock screen popped open to a picture of me. I wasn't doing anything interesting, just watching a movie on Matteo's laptop in bed. My hair was thrown up into a messy bun, and my body was clad in a pair of shorts and one of Matteo's sweatshirts. To be honest, it was a terrible picture of me. I looked like a complete hobo, but it did make me smile that he liked it enough to make it his wallpaper.
I didn't find anything exciting on Matteo's phone. He didn't really have anything on it, and I wasn't too interested in any of the apps that I made him download for me to play with. I reached back over the desk to put it back by his keyboard. As I did so, something caught my attention. It was the paper that Matteo had been looking at. I didn't notice when, maybe it was when he leaned across the desk to kiss me, but at some point, he had covered it with a stack of other papers. I narrowed my eyes and pulled it out from under the stack. Running my eyes over it, I instantly grew confused.
"What the heck?" It was me. He was looking at what seemed to be old records of me, but it was a mix of information that I both knew and had never even seen before.
My analysis was interrupted by Matteo's footsteps nearing the office. I slid the paper back under the stack and leaned into my chair just in time for Matteo to walk back into the room. I gave him a small smile before resting my gaze on the little bowl of mac'n cheese in his hands. On cue, my stomach rumbled. Heat rose to my cheeks knowing that Matteo definitely heard it. He didn't acknowledge it, though. Instead, he just handed me the bowl and sat back down in his chair.
Digging the fork into the noodles, I picked up a couple and shoved them into my mouth. I didn't realize how hungry I had been until the cheese hit my tastebuds. I could have literally moaned.
"Thank you," I said genuinely. He really didn't need to take care of me, but he always did. I was grateful for that. It was something I never got before him.
"I got that the other day because you said you didn't really like the other kind," he explained, pointing to the mac'n cheese. I couldn't help but laugh.
"I still would have eaten the other stuff," I muttered as I took another bite. He shook his head.
"I know. That's why I didn't ask." I shook my head and stuffed another fork-full into my mouth. Do I ask about the paper? I mean he could have just been curious about me, but I don't even know where any of that came from. There was information on there that I couldn't even have told him. I think even my blood type was on there.
"Jack really doesn't like me right now," I mumbled, playing with the noodles in my bowl. I saw relief wash over Matteo's face at the mention of what happened this morning. I could tell that he didn't want to be the one to bring it up. I was very grateful for that.
"I know. One of the guards overheard everything and told me," Matteo admitted. I sighed and leaned back into my seat with my arms crossed over my chest. A part of me was annoyed that one of those guards was eavesdropping on our conversation, but another part of me was happy that I didn't have to retell the story.
"I told you it was a bad idea," I chided. "That stupid Taylor bitch has him all sorts of f—ked up." I didn't think I said anything of importance, but I guess Matteo did. He froze which confused me. He looked like I told him I just birthed a child. "What?"
"Taylor?" He repeated in what sounded like disbelief.
"Yeah, that's her name. Taylor f--king Verrader," I mocked, recalling exactly how she said it. So hostile. "Why is it so important? It's just a name?"
"It's not just a name, Kaia. That's leverage," Matteo said, doing little to explain. His attention turned to his computer and began typing wildly.
"Leverage?" I pressed, hoping to get more answers out of him.
"Yes." What a joke. I couldn't have smacked him for being so short if he didn't seem so seriously into what he was doing. Matteo continued searching for what felt like ten minutes as I awkwardly ate the rest of my mac'n cheese. I couldn't help but wonder if he was finding all of her information the same way that he found mine. I wanted to ask, but didn't think that it was the right time to admit that I was snooping around on his desk. I was on my last bite when Matteo's typing turned to silence.
"Well, that's not what I was expecting." I stuck the last bite in my mouth as his body leaned back in his chair. He looked both confused and irritated.
"Huh?" I asked through my mouthful of macaroni and cheese.
"She's not from Vindicta. She's one of Barron's." This was something I didn't expect. To say that I was shocked was a bit of an understatement. I'd always secretly hoped Barron wasn't actually siding with Adrian. I hoped that he was just trying to annoy Matteo. It sounds ridiculous, but I really thought we were closer than that. I guess that's out the window now, though.
"Why is Barron sending over people, too? They're just allies. We aren't at war with him?" Allies were common when it came to situations like these when two packs were in a disagreement that could turn violent. Allies weren't super involved in the cat and mouse game, though. They weren't involved until it was absolutely necessary, but here comes Barron. God only knows how long he's been waiting to get at Matteo and his pack.
Matteo opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by the violent ringing of his cell phone. He growled lowly, looking down at the rectangular device as it shook. With obvious irritation, he snatched the phone from the desk and answered it.
"Yes?" He snapped into the line. I felt kind of bad for the person on the other end. He was getting Matteo in one of his more pissy moods. Barron seemed to have this effect on him.
"Matteo, you got us into this mess, and now you're going to get us out," the voice on the other line barked. It wasn't difficult for me to hear them. They were talking quite loud which lead me to assume that they really were not happy.
What could Matteo have possibly done? He hadn't brought anyone into anything? Well, not that I know of. With our luck, Matteo probably crossed another Alpha, and now we're on our way to a three-way war. Is that even a thing? I never studied history.
"Ajax?" Matteo asked, clearly recognizing the man on the other line.
"Wait, Ajax?" I repeated. I was hoping for some sort of confirmation, but I was completely ignored.
"They were here this morning. Killed five members of my pack. I don't know what you have in mind, but congrats. We're in it, now," Ajax rattled off. It all came out of his mouth so quickly, I don't think either of us could process it fast enough.
"Apsens?" Matteo questioned, either referring to the 'we' or still not fully understanding who he was on the phone with.
"Keep us posted, Matteo. I want Vindicta gone." And with that, the line went dead.
"They're agreeing to an alliance now?" I asked, trying to make sure that I wasn't just losing my hearing and/or mind. Matteo stayed silent. He placed the phone screen-down on the pile of papers meant to hide away the document he had been reading when I first entered the office.
"I have a bad feeling that this is going to be much worse than we imagined," he finally answered after a few moments of silence.
I bit back the urge to ask more questions. I knew I had a million, but I couldn't form a single one into an actual sentence. There were a thousand things on my mind, but oddly enough one of them was still stuck on that stupid piece of paper.
I know. At a time like this, I should be more worried about what was next, but something was just bothering me about it like an itch.
It was a document with my face and information on it, but one thing was clearly wrong. In the top left corner where my name should have been, there was someone else's.
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11/3/19
Ya'll I have no idea what happened, but I had to reupload this chapter because somehow it reposted as on old draft...? Sorry! If you read it before then it should literally just be the same now, but it like reverted back to an old draft with a ton of notes and unfinished parts, so just drop a vote and move along if you already read it lmaooo