✱:TRIGGER WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT AHEAD!
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❝ CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: A TALK WITH MARK ❞
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Mark looked at the English letters in his journal that were made from the ink of his pen.
He always enjoyed keeping a journal so that he could look back on what he wrote years ago.
There were moments of happiness and stress, but little did he imagine that nearly two thirds of the journal would be taken up by pain and torture. He had dated every entry when they happened, and even logged the abuse of the others.
Mark still didn't know how Mr. Yang didn't find it and tear it apart, but he was glad that he didn't. Then again, there was a reason Mark wrote in English and not Korean.
If Mr. Yang had found it, he wouldn't have been able to read it. There was a knock on the door and Johnny entered. He looked over at Mark and gave a small smile.
Mark did the same to him, then looked back down at his journal. Johnny walked over and sat down next to him on the bed.
He listened as Mark clicked the pen over and over again. Mark thought how interesting it was that the mere presence of the clicking to one person is comforting, but to another it can be really annoying.
"How long have you been reading that?" Johnny asked in English. Mark was slightly startled by the use of English but understood why he did it.
It was the same reason why Winwin or Kun would speak to Chenle and Renjun in Chinese.
It was easier to communicate and express their feelings in their native language. Mark never realized how much he could miss speaking his native language until he was consistently using Korean.
"For a few hours," Mark answered, then added, "Can you believe that two thirds of this journal are about the abuse?" he said, scoffing. Johnny widened his eyes.
"You wrote in that journal every day when there was an abuse?" Johnny asked.
Mark nodded, "Every time I was told about an abuse, I logged it in here. put down who it was, what happened, and how long it took for them to recover physically," Mark explained.
Johnny watched as Mark turned the pages. "This was my first entry," Mark said. Mark noticed that Johnny was hesitant to take the book.
"Read it. The more you know, the better everything will turn out. Right?" Mark said. Johnny blinked before he grabbed the book and read the first entry.
《I've never felt this scared before. Mr. Yang, our new choreographer, had me stay behind after practice. I didn't know why, but I didn't think much of it either. He beat me. It hurt so much, and I didn't know what or why it was happening.
Mr. Yang threatened to either kill me or start beating the others if I told. I really want to tell someone, but l'm the oldest. I can't tell the others. But I need to warn them. I don't know what to do. 》
Johnny could only imagine how terrified and alone Mark must have been when he was first beat. Not to mention all the other beatings after that.
"Why did he beat you the first time?" Johnny asked. Mark shook his head and leaned it against the wall.
"I don't really know. I think he just wanted to hurt someone. He said something about me messing up during practice, but I doubt that was the full reason," Mark said.
Johnny continued reading what Mark had written.
《He's now attacked Haechan. What do I do? How can I keep my members safe without the hyungs knowing? l'm scared. Something is wrong with Renjun.
He's acting like he's okay, but he's distant. He won't even talk to me about what is going on. I'm also qgetting paranoid, butI don't know why.》
"Is this when Renjun was first raped?" Johnny asked carefully. Mark leaned over and read where Johnny was pointing.
Mark nodded, "It has to be. I was so worried about Renjun, and now that I know it makes me feel like l failed as a hyung," Mark said. Johnny wrapped an arm around him, comforting him.
"You didn't fail, Mark. You did the best you could do in that circumstance. No one has a book that explains how to deal with those types of situations," Johnny said.
The two stayed huddled together as they continued to read the journal. They were only ten pages through, and Johnny felt that he was almost about to cry because of what was written.
《I had to call Jeno in sick today. Chenle came home carrying him, his back bloody and torn apart. Chenle was a mess and we could barely get a word out of him, Renjun was able to clean Jeno's wound.
Even though we all wanted to go to the hospital, we knew that we couldn't. When Chenle finally calmed down, it turns out that Jeno was repeatedly hit with a belt.》
Johnny remembered that week.
All the hyungs were worried since Jeno was sick for a whole week. The younger members were also being very secretive about what happened and put up a good act about Jeno just being sick.
It made Johnny angry that someone would beat Jeno like that.
《Jaemin is sleeping less. He also seems more depressed. I don't know what's going on since he won't talk to me.
He won't talk to anyone. I'm worried that Mr. Yang is doing something to his mind thatI haven't been able to figure out yet. Jisung is getting angrier day by day.
I'm scared that one day it will escalate to the point that there is no turning back. I just want this all to stop and for us to return to our normal selves before this began. Chenle is now withdrawing in himself.
He's acting happy when he's with the hyung's, but aren't we all?
I fear the times when Chenle goes into his own world. If we have nothing to do for a few days, Chenle can retreat into his own world for days.
I worry that he won't be able to come back to reality. Mr. Yang is getting worse. He's now touching Jisung and Haechan in ways thatI don't even want to talk about.
Even it's just small movements, it's still horrifying to watch.》
Johnny paused his reading when he felt something wet hit his arm.
He looked over to see that Mark was now softly crying. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's okay," Johnny said, attempting to calm the younger.
However, the next few lines that Johnny read made him start to tear up as well.
《I'm dirty. I'm defiled. I'm worthless. The words that he said to me as he tore me apart and raped me are still in my mind. I can still feel his hands all over me even after showering multiple times a day with scorching hot water.
Renjun somehow knows what to do to make me feel a little better, however, it doesn't last for long. I could hear Haechan screaming my name as I was attacked.
I could hear the pure terror in his voice as I screamed in pain. I can't let anyone else go through this. I just can't. Then, I will have truly failed as the hyung.》
"Mark," Johnny said, barely able to say his name. It was one thing for them to say that they were raped, but for him to read how Mark felt just broke him.
"I'm so sorry, Mark," Johnny said. Mark didn't say anything, but leaned in closer, hugging Johnny tightly.
The other returned the hug. After many minutes of silence, the only thing that could be heard was their breathing, Johnny spoke.
"We should probably give this the police. It can help them add more evidence against Mr. Yang," Mark tensed, but nodded his head.
It made him a bit uncomfortable knowing that other random people would be reading his personal thoughts. "Okay. If it helps make his sentence longer, then l'll do it," Mark said.
There was a knock on the door and Jaehyun entered, speaking in English, "We're having ice cream and watching a movie if you guys want to come," he said.
Mark nodded and wiped the tears from his face. Johnny did the same. "Yeah, we'll come over," Mark said. "You guys okay?" Jaehyun asked.
Mark nodded again, "We're fine," Jaehyun nodded and walked out to the other room. Mark looked over to Johnny and smiled, "I haven't had ice cream in so long," Mark said.
Johnny smiled back, "Neither have I," he said. The two got off the couch and Mark put away the journal.
Johnny put an arm around Mark's shoulder as they walked to the living room, both excited to eat some ice cream.