Chapter 3
Her head was pounding when she woke up the next morning though she wasn't surprised when she found her bed empty. It was rare Landon ever woke up beside her. He normally had either left the house by the time she got up or was in the office working. Groaning, she sat up, ran her hands over her face, and smacked her lips together at the dryness in her mouth.
She wanted to forget that yesterday happened, but she couldn't. She tried to put Chase back in that box she kept under a tight lock and key, but she couldn't. He had burst it open with one glance, and now she felt like she was drowning. She felt this need to be near him, to hear him talk, to touch him, and it was suffocating. She wanted to run and escape these emotions, but she couldn't.
She took a few deep, calming breaths and knew it would be disastrous if Landon found her in such a state. She felt a deep ache in her soul she thought she had filled, and she felt physically sick just thinking about what made the gaping hole in her spirit and soul. She needed a drink or smoke and when she looked at the time on her phone, she groaned, knowing it was too early for either.
Hoping she wouldn't have to run into Landon who wasn't hard in their giant house, she made her way out of the room and down into the kitchen. Rose wasn't in yet, so she started the coffee machine while she searched for some Advil. Popping two tablets dry and piled her blonde hair on the top of her head and wasn't surprised when bits fell out. Dressed in her underwear and silk robe, she waited as the aroma of coffee filled the kitchen.
Once her cup was filled with a rich dark coffee, she sat at the island bench, took a sip and felt like it had awakened her soul. Seeing Chase yesterday had shocked her right down to her very essence. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She tried to fall back into his arms because it felt right, but she couldn't. She was engaged to another man, and he had a girlfriend. She sometimes wished she had never left Chase, but she wanted to chase her dreams and passions, but looking at it now, it got her nowhere but a broken heart, soul, and spirit. Her hands itched for the first time in years to draw.
She hadn't had that feeling in a long time. She could visualise the painting in the back of her mind. Autumn trees were the shade of Chase's hair. She knew no matter how hard she would mix paints, it would never be the same. Those gold streaks shone when the light hit them the right way. The trees would also be a combination of his hair and eyes. The light background and lush greenery would cover the base of the trees while the sun peeked through the canopy. However, the focus would be on the park bench where a heavily pregnant woman would sit with a guardian angel floating behind her. The picture would be a combination of light and bright colours with an undertone of darkness creeping through the edges.
The painting in her mind was beautiful. She could imagine herself spending hours upon hours covered in different shades of green and reds as she tried to get the perfect combination. She sipped her coffee lost in her head as all she could see was the masterpiece. She wanted to grab a paper and start sketching out the vision because it would be a vision.
However, her vision was ripped away by a pain in her face.
"Are you even listening to me?" She winced as her face was jerked towards Landon, who was angry. He gripped both her cheeks and one hand and squeezed hard, causing her to gape like a fish. Tears swarmed her eyes, and the pain grew tighter he held. She noticed a cup of coffee in front of him and wondered how long he had been sitting next to her as she dreamed.
"I said answer me." She tried to speak, and Landon let go of her face as she rubbed both her cheeks. She tried to talk, but the pain increased and as she looked over his shoulder, and saw Rose standing at the entrance with wide eyes. She went to take a step forward, but she pleaded with her eyes to just walk away.
"I'm sorry I didn't hear." She watched as his eyes slated, and before she knew it her brain was rattling inside her head as her face met the cool marble bench-top. Her head throbbed, and the edge of her vision blackened, and she prayed she didn't pass out like last time. It was always worse when she passed out.
Landon had his hand tangled in her hair, pressing her to the bench and her eyes watered from the pain in her skull and the pain of Rose having to watch. She blinked her eyes and tried to focus on what Landon was yelling at her, but she couldn't. Her mind went into a different space filled with orange, various shades of brown, and so much light.
She felt as Landon pulled her up by her hair, and she knew it was useless to fight. She had learnt not to fight because she had never won.
"Fucking useless. I ask very little of you. I ask that you listen to me instead of going into that head of yours when I am around and what you do. I could see the starry look in your eyes." She stared up at him, terrified as he moved towards her. He threw her to the ground, and her bones ached as she impacted the hard floor. She tried to scramble backwards, but her body ached, and her head throbbed.
"You were thinking of painting, weren't you." He yelled as she sobbed. She nodded her head, unable to talk from the fear that was coursing through her. "Answer me!" He stepped on her ankle, and she cried out in pain.
"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I promise I'm not painting again. Please, I promise." She felt pressure on her ankle and knew if he pressed harder, he would fracture it again.
"You always promise Charlotte, but here I find you ignoring me with that starry look you get when you want to paint. Do you enjoy seeing me like this? Do you get a sick rush out of pressing all my buttons?" He removed his foot from her ankle and crouched down to her level, which was more terrifying than when he was standing.
"No. I promise I don't." She choked out as tears ran down her face. It wasn't always like this, this fear that she lived with every day, but the fear was better than the hate and self-loathing she felt for herself.
"Oh Charlotte, my beautiful lost beauty." He ran a finger down her sore face and wiped away the falling tears. She sucked in a deep breath and saw him through a blurry tear-stained vision. He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, lingering as she shivered. She closed her eyes and waited. Her body was tense as his thumb gently ran under her eyes. They stayed that like. His lips pressed to her forehead, her body tense, waiting for what was to come next.
The moment was broken when his phone in his pocket rang, and she let out a deep breath as he stood up and helped her off the floor. She thought it was over when he grabbed the front of her robed and harshly pulled her towards him.
"If I find a lick of paint in this house, the consequences will be dire, my dear. Now clean yourself up and come down for breakfast. I have some things I need to discuss with you before I leave for the office." He let her go and walked away as she wrapped her arms around herself.
She waited until he left before she limped towards the closet bathroom. She gripped the edge of the porcelain sink and looked into the mirror. The fear in her eyes was clear, and so was the red mark on the side of her face. Tears ran down her eyes at the throbbing pain in her ankle, head and body. Her body shook with fear as she doubled over and started dry reaching. Knowing she didn't have long until he came looking for her, she splashed some water on her face, pushed away her feelings, put a fake smile on her face, and stood up straight.
She tried not to limp out of the bathroom, and she re-did her robe and re-tied her hair up. Putting on the fakest smile of her life, she walked back into the kitchen and sat on the island bench next to Landon, who was talking on his phone with a newspaper and a plate of food in front of him.
"I'll call you back." She smiled at Landon as he put his phone down and turned to face her. It was hard to relax her body and keep the fear out of her face, but she had to.
"So, I have to leave for a month. There have been some troubles with the London shipping company since I left, so I have to sort it out." She tried not to show her excitement, but she was. She lived for the weeks or months he had to leave, and while she became lonely, it was better than having him here.
"Okay, when do you leave?" She asked as Rose pushed a plate of food towards her. She looked up and gave her a fake smile even though she was begging through her eyes for help, which she knew would never come.
"I leave tomorrow morning; I might not be home tonight, so don't wait up for me." He got up off his stool and grabbed his paper, and gave her a quick kiss on the head before he walked out of the house. Sighing, she looked towards Rose, who held a sad expression on her face.
"Here you go, dear." She watched as she passed over an ice pack, and she slumped over her chair and put it to her face.
"Thank you." She ate her breakfast in silence but mostly played with the food on her plate.
"Miss Charlotte, would you like me to make you something else?" She removed the ice pack from her face and shook her head.
"It's okay. I'm not hungry. Were you still going to the shops today?" She needed some time out of the house and an excuse to leave.
"Yes, dear. I'll probably leave just before lunch. Did you want to come?" She nodded her head and stood up, grabbing the icepack.
"Just call for me when you are ready to go." She turned her back on the kitchen and walked upstairs into the master bathroom. She placed the ice pack on the double timber vanity and avoided looking at herself. Instead, she walked along the soft grey tiles to the double shower. She turned the gold taps and watched as water poured from the gold shower head above. She took off her clothes and walked in, and closed her eyes as warm water rushed over her body, and cried.
Not being able to stand up for much longer, she sat on the floor and hugged her legs to her chest and cried. Her heart ached as hatred flowed through her body. Not hatred at Landon but herself. She hated she allowed him to do the things he did, but she knew she would never leave. Not because she didn't want to but because she deserved it. She sobbed harder as shame washed over her, and she wondered if this was a punishment for what happened in the past. It had to be because it was what she deserved.
She wasn't sure how long she sat there crying before she stood up and went to get changed. ,She quickly got dressed, avoiding all the mirrors until she put on some light makeup to hide the redness on her face. Walking into the closet she grabbed a light blue summer dress and some sandals.
Sighing, she glanced at herself one last time before going downstairs. She knew it would be a while before it was time to leave, so she walked outside and found her pack of cigarettes where she left them yesterday. Lighting one up, she walked around the yard as she pulled drags of toxic smoke into her lungs. Gazing back at the house that felt more like a prison, she closed her eyes and finished the last of her bud before hiding it in the pot plant again.
She grabbed the pack and put them in her pocket, knowing where she could hide them. When she came into the house, she stopped by the kitchen to grab some paper and pens to write what she needed to buy while they went shopping.
Walking into the lounge room, she hid the packet under the couch cushions knowing Landon would never look there. She put her foot up that throbbed and looked at the white paper, ready to write the few items the house still needed.
However, looking at the blank piece of paper, all she could think about was drawing. She shook her head, knowing she shouldn't but found her hand had a mind of its own, and soon she was drawing the outline of a body.
She wasn't sure how much time passed, but soon she had paper filled with eyes, mouths and bodies. They all belonged to the same person, and if a person was to put each piece together, they could see a clear picture of who she had drawn.
"Miss Charlotte, these are amazing." She jumped when she saw Rose standing over her. She quickly put the pen down, gathered all the papers together, and started ripping them up.
"It's nothing." She knew Rose wouldn't say anything, but the fear was still clear, and she knew she was stupid for drawing him of all people.
"Charlotte, here, I will get rid of them for you, don't worry." She gave her a sad smile, and Charlotte stood up.
"Are we leaving?" Rose nodded and Charlotte went upstairs to grab her bag before heading into the kitchen where Rose was waiting. They both rode in silence to Bondi Junction as they blasted the aircon in the car to combat the outside heat. They pulled into the underground parking, and both walked into the shops.
"I've got some shopping to do. How about you call me when you are done." Charlotte suggested, and soon they both parted their separate way. The first thing she did was get some new bedsheets that she wanted to put in the guest bedrooms. She knew Landon didn't care what went on their bed, but she also knew if she changed it without asking. First, she was just asking for trouble.
After grabbing the bed sheets and pillows to decorate the bed, she looked at her diamond Rolex from Landon and saw it was after lunch.
Knowing there was a nice café outside, she walked out of the shopping centre and stopped when she heard his voice again.
"Charlie." She turned around and saw Chase smiling and waving at her as he weaved his way in and out of people. She couldn't believe it. Here he was again as if he had popped straight out of her dreams and into real life.
Today he was dressed in black shorts, a dark grey shirt, and a pair of chucks on his feet. He looked good. He always looked good. His joy was infectious, and she found the side of her mouth curving upwards just a little.
"Are you stalking me?" She asked, wondering what the odds that she would see him again were.
"Why do you want me to be stalking you?" He grinned, and she shook her head. "I have a book signing here in a few weeks, had to meet with Dymocks, who is setting everything up." Charlotte nodded her head, and before she could stop the words flowing out of her mouth, she invited Chase to lunch, knowing it was a bad idea.
"Do you want to grab lunch with me? I was just heading there now. You are probably busy it's fine." Chase smiled at Charlotte as a red blush crept onto her cheeks.
"I would love to. Lead the way." Chase followed her and frowned when he noticed she was limping.
"Here, let me take your bags; you are limping. Did you hurt yourself?" Charlotte froze, and like a well-oiled engine, the lie slipped out of her lips.
"Yeah. I wasn't watching where I was going and tripped on the chaise lounge by the pool. Pretty sure I just twisted it funny." She gave him a fake smile of reassurance as she looked just over his shoulder.
"Here, pass me your shopping." She went to shake her head as his hand reached out the grab her bags. Their hands grazed lightly, and she felt like her whole body had caught on fire. Tingles ran up her arms, and the air grew thick between them. She wanted more than anything to look into his eyes, but she knew the moment she did, she would act on her desires that had been lying dormant for so long.
While she was in shock at the feelings racing through her body Chase gently pried the bags from her hands and smiled when she looked up at his face.
"Now that's settled, let's go get some food; I am starving." They both walked side by side, and every once in a while, their arms would brush up against each other, and Chase would look down and smile at his Charlie. They arrived at the café, were seated outside, and quickly picked up their menus.
"So, where are you living now? I forgot to ask yesterday." She asked after they had ordered their food.
"At the moment, I am living at Chatswood. It's close to my parents, which is nice but also annoying when they randomly visit. My girlfriend Angela isn't a fan of them." He shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal, but it was. His family didn't understand why he was with her, and sometimes he wondered why he still put up with her shit.
"How is the family?" She asked to be polite, and Chase told her that his parents were doing well and they recently got back from a holiday.
"Harriet got engaged a few weeks ago to Robert, so Mum is focused on wedding planning," Charlotte remembered Chase's sister Harriet and Robert, her boyfriend. They were high school sweethearts and were always in love every time she saw them.
"I thought she and Robert would have already been married with a kid on the way by now." Chase shrugged his shoulders.
"Harriet wanted to wait until her job as an art seller was more secure. Now her business is thriving. If you ever want to sell some of your work, I can give you her number. She would be happy to hear from you." Chase watched as Charlotte's face fell, and their food arrived before he could ask what was wrong. They both ate and made small talk as Chase entwined his long legs with her shorter ones. At first, Charlotte froze, and Chase was about to pull away, knowing he had stepped over a line, but when she relaxed and continued eating, he left his legs entwined with hers.
"Why don't you ever look me in the eyes?" He asked after they had finished eating and were waiting for coffee. Charlotte was focused on watching people walk past the café that his question shocked her, and she couldn't think of an answer.
"What do you mean?" She knew exactly what he meant as she looked at the tip of his nose, avoiding his eyes again.
"Like now. You always avoid looking in my eyes. Why?" She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. If she looked into his eyes, she knew there would be two things she wanted to do. First was to tell him, but that put both him and her in more danger than they needed. If she looked into his eyes, she knew she would do whatever he said because they were eyes that were so easy to fall in love with, and she knew it would be all that harder to say no.
"I just can't; please don't push it, Chase." His name rolled off her tongue, and he realised that she hardly ever called him by his name. He reached across the table and grabbed her small hands into his large ones. They both felt the sparks, and Charlotte was fighting everything in her power not to look into his face.
"Charlie." He whispered softly and despite her mind screaming no, she leaned in closer and slowly lifted her face, and soon she was sucked into the vortex of his thick brown lashes tinged with red that framed his beautiful hazel eyes. They twinkled in the sun and held so much light and laughter. They were eyes she could spend the rest of her life watching his eyes, but that wasn't her future. Her future wasn't filled with light and laughter, and for the first time in a long time, she longed for a lot she couldn't have.
She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes as he reached out with one hand and gently cupped her cheek. She leaned into his hand, relishing in the feeling of affection she rarely received.
"Have dinner with me at my place tonight." He whispered across her skin as their lips were mere inches apart. She knew she should say no, but when she opened her eyes and stared into his, she found it hard to say no. She looked at his handsome face, and when the breathy yes escaped from her lips, she knew she had made the best and worst decision of her life.
***
Wow, that was an intense chapter. First off, I want to say that domestic violence is never okay. Under no circumstances should anyone have to suffer at the hands of someone who is meant to care for them. I won't be romanticising domestic violence but want to show what it is like for someone suffering.
Now, as the story progresses, I am sure I will get the comments saying why can't she just leave. There are other factors at play here which will be explored, but there are many reasons why Charlotte can't leave so bare with me all will be revealed.