part 2 coming on monday. wanted to do it as one full oneshot but can't write the second part until monday for personal, irritating reasons.
trigger warning - mentions of depression, drug use, and suicidal thoughts
~~~
"Better off without them,
They're nothing but unstable,
Bring ashtrays to the table,
And that's about the only thing they share."
~~~
Rye's POV
I watched through tear filled eyes as my fiancé packed my bags, rushing around the house as if he couldn't wait to get rid of me. I was desperate to get through to him, to convince him to give me another chance without telling him the truth. But nothing I could say would fix what I'd already broken.
"Andy, please! I love you so much." I cried.
"Don't lie to me!" He shouted, grabbing another bag.
"Will you just stop it, and sit down and talk to me?!"
"I cannot listen to anymore meaningless rubbish about love, or romance, or happiness!" He snapped, finally throwing down whatever he was holding and turning towards me, a look in his eyes that told me he had reached his breaking point. Enough was enough. He wasn't going to tolerate my shit anymore. "I always knew you were a risk. Maybe that was the thrill of it."
"Please don't say that." I whimpered pathetically.
"I let a drug addicted party animal into my home and naively thought he could settle down."
"I am settled down!" I exclaimed, feeling my desperation hit its peak. He was giving up on me and I needed him to survive. "I love our family and our life together."
"Yes, as long as you can sneak out once a day and smoke a joint." He scoffed, arms crossed in an angry stance. Perhaps he was trying to shield himself from me. I was toxic and he didn't want to let me come close.
"I'm sorry Ryan. I can pretend to be all open minded and liberal.. but the fact is, I hate that you smoke drugs."
"It's not my fault, alright? I can't help it. It's like a physical need... a psychological crutch!"
"For what?" He asked, surprisingly calm. I could see right through him. He didn't believe a word I said. He thought it was bullshit. That's what I was afraid of.
"I don't know..... my life." I was shaking at this point, not even caring to hide that I was on the verge of a breakdown. Everything I had tried to keep hold of was falling apart and I had nothing left. Without Andy, there was nothing worth fighting for.
"I'm sorry but that's unacceptable." He scolded angrily. "If you are saying that you are that dependant on this, then you need help. Like, rehab help. Because that's what you're saying, isn't it? That you're addicted and you can't stop."
"I wouldn't call it an addiction.." I sighed.
"Then you have a choice, and you can choose to stop."
I wrapped my arms around my torso, wanting to crawl into a hole and die. I felt like that scared little boy once again, my mother screaming at me for being such a screw up as I whispered, "It's not that simple."
He looked down, trying to calm his anger as he gave me an ultimatum. "I'm going to make this really easy for you. Stop smoking weed, and I will help you.... or we're done."
I just looked at him, not knowing the right words to say. How could I make a promise like that when I knew I'd break it?
"What's it going to be? Drugs or me?"
I tried to make a counter offer, desperately wanting to better myself while also being realistic. I couldn't give it all up just like that.
"I'll lay off the strong stuff, and I won't do it when I'm going to be around the kids."
He glared at me. "You should be researching rehab and booking yourself in right now."
I flinched, not wanting to think back to my rehab days. He had no idea. I had been there for a lot more than drugs.
"You're not going to do it, are you?"
"You make it sound like I'm lying in some bedsit, taking class A drugs."
He bit his lip, simultaneously biting back the tears as he came to the conclusion that nothing would change. "You've already made your choice, haven't you? You're going to leave."
"You don't understand how much I need it." I whispered.
"And how much do you need me?"
"More than ever."
"Then quit!"
I looked up at him. I looked into his tired blue eyes and decided to be more honest than I had ever been with him. I loved him too much to lie.
"I could say the words... I could make you that promise, but there's no way I could ever keep it." I took a deep breath, my heart breaking when I saw the stray tear fall down his cheek. "And I am so tired of letting you down. It just makes me feel even worse, and then...."
He squeezed his eyes shut and spoke in a shaky voice, "So you're not even willing to try?"
"I have tried."
"When?!"
"Everyday." I tapped my forehead and tried to show him that it was much more than just a physical addiction. My issues were much bigger than the two of us and I couldn't promise to fix something so messed up overnight. "Everyday in here."
He stormed over to the front door, slamming it open with a defeated huff. "If you're not even willing to try then you have to leave right now."
I sniffed. "I know."
I picked up my bag, heading to the door. He stopped me before I could leave.
"I want you to really think this through."
I desperately wanted to stay. I wanted to open up and talk about my demons. I wanted to tell him how badly I was suffering and how I needed help - his help - before it killed me. But looking into his tired, broken blue eyes, I made my decision. He deserved better than a depressed freak who didn't know how to fight the darkness.
"I'm sorry."
He let out a sob, slamming the door in my face. I left before I could break down on his doorstep.
a/n
credit to hollyoaks for the dialogue. i thought i'd expand on a simple scene played by actors and write out what they think and feel. like i said at the top, part two coming in five days. sorry for the wait.
hope you enjoyed!
bye guys Xx