~
Park Jisung
~
"Babe, are you doing okay?" I whisper tenderly into the love of my life's ear as he leans back onto my chest, completely exhausted as his eyelids flutter shut into slight crescents. Humming quietly, I card through his platinum-dyed locks with my fingers, finally learning the mechanisms and actions that calm him down, years after he figured out how to calm me down in times of despair or distress. He breathes out deeply, soothed by the rhythmic, continual combing of my fingers and the somewhat mellifluous melody escaping my closed lips.
"I'll be fine, Sungie. Thanks for asking me if I'm okay, love, but I'd prefer to talk about it when I'm not so stressed... Right now, I just want to enjoy the two of us, if that's okay," Chenle's beautiful tone rings into my ears. I don't think I could ever become tired of his dulcet voice, whether he's just speaking softly, laughing his signature, adorable dolphin-like laugh, or singing his heart out into an expansive, large crowd. Scrambling around, Chenle sits himself on my lap, facing me, his pretty smile flashing right at me. It's obvious that he's tired by the bags under his eyes, rightfully so, but he's still shining to me, always stunning no matter where or when.
Whenever I feel that--that feeling when you see someone and think they're beautiful no matter what, yet you find new ways to fall in love with them every day--that's when I know I'm in love. And yes, I'm in love with Zhong Chenle.
It's easy to dismiss my feelings as those of a young boy who doesn't understand love, and to some degree, it's true. I don't quite understand the full expanse of love and everything the feeling encapsulates, but I know that whatever I do feel and the out-of-body experience I have whenever I lay eyes on my best friend of fourteen years and lover for two, is love, pure and simple. And if being in love is the experience that pairs with love, I know for sure that I'm experiencing it as well.
Before Mark left, he told me to look right around me, because there was someone ready to love me unlike I had felt before. He was completely right; that person was Chenle, and sometimes it pains me to think about how we had fallen for each other right in front of each other's eyes, but it took so long to recognize and act on our feelings. A few months before Mark graduated school, the "incident" (as Lele and I now dub it) in which we both stole each other's first kisses, awkwardly happened and for a while after that, neither of our naive, self-conscious selves had any idea of how to react.
It was obvious after the fact that both of us had wanted and enjoyed the kiss, and that we hadn't done it to experiment or for some non-serious reasons. Obviously, months before the incident, I had recognized my attraction towards Chenle, especially because he spent so much time with me after Taemin's suicide attempt and we had bonded in a way deeper than I shared with the other boys. Lele had apparently the same story as me and fell for me because of the sheer amount of time we spent with each other during a vulnerable time, but both of us had such consuming uneasiness about how the other felt towards us.
Yet, again, after Mark talked to me the first time outside that convenience store while I was an emotional, sobbing mess, and especially the second time he talked to us, outside the gate as he was getting ready to depart for four years, I recognized I actually had to take action to get what I wanted and show Chenle how deep my love for him ran. I truly owe the blossoming of our love to Mark, and sometimes, I can't even believe that it's already been two years without him.
Though I miss Mark dearly--he was like my older brother and mentor, after all--so much happened after I left, and most of it for the good of my mental health and being. Shortly after he left for Canada, I confessed everything to the love of my life. Lele had come over again for the night, and we found ourselves in another situation similar to the night of the "incident." Our lips were mere inches from touching and the sexual tension was excruciatingly present, but before I could dive towards his lips, Lele stopped me and asked me what our relationship was supposed to be. I looked in his glistening eyes, his irises deep cocoa and his jet black pupils sparking with the depth of the Milky Way, and I knew that I had found the love I was searching for right in his eyes.
Since that night, we've become even more inseparable. Taemin had moved out of our memorable, loved apartment, which I could finally afford comfortably now that I had found a job to work after school, to live with his boyfriend, Minho a few miles out of the city. After Chenle and I graduated high school a mere six months ago, we'd already sealed our relationship as boyfriends, and he moved into my apartment officially, though he had practically been living with me for the last couple of years. Our graduation was a huge milestone for both of us, and though Jeno and Mark weren't able to attend (they watched over FaceTime broadcasted from Junnie's phone), Jaemin, Haechan, and Renjun were cheering for us like the proudest, most supportive parents. Lele and I are the babies of the friend group, after all.
University just started a couple of months ago, and hell, it's a crazy step that I've taken, and I've been doing a double major in dance, as well as acting. The level of commitment and academics is on another level, and too often I find myself stressed to deliriousness, sheer exhaustion, and insanity within myself due to the pressure of the work and demand of the classes, but Chenle is always there to remedy my bouts of stress and to be the light in the midst of a breakdown.
On the other hand, Chenle is also taking university classes, but on top of that, he's been training to debut as a pop-ballad singer in the music industry. And whenever I feel stressed and in the middle of a breakdown, I remember that Lele is tackling everything I am, plus hours of exhausting, relentless practice in training his voice, training for media, plus dance classes, and I don't think I deserve to fall into my bouts of stress. He's been working so hard towards his dream of singing, and when I see him coming home during the early hours of the morning and restlessly practicing his songs, I feel so inspired by him and fall in love with him just that much more.
That's why I have to be the best support and boyfriend I can be for him. He's made so many sacrifices, so I need to constantly be that shoulder he has to lean on because even though I know he'll surely succeed with his pure talent and dedication, he still needs support, comfort, and a person to listen to and a person to love. And that's where I find myself now.
Pulling Lele closer, I press a chaste, but loving kiss to Chenle's soft, rosy pink lips, smiling sweetly into the kiss. My heart lights up with the addictive spark of young love, and I feel so ready to love him more than ever before and to give my everything to him because he's given me everything.
~
Zhong Chenle
~
"I'll be fine, Sungie. Thanks for asking me if I'm okay, love, but I'd prefer to talk about it when I'm not so stressed... Right now, I just want to enjoy the two of us, if that's okay," I sincerely confess to my best friend and the absolute love of my life. Staring into his cute, button-like eyes, I find solace in Sungie's beauty and grandeur, his body and aura the only thing I need to relax and let my worries and stress flow away.
I still find it ridiculous that it took twelve years for us to find something deeper than friendship within each other, but I don't worry about that any longer. After all, Jisung and I have been going strong for two years, and that isn't about to cease anytime soon. We needed each other more than ever after Mark left Seoul, and finding a cure for those newly-opened wounds was exactly what I needed at the time, but since then, I've needed Jisung only for Jisung himself, and for the way he loves me and makes me feel loved.
Then again, it's also been two years since the "incident," which was also the day that my heart bloomed, opened up from my internalized doubts and prejudices, and I realized that the palpitations of my heart, whenever I laid eyes on his maturing, handsome features, was more than just an acknowledgment of how handsome I had felt he'd become. I was attracted to him, and not in a platonic way, but a romantic and sexual way.
I remembered how concerned I had been when he was away from the phone and not picking up my dozens of calls, but when he showed back up to the apartment, the wave of relief that fell over me was too great, and when I took a good look at his face, I felt this intense urge to kiss him. I restrained myself for a little bit, but I thought I saw the same urge in Jisung's eyes, and he started leaning closer. Once we sealed the kiss, I knew I had fallen head over heels for the boy I thought would stay only my best friend.
Interrupting my train of enamoring thoughts, Jisung replies quietly, "Of course, beautiful. Whatever you want is okay with me, Chenle. I just hate seeing you so stressed, because it's so strange when I'm not able to see you happy and see your gorgeous smile." I giggle a little bit, my cheeks flushing red, as Jisung's sweet compliments and words always manage to embarrass me in an endearing way, maybe because I'm still getting used to hearing such intimate, romantic words escaping Ji's lips.
Looking back, it's strange, but kind of special how much our relationship has evolved. We used to act like straight, pubescent teenage boys with each other, playing video games all night and snacking on junk food, As special as those moments were, I sometimes can't wrap my head around the fact that in addition to enjoying video games together, we're lovers, and now Jisung kisses, hugs, and loves me as opposed to teasing, joking, and acting like only friends. It's been an astonishing character development in both of us.
"Thanks, Jiji. I know I've been really stressed with training and all of that shit, but I swear, whenever I see you, I instantly feel better. And I'm not trying to sound cheesy at all, love," I whisper, pressing his forehead to me as I hold his face delicately between my two hands, his soft breaths fanning over my face. My heart rate slows with his steady breaths and a beautiful calm falls over me.
Hesitantly, Jisung lifts his head up and scans my features in awe, breathily asking, "Can I kiss you, Chenle? You look so beautiful right now." Curling up a little, a wave of embarrassment falls over me, yet I can't help the way my blood rushes and heart patters about whenever Jisung compliments, praises, or sweet talks to me. Smiling shyly, I nod, wanting to feel Jisung's plush lips and delicate touch all over me while he caresses me like I'm the only boy in the world to him. My heart goes insane in this boy's presence, yet there's no way to tame the wild instinct and desires of love.
Slipping one hand behind my ear, his fingers slip ever-so-lightly into my hair, resting his other hand on the crook of my hip, right under the hem of my cotton shirt. Cooing a little bit, I find it cute how confident Jisung has gotten since we've gotten together. At first, he used to be so hesitant to kiss, so I had to initiate most of our kisses, but since then, he's finally taken the lead and usually is the one who dominates the kiss.
Pressing his plush, thick lips to mine, sparks set off inside me like short-circuiting wires as electricity shoots up my spine, causing me to shiver slightly in pleasure. I can feel Jisung smiling into the kiss, his lips drawing upwards in adoration and I blush yet again, causing Jisung to giggle.
"God, sometimes I wonder how I manage to fall in love with you over and over again," Jiji whispers against my lips, his soft breaths fanning lightly over my face. "You're so beautiful," Jisung adds incredulously, eyes scanning over me again in wonder, like a baby seeing the world around him for the first, which is the cutest thing to me. He tucks my platinum bangs behind my ears and I giggle shyly because just like Jisung experiences with me, I manage to fall in love with him again at least a dozen times a day.
"Thank you, Jiji... You're making me blush, baby," I whisper, burying my face into my hands for a second before Jisung tenderly places my hands on his shoulder, unveiling my rose-tinted cheeks and timid smile, causing him to send me a lovesick smile again.
"Don't cover up your face, Lele. I want to see your smile again," he lulls sweetly to me, deepening the red of my blush.
Eyelids fluttering shut, Jisung approaches my lips again, and as they press to my lips again, and this time, I melt into the kiss, threading my arms around my boyfriend's neck, scooching further up his lap to feel his heartbeat against mine, and to feel his lean, but masculine figure pressed up to me, his thumb rubbing circles into my hip soothingly. Moving his lips slowly against mine, I reciprocate his actions, feeling such euphoria in such a pure, love-filled kiss, no other intention behind it.
We continue the kiss, soft, tender, and slow, for what seems like hours, without escalation, because I don't need sexual motivation to allow me to simply enjoy a sweet, romantic kiss. My love for Jisung fills up the room like a thick fog in the morning, but Jisung's love for me shines like the brightest ray of the sun. Finally, I grow tired and pull away from Jisung, stretching out as I yawn.
Jisung chuckles a little and remarks, "Uh-oh, I think it's time for you to go to sleep, love." Jisung's adorable laughter fills up the room, and I slap his arm playfully, smiling back at him.
"Fine, I'm tired, Jiji. But can we just go to sleep here? I'm too tired to get up and go to our bedroom. Plus, you're quite comfortable to sleep on and cuddle up to," I reply cheekily, Jisung just smiling back in admiration.
"Okay, that sounds nice, Chenle," Jisung answers in agreement. Reaching to the side to pull a blanket off of the couch, he throws it over the two of us and I nuzzle into Jisung's chest, getting comfortable for a long night. And it's only as I'm about to clock in for the night when I realize that just a few hours prior, I was stressed, inconsolable, and worried. That's when I realize the effect that true love has on you; it has the power to lift all of your burdens off of you and allow you to truly enjoy life.
Cuddled up to Jisung, body on body, lover to lover, I know I'll be able to brave these tough storms for the next two years, stronger than ever with the one I love most by my side to support and love me unconditionally. And when the rain clouds clear and we're back to seven, I know we'll be stronger than ever before.
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As promised, here's the newest chapter! I hope you enjoyed it, or else procrastinating on a major essay that I have to have done by Wednesday would've been a huge mistake.
If you did enjoy it, please vote and comment, as I love hearing your thoughts on the story.
And as a side note, I know the K-pop communities has been in shambles this year with all of the scandals, fan wars, heartbreak and everything we've faced this year, so just know if you need to vent, you can always message me for an unbiased, listening ear.
Again, much love! <3