After a quick cleaning of my wounds, which wasn't pleasant at all, the doctor deemed me well. His literally words were, "I've never seen anyone heal so remarkably.", but that was no surprise to me.
River had spent the whole night elsewhere. Maybe he went home, or maybe he slept in the car. All I knew was that he wasn't there, but bright and early he strolls into the room like he was born to do so. He's clearly stressed; his eyes are framed by deep dark circles, and his lips are pressed in a tight line. He doesn't immediately address me, but smiles when he notices me staring.
I don't care, anyway. I don't want to address our strained relationship just yet. Plus, those pain meds were still pumping strong.
I kept finding myself staring into space, thinking about what happened. Sam's dead eyes haunted me, and every time I closed my eyes I could see them. I felt numb and sad, all at the same time.
After the doctor deemed me well, he wrote me a prescription for more pain medication and sent me on my way. They let me take home a wheelchair, which River insisted he push.
River was parked in a no parking zone, with two tickets stuck under the wiper of his truck. Huh, I guess he never left the hospital after all.
River opened the passenger side door and looked at me awkwardly.
"I would hop up there myself, but I struggle even without a shot to the stomach." I said.
River smiled slightly and gathered all one hundred and forty pounds of me into his arms. I grunted as my stitches stretched my skin, but soon I was placed into the comfy seats of River's F-150.
After I was snug as a bug and buckled, River walked around and got into the drivers seat. I stared straight ahead as he started the engine, but when I was sure his eyes were on the road I snuck a quick peek his way.
We locked eyes as we both glanced sideways, locking eyes. We had never been in an argument or fight for longer than a few hours, tops. But, then again, he had never broken my trust before either. The tension was thick in the air, and I decided I had had enough.
"River-"
"Juniper-"
We both paused to give the other person time to speak, but when he never spoke I continued.
"Why didn't you ever tell me you had killed someone?" I asked.
He didn't answer for a minute, but his grip tightened around the steering wheel. Finally, he blew out a breath of air as if he had been holding it in and responded.
"I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I just didn't. I didn't want you to know that about me. There were a few times I wanted to tell you, but by then I hadn't mentioned it for so long that I started to believe it didn't matter."
"Didn't matter?! River, when I met you I was a mess. You knew what I did, and yet you never thought to tell me you had gone through the same thing?" I paused, trying to simmer down, but my anger just boiled over even more. "Or maybe you weren't going through the same thing as me. Maybe you killed that girl in cold blood. Maybe you liked it." I hissed.
River hit the steering wheel with a loud thud, causing the horn to beep. I flinched, but his outburst only made me angrier.
"I didn't like it. In fact, I wanted to die after what I did. The only thing that I feared worse than myself was my father, and that's why I did what I did." He raced down the road, flying through a red light. Cars honked and I cursed under my breath, and slowly River eased up on the gas pedal. "I wanted to forget. I never wanted you to know about that side of me because I wanted it to cease to exist altogether." He whispered.
"Yeah, but mates don't lie to each other. And that's what you did. You lied to me." I whispered back.
We were silent for the rest of the ride back, and River had calmed down a bit. He wasn't speeding any more than usual, and no more red lights were violated.
I didn't know how to feel about the conversation. I had known River didn't like to talk about his father, but I always thought it was because he missed him after he passed. He could have at least told me something about what his father had put him through when he was younger, but instead he kept silent.
I studied River's features. Those broad muscles and dark hair, those green eyes; they were all familiar to me. River himself was as familiar as my own reflection, but now I felt like I knew nothing about the true him. And in return, maybe I knew less about myself than I thought.
We pulled into the gravel driveway and sat in front of the house. Neither of us moved, or talked. The air simmered with words unsaid. I wasn't sure if I had my future planned out anymore.
However, I was sure of one thing.
I couldn't stay with River anymore. Not for a while. I had to work on myself for a bit before I could even begin to work on our relationship. The revelation hit me like a burst of freezing air, taking my breath away. I couldn't stop the tears from leaking out, but luckily they were silent and not the snotty sobs I was used too. No, these tears were tears of certainty, and fresh beginning.
"River. I love you. I really, really do. But I think I need to get out for a while. I need... a break- from all of this," I motioned at the space between us. "Everything we've been through has taught me something. And that something is that I have no idea who I am, or anything about my past. I think I need to figure those things out before I can figure you out."
I gasped out the last few words in one solid mush, and after he didn't immediately reply I wondered if he had even heard me. I finally drug my eyes in his direction, only to find him staring at me with tears in his eyes.
At that moment, after seeing the broken expression on his face, I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to tell him to forget I had ever said anything at all, but I didn't. I couldn't let myself. I was doing the right thing, I knew it from the bottom of my heart.
This is how it had to be.
"Are you ever going to forgive me?"
I smiled back. I wasn't at all happy, but I hoped that he could see the hope I was trying to portray in my eyes.
"Baby, I want to so badly. But it will take time." I sighed.
"I want to figure out who I am. I've spent six years being with you, and you were- are my world. I just want to get some of my priorities right, first- before we decide what to do with our relationship."
River nodded while wiping his face on the sleeves of his gray hoodie. I had never seen him so upset, and my heart ached knowing I was causing him pain. Everything within me was telling me to comfort him, give him peace- but I wouldn't let myself.
I had made up my mind, and that was that.
"You can't just take off yet. You have to heal first." River said. His voice was deeper than usual, but otherwise back to normal.
I nodded.
"Yeah. Two weeks, tops. Then I'm gonna take a little vacation, get out for a while."
I smiled, hoping he didn't see my deception.
"Okay... Okay, maybe this will be good for you. But Juniper, promise me one thing."
I didn't answer, but waited on him to continue. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but I would be as honest if I could.
"Just promise me that you wont move on. I don't want this to be the end. Take some time, but please come back. If you come back, and we can't make things work... I'll understand. But at least give me one shot of redemption."
I bit my bottom lip in consideration.
"Okay, but this works both ways. You can't go off finding my replacement either. Not until we've tied up our loose ends."
"Deal." He breathed out.
"Good. Now, help me get inside." I groaned.
My stomach was beginning to hurt because I had opted out of picking up my pain medication. I needed to maintain a sharp mind for what would be coming next.
It was going to be a rough two weeks.
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Hey peepz!
Quick update. We only have one more chapter to tie up the loose ends! Then, off to the editor! I hope you all enjoy! Also, if you've read all the way through, PLAH-EASEE leave me a comment after you finish the next chapter. Let me know what you liked or disliked, or anything that was confusing. This will help me when i edit! Thanks, XOXOXO <3