Chapter 34 - Fast Foward (Part 2)
(lovely By Billie Eilish and Khalid pictured above.)
Elliot's POV:
4 Months Later
It was a breakup unlike many others. No communication, no closure and no real ending to the relationship, yet all the heartbreak was there. I tried to keep myself together and so did Alex, but we didn't do that well. He spent a lot of time talking to Lana about our relationship and I think it was helping him.
He kept the letter that Saville had left, the last remnants of him. Our calls went to voicemail, our texts were undelivered. It was the final piece that showed how determined he was to block us out. I don't blame him, at least not for blocking us. I don't even really blame him for leaving, I just hate the way he did it.
I wished I could have talked to him, we could have discussed what was happening. Then again, that sounds like I would have tried to talk him into staying. This is probably what he left the way he had. He didn't want to be convinced he was doing things wrong. I think he knew he was.
Over the past months, I went back and forth on whether Saville had loved us. He was the only one that got the chance to say it, and he didn't, he wrote it. Alex sent him so many texts saying he loved him, and I may have sent a few myself.
It was an awful feeling knowing that he hadn't told a person how you felt, especially when you couldn't speak to them again.
I'm sure we could have flown there. We could have hopped on a plane and ran after him, but there's one problem. This isn't a movie. Saville may be a movie star, but life doesn't work like a romcom. He didn't want us chasing him, his letter stated that in so many words. While his reasons was unwritten and his feelings were clouded from our knowledge, I believe he loved us.
In his own fucked up way, he loved us and thought this was the best option. Mason had very little to say when he found out his blond friend had left. I think everyone at the club had seen his departure coming.
In truth, it was Alex and I's own fault for believing we could nail down a celebrity. We never truly had a chance at calling him our's, especially when the whole world does.
Every time I look at the couch in the living room I think of our nights spent watching his old show. He hated watching it, yet he never complained that much when we fangirled about it. We would watch so many things, comfortable in each other's presence. It sucked to know that those evenings, and the mornings that followed would be gone.
A lot of people say that when you break up, it's the routine you miss, not the person. But, we didn't have a routine, and I deeply miss my puppy with his wife eyes.
It was early morning, rain falling over the city when I rolled out of my empty bed. After taking a few minutes in the bathroom, I walked to Lana's room and saw Ali passed out beside his sister. I simply smiled, and covered him and his sister's body with blankets. Lana had finally become a welcome guest in our home, and had been staying here for the past few months.
She's moving out in the next two weeks, so Allie was spending as much of his time with her as he can. This is the longest Lana has ever been clean, and I'm pretty sure Sav's influence there hasn't helped Alex with his closure.
When I walked out of the apartment on my way to work, I thanked god it was Friday. It was date night and Ali and were planning a trip to the movies than maybe fooling around at home. It's been over a month since I've touched my Husband sexually, and I refuse to let if go on any further.
We might not have our sub, -our love anymore, but I refuse to lose the one person I have left...Even if that means being a sub again...
________
When I finally escaped the clutches of my office, I was quickly in a Taxi on my way to the Movie Theater. Alex had already texted me, saying he bought the tickets and he was binging on junk food. Actually what he said, was more of threat, that if I didn't hurry up he would binge on junk food without me. This only made me want to get there sooner, I was beyond hungry since I hadn't gone to lunch.
I was stuck in my office all afternoon, taking depositions, reading and then re-reading prenuptial agreements. My brain was much, and I wanted nothing more than a recliner, a movie, food and my comfy Husband. As I imagined my relaxation in the movie theater, I had Ali in one arm, and Sav in another.
Shaking my head violently, I pushed all thoughts of my ex into the back of my mind. He never truly left anymore, something throughout my day would remind me of him. Whether it was my coffee in the morning, the smell of Chinese food, or the extra space in our bed. In the months since our breakup, I couldn't imagine how Saville was living.
My mind went to him walking around his large empty home in the hills. I could only imagine how cold and lonely it was without anyone. Images of his dark circles and numb expression filled my mind. I wanted to hate him for leaving, for breaking our hearts, but I couldn't do it. I was angry, but never could I hate him.
"Sorry I'm late." I spoke, rushing up to my Husband who stood in the lobby, his fist and mouth filled with popcorn. He simply shrugged his shoulder and kissed my cheek happily.
"What are we seeing?" Alex asked, his hands filled with the tickets.
"It's an independent film, apparently it won a ton of awards. It was in theaters months ago, but I never got to see it, so I found it here." I told him as I dragged his body into the theater.
"Why watch it here when we could watch it at home, plus it would be cheaper." Allie asked me as we sat in the theater and watched previews.
"Because microwave popcorn sucks." I replied. Alex turned to me at my response and smiled at me, his head soon rested on my chest as the movie began.
"All this for some popcorn... I love you." He spoke, as the first scene started to play.
As the movie played, I finally understood what awards it won. Despite my urge to walk out of the theater, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I remained in my seat, starring into the eyes of the man that had broken my heart. Looking at Alex, I saw his eyes glassed over with tears. The hand he had on my thigh was tight as we watched the movie.
Was this going to be the only connection we had with the love of our lives? We were reduced to watching every film and show he put out. Only ever knowing him again through characters that didn't resemble him at all. My heart hurt to think it, and I prayed that Alex didn't have the same thoughts.
By the time the movie was over, the popcorn was still fully intact and my cheeks were stained red. The ending was sad, but knowing this might be our ending as well was even worse. Alex and I tried to speak on the walk home, but by the time we made it, we realized that we may have only said two words.
Tonight was supposed to be fun and relaxing, not an effort in remembrance and heartbreak. When we finally walked into the apartment, Lana was on the couch speaking a mile a minute.
"Where the hell have you two been? Don't you have your phones? I've been calling you, have you seen the news." Lana spoke, as she gestured to the TV.
"Slow down and start again, what's wron—" I started to speak, as I looked up to see the news.
Sitting at his desk on CNN was Anderson Cooper detailing the events of a terrorist attack. Apparently there was an explosion in the main structure of the Los Angeles airport.
"If your just joining us now folks, there has been an explosion inside the main terminal of LAX tonight. At least 12 are reported dead, 27 injured, including Television and Movie Stars, Violet Foster and Saville Carter. I'm told they were on their way to a press event in Chicago when the supposed bomb went off. All the injured are considered in critical condition tonight as they are rushed to the hospital."
I'm in shock as I listen to Saville's name be included in a list of critically wounded people. My body is completely still as my brain grapples to completely understand what has happened. As I look away from the screen and at my Husband, I find him with his phone in his hands.
"You may have been right months ago, Ellie, but we're going now! The Uber will be outside any second, move your ass." Alex speaks, as I recognize his 'Daddy' voice coming out for the first time in four months. Numbly, I walk behind Alex as he holds my hand.
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