:A N A S T A R K:
"You'd make a fine queen one day"
How difficult it is to understand the mind, how difficult it is to understand how powerful simple words can be, how they can haunt someone for the rest of their days or even their entire lives. My mind was either going at the slowest pace or the fastest it has ever been, probably to match with my own erratic heartbeat that was pounding so hard against my chest.
My reflection was staring back at me and it was clear to see the anxious state in the mirror that stood by the candles. My brown eyes were a dark shade which made my skin look even paler than it already was, my entire face almost looked lifeless to anyone who had not met me with some sort of expression on it. Fear was starting to take over not only my heart, but my entire body as my hands also started to shake slightly as I fished the braids on my hair.
Sansa was looking as happy as ever as mother stood behind her fixing up her hair in a way she had asked her to. This was in fact a special occasion to dress up and she was clearly in her element, the more refined dress that she had made and the best hairstyle that our mother's hands could do.
"Do you think Joffrey will like me?" Sansa broke the silence making me look at her in dread "what if he thinks I'm ugly?"
"No soul would dare think you're anything but beautiful sister" I started to walk towards her, giving my mother some sort of smile.
There was nothing else on my sister's mind that the prince with bright yellow hair. She had talked about him for what seemed like ages as we made our way back into the chambers, she was being bathed and talked about him and it seemed the conversation would be the same even in mother's presence. For me, however, it was not a great topic.
Joffrey was the only son of Robert Baratheon, and since I am the eldest and slightly past the age of proposal it most likely meant that I was the one to unite the houses in marriage. I was not aware if Sansa knew of this or not, but I also did not intend to be the one telling her about it. Talking about such things would only make them more real, and I didn't even wish for them to be a dream nor a nightmare.
"When would we be married?" Mother, at this question shared a look with me "what? Would he marry Ana? I could marry him if she doesn't want to"
"There has been a proposition" mother's pale eyes looked up to my own and then Sansa's "but Ana has received a marriage proposition a long time ago, and your father does not wish to break that bond. A choice is still to be made"
There was no resting for my heart. If I was not to marry Joffrey there would still be someone, and the worst thing of all, is that I had already been promised a long time a go and was unaware of such a thing.
The rest of the conversation seemed to fade out from my ears, their voices starting to sound even more distant as they spoke of leaving Winterfell. I did not want to hear any of it, not now, not ever. I took one deep breath and left the chamber as both women kept talking away of things I wished not to hear.
Making my way through the halls was never hard for me, as I child I explored every inch of Winterfell with Robb by my side at fist, then came his trainings and that had left me and Jon alone so he became my partner and we proceeded with our explorations. He was, like me, a curious child. But he also knew better, he knew he didn't have the same rights as me, that he couldn't sit by side to discuss what we had found in the dining table and that made him fill up with some sadness.
The cold seeped into the castle, the stones being cold to the touch as I ran my hand through the walls as I kept walking. I was counting, not the stones nor my steps. Just saying numbers in a small whisper as a way to keep my mind grounded and perhaps steady my heartbeat to prepare myself for the rest of the evening. These would probably be my last moments of peace and quiet before the banquet, which was sure to be filled with loud noises and chants and the insane amount of profanity and happiness that was only driven by wine. The happy beverages that some drank to forget about themselves.
My peace and quiet were starting to be interrupted as I reached number twenty-three. The sound of laughter could already be heard from the inside of our dining hall as the people were sure to have already gathered there to see us, the hosting family and the royal family enter the hall to start the festivities. In fact, some were sure to already be by the door waiting for the rest of us in an eager manner as they probably wanted to drink and eat as much as the others already inside. So with one deep breath, I forgot the numbers and made my pace faster as I headed towards the door. Everyone stood there already and it was clear to see I had been the one they were waiting for.
This situation could have caused me to become shy or even start to glow red in my cheeks but the nerves of the entire proposition situation were still to prominent in my body to even bother caring about other things. So I stood tall as I said my apologies and then we all proceeded to enter the hall where people cheered as we walked by. The festivities were only beginning.
➳➳➳
Everything was loud and I would be in fact lying if I said that the happiness that was surrounding me hadn't started to make it's way towards my own face. My smile would appear from time to time as I sat by my brother Robb. Men and women surrounded us with their big grins and their cups in hands as they told us their many stories and jokes, the men would make some of these jokes about women, half expecting this other gender to be offended or shy away from them. I, however, did not. This would surprise many of them, seeing especially as I was a lady of the house their lenience was pledged to but in the end we would all laugh and not think of it anymore.
I had drunk a few cups of ale, but not enough to the point where I knew it would be hard to even keep my posture or would make me slur a few words, I knew where I stood and the image that I had to hold up. One did not know this however, and that was King Robert. He stood happily amongst the people and not at the high table, and by his side stood many women as he gave them his affection publicly and as his own wife watched from afar. This was one of the many reasons I was afraid of love, whatever she must have been feeling in that moment was something I did not want to feel.
Robb had stood up, saying he had spotted uncle Benjen from a far but as I was to follow him to greet out uncle I felt Sansa's hand hold onto my arm.
"What is is sister?" I asked, looking back and forth between her and my brother who was now embracing Benjen.
"Can you come with to greet the queen?"
"What?"
"I want to go and greet the queen" she said again, looking at Cersei who was speaking to our mother and then to me with pleading eyes "please, please"
A sigh escaped my lips as I gently nodded, causing her to let out a squeal of happiness as she stood up from her chair, her friend who had stood by her giving her a gigantic smile as we started to walk towards the high table.
There was something about Cersei Lannister. She was known to be beautiful, but she was also told to be as ruthless as the Lannister name goes. She sure did stood like a proud lioness glaring back at her pride and almost ready to bare claws to whoever disrespected her or wounded her children. However, this night, it was clear to see how unloved she was by the one she had to lay with every single night, it was made evident that she would always be second to the memory of a northerner woman. Her weakness had been shown but still, there she stood proudly.
"Hello, little dove" Cersei spoke to Sansa who stood shyly in front of the queen "but you are a beauty. How old are you?"
"Thirteen your grace" my sister's voice sounded so pure, so shy as if she was speaking to the greatest form of beings.
"You're tall. Still growing?"
"I think so, your grace"
It was surely adorable how Sansa would sometimes look up to me and then towards mother as if making sure that everything that was coming out of her mouth was being said correctly. She surely didn't want to make any mistake as the queen asked her these questions. I stood by her side, a soft and gentle smile on my lips as I kept quiet not wanting to take this moment away from her.
"And have you bled yet?"
The discomfort was suddenly settled. Sansa's eyes widen in shock and almost fear as she then looked towards mother. She knew very well what this question meant, she knew it was about the potential of making her own family, and even possibly the grandchildren of the queen. And this was the one question where she feared her answer would be the wrong one.
"No, your grace" she spoke with some sort of shame in her voice.
The queen nodded her head and she looked my sister up and down, she then proceed to compliment her dress which did bring up some emotion back to Sansa's face. As I had hoped the meeting to be over, I heard the queen's voice once more and this time I knew it was directed to me.
"And you" she said as she took my entire figure in "you are as poised and graceful as a black raven are you not?"
No words came out of my mouth for a while, her comment making me lost. My sister being compared to such a delicate and pure bird and me, a dark and misunderstood bird. One of the oldest of birds to even roam the north and probably even haunt some of us who did believe their oamment was of death.
"You sure look like a true northerner beauty as I have heard, like nothing I have seen for sure" she kept the compliments coming towards me "you would make a fine wife for a king"
"Thank you for your words, your grace" I spoke, a smile on my lips and I remembered to be kind "but I do think of myself as quite the regular beauty and still have doubts of my habitilies as a future wife"
She nodded at my words making me not sure of what she was thinking in that moment, but nonetheless I took a small bow and placed one hand on my sister's back as I started to walk her away from que queen's eyes.
Sansa's happiness was not present as the queen kept telling me all those things about my appearance and I did not enjoy seeing my sister feeling like this. So I had to reassure her, that this was not the fate I desired for myself, not in this lifetime or another.
"If it's up to me, you'll be the queen one day and not me" I spoke as I looked into her eyes as she took a seat back on our table "you're the one who'll make a great queen one day. I do not doubt it"
➳➳➳
It had been a decent banquet after all. I had danced around with other young maidens, drank some more with some young men who seemed interested in my attention and had finally spent some good time with my dear Uncle Benjen. He told me the stories of the crow's and how he lived up in castle back as he guarded the gigantic wall of ice. During his stories there was this part of me that wished to go with him, to visit the true north, the one that roamed with the oldest of creatures and even the wildlings. I wanted to see everything that we had shied away from and drifted away so long ago. I think Benjen saw my excitement or perhaps noticed that the drinks I had were probably starting to make it's appearance on my body as I was more giggly than before and started to not stand as tall.
His eyes were scanning the place as his hand held onto my should, surely to keep me somewhat balance which I found to not be necessary at all. But my body did wiggle from time to time and it was then that I admitted to myself that I did probably drink a bit too much.
"You're a strong girl I'll give ya that" Benjen spoke as he scanned the place with his eyes, probably looking for my brother Robb so he could give me back to my chambers.
"I do drink with a lot of men around me uncle" my speech was still somewhat intact and could be understood, which I took as a good sign but I did know that I needed the comfort of my bed before anyone else could notice my state.
"You, boy" Benjen called out to someone behind me "take Ana to her chambers and make sure she lays down to rest"
I did not know who stood behind me, or whose hand was then placed on the lower part of my back but I did follow their guidance nonetheless. My senses were not good enough for me to trust them on that specific moment so I gave my blind trust to whoever was guiding me out of the hall.
People didn't even look at me as I was leaving the hall, them being too focused on their fun, their stories and even on their hunt for someone to perhaps warm their bed on this night. My eyes wondered on everyone that stood there for one last moment before my sight was surrounded by the cold walls of the castle once more. The warmth seemed to have been left behind as I was now walking alongside this person whose hand was still well placed on my back.
This person.
I had still to look at whoever was escorting me back to my chamber, and for some reason part of me, maybe the one whose senses were not fully intact, did not want to look at this stranger as it gave my mind the thought of a mysterious man taking me to roam my own castle. It could all be romantic, but then again it could all be the ale speaking. The sober part of me decided to end my own imagination and finally look at the man on my left.
Shock did not take over me as it could have as I now stared into those blue eyes that I knew so well. He was well dressed tonight, surely it had been for one of his hookers or to even get another kind of woman tonight maybe even the queen whom he seemed so infatuated with.
"Thought you would be with some hooker at this time of the night" my mouth betrayed me as it spoke my thoughts, this was now another phase of the damned ale taking over me.
"Seems like you need someone to escort you back to your chambers" he spoke as he looked straight ahead and kept walking, his hand pushing me softly so I would walk alongside him "thought that prick of a prince would be the one taking you to your bed, guess I was wrong"
"Well Theon" I started, slurring out his name slowly which made him look at me and let out a sigh as the state I was in "I'll make you know that I am apparently already betrothed and it is not to the tiny lion"
His body came closer to mine as I stumbled on my own feet, his hands quickly holding onto my shoulders as he steadied my body. My balance was off as I leaned back and forth until I stopped near his own body, my eyes went up to his as he was still so silent after I had spoken. There was no signs of words in his mouths and so many signs of thoughts in his mind as he looked me up and down again and again.
"I'm betrothed to the unknown Theon" his eyes drifted from mine "that is not whom I want"
He made signs of movement, his head gently started to nod as if to just give me the satisfaction of obtaining an answer from him, his throat then made some noise as he seemed to wake up from the deepness of his thoughts and his body then drifted from mine, only his hand going back to where it once was and we made our way back to the path we were following.