Freddie blinks, her beautiful eyes so confused. "What do you mean?"
"I don't want your enlightenment! I don't want your drugs fucking with my mind. I don't want any of this," I say harshly. "Leave."
"I can't leave." She moves so close to me and her body is covered in phantasmagoric blood and worms. "If I leave, you'll be lost. Your body will be rotting meat."
"Shut up."
"You can have so much more, Jason. You deserve so much more."
Her hand is coming too close again. I can't stand it. I tear away from her, only to almost bump into Michael.
"Freddie," he says evenly.
She spins around, the flashlight dancing on both of us. "I've found another disciple."
"You've drugged another poor bastard who will end up killing himself before morning," Michael says flatly. "We're going home."
"I initiated him with the truth!" Freddie argues. "He is awakening. We must all be awakened for the promised day."
"Freddie, it's time that you accept that most people are just beasts and not worth saving," Michael says. "Let them enjoy their miserable lives while they have the chance. It is bad enough you took Jason Hill's life."
"I'm still alive!" I break in.
Michael doesn't look at me. "Not for much longer, Jason Hill. You won't be able to handle what you are seeing. You will end your life before you ever come down."
I'm shaking, but with anger, not fear. "Then take me to the goddamn hospital!"
"No," Michael says.
"You can't just..." I trailed off as the walls start seeping blood.
"You can't just let him die," Freddie finishes for me. "We have to take care of him."
Michael shakes his head. "You were the one who did this to him, Freddie. And don't think I'm not aware of your ulterior motives."
"You can't just abandon one who has seen the truth," Freddie argues. "That would be blasphemy to the hallowed truth."
"Can't you both shut up!" I snap. "I don't give a shit. You both can just leave and I'll take my chances. But save your cult ideological arguments for your car ride home."
"Jason...if we leave, you could die," Freddie says.
I can't even look at her. She looks too beautiful to be real. The light swirls around her, shining through her curls.
"I don't care," I say weakly.
I turn to Michael and he is the opposite of Freddie. He is a shadow and there is nothing but coldness from him.
Like he isn't there at all.
"Freddie?"
I look downstairs. There is Michael holding the candle. The real Michael. The illusory Michael vanishes and I turn back to Freddie.
"You saw Michael?" I ask.
"That wasn't Michael," Freddie says as the real Michael quickly climbs the steps.
"There you are!" Michael lunges forward for Freddie. "We have to leave before you cause any more damage."
"He saw the truth, Michael!" Freddie smiles beatifically. "We have to take him with us. He saw, Michael!"
"Of course he sees me," Michael says tersely. "He's not that far gone."
"No...he saw, Michael," Freddie emphasizes.
Michael looks at me. "You saw?"
"I'm seeing shit because of her!"
Freddie clutches the flashlight with both hands. "Michael, this means something. We can't just leave him here."
"I don't know if we could just leave him here anyway," Michael mutters. "He's likely to kill himself or his girlfriend before he comes down."
"Girlfriend?" It feels like I have been punched in the stomach. "I might hurt Emily."
Michael ignores me. "Look at what happened at the hospital, Freddie. You didn't drug all of them."
"They were all undeserving," Freddie says.
"I wouldn't hurt Emily!" I protest.
Wouldn't you?
No.
Hands around Freddie's throat.
She isn't Emily.
"You should have just let him have his empty life while he has the chance," Michael says curtly. "You don't have the right to take that from him. You don't know what it does to a man to murder someone that he loves."
"I'm not going to kill Emily!" I snap.
Freddie waves the flashlight dismissively. "That doesn't matter, Michael. If someone isn't awakened, they don't matter. They are better off dead."
Michael's face twitches, as if he's trying to control his temper. "Fine. Then let's go and leave Jason Hill to decide if he's better off after he kills his girlfriend."
My anger erupts and I come at Michael. But he sidesteps me with his ridiculous speed and I slam into water.
The wall. I slam into the wall. Water isn't washing all over me.
"There is no point in attacking me, Jason Hill," Michael says, the bastard sounding almost bored. "That won't change what is happening. You won't be coming down for a while. And there is no way that you can stop yourself from causing damage. I can see from Freddie's head that you already caused some damage."
I grip the water—wall—and turn around, trying to steady myself. "I wouldn't do that to Emily. I wouldn't!"
"You will."
Go to hell. That's what I want to tell him. It burns in me and I want to spit it in his face.
"Help me," I whisper.
No. That's not what I wanted to say. That's wrong. But Michael's face twitches again and Freddie smiles wider.
"Do you see?" She steps closer. "He wants our help, Michael. He wants to be awakened."
"He doesn't want his girlfriend to die," Michael says flatly. "Don't push your own ideals onto this man."
"His spirit is crying for our help. It's his confused mind that thinks he actually cares about his girlfriend," Freddie says.
Michael rubs his head and it's the first time that I've seen Michael show the hint of a human weakness. But I suppose that Freddie's bullshit could have that kind of effect on a rock. I am practically out of my mind and I am fighting the urge to roll my eyes at her nonsense.
Freddie cocks her head. "Will you really leave him here, Michael, when he needs us."
"We only take those who ask!" Michael hisses.
"Isn't he asking?" Freddie says, then holds up a hand as Michael starts to respond. "All right. But you don't want him to snuff out the light of his meaningless girlfriend."
"Don't say that about her!" I bark.
"He already hit me so hard." Freddie traces the ugly forehead wound and then her fingers drift down to her throat. "He tried to choke the life out of me, Michael."
"You brought that on yourself," Michael said tonelessly.
"But what of his little girlfriend?" Her face twists. "You pretend to adhere to the teachings, Michael, but you are weak. You show too much mercy when there shouldn't be mercy. So does that mean you won't show mercy this time? You'll let him kill Emily?"
"I'm not going to kill her!" I yell.
Freddie smiles sweetly at me. "Oh you will. Now that you are awakened, it won't mean anything to you. You might just bash her head into the wall, choke the life out of her...or stab her heart. Which one do you think it will be?"
"Shut up!"
"And you won't care at all!" Freddie says. "While you are being awakened, you will lose all care for such trivial things. It won't matter—"
I lunge for her, blinding rage overwhelming everything. This time I can't blame hallucinations or confusion. It's pure rage that sends me at Freddie.
Michael grabs my arm before I even get near her. "Enough," he says coldly.
"Let me go!" I grapple with him. "She's terrible."
"She is," he agrees, holding me off. "But she won't be dying today. And certainly not by your hands."
"He can kill me," Freddie chimes in. "That's fine. I am so much more than this mortal life and a sacrifice is the only way to awaken."
I freeze and laughter bursts out. "I...I keep seeing worms and water and blood...but I am saner than both of you!"
My hysterical laughter is all that is heard as we stand in silence. I stay still for another minute before kicking Michael. This time I make contact, sweet contact and his grip loosens. I come right at Freddie before stopping.
I can't do it. I can't hurt her. All my rage and anger means nothing compared to the fact that I just can't hurt another person.
"What is wrong with you, Jason?"
Emily is right next to me. I wince, knowing she isn't real.
Even though I want her to be real.
"You always destroy yourself by being the good guy," Emily says. "I've had to watch this over and over. It's pathetic. You let people take advantage of you. You don't stand up for yourself. And you'd rather die than take a life. There is something deeply wrong with you."
She is right. I know she is right. This all started because I did what no reasonable person would do.
And I still can't do what reasonable people would do.
Emily leans closer to me. "If you can't do what needs to be done, there's only one option left, Jason," she whispers in my ear. "I think you know."
"You can't hurt me," Freddie says. "You know I just want to help you."
"He's having another hallucination, Freddie," Michael says in a bored tone. "That's all. He's distracted. He is no better than any other man."
"Fuck you both!" I snap.
I spin around and start running for the stairs—only for my foot to hit midair. Either I misjudged the distance or the hallucinations confused me. But it doesn't really matter. Not while I am falling down the stairs.
Falling through water.
Falling through blood.
Pain rips through everything and brings me back to reality. I am on the floor, next to the tools that I dropped earlier. Judging from the pain in my left wrist, I must have landed roughly on one of the tools.
Freddie glides down a waterfall of blood.
Stairs. She is walking down the stairs and Michael is trailing after her.
"Maybe we should just leave him here." Red pools follow her footsteps. "If he is the deserving, he will survive. We can always return for him."
Michael sets the candle down atop the pool of bloody water and it drifts away, leaving me in darkness. "This will never happen again, Freddie."
She turns off the flashlight, further plunging the room into darkness. "My way is the right way. But we'll know soon enough, won't we?"
"Only if he wants to come with us." Michael snorts. "And I imagine when he murders his girlfriend, he won't be that eager to come with us. Even if he is awakened."
I wanted to scream that I was never going to murder Emily. But I gripped my pained wrist as they walked over the water surrounding me.
Floor—not water.
But they are leaving and relief bubbles within me. I didn't believe they would actually go.
Only I'm not sure what will happen now. I'm still seeing things. I attacked Freddie. What if I attacked Emily? What if I caused more damage.
"Wait!" I called out weakly. "I'm not...I'm not really going to hurt people, am I?"
Freddie looks back. "Oh Jason. You already did," she said, rubbing her neck.
I grimace. It's hard to care about Freddie. But my soul is chilled by the very real possibility that I might hurt Emily.
"Can you please call for help?" I ask, hating that I was almost pleading with these monsters to help.
"Not after what happened at the last hospital." Michael doesn't even look back at me. "It's better if you stay here. Less people will hurt."
"Emily will be hurt!" I shout.
"Very likely," Michael agrees.
My head is swimming and I don't know what to do. All I know is that I can't be left here to hurt Emily.
"Take me with you!"
The words burst from me without any real planning. They surprise me as much as Michael. He stiffens and slowly turns back, as if doubting what he heard.
Freddie is the only one who doesn't show any surprise at what happened. She just stands, waiting patiently.
"What did you say?" Michael asks.
I grit my teeth. "You heard me the first time. Take me with you."