C h a p t e r F o u r t e e n
(Star)
"He loves me," I pluck a petal from the pink flower I picked up on my way home. I pluck another one. "He loves me not."
I heave a sigh, and reluctantly pluck another petal. There were four remaining and I didn't want to think hard about what I'd get. This is just a playful game yet it seems like it holds my fate. "He loves me."
"He loves me not," another disappointment through the drain. I glanced at the two remaining flowers and pluck them without haste. I let the stem fall from my hands and let out a groan that I knew wasn't pleasant. "He loves me not."
I lay across my room, staring at the mint green ceiling with my thoughts rushing all at once. I reach out for my hand and clench it. "Why must liking someone be so complicated?"
"I wish this would go away just like a cold," sometimes I'd convince myself it's just the hormones but I knew that wasn't the case.
"Why must he be so patient, kind and caring to me, yet I always do the opposite," I say in a thought. "--of all the people why must it be him?"
"He's a loser, but he makes me heart beat so fast," I close my eyes and try to feel the rhythm of my heart beating. "--if only he knew how much he makes me feel this way."
///
Flashback :
Crushes are stupid. Or so what my younger self convinced me. Everyone would shyly give a flower to the girl they like, secretly hold hands and smile while they enjoy the company one gives.
I didn't think that way. It was way too young to like someone. It's just mere hormones playing along, kids will always be kids. There are no guarantee that what they feel today would be the same tomorrow.
"You're stupid, Melia," I say aloud to her when she got back from talking to her 'boyfriend', if you can ever call it that way. She darts a teasing smile at me. "Star, Star. You don't understand. If you feel what I do, then you would understand."
"I don't need feelings to know," I replied, rocking my feet back and forth. "You're stupid and that won't change. Crushes are just small things, yet you make it seem like a big deal."
"You're mean as usual," Melia pulls her tongue out to taunt me. "Too bad no one likes you since you're so mean and harsh. Be more friendly, I'm sure someone out there will love you for who you are."
I raised a brow. "Love? Isn't that such a big word. Melia, only adults feel love. What we feel or how YOU feel is nothing compared to love. So don't go muttering nonsense."
"Sometimes I forget you're still ten," she chimes and rocks her feet back and forth. "You sound like a mother."
"That's because I'm way ahead of you guys," I mutter under my breath. "So how did you and Kevin, like you know, turned out like this?"
"Ooh.. are you interested now?" she giggles and I restrain myself from rolling my eyes. "He sent me a letter. Told me he liked me and wanted to you know, try out this thing," she fiddles with her hair.
"It sounds so silly," I chuckle and Melia playfully slaps my shoulder.
But little did I know that I would feel this way.
///
"Yo," I nonchalantly greeted the boy in front of me. He tilts his head and smiles. "Fancy meeting you, Star Butterfly."
I hiss. "Cut the crap Diaz. What are you doing here?" he takes a seat beside me and watches the flowers blooming so prettily in their trees. "Am I not allowed to be here? Do you own this place?"
"Whatever," I look away. "--are you just going to stare at those flowers?"
"What if I do?" he retorts and I glance at him, his smile unwavering. I look away. "You're really getting on my nerves."
"What are you doing here anyway?" he asks. I fished for my lollipop deep down my pockets and pry it open, popping it on my mouth. "Just wanting some fresh air. Being at home is too suffocating."
"I'm guessing your parents did something to disappoint you," he says. "--you can tell me, you know that right?"
"I know," I briefly answer. "--remember that kid I told you that I'm going to be with?"
He nods. "Apparently I found out my parents are planning this stupid thing and both parties agree that they need us to be together."
I pulled out my lollipop. "Something about looking great in people's eyes. A genius and A genius with loaded money together would increase their reputation."
"I'm going to meet him this Saturday," I hiss. "I really hate it when they think they can control how I live my life, because I have someone I like already."
Marco's eyes stared intently at me. "You have someone, you like?" I blinked and realized I let it slip out of my mouth. "Piss off. You don't need to know."
He nudged me playfully on the shoulder. "Who's the unlucky guy?" I sneer and jabbed his sides with my elbow. "How dare you say that, you twerp?"
I mutter so softly that I knew he wouldn't hear. "You're the unlucky guy, you idiot."
"Did you say something?" he asks. Something inside me wants to know, just once if I ever stood a chance. "Marco, what if..it was you I liked?"
He paused, his face turning serious, then glanced at me with his deep hazel eyes that I could feel myself wanting to burry and dig a hole. "If you liked me, then I would say I'm sorry."
An ache throbs through my chest, and I resist the urge to clench to my heart. "Star, you're too young. If I ever did liked you back, I wouldn't do anything because you're a kid, I'm more mature and older than you."
"But if things were different," he says. "--then I might have fallen for you long ago."
I look away, trying to keep the tears from trickling down my eyes. I closed my eyes and composed myself. "If I was older, you might have liked me already?"
"Exactly," he chuckles, like a joke. Because he thinks it's a joke. "--but I knew you wouldn't like someone like me. You'd need someone who's loaded, smart and can attend to your every need. Someone your parents would be proud to be."
"But what I was like this, way younger than you? Would I stand a chance," I try to make it sound light but my heart was drumming so loud and anxious for his answer.
"Didn't I just tell you I'm not a paedophile?" he grins. "--but if I was really interested in you, then I would wait a few years before stealing you and winning your heart, how's that sound?"
That was all I needed to know. My cheeks blushed red and I looked at him. "That sounds so cheesy. You're so weird, Diaz but atleast you're smart enough not to like a child," I lie through my teeth, saying things I didn't mean.
This time, a petal falls from his head and my eyes sparkle in joy. I giggle and reach over to pick the petal from his head, clenching it on my palm with a smile I knew that meant so much. "He loves me."
He looks at me confused. "What do you mean?"
I shake my head, the smile still lingering on my lips. "It's just a game I played a while ago. And I won."
10-16-19