Jotaro often stays overnight now ever since being called in the middle of the night. Kakyoin is terrified of being alone, scared that he will lose Jotaro. Scared that DIO is still out there; still lurking to end the Joestars. To make them disappear. Kakyoin doesn't want that happening. The simplest thought of DIO and his minions can send him into a shaking fit, tears flooding his eyes and his mind being in a dark, hazed state. The outside world doesn't exist in these times.
And with the fear, its accompanied by depression. And with depression, self doubt. Hatred. Self deprecation. He's scared of being alone... he's in a state of pandorum. It's agonizing, painful and exhausting all at once. He feels like he's suffocating, he just wants a normal life.. but he knows with all the intrusive thoughts that enter his mind, telling him to do things to himself; gouge his eyes out, or take five too many pills, make people suffer with him; they're gonna be there the whole time in his life, and although they were before this, they were never this bad.
He's scared. So scared, scared of what was to come, of how long it was until he was actually going to go. That he'd lose everything overnight one day; that people will see just how fucked up he is in the head, how much of a burden he was; a liability. How his life was just a bittersweet tragedy, an accident. How he survived was just a regret everyone would have, and that peoples will eventually want him—
"Mr. Kakyoin? Ah—you're awake, good." The doctors voice is deep but soft. He hates hospitals, but he can't leave it yet. Jotaro was long gone by now because he had class to attend, and even though he's considered a delinquent he still wants to make good grades. He's passionate about his marine life studies.. hearing him talk about it makes him happy. Dull violet eyes flick up to the doctor tiredly as he gives him a slight smile, nodding at how he bowed to him just a little. "Hm, that Kujo boy isn't here today? He's usually stuck to your side." A heartfelt laugh is given, and Kakyoin simply chuckles. "He had class."
The doctor documents his health down on the clipboard in his hands, humming softly. "I see. Well, it's good he's not skipping this time. I remember him staying behind for days on end before you woke up, refusing to leave your side. Sometimes we had to pry him from your side to replace your fluid bags." Another laugh leaves the doctor's lips, turning to look at the redhead with a soft smile. "Okay, ready to walk around and exercise your legs?"
—
"You can do it, Noriaki! Run!" Loud cheers are heard from the stands just shy to the right of the track's field, the kids running around the red slab of asphalt. Kakyoin was in the lead; track team was one of the few things he participated in that wasn't art or reading related.
Teenage feet stomp against the ground as he pushes himself further crossing the finish line just a few seconds before the kid behind him. He's gotten first.
"That's my little cherry!"
—
"You're doing well! Its been three weeks and you can already start to support yourself. You have great stamina." Kakyoin doesn't listen to the praise, mostly. His voice was just warbles of tones; nothing special. "Mhm.." He nods along anyways, stepping around the room. He's been walking with Jotaro too, mostly with help to get to the bathroom and then to shower. Hierophant proves useful in this time as well, though he's still not much stronger than he is himself. It's a few moments longer than he particularly wishes, but he walks anyways and is soon left to lay down once again.
"I'll have the nurse bring you some food. Rest for now, Noriaki. You have the rest of the day ahead of you." The doctors voice is smooth and the redhead simply nods in reply; no use in wasting his breath with useless chitchat. The sound of the door clicking closed is enough to let him know that he's alone again. Well, sort of.. he is never truly alone. He has his Hierophant Green, after all. But thats just another voice inside his head at the end of the day. The consistent beeps that can be heard from the heartbeat monitor beside him is all he can focus on. He wants to just rip those patches off. The noise is truly annoying.
He looks down and grips his hands together, swallowing hard before he lets his violets peer back open and he looks around the room, eyes scanning over the white tiles on the floor. One.. two.. three.. he's counted the visible tiles more times than he can count in his head to distract himself, the more times he does it the worse his distraction sense gets. Now all he can focus on is how god awful the sound of the beeps are in his ears. A hand swings up to his chest and he pushes it past the collar of his shirt, ripping it off his ivory skin. The beeps only get louder and quicker in pace, which agitates him further.
"GET OFF OF ME!" The red head screams out, swinging his arms at the doctors trying to pin him down. He doesn't want the beeps in his ears anymore. He can feel something sharp pressing into his neck and immediately he tenses up; Hierophant coming out to slam the hand holding the syringe to the bed; even stab through it. "You're not putting that in me—I just don't want to hear them anymore—Please! Please I—" He's cut off by the sound of the door swinging open; Jotaro's standing there.
"Kakyoin." His voice sounds distorted. "Jotaro..?"
"Kakyoin!"
"KAKYOIN!"
Redhead jolts awake and he looks around suddenly. The sound of beeps echoing through the room can be heard again. In a frantic, the redhead turns to look at the side of the bed. Still white.. his hand reaches up to touch the side of his neck. Nothing there. Next, his chest. The circular patches were still intact. "..."
"Sorry... I must have zoned out. Is class over?" His voice is shaky, but Jotaro doesn't question it. He's probably just tired. A gruff hum is given in response, a calloused hand raising to adjust the hat atop his head. He's not in a talking mood but he finds the words to talk anyways. Just because it's Kakyoin. "No. Just didn't want to go to my last class. It's gym, so it's not like i'm missing anything." Ocean hues carefully scan over to the other briefly before relaxing and closing. His heartbeat was faster than normal, so something was wrong; only an idiot wouldn't be able to tell, and that's something Jotaro was not.
"Kakyoin, what happened?" Kakyoin is brought from his panicked though and jerks his head up, swallowing softly. "Huh? Oh," The redhead fidgets with his thin fingers, sitting still in the white bed. "Just.. just another nightmare. Sort of." "Sort off? The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Jotaro scoffs in response, Kakyoin just shaking his head with a sigh. "It wasn't a normal DIO nightmare, is all.. nothing to be worried about. Promise."
—
"The virus is spreading." Kakyoin dreaded those words coming from the doctor. His mother laid sickly in her hospital bed as the broken fifteen year old stares. "What do you mean? Can you not save her?!" His fathers voice is loud in his ears.
His mother is dying.
—
Kakyoin talks for the next few hours with Jotaro until he has to leave; he isn't staying tonight because he has to run some errands for his mother. Kakyoin promised he'd be okay, but its only an hour in that he starts feeling skittish and jumpy.
The slightest knock causes him to jump. "Mr. Kakyoin—" "Please.. drop the Mr." Kakyoin's words are dull, but are still lively enough that it's passable. The nurse smiles and nods. "Well, Kakyoin, it's time for your sleeping meds, okay?" Her voice is smooth like silk, a tone that's easy on the ears. Redhead nods, slowly leaning up. He has to take two, and it should be enough to knock him out. Emphasis on the word "should." After saying his goodbyes to the nurse, he's left alone.
Left alone with his thoughts.
'You should be dead. Why are you still here?' His inside voice is enough to drive him insane on a daily basis... but the voice is right. Why was he still here? For the pleasure of watching him suffer? To watch him slowly kill himself by worry, or anxiety? To watch as he slowly tore himself apart from the seams, all because his mind told him to?
That was exactly why.
'You should be dead. Go ahead. Die, do it. Drowning, talking too many pills. Do it. DO IT. DO IT!'
"SHUT UP!" His voice is loud, and he's gripping the sides of his head; heart rate monitor beeping it's heart out as he went into a state of panic, eyes flooding with tears. He can't take it.
Thinking about it, why was he here? He could be gone. He had more than enough times to take one too many pills. How he could have ended it days ago when the nurse had to run off to tend to another patient in dire emergency.
How he had thought about it.
The words echoed in his mind, and before he knew it he was picking at the IV drip in his arm once more. Fingernails gently dug at the surface of the needle, causing it to bleed more and more. There'd be dried blood in the morning.
The voices stopped.
He's drifted asleep now, into the hell he calls his dreams.
—
"Noriaki honey, you can't do that—you'll bleed to death!" His mother laughed a little and swashed his hand away from the scab he was nervously picking at on his knee, causing him to look down.
"Sorry mom.."
—
The night has gone by quicker than he thought; it feels like he's just laid down when he wakes up. Surprisingly, there wasn't any nightmares. Yet he's woken up to a living one.
The beeping is the first thing he hears; then the soft breaths from his mother tiredly laying on the edge of the bed. She's dozed off, head propped up by her folded arms as she very loosely held onto his fragile one. The bloodied IV was already patched up and cleaned, replaced by another needle and wrapped in gauze to protect it from wandering fingers.
Dull violets stare down at her soft red hair; darker in shade from his own yet just as mesmerizing. It's long and she typically keeps it in a ponytail, but today its falling over her shoulders. She's tired, he can tell. When did she come in?
He lays in bed quietly, playing on the gameboy his mother had brought for him not long ago. It's around twelve that she finally starts waking up, slowly leaning up and blinking.
" Oh—Oh Nori I didn't mean to fall asleep—" "No, it's okay.. you needed it." His voice is soft, yet loud enough to be heard over the soft music resonating from his game. She smiled a little and reached over, stroking his face.
His mother was one of the few reasons he was still here.
—
"Mom—how long did it take to grow your hair out that long?" Kakyoin's curiosity filled voice was enough to make a smile creep to her lips, softly chuckling as she reached over to stroke his hair.
"Well, you're fifteen now, yes? Let's see.. my hair was about my mid back when I had you... so maybe close to nineteen years?"
"Why'd it take so long?" Kakyoin reaches up and lets his fingers twirl a lock between his fingers, humming. It's soft.
"Well, i'm not sure. People vary; what takes me nineteen years can take another person seven. It depends on your body's nutrient intake and production. Like you; your hair grows rather fast, your nails too." "Oh.."
—
Kakyoin stares ahead. His mother had left by now, needing to head home to make dinner. She promised leftovers tomorrow, so he was looking forward to that. He missed his mother's cooking, so just the thought of him being able to taste it again after the agonizing month he's been awake is enough to make his mouth water. It's only noon, but she's making some slow cooked Beef Ramen, including Bok Choy and Miso, so she needs some time to cook it.
He feels his hands starting to shake a little. He's unsure why, but he can't keep still. He needs to get up. So carefully, Kakyoin swings his legs over the side and lets his feet slowly touch the cool tile. He struggles to stand, grabbing his walker he uses to train his legs and slowly pulling his drip along with him as he walked carefully to the bathroom. A warm shower sounded nice.. or a bath at the least.
—
The water is warm around his body, clinging to him nicely as he slowly relaxed back. Usually he wouldn't be doing this; but he personally made the cleaners bleach the tub before he'd even get in it. Of course, he thanked them tremendously but he couldn't help it, he's a germ freak. Violet eyes close gently as he rests in the water, red locks that touched the surface of the water floating carelessly.
It was a new life, the way he would be living from now on...
It was a hellish one, but he'd be okay.