^ Hope's Outfit
A/N Grab some tissues...
Hope's POV
Sunday, November 8th
Knock. Knock.
"Go away." I yelled through my pillow.
"I was just going to ask if you wanted to come with us to... well, you know..." Aidan trailed off.
"I'll go later. By myself." I mumbled.
"Okay, well we'll be back in an hour or two. Maybe three."
I heard his footsteps drift down the stairs and a couple minutes later, I heard the front door opening and closing. I heard the engine of a car and then the car drove off. I rolled over, laying on my back and stared up the ceiling. I angrily wiped at the tears that were now flowing down my face at a rapid pace.
I promised myself. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry. I fucking promised myself that I wouldn't cry today but here I am, tears flowing down my face like they're Niagara fucking Falls.
I sighed as I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest, and resting my head between my knees. This always happens. I promise myself that I won't cry today, but I always crack and end up crying for hours on end.
I just miss him. I miss my dad so fucking much. He was my best friend and would listen to me when no one else would. He'd always do little things to make me happy as well. He didn't deserve to die.
"Daddy! Come here!" I whined.
He rushed over and kneeled beside me. "What is it, sweetie?"
"I-I scraped my knee! I-it hurts." I cried, pointing to a red scrape on my knee.
He leaned forward and placed a little kiss on my knee. "Does it feel better?" I nodded my head, tears running down my face. He used his thumb to wipe away a few of them. "How about we go get some ice cream? How does that sound?"
I nodded my head eagerly. "I-I would like that!" He smiled largely and ruffled my head. He stood up and held out one of his hands. I put my hand in it and he helped me off the ground. "Let's go, princess."
He was the first person who I told that I was bisexual. I was eleven at the time. The year before he died.
"Dad? Can I talk to you real quick?" I asked nervously, moving the pendant on my necklace back and forth. My dad knew I did this when I was nervous. His face quickly turned to one of concern as I sat down on the couch beside him. Luckily, we were the only people in the house.
"Did you murder someone? I mean, I'll help you hide the body, but you'll be grounded if you did."
"No, I didn't murder anyone." I laughed, my nervousness slowly fading away.
He sighed. "Thank God! I wouldn't know what to do if my sweet little baby did kill someone. Whew!"
I laughed again, but quickly returned to being serious. "Okay, but for real, dad. I've got to tell you something."
"Alright, go ahead."
"Okay... well, um... so I like... I'm... I like boys and girls... I'm bisexual." I said nervously.
My dad stared at me for a moment before wrapping me up in a loving hug. "I'm so proud of you, princess. I know that this wasn't easy for you."
I wrapped my arms around him as best as I could. I let out a chocked sob. I was so unbelievably happy that he accepted me. I don't think I could've lived with myself if he didn't accept me...
The ringing of my phone snapped me out of thoughts. I wiped away the new tears that were on my face. I tried to steady my breathing as I checked the caller ID. It was Billie. I sighed and tried my hardest to make it sound like I wasn't crying before answering the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey, baby!" Billie said excitedly through the phone, causing a small to form on my face. "What'cha doing?"
"Um... nothing. A whole bunch o-of nothing." I added a forced little laugh at the end. I could sense a change of mood from Billie through the phone.
"Hope, are you okay?" She asked, concerned.
No. "Y-yea. Why wouldn't... w-why wouldn't I be?"
"No you're not. What's wrong?" I could tell Billie was serious.
"I-I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, yeah?" Before she could answer, I hung up the phone. I ran my hands through my hair, hitting my head when I felt hot tears running down my face. Fuck.
-
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"Go away."
"No, I think I'll stay. Plus, I got you something."
"Billie?" Why was she here? And what did she get me?
"That's me."
I got up from bed, pulling the hood on my hoodie over my head. I walked over to my, unlocked it, and opened it.
Billie stood there, a box of chocolate in one hand and roses in the other. She looked at me with a small smile that quickly dropped when she saw my face, which was probably red and blotchy from all the crying I had done today. She placed the roses and chocolate on the the table beside my door and turned back to me, placing a hand on my cheek.
"Baby, what's wrong?" She asked quietly.
I was about to say something, but just shook my head. She moved her hand from my cheek to the back of my head, gently pushing it into the crook of her neck. She wrapped her arm around my waist and started rocking us slowly from side to side. I wrapped my arms around her. Without my permission, for what seemed like the millionth time today, tears started flowing.
Billie picked me up and brought me to my bed. She sat down and put me in her lap, holding me. "Shhh. It's okay, babygirl."
After a while, I turned slightly and wiped my eyes.
"You wanna talk about it?"
I nodded my head slightly and took it a breath before speaking. "Today marks five years since my dad... passed away."
"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry." Billie sympathized. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what I say even I tried to say something.
I continued speaking after a few minutes of silence. "I just miss him, you know? He was... he was just my person. I literally told him everything. These past couple years have been rough without him, but I'm managing I guess." Billie nodded her head, watching me intently. "I looked up to him. He was funny, strong, accepting, jeez he was so fucking accepting, and he was just... he was amazing."
"It sounds like he was a great person." Billie said quietly.
"He was." I smiled sadly, thinking of all the great memories I had with him.
Billie continued rocking us back and forth for a little while. It was comforting and I felt safe, as cheesy and corny as that sounded. After a bit, I sat up.
"Um... I'm going to go... visit his grave. You can come with me, if you want to. You obviously don't have to if you don't want to though." I said, grabbing a pair of shoes and slipping them on.
"Yeah, I'll drive you there." She gave a small smile.
"You don't have-"
"I want to, mamas." She cut me off. I sent her a smile. She reached her hand out and I took it. She lead me down the stairs, and outside. She opened the passenger side door of her door and helped me in, closing the door and running around to get in the car herself afterwards.
-
I laid down a bouquet of Begonias, my dad's favorite flower, on top of his grave. My mom rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. When we arrived, I had noticed that my mom, Josh, and Aidan were still here. Billie opted to stay in the car.
I stayed there for a bit. After a while, I decided that I was ready to go home. I told everyone that I'd see them when they got home, and walked back to Billie's car. I got in and neither of us said anything. She just simply back out of the graveyard and started driving me back to my house.
When we arrived, we walked upstairs. Billie stopped by my door and grabbed the flowers and chocolate that she had brought.
"I uh... got these for you earlier. I could tell you were upset so I decided to... get these to help?" She avoided looking at me, shuffling her feet against the ground.
I wrapped my arms around her neck. "Thank you, Billie. Really."
"You're welcome, baby."
I pulled away from her and she handed me the flowers and box of chocolate. We walked into my room and I set the flowers on my desk. I'd get a vase or something to put them in later. I set the chocolate beside them and walked over to my bed where Billie was already sitting. I looked at the clock on my wall. It read 7:03 pm.
"I guess you should get home now." I said quietly.
Billie shook her head and opened up her arms. I walked into them and she pulled me down onto the bed. She laid down and held her arms on my waist firmly.
"I'm staying here, mamas." She whispered. Without another word, we both fell asleep.
A/N I know this was a short chapter, but I wasn't sure what to write after it. This chapter was so difficult to write because I'm really not used to writing topics like this and I just didn't know what to write? I hope you enjoyed it anyways and see ya in the next one!!
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