"Hurry up, Kiki!" Sam urges, impelling me to snap out of my state of panic.
"Just a sec," I utter while opening the door, my heart still thumping from the earlier incident and this sudden appearance of Samantha. "Um, hi," I breathe, forcing an innocent smile.
Bitch! My subconscious mutters, rolling her eyes at me, and I know she's right. It's just too uncalled for.
"What's up? You look like you've seen a ghost." Sam slips in hurriedly. "It's boring drinking alone, so here." She now reveals a champagne bottle and beams.
"Drinking? Right now?" I ask and she nods. "Why?"
"Why? Stop being a spoilsport! And why not? Do you have classes tomorrow?" Sam mocks, and I hiss with my eyes, making her laugh.
"Well, let's drink." I take a deep sigh, accepting the offer.
I probably need a drink.
"That's my girl." Sam smiles while taking her shoes off in a swift kick. "I bumped into Liam on my way here," she tells me.
My eyes widen. "Oh, and?" I ask, guilt mopping in my heart.
"He seemed happy and I wonder what could've happened to make him grin on the hall as if he'd just finished having some wild sex," Sam blurts out, followed by a huge laugh. I hold my lips sealed. "He hardly smiles so I was intrigued." She now throws a glance at me through her pretty, fake lashes.
"Um, how can I know?" I clear my throat.
What a liar!
"Oh well, he's a peculiar guy," Sam proceeds with a flush on the cheeks. "A sexy, peculiar guy. Don't you think so?" She eyes me while opening the champagne bottle.
"I'm not sure." I avoid her gaze and drop myself on the couch.
I'm terrible.
"Of course, how would you know? I'm sorry for the stupid question." Sam seems exhausted with her own mental battles, her voice filled with unspoken words that she probably wants to disclose.
The guilt begins eating me inside for the kiss I just had . . . the best one in my existence. Damn!
"He's probably in a good mood. It happens, right?" I remark, and she only shrugs.
"Well, guess who'd just called me?" Sam takes a seat, looking at her best mood already.
"Who?" My brows wrinkle together.
"Thomas O'Malley."
"The congressman you dated last year?"
"Yeah, that one," she replies. "He's going to Hawaii, and wants me to go with him."
"What makes him think you'd go? I mean, you broke up, right?" I'm not following Sam's excitement—I usually fail to do so.
"Checking possibilities?" Sam utters. "Waiting for Prince Charming is not my thing. What if they never show up?" She now drags her neck backward, facing the ceiling.
Silence becomes deafening as I contemplate our situation.
"What if they do, but find you in the wrong arms?" I copy Sam's posture.
"Well . . . " She sighs, looking distraught. Her eyes squint in confusion. "I don't know. Should I stay with my arms crossed waiting for the Prince Charming who may not even notice the princess in me?"
We both laugh.
"No, that's not my point," I say.
"So then?"
She's somehow right.
"I'm really not sure, Sam, but I'm sure whatever will be, will be," I say truthfully.
Yeah, I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, who still thinks there's a Romeo for every Juliet.
"Could be," Sam breathes. "I just don't believe in waiting around the corner."
But waiting is the only option for some of us, unfortunately.
"And Liam?" I ask recklessly. "What is he to you?"
"I like him, very much, but I'm not sure how I can make him see that." She sits straight, and then sips the champagne.
My heart tightens, not knowing what to say or feel.
"What will happen if he doesn't feel the same way?" I query.
"I don't know." Sam huffs a short laugh, and I hold my breath. "I don't think I'll be able to take it, maybe it will break me forever. But life is a moment, so I'm not going to be all about Liam and stop enjoying my vacation—no." She throws me a mischievous glance.
"Okay," I say softly.
So . . . perhaps it's not as deep as I thought, right? Maybe she won't mind forever knowing that the likes don't really like her in similar fashion? Fuck, who am I kidding!
"Let's forget about guys, and tell me about yourself," Sam says bluntly, a goofy grin on her face.
"Myself?" I down my drink.
"Yes, Kira, anything. You hardly talk about yourself, babe. Can't you tell me about your crush or something?"
I swear you don't want to know.
"You said enough of the boys' talk," I remark dismissively.
"Oh." She laughs.
"Besides, there's nothing mega about my life, and you know that. I'm just a boring teacher."
"Not really," says Sam. "You just love playing nun, which has got to stop. You need to live, Kira. Life's too short to be wasted over some useless principles. I can't believe up to now you've never been laid. What are you?"
I don't know.
"Carpe Diem," I think out loud, and slowly hug my feet while watching her.
My mind is quite a mile away, and it's not going to return any time soon, by the look of all the things I'm recalling and even improvising right now.
***
We are finally back to the ranch, the following day. Unfortunately Malik had to take a detour and flew to New York this afternoon, which means it's only the three of us. I think I miss his mischief a little; for he's quite the spirit of ecstasy.
Reaching the ranch grounds, however, brings me this content as though I am happy to be home. I shouldn't get too comfortable, I know. I fall exhausted on the bed, after lazily dropping all my stuff on the couch.
Sam has gone straight to her room after strictly instructing no one to wake her until tomorrow. Her head kept acting up from all the fatigue and I had to call the SWAT for her to accept the painkillers, and yet she adamantly refused.
She can be such a baby sometimes, but when Liam appeared and told her exactly the same words I did, she took the pills like the big girl she is. Well, what can I say? Absolutely nothing.
It's almost dark, but I don't bother to flick the lights on. It's been a few eventful days, but full of joy, to be totally honest. I blush profusely as I revisit the party, the dance, and the amazing kiss I shared with him last night. Jesus! My cheeks heat up as I roll in my bed, feeling giddy.
My phone rings and I'm surprised to see Dr. Snape on the screen.
"Hi, doctor," I greet as soon as I pick the call. I get up from the bed to turn the lights on.
"Hi, Kira," she returns jovially, making me miss her smile somehow. "I suppose you're on a vacation somewhere nice right now, right?" Her voice is warm and humorous.
I'm sure she's surprised that I've muted all this time since our last session back in L.A, and it's so unlike me. Originally I would've called her immediately when I had that dream about Liam, but I shockingly didn't bother.
"Yes, doctor. I'm out of California right now, and I apologize that I couldn't properly say goodbye before leaving," I answer softly, parading around the room with my hand on the waist.
"No worries. I'm aware that you dropped by my office when I was away in a seminar. So, how are you? I know I should take your silence as a good sign, but I can't get too comfortable either. Is everything okay with you?"
"Well, it is okay." I stop moving, leaning against the doorframe that's leading to the balcony. "I guess?" I add, unsure of my exact state of mind.
"You guess?"
"Um—" I stutter. Damn, I don't know how to explain it.
What if she, too, despite being a psychiatrist, starts to think that I'm crazy?
"Kira, I'm listening," Dr. Snape urges gently. "Still having problems sleeping?" She tries her best to sound friendly.
She uses that trick a lot whenever I'm being opaque.
"Not quite, it's just . . ." I take a deep breath before I decide to tell her everything. She listens to all of my rants, including my involvement with Liam. "So, what's your opinion on this doctor?" I ask in the end.
I hear a very long sigh. "Well, Kira, you said you saw his face in that dream," she says haltingly, "but it only happened after you met him, right?"
"Um . . . yeah?" I wonder where this is heading. My eyes focus on the darkness unfolding through the trees.
"Don't you think it's all in your head?
"I don't understand what you mean by that," I quip, frowning.
"I mean, it's not like you dreamt of him before meeting him. No, you met him first, then had a dream; your usual dream with him as a part of it this time," she explains and I listen attentively, not knowing what to make out of it.
It's so confusing.
"Oh?" is the only thing I manage to utter.
"Kira, our subconscious should reflect our reality, and not the other way around. What if there's another reason that triggered you to think of him so much that it unfolds through your dream? What if there's something else that you're trying to conceal?" she asks ingenuously.
"Something like what, doctor?" I ask nervously as I resume my seat. I don't think I'm going to like what's coming.
And thinking of him too much? Did I do such a thing? Do I? My brain gets busier.
"For instance, how do you feel about him, Kira?" she asks straight, and I can tell how serious her face must be even from her voice.
What do I feel about Liam Darcy? I try consulting my brain but nothing comes to mind.
I honestly don't know. After sharing that short-lived intimacy in Billings, it's a matter of fact that he'd stirred me up from that delicious kiss. But well, it may be because I'm practically craving for some male touch—right?
"Um—'' I start, but even before I could answer a thing, I hear a background voice of someone talking to her and I decide to halt my speech.
"I'm sorry, Kira, but I have to go." Dr. Snape sounds in a sudden rash.
"Alright, doctor. Thanks for calling," I tell her with an indulgent smile.
"My pleasure. Just try to think of what I said, okay? Evaluate your feelings first, and probably you'll understand why he appeared in your dream. When you're back we'll discuss more about it." With that we hang up.
My feelings for him?
I make up my mind and decide to put the matter on hold for a while. I'm too exhausted to start stressing out about Liam Darcy and all the mystery surrounding him . . . or us? I check the bedside table and I think I'm out of water.
Slightly worn-out, I push my feet towards the kitchen downstairs.
Today the house is so empty to the point of fright. I could only hear the sound of the wilderness as nothing else seem to be audible. With Mrs. Eleanor miles away, Betty having a day off, and Malik somewhere in New York tending his million-dollar deals, what else could go wrong?
I'd rather they're all here; maybe I could've taken my mind off things.
I yawn audibly as I descend the stairs in a slow motion. I wonder if Liam is back from his immediate tour with the other boys in the stable. He so happens to be very meticulous when it comes to his ranch affairs. But well, he's the boss, and quite an interesting one.
I'm completely astonished when I spot him inside the kitchen when I finally reach the entrance. The guy is everywhere. He's currently talking to someone on the phone while fixing some coffee or tea. I can only see his broad back as he's facing the window, but the sight is enticing.
I stop at the door, unsure whether I should go in or not. Well, peeking is allowed, isn't it?
"Good. I'll be expecting the news by tomorrow," Liam says, "and don't forget to review the last clause. I don't like the sound of it at all; we still need to have the majority control by any means." I arch my eyebrow. "Alright, I'll let you take care of it. Malik is already in New York so put that one pending in the meantime."
I keep listening as though my legs can no longer abide by my wishes, until he puts the phone down and I suppose he's done.
I'm still in the clouds when he suddenly says, "Need something, Ms. Jones?"
What the fuck! Does he have eyes in the back now?
"Yeah, I've come to get some water," I respond, somewhat startled. Avoiding his gaze, I head for the refrigerator that I'm already familiar with, and grab myself a bottle.
I can still feel his eyes on me as I turn my toes back toward the exit.
"Would you like some coffee?" he casually asks, and my heart skips a beat.
Am I going to drink the coffee made by Mr. Intense?
"Sure, I'd love some," I answer.
Even if it's a ticket to stay awake like the night watchman, I wouldn't pass this chance.
"Very well," Liam utters. "Aren't you tired with the movements?" He is now rummaging through the cabinets.
"Um, a little," I answer, leaning back against the counter. "And you? Do you ever take a break?" I take a lazy sip of my water.
Liam graces me with his blue eyes and a smile that can light up the whole Montana. "I'm not a vampire, Ms. Jones," he replies comically, and I stifle a laugh. Oh man! "Although I believe even they get tired as well . . . if they exist, that is," he adds, and it's my one-way ticket to laugh.
"That's quite informative, Mr. Darcy," I prompt, capping the bottle as I'm done with it.
Jeez, he's got a way with words.
"Because I know you love information," he replies, staring directly at me. "People who read, love having a lot of information even from a simple question." We both smile.
"Well, I can't say that's a total lie," I mutter, watching his back moving gaily as he opens the cupboard. I feel enthralled, a smile tugged in my lips unbidden.
And it's crystal clear that being with him, talking to him, is something I hardly want to deny myself. He simply makes me desire his company, his words, and the look of his eyes that feel as rare as the snow in July.
Special thanks to those who actually read this story. Thank you so much.