They rode to Eleusis on horseback. It was Hadrian's idea. He wanted to greet his people as they travelled through the smaller villages but more importantly, he wanted his people to greet him. Antinous rode beside him on an unruly gelding. He clicked his tongue and snapped the reins to no avail.
He would not be initiated into the sacred rites of the Eleusinian Mysteries. Hadrian decided that Commodus alone would accompany him. Together the Emperor and his heir would drink kykeon, which would open their minds to visions, and look inside the kiste, a sacred chest, and the calathus, a lidded basket, whose content only initiates were allowed to see. It was Commodus who kindly informed him that he wouldn't be joining them. He said Antinous wasn't important enough to receive the highest mystic truths.
"Why would someone like you even want to know the secrets of the universe?" he added primly on his festooned horse. The beast was in misery under the tasselled bridle Commodus made him wear. "You'd scarcely know what do with them!"
Hadrian, who would normally stick up for him and insist on bringing him along, stayed silent during this exchange.
Antinous wasn't cross, for he had his own secrets and sacred truths that they were not privy to. Leonides galloped past them in complete control of his mare and his heart leapt.
There was no palace in Eleusis. The imperial retinue set up tents, though these were as large and decorated as finely as a domus, with multiple rooms divided by panels of calfskin. Antinous, dismounted and followed the Emperor into his tent when Commodus leaned over and whispered, "Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in the guards' barracks?"
The blood drained from his face.
Commodus burst out laughing. "I mean, since you love fighting intruders so much!" He slapped him on the back. "What did you think I meant?"
The valley where they set up camp had a view of the sea. Antinous thought he might go down to the water while Hadrian underwent his initiation. The Emperor had to stay awake all night for a vigil, the pannychis, before being allowed to enter the Telesterion where the sacred objects were stored.
As the Emperor prepared to meet the other initiates, he seemed agitated. He stared at his reflection in the mirror for a long time which was unlike him, for though he was proud he was not a vain man.
"What truths do you think I'll discover in the Telesterion?"
Antinous lay on the rug playing a game of dice with Orodes. "I think truth is subjective."
"How so?"
He shrugged and tossed the painted knucklebones. "Not everyone's questions about the universe are the same."
"So, what will be revealed to me will be the answers to my most pressing questions?"
"Precisely."
He looked back at the mirror. "That's what I'm afraid of."
When the Emperor left to attend the pannychis, Antinous insisted that Orodes spend the night in his tent to keep him company. Leonides was guarding the Emperor. They hadn't spoken since their tryst in Athens and he was dying to speak of it with someone.
Orodes was shocked by his boldness but wanted to know every detail all the same.
"We did it three times."
"Three times in one night! By gods, Romans are insatiable."
"He let me have him once."
"You're lying."
"What reason would I have to lie?" he said with a sophisticated air.
Orodes was impressed. "And how was he?"
"Like the light of Apollo and the might of Achilles in one man. And between the legs, as big as Zeus."
"Antinous!" The slave hit him with a pillow.
"Oh, he gave me a good thrashing, but don't worry, I gave as good as I got." He winked.
Orodes was laughing so hard Antinous thought he might smother himself with the pillow.
Then Antinous grew serious. "He told me he loves me."
The slave said nothing.
"But of course, none of that matters," he demurred. "I belong to Hadrian."
Unlike Leonides, Orodes knew the Emperor too well and understood how hopeless the situation was. Though, he was not one to lecture his friend when his spirits were down.
He put an arm around Antinous' shoulder. "Tell me another secret. We're in Eleusis after all."
Antinous tried to think of some part of his heart that he had not yet revealed to Orodes. He told the slave virtually everything.
"You're my best friend."
🌿
The next day Antinous found himself walking along the shore. It was a quiet and calm gulf. Water lazily licked the sand. He had a basket and was collecting seashells. By now Hadrian would have drank the kykeon and begun having visions. Antinous was content with his view of the sea.
He was there almost an entire hour without noticing that Leonides was sitting on the sandbank watching him.
He dropped the shells.
"What are you doing here?" he called, cupping his mouth with his hands. His voice was drowned out by their distance and the howling wind.
The soldier shook the sand off his tunic and joined him.
"You were guarding the Emperor during his vigil," Antinous said. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"Your slave woke me. He told me you'd be here."
He shielded his eyes from the sun. "I thought you didn't want to sneak around anymore."
"I don't. But I don't want to be without you either."
They were alone with nothing but the rocks and sky and band of sand. Far from any sign of civilization their love felt simple, noble even. Would Leonides feel this way when they were back at camp or back in Rome? What would their love look like hidden in the shadowy corners of Hadrian's villa?
Leonides pointed to the cliffs. "I'll race you."
Before he could protest, the soldier was off, feet kicking up clouds of sand behind him. The color of the golden sand was indistinguishable from Leonides' hair and skin. If he squinted, they were one and the same. Antinous chased after him but it was hopeless. He was the fastest man in Rome after all.
He reached the cliff first and leaned against it, chest heaving, sweat trickling down the side of his neck and slipping beneath the collar of his tunic.
Gasping for air, Antinous pointed to the water. Leonides may have belonged to the earth but Antinous belonged to the sea. He tore off his tunic and dove into the waves. Leonides quickly undressed and followed. He was a strong swimmer, though less sure of himself than he was on land. Their arms cut into the cool blue water until the golden shore became a blur and the sea grew deeper and darker.
Perhaps if he swam far enough, Antinous thought heading toward the horizon, he would finally be free.
Dangerously far from land, Leonides conceded.
They stared at each other, treading water amidst the sun dappled the surface of the sea. A school of fish swam between their legs, which gave Leonides a fright. He secured Antinous' legs around his waist, as though he were the one who was frightened. Treading for both of them, his chin dipped below the water.
"Let's go. You need your strength to swim back."
When they reached the shore, Leonides collapsed, knees and hands sinking into the wet sand. Antinous stretched out beside him.
The tide came in and swept over their naked bodies. In the secret antechamber under the cover of night they hid from the world. Now the world was theirs. But Antinous knew this was not true. Someone could stumble upon them at any moment.
Leonides leaned over and licked the seawater off his shoulder.
"Not here."
"Where then?"
It was more of a plea than a question. Physical exertion aroused him and he needed release.
Antinous led him to the base of the cliff and inched around it, waist deep in water, until they reached a small cove concealed by rocks on either side with only a small patch of sand.
Once nestled among the rocks, Leonides' mouth found its way back to his shoulder. He was fully roused and pressed himself against the boy's sun-kissed thigh.
"Go slowly," he whispered, not because he was delicate but because he wanted to hold onto the moment as long as possible, for who knew when they would get the chance again?
Antinous' hands reached for him and felt the familiar ridges of his arms and stomach. Sand stuck to their wet skin and created more friction between them. They had only spent one night together and already knew each other's bodies as intimately as they knew their own.
Leonides tried to go slow but he could control his lust no more than the sea could control the tide. Antinous' body could not, would not, deny him. He rolled onto his belly and spread, allowing himself to be taken.
The blood in the soldier's veins roared loudly as he pinned Antinous between his knees and prepared to mount him from behind.
They had no oil so the soldier, fond of the taste of seawater, used his tongue to slicken the boy, a pleasure almost as great as being had.
Leonides' passion for him had not waned since their first time, it only grew and Antinous found himself swept away by it. He tried to maintain some grasp on reality but it was as hopeless as grabbing the sand when Leonides breached him. It crumbled and slipped through his fingers.
The soldier rolled onto his back when he was finished and Antinous lifted his arm and nestled beneath it as though it were a bird's wing. Leonides kissed the top of his dark hair pleased by his young lover's tenderness.
They listened to the music of the waves crashing and let the sun warm their bodies like a blanket.
Naked and sticky with seed, it wasn't long before their passions stirred again. This time Antinous rose and shyly straddled the soldier's lap.
Leonides pawed at the boy's bronze thighs and chest, delighted.
"Slowly," he whispered to himself, hardly moving, but sinking down, taking every inch of the soldier inside him.
Leonides arched his back and bucked his hips. His torso was too powerful beneath him. Antinous steadied him with a kiss.
Desperate to thrust, he sighed in agony, "Ah, what are you up to now, little one?"
"Trying to stop time."
Later when Leonides had returned to the guards' barracks, Antinous swam in the sea to wash away the smell of sex from his body and walked back to camp with the basket of seashells hanging on the crook of his arm. He didn't like washing away Leonides' scent. He wanted to be marked by it and he wanted Leonides to be marked by his scent, which happily he was.
Hadrian was already back in the tent when he arrived. He was sitting on the divan, the folds of his toga cascading to the floor. His pupils were dilated making his clear blue eyes almost entirely black. The kykeon must have still been in his blood.
"Where were you?"
"Collecting seashells."
The Emperor thought on this. "Was anyone with you?"
"No. I was alone."
He dumped the shells on the rug and examined their shapes; the ridges of the scallop, the curve of the spirula. The exterior of the conch was rough and prickly but when he turned it over it was smooth and pink on the inside like Leonides' sex. He stroked it with his thumb and stared into Hadrian's wide pupils.
"I missed you today."
"Oh?"
"It was a mistake to leave you behind."
"I had a nice day by the sea."
The conch smelled of seawater and brought him back immediately to the feeling of Leonides deep inside him. Perhaps he did stop time.
The Emperor crouched beside him on the rug suddenly and tried to kiss him.
He flinched.
"What's the matter with you?"
"Nothing," he said hotly. His body belonged to the Emperor but his heart belonged to Leonides. He did not yet know how to reconcile the two.
Hadrian was more forceful in his advances. He tugged at the hem of Antinous' tunic and the boy pulled away. "Not tonight."
The Emperor stood. "Take off your clothes or I'll rip them off your back."
"No."
He should have obeyed him, simply gotten the deed over with, but every part of him recoiled at the thought. His love for Leonides had changed not only his body but the alchemy of his heart, he could no longer deceive himself.
The Emperor's eyes like onyx rimmed with ice flickered with rage. "I had a vision in the Telesterion—"
"I thought you took a vow of silence?"
"—a vision that you betrayed me. I didn't want to believe it—"
"Because it's not true."
He grabbed the boy's hair and lifted him to his feet. "Who were you with by the sea!"
"No one!"
"Who is he!"
The Emperor's hands moved to his throat. As they tightened around his neck, Antinous realized not how afraid he was, but how tired he was of this life and how little he cared if he lost it.
"You think death scares me?" he laughed. "I would rather die right now than be dishonored by you like a whore!"
Antinous' greatest flaw in battle was that he looked for his opponent's weaknesses instead of anticipating their strengths. Hadrian was smarter than he was. Much smarter. And it was the smartest men who devised the cruelest punishments.
He released Antinous as calmly as he released a handshake and pulled the rope to ring the small iron bell in their tent.
Orodes came running at once.
"Orodes," the Emperor asked warmly. "Bring me my horsewhip."
The hair on the back of Antinous' neck prickled.
The slave fetched him the horsewhip and glanced at Antinous with worry.
"Fine," Antinous said stoically. "Beat me if you must. I don't ca—"
But he did not beat Antinous. Like lightning, the leather whip rippled in the air and cracked against the slave's back. Orodes fell to the ground.
Antinous screamed and threw himself on top of the slave to shield him. "No, no, no, no, anything but this..."
Hadrian pushed him aside and ordered the slave to strip from the waist up.
Antinous became hysterical and a guard, Brutus, was called in to hold him while the Emperor beat the slave.
"Tell me who you were with."
Antinous couldn't breath. To speak Leonides' name would guarantee the soldier's death, to say nothing would see his best friend tortured.
He trembled as he looked into Orodes' eyes, which were wide with terror.
Hadrian gave him another lash, with all his strength, harder than he would whip an ox. The slave fell and hit his head on the bedpost. Shakily he rose to his knees.
"Do you see, Orodes? Do you see how little you mean to him? He dresses you up in his old clothes and confides in you, not because he's your friend, it's because you're his puppet."
The whip came down again on his back, painfully splitting open his skin.
"He could save you now but he prefers his lover. Isn't that right, Antinous? What kind of a friend are you?" The whip came down again and Orodes' back was dripping blood onto the rug where hours ago they had laughed and played dice. "Who is he?" he asked the slave. "Tell me?"
Orodes could barely form the words. "I don't know."
The Emperor whipped the sweet-tempered slave so viciously that even the guard turned his head and wept.
"Tell me!"
Orodes could have saved himself but he refused. "I don't know," he said, barely above a whisper. The whip came down again and he fell, only this time, he couldn't get back up.
Hadrian kicked his bloodied body and stormed out of the tent.
The slave's back was unrecognizable. It was a red pulp with only strips of flesh holding it together.
Antinous was beside himself. He wailed and pressed a hand to the slave's pale cheek.
"Orodes, Orodes, Come back to me, please!"
It was Brutus who had the sense to move him. "We need to bring him to the slaves' tent at once."
"He's in too much pain!"
"The slaves will have herbs to ease his pain. Quickly, before the Emperor returns."
They carried him on a sedan careful not to disturb the open wounds on his back.
Antinous noticed the familiar look of disillusion in Brutus' eyes. After all of Hadrian's magnanimous decrees and protections for slaves, behind closed doors he was no better than Caligula or Tiberius, the worst of the emperors that came before him. What did it matter what he promised his people in the forum if he did not practice what he so fervently preached?
In the slaves' tent, they laid Orodes on a long table. The women crowded around him clucking in foreign tongues. A fellow Parthian who knew him well, cursed the Empire.
He was losing blood quickly and had fainted from the pain. Nothing would rouse him. A woman removed her veil to staunch the bleeding. They crushed some herbs with a mortar and pestle and sang incantations. Antinous had all but lost hope when a few of the other guards had come to see what the commotion was about. Leonides was among them.
Antinous tried to explain: "It's Orodes. My Orodes."
Leonides did not waste time trying to find out what had happened. He elbowed the slave women out of the way and got to work. "Boil a pot of water over the fire. Fetch me strips of gauze and fresh linen."
The Parthian woman spat at him and cursed his Roman name.
Leonides ignored her insults. "Don't touch him with that soiled veil of yours. It will only make the wounds fester." He pulled up a wooden stool and dipped the linen in the hot water. He first cleansed the wounds before dressing them.
It seemed to take hours and the slave drifted in and out of consciousness, crying his name. Antinous felt sick at the thought of what he might be dreaming.
They were able to rouse Orodes again with smelling salts but the pain was too much to bear, so they administered a blend of turmeric and cat's claw to ease his suffering.
"You're going to be all right, friend. I swear it." He squeezed his hand.
He tried to read Orodes' expression. Did he hate him? He should have.
Leonides was crouched over a basin in the corner of the tent washing the blood off his hands. Most of the guards had left. Only a few slaves remained. They sat attentively by Orodes' side. The Parthian woman clutched the bloody veil and sang a song his mother might have sung to him in his cradle.
"He knows. Not that it's you, but he knows there is someone else and he tortured poor Orodes to find out who."
The soldier wiped his hands. They were trembling, but with fear or rage he could not tell. They were healing hands. Antinous did not know this before but he was grateful.
"You learned medicine in Judea?"
"I had to."
"Did the rebels ever beat your men this badly?"
"Not the rebels. Our own commanders would whip us to ribbons. You know as well as I that those who are sworn to protect us are often the ones who do the most harm."
Antinous fell to his knees and put his head in his hands. "I can't stay with him any longer. I want to run away and take Orodes with me. I don't care if I wind up a beggar in the street."
Leonides kneeled beside him. "I'll go with you."
He gave a tearful laugh. "You're a Patrician and a high-ranking officer. You are going to be general one day. Why would you give up your future to help a foreign catamite and his slave?"
"I don't need to be a general to fight. We could flee to Germania and become mercenaries, pick our own battles and only fight for causes that are just. Orodes can be our page."
Antinous felt tears well up in his eyes again because Leonides had been so good to his friend.
"You would have to give up your whole life."
"I would be gaining a life with you."
"This is madness! It would take months to reach Germania from here. And how would we even get there?"
"I know a man in Alexandria who could harbour us and put us on a merchant ship heading west."
He shook his head. "Letting someone else know of our plan is too risky."
"It's the son of Lusius Quietus. He was a friend of my father."
"That doesn't mean we can trust him."
"Quietus was a beloved governor under Trajan who was executed shortly after Hadrian came to power. I daresay his son would consider it an honor to help us. I'll send word before we leave Eleusis."
Egypt was the last leg of the imperial tour. They would travel to Libya, then to Heliopolis and set sail upstream as part of a flotilla along the River Nile. It would give Orodes time to recover and months for them to plan their escape.
"Are we really doing this?" Antinous asked.
"I think we are," he replied with a delirious smile.
This was a dangerous plan, completely mad, but it might have been his and Orodes' only chance at freedom. And his only chance to be with Leonides.
He thought it a good omen that they would find their salvation in Alexandria, for the city was named after Alexander the Great, his hero.
A/N: Poor Orodes... I hate that I had to do this to him. If you were Antinous would you have confessed about Leo to save Orodes or would you stay silent? It's an impossible choice.
They are planning to run away. What could go wrong? (This is a rhetorical question).
The imperial tour continues. Next stop, Libya 🦁
The Abduction of Ganymede by Rubens gives me major Leo vibes. Hope nothing bad happens to him 😅 Stay safe out there, kids.
If you enjoyed this chapter, please Vote ⭐️!