Promise ,
"So what's been going on lately?"
Karen asked , while dicing up fruits for this smoothie she was making.
"Good I guess but Kartion is horrible."
I rolled my eyes with the 'horrible'
"Whats going on?"
"He's such a cry baby now. I mean all he does is cry and and scream for his 'daddy' it's so nerve wrecking. Not saying i'm jealous because I love the fact that Karti is making up for lost time, but i'm not use to it. Things is do different now Kartion acts like he forgot about Montana and wither he tells me or not I know it makes him feel some type of way. I want to believe it's a phase but I don't know."
I held my head up with my palm.
"Don't stress that. He's just happy that he has his father in his life and might be acting out a little."
She said , while sitting down.
"I know but I'm starting to get frustrated. No disrespect but ma why did he have to come back? All it has done was cause unwanted problems in my life. Problems that are stressing me out. I hate him for everything he has put me through."
Before I knew it, tears were burning my eyes.
"Zih , what is really wrong. Let's have a heart to heart baby."
I took in a deep breath.
"I just want to be happy. I think I deserve that. Yes I love Kartier and Kartion's father-son relationship. But I'm still hurting. I know I should be over this but it still makes me feel some type of way. He still have this hold on my feelings and heart and I fucking hate it. Yes I love him and not only for him giving me a beautiful son, but I hate him so much more for putting me through all this shit. Im in love with a man who loves me unconditionally but ever since Karti been back, I've been loving him back with restrictions. In some sort of a dumb twisted way, I'm torn."
After getting all that off my chest , I felt so good. Before Karen could give me motherly advise, that I was in need of the front door opens and closes.
"mommy!" Kartier screams , while running towards me. He jumps into my arms and I hugged him so tight. I honestly missed my baby. He's been gone the whole weekend.
"Hey ma, wassup Promise."
Karti said, while kissing his mom on the cheek. I sat there and gave a dry smile . Before Karen could say anything Kartier was grabbing my hand , I quickly snatched it back.
"Damn. Didn't know I couldn't touch you. Can we talk for a minute."
"A minute is all you get."
I stood up and led the way to the livingroom.
"What is it you need to talk about?"
I asked sitting down.
"Kartion. Yes I cherish the time I spend with my son and I thank you for allowing me, but I want more. Not because i'm trying to make up lost time from guilt. Bu-"
"But my ass. Every weekend isn't enough? You see him throughout the week when you stop by here."
I yelled, cutting him off.
"Zih your there for him everyday. I just want a little more. Like damn. Can I drop him off at daycare in the morning. Take him to doctor appointments. All I'm good for is the damn weekend? Shit he has a father. I can take care of him those days you drop him off over here."
I stared at him long and hard.
"When I'm not able to do those things, my sons grandmother is. I also have a wonderful man who is more then willingly happy to help."
I knew that was a low blow. The look on his face was priceless. He was ready to explode.
"BUT IM HIS FUCKING FATHER! NOT THAT NIGGA! Zih your really trying to take me there but I'm not going to let you."
With that he walked put the room, kissed his mom and son and left.
He was mad but who the fuck cares. I've been mad for just about 2 damn years.
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"Kartion please stop crying."
I said, while holding my toddler in my arms rocking him. He had a real bad ear infection and the meds wasn't really working at this hour. I quickly wiped each big crocodile tears that feel. Montana was away on business so it was just my Karti and I . No Montana and I didn't live together but we've been considering it.
I stuck his sippy cup into his mouth. He calmed down and slowly started to drift to sleep. It was 11:40pm . We both were tired. I slight laid him on my chest, turned off the lights and put the covers on top of us .
I woke up at 3:09am to Kartion screaming to the top of his lungs. Damn this by far have to be the worst. I had work in the morning.
"Shhhhhh . Baby is going to be alright."
I kissed his little face and rocked him . Itdidn't work at all . He had a light fever so I gave him some children Tylenol . I hated giving him medicine.
"Daddy...."
He continued to cry . Damn.
After minutes of contemplating I decided to take him to his daddy. That was my only hope. I hate to see my baby in pain.
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After getting my baby into some comfortable warm clothes we got into the car and headed downtown ... To Kartiers condo.
After pulling up , I retrieved a sleeping Kartion and a over night bag. While walking into the lobby I said hello to the doorman and desk clerkwho knew me and Kartion. While getting on the elevator , he started to stir in my arms. then we reached floor 28 I walked to Karti's door and knocked lightly. Minutes later he opened the door clad in nothing but a pair of Ralph Lauren boxer briefs. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he stood there looking confused. As soon as Kartion opened his eyes and seen his father , he instantly started crying. He reached for his father who quickly invited us into the house and took him. He stopped crying and just sucked on his soother while allowing the tears to fall. I flopped down on the couch. Placing my head into my hands I sighed loudly.
"He has an ear infection. For the past 3 days it hadn't been that serious. Tonight it got serversevere. He's been fussy and crying ever since we got home. After putting him to sleep he woke up screaming for you. I had no choice but to bring him here."
He looked at me and shook his head in agreement before looking down into our son eyes.
"It's okay little man. Daddy is right here."
Karti looked up at his father, leaned his head on his chest and closed his eyes. Looking at these two made my heart smile. There relationship was not only cute , but also what I've been wanting it to be. Kartion laid in his father arms looking identical to him. This was one of those Kodak moments. After 6 minutes of rocking and pacing , Karti went and laid Kartion in his room. I walked behind him and watched while he slowly but quickly undressed him and placed him between his "Car" theme sheets. After tucking him in we both kissed his cheeks.
I followed him into his room where he offered me the bed and him the couch.
"No . You don't have too. I'll take the couch ."
I objected.
"What? No, what type of man would I be if I let you sleep on a couch."
"Well can we at least talk."
He sat on the bed.
"Look Karti. I apologize about earlier. I was being a little too irrational. Your a great father and that I love. I admire you and Kartions father and son relationship. It's cute and everything that I've wanted it to be. Yes you can spend more time with him. I'd life that and I know he'll love it. I'll never keep you away from your son. That's too shallow. Your all he seems to talk about now. You know he's very smart and advanced for his age. Before you came that's all he use to ask me. About his dad. I never thought it mattered I'd you were here or not. I mean yeah I know it's important but I thought I could play both roles you know. Yeah it got hard and there were plenty of times I needed you but I managed and made it through. What happened? Karti I've loved you since I was 14. The first time I laid eyes on you. Your my first everything. You up and leaving me with child hurt me to the core. I'm not the same. I doubt if I'll ever be , yeah the situation made me stronger , wiser , and less nieve . I'm bitter. Fragile when it comes to certain things. Very shallow at times and my attitude is worst then it ever been. Karti remember when you promised me you'll never leave?"