KIRI'S POV
I was still in bed, the curtains were drawn shut, and music was blasting out of my speakers. I didn't care about the song that was playing, or that it was almost time for lunch. I wasn't hungry, anyways.
I didn't know what I was. Sad? Yeah, definitely. I was really fucking sad.
The door opened, and Michael entered the room. He grimaced at the music's volume, and I reached for my phone to turn it down a notch.
"Why are you still in bed?" Michael asked, leaning against the closet. "Lunch is ready soon."
"I'm sad," I stated, not caring about what I was saying. I didn't care much about anything, to be honest. There was just no point in caring right now.
Michael started fidgeting with his hands yet didn't leave the room. Wow, Anna had started to build up his confidence and now he was planning on having conversations about boys with me. What a fun way to pass the time with my dad.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, slightly hesitating. I sighed.
"Nah."
Michael tilted his head. "But I found that talking often helps."
"What do I have to do so you'll leave the room and let me die alone in here?" I asked, turning on my back. "I tried talking, and it didn't do shit, so now I'll try dying. See how that works out."
"Kiri, nothing is bad enough to justify death."
I narrowed my eyes as I looked at Michael. To imagine that he had felt similar for far longer than me, and that he had been completely on his own during that time-
"Tell me what to do then," I replied, sitting up. "Come on. Enlighten me."
Michael raised a brow, straightening his back. "Turn off this thing you call music, and join me for lunch."
I rolled my eyes. "Great life advice. Dad of the year."
He just smiled at me, and even though it was small and faint it seemed true, before he left the room. Just as I crawled out of bed my phone buzzed. A text from Gill, asking me if I wanted to come to a party with them tonight.
I hesitated, not sure if I could deal with Asher if he was there as well. Then again, he wasn't that much into parties, so the chances that he wouldn't show up weren't exactly slim. On the other hand, if he did, there was plenty of alcohol to make me forget my poor life decisions.
Replying with an extravagant 'hell yeah' I tossed the phone away to join Michael in the kitchen.
Anna wasn't here today, so it was just the two of us. I turned on the radio before turning to the stove and giving the pots on it a closer look.
"Is this supposed to smell like this?"
"Hey, don't insult my cooking," Michael mumbled, hurrying to one of the pots and opening the lid. Steam filled the kitchen, and I opened the window next to me with a sigh.
"I would never. So, is it supposed to smell like this?"
Michael nodded as he turned off the oven. "It's some new recipe I saw on that Korean guy's show."
"I really don't get how you can voluntarily watch that," I said, sitting down at the table. "He has a voice like a canary. Like, so chirpy and weird."
"He didn't pick his voice," Michael replied with a shrug. "Also, thanks to him, I know a few words in Korean. What's wrong with that."
I sighed, crossing my arms on the table and resting my chin on them. "Nothing. Let me complain in peace."
He finally set down our lunch, and we started eating. The music coming out of the radio was a dull background sound, not nearly enough to ease my nervousness, so once we were done eating, I was the first to hurry out of the kitchen.
When I lit a cigarette in one corner of the garden a few moments later, I just hoped that Michael wouldn't decide to take a look at his flowers right now. It was already enough that Asher knew.
"Sup," someone suddenly said behind me, and I jumped a little in surprise.
Once I had gotten over my initial shock I turned to Conan who was leaning out of his bedroom window, grinning slightly.
"Hey," I greeted a little awkwardly. We hadn't talked since that kiss yesterday, and to be honest, I had also hoped he wouldn't come out here as well.
"Can I join you?" he asked, tilting his head. I glanced down at the already almost finished cigarette between my fingers.
"I just came out for a second," I replied. "Just for this one, you know."
"Fine. I miss our cig breaks, though." Conan's grin widened, but faltered a little when I just nodded.
"Sure."
He bit his lip, briefly thinking before starting to speak again. "Things aren't gonna be awkward forever between us now, right?"
I rolled the cigarette between my fingers after taking another drag, not sure what to reply. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to have a smoke in peace.
I should tell Conan that it was a mistake. That I didn't like him that way. That for obvious reasons, we could never have what Asher and I had had, and that all I wanted was Asher.
Asher, who still didn't give me another chance. Asher who probably never would.
So I just shrugged and held my cigarette up in the air. "You still wanna join me for another one?"
Conan beamed me a smile, and just a few seconds later we were sitting on his stone wall. He lit another cigarette for me, donating his own since I had only brought out one with me.
"We should hang out tonight," Conan stated, releasing a cloud of smoke as he spoke. "Ask Kian if he wants to come over, play some video games."
"I'm going to a party tonight," I replied, causing Conan to look at me.
"Really."
"Yeah. I'm not really in the mood, but yeah, who cares."
Conan's gaze was still piercing me. "With the Asher kid?"
I shrugged. "I don't think he'll be there."
"Let's go together then."
I looked up at him, and Conan cracked another one of his grins. "Why not? Maybe I could cheer you up a little. Make things less awkward."
"They're not awkward," I mumbled, glancing down at the cigarette I didn't want to smoke.
"Yeah, no, but it would be fun. Come on, just say yes."
A sigh escaped my lips. Who cared. So I took another drag of my cigarette before giving in with a shrug and a quiet "yeah, whatever".
Conan chuckled, nudging my shoulder with his own. "Dude, smile. It's gonna be fun."
As it turned out, smiling didn't help, so when I picked Conan up later that day, I still hadn't found the usual desire to be a typical teenager and get hopelessly drunk at some random kid's party.
The same thing couldn't be said about Conan, though. I briefly contemplated if he had taken any unknown substances as he stepped out of his house, greeting me with a bright grin.
He didn't once stop talking while we walked to the party, and once the house came into view, he draped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me a little closer.
"I swear, if you don't smile soon, I'm gonna paint one on your face. Why do you look so miserable?"
I rolled my eyes yet didn't shrug his arm off. "I'm just tired. I don't know."
"We can leave early if you don't feel like partying, but first, we gotta have some fun," Conan said, lowering his voice a little. I tried to smile back at him, but it was weak and empty, so I stopped.
"Kiri!" Gill shouted once we entered the house, and just a moment later she had made her way out of the dancing crowd. Once her eyes fell on Conan, her smile faltered. "You're not alone."
"Yeah, he wanted to come along," I said, shrugging. "We'll probably leave soon, anyway."
Gill nodded, not really pleased with Conan's presence, but she shrugged it off and held a cup out to me. "Smile! You're too young to wear a permanent scowl. Only grandpas can do that."
I took the cup from her and gulped down its content, not even bothering with what it was. Conan tightened his grip around my shoulders, and I looked up at him.
"Let's get something else to drink. Bye," he said, nodding at Gill which caused her to raise a brow. Thankfully she kept her mouth shut, though. I didn't need her to be rude to Conan tonight.
Conan pulled me into the kitchen where he poured us both a drink. I leant against a counter, taking in the loud music and people shouting over it, and finally relaxing a little. There was an incredible noise blocking out everything else, and I enjoyed it.
Then Conan appeared in front of me, holding a cup out to me, and I took a sip. When I suddenly spotted a familiar face in the crowd, I choked on my drink.
I only saw Asher for a brief second, causing me to doubt if it had even been him or if I had just imagined things. The lighting wasn't exactly good, and people were moving quickly. Also, if Asher were here, Gill would have said something, right?
When I looked back at Conan I noticed that he had started talking to a few people, and according to how easily they chatted they had to know each other. I gulped down the rest of my drink, content with the way the alcohol burned in my throat, and reached for the nearest bottle of Tequila next to me. Time to start the fucking party.
Conan introduced me to his friends, I didn't keep a single one of their names in mind, and we poured drink after drink. When we finally went outside after a few hours I wasn't shitfaced, but I wasn't completely sober anymore, either.
Conan was laughing next to me as we walked across the garden. I hadn't even been listening to him for the past few minutes. His arm was around my shoulders again, pressing me close to him.
"Dude, you wouldn't believe me if I told you how fucked Ryan was in High School," Conan grinned as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I didn't say anything as I took one from him, waiting for him to get his lighter, too. Ryan was probably one of the guys inside.
"One time, he was so fucking high on Molly, he just threw up in the middle of class."
I raised a brow, watching him as he lit my cigarette for me. After taking a first drag, I asked: "How is that even funny?"
"You would have laughed if you were there," Conan grinned, lighting his own cigarette as well. "The teacher was like, super confused. She thought he was sick, so she made him call his mom."
I leant against the fence next to us, my eyes almost falling shut from how tired I was. Not even that physically tired, I had slept a lot today. Just mentally tired. I didn't want to be here anymore.
"Let's go home," I said, but Conan didn't react.
"Or that one time, where that police guy came into class to tell us about the 'dangers of drugs', and brought his dog, and he smelled the stuff Ryan had in his pocket," he said, snickering. "Dude, it was so fucking funny, I swear."
I just nodded. "I'm laughing my ass off."
Conan stopped laughing and looked at me, sighing. "Why are you so down today? Do you really regret yesterday that much?"
I decided to focus on my cigarette, not in the mood for talking anymore. Talking didn't get you anywhere, anyway, so what was the point.
"Wow, okay. Don't reply, then." Conan rolled his eyes, turning away a little. Suddenly, his expression lit up. "Hey, look who's joining us."
I followed his gaze only to be met with the sight of Asher walking towards us. I froze – so I actually hadn't imagined his face in the crowd earlier. He really had shown up.
And, he looked pissed.
He came to a halt in front of us, glaring at my cigarette. "Good job, really," he said through gritted teeth.
"Hey, you have a problem with him?" Conan asked, straightening his back a little. He was tall, but didn't manage to stare Asher down like he intended to. Nobody could glare harder than Asher, who sometimes appeared to only possess a scowling expression.
"Fuck off," Asher hissed. His arms were slightly trembling from how tense he was.
Conan took a step closer. "Say that again and see what happens."
It was hard to see what was happening next coming. First Asher was scowling, trembling out of rage, and in the next moment, he was punching Conan so hard that he fell to the ground.
I just stood there for a second, eyes widened in shock, feeling completely awake for the first time today. When Asher took another step towards Conan who was struggling to get up again, I snapped out of my trance and tossed my cigarette away, stepping between the two with raised arms.
"Asher," I breathed, struggling to find my voice. He met my gaze, the anger still burning in his eyes, and I froze again, not knowing what to do or say.
That problem was solved for me when I was suddenly pushed to the side by Conan, seconds before he jumped Asher. We had attracted the attention of a few people outside, so a small circle of drunk teenagers was slowly gathering around us.
I yelled at them, telling Conan to stop when he wrestled Asher to the ground, but he didn't listen to me. He just kept throwing punches at Asher who was struggling to keep his hands up as a blockade, again and again.
He didn't stop.